


The Dipper Pines Guide to Dating

by Ksiezniczka



Series: TUiM-Verse [3]
Category: Gravity Falls, ParaNorman (2012)
Genre: Coming of Age, F/F, M/M, Parapines, background mabifica
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-02 09:00:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 91,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4054264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ksiezniczka/pseuds/Ksiezniczka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dipper thought that defeating Bill Cipher and coming to terms with his crush on Norman was the hard part. It turns out that the boys still have a lot to learn about this whole "being boyfriends" thing, and that "happily ever after" takes more hard work than movies always promised. Adjusting to the major change from best friends to boyfriends won't be easy... but then again, nothing worth having has ever come easy, and Dipper hopes he's prepared to deal with these things as they come.</p><p>Sequel to "Tangled Up in Mysteries", updates every Friday. Each chapter can stand alone as a one-shot, though they are all connected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Guide to Nightmares

_ Tip #1: Don’t ever let your significant other die, even if he does get better.  Seriously, it’s terrible for all involved. _

***

The trees, dark and foreboding, were towering above him, more like jagged black knives than anything natural.  The sky was that sickening yellow-green colour, chartreuse storm clouds rolling over it as far as the eye could see.  The ground was charred and black and burned.  The air - even the air - was heavy, suffocating.

This was not the Gravity Falls forest.  Not anymore.  This was the horrific forest of the Dreamscape.

Bill Cipher’s forest.

That awful, shrill,  _ grating _ laughter was weaving in and out of the trees, trees, thousands of trees, and what could anyone do but run?  Run, run, far away from the laughter, far away from Bill, and yet - it wasn’t enough. There was no escape.  There never would be any escape.

It only took one shot of lightning - the entire sky opening up with a blinding flash of yellow-green light - and Norman Babcock was sent tumbling ungracefully to the ground.  A small cry of pain was forced out of him as he hit the charred earth.

The laughter only got louder and louder.

“What’s the matter, Little Ghost?  Can’t take a little  _ heat _ ?”

Another flash of lightning, and another, and another.  They kept coming, faster and faster, and Norman could do little else but curl into a little ball on the ground and scream his agony out into the unforgiving blackness of that forest.

And then… Silence.  Utter, silence.

Norman was no longer screaming.  He was no longer moving, no longer even  _ breathing _ .

It was over.

Bill had won, and the teenaged medium lay dead on that forest floor, his burned corpse growing colder and stiffer by the second.

***

Vivid blue eyes shot open in the night.  It took a few seconds for Norman, tired and disoriented and just a little sore, to remember he was up in the attic bedroom of the Mystery Shack.  

Why had he woken up?  Ever since recovering from his possession - had it really only been a week? - he had actually been sleeping relatively well, or at least as well as he normally did.  Maybe even a little better than he normally did, considering that back in Blithe Hollow he didn’t have a boyfriend (god, would he  _ ever _ get used to thinking that?) who insisted on cuddling him every night.

Something in his mind clicked, and Norman sat up a little to notice Dipper’s features contorted in sleep, beads of sweat on his forehead, making his odd birthmark shimmer in the moonlight that trickled in through the attic window.  The older boy was jerking about a little, and Norman figured this was what had woken him up, as he had fallen asleep on Dipper’s chest.

A horrifying realisation dawned on the medium.  Dipper was having a nightmare.  All the times the older boy had worried about Norman’s nightmares, and now he himself seemed to be in the midst of one.

Without even really thinking about his actions, Norman reached for his boyfriend’s shoulder, gave it a tentative shake.  Suddenly, Dipper shot up, brown eyes wide and breath coming out in loud, shaky pants.

Neither moved for a few horribly unsure seconds.

“...Dipper?” Norman didn’t even bother to whisper.  Even if he had been thinking about Mabel, she was an incredibly heavy sleeper.

Dipper whipped his head towards Norman.  And then, so quick Norman didn’t even see it coming, he pitched forward and grabbed his boyfriend into a tight embrace.  He was mumbling something into the medium’s shoulder, but Norman couldn’t quite hear what.

“Dipper, you’re shaking…”

No reply. Norman’s chest tightened up a little.  What could have affected Dipper so deeply?  He was used to the older boy always seeming so self-assured, but now? 

Biting his lower lip, Norman returned the hug - what else could he really do? - and let his boyfriend continue to babble into the crook where his shoulder met his neck.  Straining his ears as he tried to make sense of this whole situation, he was finally - though only just barely - able to make out some of what the older boy was saying:

“Thank god, thank god you’re alive… I’m so sorry.  I’m so sorry, Norman, thank god you’re alive…”

Norman was certain in that moment that his heart really  _ had _ stopped for a second with how tight his chest felt.  If he was reading the situation correctly, then what had Dipper so shaken up was losing  _ him _ .  Guilt made his head swim, and he had so many questions he wanted to ask.  But this was not the time for that.  Not when Dipper was trembling in his arms like a small, scared child.

What he ended up saying was, “Of course I’m alive, Dip.  You made sure of that, didn’t you?  Just like you always said you would...”

Dipper went quiet, though he didn’t let Norman go.  The medium wished his boyfriend would look at him so that he could figure out if he was saying the right things to him or not.  He wanted desperately to help Dipper; he didn’t like seeing him like this.

“I don’t blame you, you know,” he tried again.  “And you really shouldn’t blame yourself, either.  I’m okay now.  I promise.  Okay?”  

Still, Dipper was silent.

Norman exhaled slowly.  “...Dipper, will you please say something?”

The older boy finally pulled back, though he kept his non-casted hand anchored on one of Norman’s upper arms, refusing to break contact entirely.  Norman pretended not to notice, figuring that someone as touchy-feely as Dipper probably, on some level, needed that kind of physical contact right now.  And if Dipper needed it, Norman would always be happy to oblige.

Their eyes searched each other’s faces as Dipper tried to find the words.  

“You’re okay?” His voice was less steady, a little more high-pitched and breathy than usual.  But at least he was  _ talking _ .

“I promise you that I am,” Norman nodded, staring Dipper straight in the eyes so that the other could see he was being completely honest.

“I’m sorry, you know.  I never should have let it get to that poin-”

“Shh,” the medium shook his head, cut Dipper off before he could begin babbling about everything being all his fault.  “Dipper, it’s  _ okay _ .  It all worked out, didn’t it?”

“But if I wasn’t such an idiot, you never would have-”

“Bill would have found some other way.  And if you weren’t so brave, I wouldn’t be here.  Dipper, I should be  _ thanking _ you.  You saved my life, alright?”

The older boy pursed his lips.  “But you  _ were _ dead.  I was so close to losing you, and I… I can’t lose you, man. I can’t…”

Norman wanted more than anything in that moment to lean forward and kiss Dipper’s sadness away, to breathe him in and let him feel that breath, feel that he was alive.  They hadn’t been dating long enough for Norman to feel comfortable with that yet, though.  Dipper was the one who initiated all their kisses.  Norman hadn’t quite brought himself to do it yet.

“Here,” he took Dipper’s good hand in his own.  “Let me just…”

He moved that hand over a few inches and placed it on his chest, over his heart, so that Dipper could feel his pulse.  And, looking his boyfriend in the eyes again, he breathed. 

“You’re not going to lose me.  I came back.  For  _ you _ .  Okay?”

After a brief hesitation, Dipper nodded.  Norman breathed a sigh of relief.

 

The two remained like that, unmoving and silent, for a few minutes.

“I  _ am _ sorry, though,” Dipper said, once he had calmed down enough to speak again.  “For waking you up, I mean.”

“Hey.  There’s nowhere I’d rather be than here, helping you when you need me.”  

The medium offered a small smile, and Dipper’s gaze faltered.  The older boy always had been one to wear his emotions on his face, after all.  Normally, it was one of the things Norman liked the most about him.  Right now, though, it wasn’t helping his own terrible guilt over this situation.

 

“Have you had that nightmare before?” Norman laid back down on the mattress, but didn’t tear his gaze away from the other boy.

Following his boyfriend’s lead, Dipper lay down beside him. “I haven’t really had any nightmares, not since I was a kid.  But Norm, you…”  A shaky breath. “Every time I close my eyes I see your death again, and I just can’t do it, man.  I can’t do it.”

“Do you… want me to try and get your mind off it?” The medium scooched closer so that they were shoulder-to-shoulder, and let Dipper wrap an arm around him, as had become their habit lately.

“How?”

“I don’t know.  I could…”  He hesitated, but then blurted out the first thing he thought of. “I could maybe tell you a story?”

“Dude,” Dipper turned and gave him a look, “I’m not five.”

“Once upon a time,” Norman smirked, “there was a boy with a hat.”

“Oh my god,” the boy who was not currently wearing a hat rolled his eyes, though he  _ did _ pull Norman even closer to him.

“And he was the bravest boy in the whole world.”

“I am not, come on,” Dipper protested, earning a poke in the side.

“Are you going to let me tell you my story or not?” Norman raised one of his eyebrows.  

Dipper shrugged to the best of his ability, considering the position they were laying in, but didn’t say anything else.  Norman continued:

“He was the bravest because even when the problems he was facing looked impossible to solve - and they  _ did _ look impossible - he never gave up.  In fact, he stubbornly refused to give up.  It was almost kind of infuriating at times.  Or it would have been if it wasn’t kind of adorable, too.”

“I’m  _ not _ ‘adorable’.”

“Stop interrupting.  He  was _super_ adorable. But more than that, he was a hero.  Because there was another boy, you know.  And he was... He was weird, and pretty much completely alone, and he thought he’d be alone his entire life until he met that brave, stubborn boy.   And… and  _ god _ , you should have seen the adventures those two got into.  I mean, monsters, ghosts, gremloblins, territorial sasquatches - they took them all on.  Together.”

“Technically with the gho-”

“ _ Together _ ,” Norman repeated.

Dipper clamped his mouth shut, apparently resigned to the fact that the younger boy was not going to let him interrupt this strange, rambly “story”.

“And sometime during the years - probably somewhere between the time they had to dismantle some haunted animatronics and the time they had to bribe a bridge troll with whatever candy Mabel happened to have on her at the time - the two boys started to have feelings for each other. And these feelings were their biggest adventure yet, you know.  Because they were new and raw and even kind of scary sometimes, but at the same time, in the end, it was  _ absolutely _ worth it.  Do you know why?”

At first Dipper didn’t speak, not wanting to get chided again.  But when Norman looked up at him expectantly, he asked:

“...why?”

“Because. When the weird boy was about to make a really stupid mistake and leave this world forever, the brave boy somehow knew exactly what to say to make him come back.”

“‘Make him come back’... Hold up, is that why you-?”

“Um. Y-yeah…” Norman looked away, across the plane of Dipper’s chest towards where Mabel still slept soundly.  

“You  _ heard _ me?”

“Well… Yeah.  Emily told me to listen to you, and I did, just in time to hear you ask me not to leave…” 

The medium let his voice trail off, unsure how much to really reveal about what he had heard that day.  

“Emily?” Dipper paused, ran a hand through Norman’s hair absentmindedly as he tried to place where he’d heard the name before.  “You mean the crazy ghost girl?”

“She wasn’t crazy, Dip. She was scared. But yes. I heard you ask me not to leave,” the medium looked up again, “so I didn’t. And I have no intention of leaving you ever again.”

“Well, you  _ do _ have to go back to Massachusetts-”

“Figuratively, you jerk,” Norman smirked, relief crashing over him in waves.  If Dipper was able to joke like that, to return his smirk, then he had succeeded in his goal of calming down his boyfriend.

“Alright, alright.  C’mere,” Dipper’s arm draped around Norman tightened as he pulled the younger boy closer to him, so that Norman could feel Dipper’s breath on his forehead.  “I’m glad you’re here, Norm.  I’m glad you came back.”

“I am too.  Are you… going to be okay?”

“Yeah.  I think so.” Dipper paused, then yawned, sleepiness beginning to hit him again.  “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.  You’d have done the same for me.”

“Mm,” was the only vocal confirmation the older boy gave.  

After only a few minutes, Dipper’s tight hold on Norman loosened, and his breathing slowed.  (Norman almost envied how quickly Dipper was able to fall back asleep.) 

The medium hesitated, but then whispered into the night, though he knew neither of the twins would hear him:

“...I forgot to tell the best part of the story, you know.  The part where, against all odds, the two boys made their decision to live happily ever after.”

He propelled himself up with his non-injured leg and kissed the tip of Dipper’s upturned nose. It wasn’t what Norman had expected he would do the first time he initiated a kiss.  But then, nothing about their relationship had really gone as he’d expected, had it?

“...I… you mean the world to me, Dipper. I’m glad you saved me.”

He settled back into the position they’d found to be most comfortable when they slept together, using Dipper’s chest as a pillow, and waited for sleep to overtake him, too.

 


	2. The Guide to First Dates

_ Tip #2: Before you plan an epic date, make sure you can actually do what you’re planning to do.  Trust me - your sore legs and bruised ego will thank you later. _

 

***

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Norman was giving him an unsure look as he held the newspaper Dipper had thrust at him. “I mean… your hand is still in a cast, and I just stopped using crutches two days ago…”

 

“Exactly!” Dipper was not to be deterred, and grabbed back the newspaper page - if he was going to use that “two for twelve dollars” coupon, he still had to cut it out.  “It’s the perfect time to finally go on our first  _ real _ date!”

 

“All the stuff we did before was real enough.  Honestly, I really don’t care what we’re doing as long as I’m with you.”

 

“Yes, but as your boyfriend, it’s my responsibility to take you on a  _ real _ date!”

 

Norman looked as if he were about to say something else, but before he could, Mabel came into the living room with a big smile on her face.

 

“Did I hear something about you two dorks finally going on a ‘ _ real date _ ’, hmmmm?”

 

Dipper handed her the newspaper wordlessly.  Eagerly, she took it, her eyes scanning the coupons until she came to the exact thing her brother had been looking at.

 

“Ice skating?!” she gasped. “That is so cute! I didn’t even know Gravity Falls  _ had _ an ice rink!”

 

“Yeah, I think it went in where that one taco joint was-”

 

“I want to go!  I’ve never been ice skating before, and  _ someone _ has to document your first date - ooh!  I’ll call Paz, we can double date!  I have the most  _ perfect _ sweater for it-”

 

“Mabel-”

 

Excitedly, she looped her arms around both boys, pulling them into a rather uncomfortable hug.  “This is going to be a  _ blast _ .”

 

***

 

Dipper was  _ not _ having “a blast”.

 

The very second that he first stepped out onto the ice, his feet had decided to commit mutiny and splay out in every direction except the one he wanted them to go in.  One very sore lower back later, he was now clinging desperately to the walls of the ice rink while children half his age whizzed past him.

 

Norman was very slowly moving alongside him, making it all look very effortless.  It just wasn’t  _ fair _ .

 

“Dipper-”

 

“Not a word, Norman.  Not a god damn word.”

 

The medium rolled his eyes and attempted to offer an arm to his boyfriend.  Dipper refused to take it.

 

“Dipper,” he tried again, voice reflecting an odd mixture of concern and amusement, “you mean to tell me that you planned a date at an ice skating rink when you can’t ice skate?”

 

Dipper frowned at that.

 

“How was I supposed to know I couldn’t ice skate? I’ve never  _ tried _ it before! How the hell are you so  _ good _ at it?”

 

“In Massachusetts we have this little thing called ‘winter’. You may have heard about it,” Norman rolled his eyes.  Then, after a pause, he sighed. “You really need to let go of the wall.  You’re never going to learn how to skate if you rely on the wall too much.  Sure, you might fall a couple times, but-”

 

“And break my other wrist? No thank you.”

 

“You’re overthinking it,” the younger boy tried again to be helpful.  “Just take one step at a time.  If you take it slow, it really isn’t that hard.”

 

“Yeah, it’s not hard at all,” Pacifica sped by them  _ backwards _ , smirking all the while.  

 

Dipper clenched his teeth.  Though he no longer hated his sister’s girlfriend, not really, times like these reminded him why he  _ had _ hated her at one point.

 

“Freakin’ show-off,” he muttered, watching as Pacifica met up with Mabel, who was struggling to skate on her own, but laughing about it.  Why were they having so much fun?  Why did anyone think ice skating was fun?

 

“Be nice,” Norman chided.  

 

Dipper’s response was to jut his lower lip out even further, and glare even harder.  The patheticness of this gesture was only emphasised by how much he was still clinging to the wall of the rink.

 

“Do you want me to help you?” his boyfriend asked.

 

The older boy knew Norman was trying to help.  But he was still reeling from the sting of humiliation over the fact that he couldn’t skate.  It had ruined all his plans for the perfect first date, and if there was one thing Dipper hated, it was ruined plans.  Especially when those plans involved pleasing Norman.  

 

He didn’t want to screw up anymore, not after what had happened the  _ last _ time he had screwed up.

 

Everything was supposed to be perfect, and this stupid ice skating thing was spoiling everything!

 

“No,” he finally said, through still-clenched teeth.  “I’m not a little kid. I can figure it out on my own.  Just give me  _ time _ .”

 

“You’ve been hanging onto the wall for like twenty minutes…” Norman looked down at his own skates.

 

“Maybe you should ditch him and race me, if he’s going to act like that,” Pacifica couldn’t resist teasing a bit as she skated by backwards again.

 

“How did you already take another lap!?” Dipper called after her, an incredulous sort of anger tainting his voice.  

 

She winked at him and twirled around - on  _ one foot _ , even - until she was facing forward again, towards where Mabel was happily toddling about in the centre of the rink.

 

_ God _ , she was such a show-off.

 

“Look, your sister is starting to get the hang of it,” Norman gestured to this sight. (As if Dipper wasn’t already glaring in the direction of the girls as Pacifica literally skated circles around his giggling sister.)  “Here.  Just take my arm.  Let me help you.  I’ve been doing this every winter since I was a little kid.”

 

“I don’t  _ need _ help,” Dipper stubbornly insisted.  “If you’re so  _ bored _ with my pace, go skate laps with Pacifica.”

 

“I’m not here on a date with Pacifica; I’m on a date with  _ you _ , dork,” Norman frowned, his face flushing a little.  “Besides, holding someone's arm isn’t embarrassing, it’s... Well, it’s what couples do, isn’t it?”

 

That made Dipper pause for a second.  True, in movies he’d seen where couples ice skated, they skated arm-and-arm.  It was cute and romantic, wasn’t it?  He blushed as he wondered if Norman was, in a roundabout way, trying to call  _ them _ cute and romantic.

 

“I- I guess,” he sputtered.  (So much for cute and romantic.)

 

Norman’s face flushed a little more, but when he offered his arm to Dipper with a small, reassuring smile, the older boy felt some of his anger at this whole situation melt away.  This time, he let go of the wall and took the offer gratefully.  Perhaps this date was still salvageable after all.

 

Their arms locked in the most cliché of ways, and Dipper offered Norman a smile of his own.

 

“Okay.  This isn’t so bad,” he said.  

 

“See?” Norman responded.  “Now let’s actually try moving instead of standing in one spot.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

With Norman helping him out, Dipper took a tentative step forward.  Suddenly fearful of falling again and making a complete idiot of himself, he clung desperately to his boyfriend.

 

“I’ve got you,” the younger boy sounded amused.  “Come on, Dip, just take it one foot at a time.”

 

Dipper took a breath.  He could do this.  One foot at a time, like Norman said.  Left foot.  Right foot.  Left foot…

 

He made the mistake of looking down at his feet.  

 

From there, it was a lost cause.  His left foot went right, his right foot splayed back, and he yelped and tugged at Norman’s arm in a futile attempt to keep from going down.  Unfortunately, this was not a fair warning for Norman, and Dipper was much heavier than his stick-thin boyfriend, and so they went down together in a tangle of limbs and very colourful curse words that the children on the ice rink hopefully hadn’t heard.

 

“Are you alright?” Norman asked as he tried to untangle himself, wincing a little.  Unlike Dipper, he didn’t have much cushioning between his skin and his bones, and  _ oh _ , that was definitely going to be a bruise.

 

“I’m done.  Fuck this,” Dipper refused to even try to stand back up, and literally crawled to the closest rink exit.  (It wasn’t too far, luckily, but he still looked rather silly doing so, a fact which he was painfully aware of.)

 

“Dipper,” Norman stood up relatively effortlessly.  “Dipper, come back. Don’t be like that.”

 

“No!  I’m not doing this!” Dipper found a place where he could sit, and plopped down with a huff, crossing his arms and pouting.  “Ice skating is stupid.”

 

“Dude,” the medium leaned on the side of the rink, talking to his boyfriend over the wall.  “It’s really okay.  Everyone falls their first time-”

 

“I didn’t pay twenty four dollars for all four of us to get into this stupid place only to have Pacifica friggin’ Northwest laugh in my face while I fall on my ass over and over!”

 

“She didn’t laugh at you,” Norman frowned. “She was just having fun.  You could be, too, if you just-”

 

Fuming, Dipper snapped, “Go skate with  _ her _ , then!  Since she’s so much more fun than I am!”

 

Norman paused for a moment, and Dipper half-expected him to attempt to placate him again.  But then, something in his face changed.

 

“Alright,” the medium’s voice was emotionless, his blue eyes as cold as the ice he stood on.  “I think I will, then.”

 

Dipper couldn’t bring himself to look away as Norman skated briskly across the rink towards where Pacifica and Mabel were.  Though the male twin couldn’t hear what the three were saying, his mind automatically jumped to the worst possibility - Norman definitely preferred Pacifica’s company to his.  This was the worst date he’d ever been on.  His boyfriend clearly preferred to spend it with some rich bitch.  It wasn’t  _ fair _ .

 

A few minutes later, Mabel joined him, laughing a little as she sat beside him.

 

“What are you pouting about, Dippin’ Sauce?  Aren’t you having fun?”

 

“No.  And I’m not ‘pouting’.  I’m  _ sulking _ ,” he pointed to where Norman and Pacifica were speeding around the edge of the ice rink.  “How can they  move so fast?!  How is that even  _ possible _ ?!”

 

“Paz has probably taken, like, a bajillion lessons.  And Norman is from a place with actual snow, so-”

 

“It was a rhetorical question, Mabel!”

 

She raised an eyebrow and gave her brother a  _ look _ .  “Turn that frown upside down!  I’m not very good at it either, you know.  But that’s no reason to not have fun.  Come on, bro bro.  Sucking at something is the first step to being kinda good at it, you know?”

 

“No,” Dipper slouched down even more.  “I don’t.”

 

Mabel sighed.  Her brother could be so  _ stubborn _ about things.

 

***

 

“I’ve got to say, I didn’t see you being the type to actually punish Dipper for being a jerk,” Pacifica smirked up at Norman.  “Colour me impressed, Babcock.”

 

“I’m not…  _ punishing _ him.  Not really.  Don’t say it like that,” Norman looked a little uncomfortable.  “I just…” he trailed off.

 

Pacifica bristled.  Though she and Dipper had some sort of uneasy truce going, and she did sort of care about him now (though she would never ever admit that), her loyalty was more to Norman than Dipper.  If the older boy had hurt him…

 

“What did he say?” she glared over to where the Pines twins were sitting, locking eyes momentarily with Dipper.  He looked furious.  Good.  If he was being a jerk to Norman on this stupid outing he’d dragged them all along on in the first place, then he deserved to suffer a little, as far as Pacifica was concerned.

 

“Pacifica…” Norman pursed his lips.  “It’s really okay.  He’s just frustrated.  I know that, I just-”

 

“Norman.  What did he say?”

 

He sighed.  Part of him really wanted to jump to Dipper’s defence.  Another part of him was still extremely irritated that after trying this whole time to be helpful, Dipper had  _ still _ snapped at him.

 

Norman really hoped he wouldn’t later regret this. 

 

“He said that he didn’t pay for us to go ice skating only to have you laugh at him when he fell over.”

 

“I didn’t  _ laugh _ at him,” Pacifica frowned.  “I didn’t say anything to him that he wouldn’t have said to me.”

 

“That’s what I told him.  And then he told me that if I thought you were so much more fun, maybe I should just skate with you.  I don’t know, he’s just… being weird today.  I don’t know why.  I thought that dates were supposed to be fun.  I was just trying to make it fun for him.”

 

Something registered in Pacifica’s mind.  Norman would never admit it, even to himself, but she wasn’t dumb.  She saw that he was a bit more hurt than he let on due to Dipper’s… jealousy?  Was that what it was?  Was he  _ jealous _ of  _ her _ ?

 

Well, if that was the way it was going to be, she might as well make good use of it.  Her plan was set.

 

“I’ll make him apologise to you,” she told her friend.  Norman shot a confused look down at her.

 

“I don’t really think he’ll listen-”

 

“Trust me.  And follow my lead.”

 

She took his arm and linked it with hers, and waited until they were passing where the twins sat, making sure Dipper was in earshot.  And then, she exclaimed, loudly enough so that Dipper could hear her:

 

“You’re  _ so _ good at this!  I know you were joking, but I think we  _ should _ plan a routine!”

 

The heat in Dipper’s glare could have melted a glacier.

 

As soon as they were out of earshot, Norman muttered:

 

“Pacifica, what do you mean by ‘routine’? I don’t think-”

 

“ _ Trust _ me,” she repeated.  “We’re not actually planning a routine.  I just want to make him squirm a little until he realises what an ass he’s being.  I know what I’m doing.  If there’s one good thing I learned from my childhood, it’s how to make people grovel.  Now put your hands on my waist.”

 

“Mabel’s watching, too.”

 

Pacifica turned and gave her girlfriend a wave.  “Mabel has enough faith in me to not be a jealous jerk.”

 

It had come out far meaner than she’d meant it to - she hadn’t actually meant to imply that Dipper  _ didn’t _ have faith in Norman.   _ Damn it _ _._  But Norman did place his hands on her waist readily after she’d said it.

 

They matched their strides to one another - a great deal more work for Pacifica, as her legs were far shorter than Norman’s - and as they passed Dipper and Mabel again, she again spoke loudly enough to be heard, in as chipper a tone as she could muster:

 

“And here’s when you’ll lift me!  Count of three, okay?”

 

As soon as they were again further from the Pines twins, she took his hands off of her and came to a T-stop in front of him, whirling to face him as he did so.

 

“I could have lifted you, you know,” his tone was a bit more challenging than she’d come to expect from him. 

 

“I’m good,” she tucked some of her hair behind one ear.  “I’m going to go to the bathroom.  And you’re going to go point out to him that our ‘routine’ is strictly platonic.  He’s going to argue, and then you’re going to ask him why he’s being so jealous.  Trust me.  If he doesn’t see he’s being a jerk, then he’s thicker than I thought.”

 

***

 

Dipper was  _ furious _ .

 

For some reason, his sister didn’t seem to see any problem with  _ his _ boyfriend putting his hands all over  _ her _ girlfriend.  But Dipper was not happy about it, and his displeasure was more than obvious.  

 

Even Mabel had stopped even trying to talk to him, telling him, “if that’s the way you’re going to be, then I have nothing else to say to you right now.”

 

Dipper decided right then and there that ice skating was the worst thing in the history of the world.

 

He watched intently as Pacifica and Norman separated - why was she shaking her head and smiling like that?  What were they talking about? - and as Norman turned and began to skate back over towards where he was sitting.

 

Once again, his boyfriend leaned on the wall of the rink to talk to him.

 

“What the hell was all that about?!” Dipper demanded.

 

“Oh my  _ god _ ,” Mabel rolled her eyes.  Her mood had been soured as well by her brother’s behaviour.  He knew he’d feel guilty about that later, but somehow Dipper could not currently bring himself to care.

 

“I’m trying to have fun,” Norman answered.  “With Pacifica.  Like you told me to.”

 

“I didn’t actually mean for you to  _ do _ it!” Dipper protested childishly.

 

“Then you shouldn’t have told me to.”

 

“And what was all that crap about a ‘routine’, huh?!”

 

“Oh my god,” Mabel repeated.  “Dipper, you need to stop.”  Her brother ignored her.

 

“Maybe if you’d stayed on the ice with me and let me help you, I’d plan a routine with you, too.  There’s still time.”  Norman knew he wasn’t following Pacifica’s directions, but he still stubbornly held out a little bit of hope that he could avoid the “argument” step of her plan, and get Dipper to apologise  _ without _ causing a scene.

 

“You know what?  No.  As soon as she gets out of the bathroom, we’re  leaving ,” Dipper insisted.  “Mabel, take off your skates.”

 

“But-” she began to protest, but Norman cut her off as he stepped off the ice with a resigned sigh:

 

“Alright.  Have it your way, Dip.”

 

***

 

Pacifica was more than a little surprised when she stepped out of the bathroom stall to wash her hands.  For there, at another sink, applying lipstick in the mirror, was Tiffany.

 

The blonde froze.  She hadn’t spoken to either Tiffany  or Staci since their big fight a few weeks back.  It wasn’t as if the thought hadn’t crossed her mind, of course.  It was just that Pacifica had no idea what to say to either of them.  After all, every horrible thing they’d yelled about her had been absolutely correct.  She  _ had _ treated them like crap.  She hadn’t known any better until Norman and Mabel had taught her how to be better.

 

Maybe if she backed into the stall slowly enough, Tiffany wouldn’t see her…

 

“Pacifica?” Tiffany’s eyes locked with hers in the mirror.  

 

“Tiffany,” Pacifica forced herself to sound impassive and uncaring as she went to the sink and began to wash her hands.  Even now, she could force herself to act so cold at the drop of a hat.  She wished, not for the first time this summer, that acting warm came as easily to her as this did.  “What are you doing here?”

 

“Little brother’s birthday party,” Tiffany’s voice was just as cold.  “Or did you forget that I even had a brother?”

 

Pacifica took a breath.  She  _ could _ respond with more icy coldness.  That would be easy.  That would be  _ so _ easy.  But did she want to take the easy way out?

 

“You and Staci are probably still pretty pissed at me,” she did not take the easy way out.  “I guess I don’t really blame you.”

 

Tiffany, to her credit, looked taken aback by that.

 

“Why are  _ you _ here?” she questioned.

 

“I’m… on a date,” Pacifica had to force herself to be honest.  That one was a lot harder to force.

 

“A date?   _ You _ ?”  Her ex-friend looked incredibly surprised at that.  “Pacifica Northwest on a date?  I thought no guy in the universe was good enough for you.”

 

“No  _ guy _ is…” She shut the sink off, looked down at her hands as she shook some of the water off of them.

 

It took Tiffany all of five seconds to catch the implication.  Had she always been that clever?  Pacifica had never noticed before.

 

“You- and  _ Sweater Girl _ ?!”

 

Pacifica didn’t respond.

 

“Shit,” Tiffany breathed.  “Shit, Pacifica, no wonder you were always- I had no idea!”

 

“Look,” Pacifica sighed.  “I’m not going to try and defend myself for how I treated you and Staci.  But I’m not going to try and win you back over either.  I’m just… you were right, you know.  I  _ am _ really messed up.”

 

Her ex-friend shrugged.  “I shouldn’t have said it like that.  I mean, I  was right, but I should have worded it better… so...  what now?”

 

“I don’t know,” the blonde admitted.  “I don’t blame you if you never want to speak to me again.”

 

“Staci’s angrier than I am,” Tiffany noted.

 

“I thought she would be.  She always was like that… I think I just needed some space.  I’m still… figuring out who I am right now, you know?”

 

“Yeah… Hey, listen.  As soon as you figure it out, call me, alright?  I’m still pissed as hell at the old Pacifica.  But... maybe I’ll like the new one better.”

 

With that, she left the blonde in the bathroom alone and confused, wondering what the hell had just happened.

 

***

 

The entire walk back to the Mystery Shack was quiet.  Mabel and Norman were still trying to shake off the sting of being snapped at so much, and Pacifica was still confused.  And  _ no one _ knew what to say to Dipper, who was still fuming.  

 

It wasn’t until they got back to the Shack that Pacifica pulled Mabel aside, likely to tell her all about what had happened in the bathroom.  The girls scampered upstairs - Mabel all-too-eager to leave Dipper alone until he calmed down a little - leaving the boys in the living room alone.

 

Dipper plopped down on the couch and asked, rather bluntly, “are you going to apologise or not?”   
  


“Why?” Norman’s voice was deceptively calm.  “I was only trying to help you, Dipper.  That’s all I wanted to do.”

 

“And how was planning a ‘routine’ with Pacifica fucking Northwest supposed to help me?!”

 

“Why are you so jealous of her?” the medium snapped back.  Immediately, he wished he hadn’t.  But after a full day of being yelled at, he really wasn’t able to stop himself from getting a bit defensive.

 

“I-! I’m not-! I-!” Dipper sputtered, unable to come up with a suitable reply.

 

Norman sighed.

 

“Dipper.  Pacifica isn’t my type.  And I’m pretty sure that I’m  _ definitely _ not hers.  You’re the only person I’ve ever felt like this about. You know that, don’t you?”

 

Dipper wilted a little, and Norman wished he’d just said that in the first place.

 

“I… I know… but you had your hands all over her!”

 

“They were not ‘all over’ her.  They were on her waist.”

 

“Still!”

 

Norman sighed, and offered Dipper one of his hands.  The older boy just stared at it.

 

“You trust me, don’t you? Take it.”

 

Nodding, Dipper took his hand.  

 

The medium pulled his boyfriend up, and then took Dipper’s arms and placed them around his own waist.  He then placed his own arms around Dipper’s neck, which was more than a bit awkward due to their height difference.  And then, they began to sway back in forth to absolutely nothing at all.

 

Somehow, this silly, stupid slow dance made all of Dipper’s anger melt away.  Norman could see it in his face, and an intense relief washed over him.

 

“ _ God _ ,” Dipper moaned.  “I don’t deserve you at all.  I’ve been such a jerk.”

 

“It’s okay.”

 

“It’s  _ not _ okay.  It’s really not.  I’m sorry for ruining our first date.”

 

“You didn’t ruin it, Dip.  This?  This right here is perfect, okay?  I don’t need to be taken ice skating.  I just want to spend time with you.”

 

“I… I just want to spend time with  _ you _ ,” Dipper responded.

 

Norman blushed suddenly.  And then, before he could begin to talk himself out of it, he moved one of his hands to Dipper’s cheek and leaned in to kiss him, though in his nervousness over the gesture, he missed and ended up kissing the corner of Dipper’s mouth instead of the centre.

 

They both stopped swaying and froze in place.  Norman’s face felt  _ very _ hot all of a sudden.  That was the first time he’d been able to work up the courage to do that.  How would Dipper react?

 

And then Dipper grinned up at him, making all the fear and doubt melt away as he exclaimed, cheekily, “You missed!”

 

“I  _ what _ ?”

 

“You missed,” Dipper repeated.

 

“Oh my god, you dork,” Norman started to say. 

 

Dipper kissed him before he could finish the sentence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dipper being a complete little shit is honestly one of my favourite things to write.


	3. The Guide to Opera

_ Tip #3: Just because something seems romantic in theory doesn’t mean it’ll work for you personally.  And that’s okay. _

 

***

 

Pacifica stood outside of the Mystery Shack with apprehension.  She’d been here so many times over the course of the summer - in fact, she’d even slept here a few times - that Stan Pines no longer even looked up if she walked right in as if she lived there too.  And yet, clutching an envelope in one hand and the strap of a very expensive travel bag in the other, she was frozen in place.  Because tonight was different.

 

Because Candy Chiu had flown in from Korea two days ago, and Grenda had returned from summer camp that morning, and Mabel had invited her girlfriend to their slumber party.  And Pacifica could never say no to Mabel, not when the brunette girl made  _ that _ face at her.

 

Besides, she was already  _ here _ .  There was no turning back now, even if Grenda and Candy  _ did _ hate her.

 

It wouldn’t be the first time Pacifica spent the night with people who hated her, anyway.

 

She walked in.  Norman and Dipper were in the living room.  She figured Mabel and the  _ others _ were upstairs waiting for her.  She turned to hand Dipper the envelope she’d brought for him (after her shenanigans at the ice rink, Pacifica figured she kind of owed him), but before he could take it, she looked him up and down, and said:

 

“I thought I told you to dress nicely.”

 

“This is dressing nicely!” Dipper insisted.  His shirt and pants were fine, if a bit cheap looking, but his shoes were scuffed and unshined, and that suit jacket was  way too big on him.

 

“In what universe?  Is that a jacket or a tent?”

 

“It’s, uh, Grunkle Stan’s,” he responded, a bit sheepishly.  “Norman didn’t have a suit jacket here in Oregon, so I had to let him borrow mine.”

 

Pacifica turned to Norman, who was in the most relatively intact jeans he had, a button-up shirt, and Dipper’s suit jacket which was particularly roomy around the shoulders and upper arms, where Dipper had a lot more meat on him than his boyfriend.

 

“ _ God _ ,” she groaned, “you should have told me.  I would have bought you one.”

 

“Why does it matter?” Dipper frowned.  “I thought we were just going to a movie.”

 

“Movie?” Pacifica was confused now.  “What are you talking about?”

 

“Movie tickets,” he continued. “That’s what you said you were bringing over, right?  To some theatre in the next town over? I don’t know why we can’t just go to the Gravity Falls theatre...”

 

“I said I was bringing tickets to a  _ show _ ! ‘Les pêcheurs de perles’ to be exact. ”

 

“Ugh, a foreign film?”

 

“An  _ opera _ , you uncultured idiot,” the rich girl huffed, then softened a little.  Maybe she was being a bit harsh.  Dipper and Norman were both looking at her as if she had just grown a second head.

 

“Um,” Norman tried to let her down easy, “it’s not that we’re not grateful, but, uh-”

 

“My family has our own box, but we almost never go,” Pacifica stopped him from continuing.  “It’s what I had.  But you know what, maybe you  _ should _ just stay here.  It’s not too late to change your minds.”

 

Dipper grabbed the envelope containing the tickets away from her -  _ rude _ \- and shook his head.

 

“Nice try.  But I’ll take literally  _ anything _ over having to be in the same house as one of Mabel’s ‘epic sleepovers’.  I still have nightmares about last time.  It took months to get all the glitter out of my hair.”  He shuddered.  “So much glitter…”

 

Pacifica sighed.  She supposed she’d just have to suck it up and face Candy and Grenda.  For Mabel’s sake.

 

***

 

Once they got there (via three busses in a row), Dipper was beginning to wonder if maybe he should have taken Pacifica up on her offer.  Maybe one of Mabel, Grenda, and Candy’s makeovers  would  have been a better use of tonight than this.  An opera?  What was he  _ thinking _ ?  This wasn’t how he wanted to spend time with Norman at  _ all _ .

 

As they stood outside, he shot Norman a nervous grin.  Norman responded with a shy little smile of his own, and they locked fingers.

 

Well, maybe it would surprise him.  Maybe it would be super romantic.

 

The absurdity of the situation did not fully sink in until after the usher had seated them (with a barely-disguised look of surprise) in the Northwests’ private box.  Looking down into the audience, and at the stage itself, Dipper sighed.

 

“What the hell are we doing here?”

 

“Avoiding being dragged into eighties karaoke and live readings of bad romance novels, if you weren’t exaggerating when you told me about Mabel’s past sleepovers,” Norman remarked dryly.  

 

“Rhetorical question, Norm.”

 

The medium sighed, and continued, “Pacifica was actually trying to do something nice for us.  Let’s just try to enjoy it, okay?  For her.  She really is trying, you know.”

 

His fingers again sought out the familiar warmth of Dipper’s hand.  Dipper squeezed it reflexively, and answered:

 

“...yeah, alright, alright, you don’t have to go and make me feel bad or anything.”

 

“Wasn’t trying to,” Norman smiled at him.  “If you feel bad, that’s all on you.”

 

“Shut up,” Dipper returned his smile.  “Hey, on the bright side, if it’s really awful, we can just snark at it like we do with those horrible zombie movies you like so much.  What are they gonna do, kick us out of this private box?”

 

“That might be difficult.  It’s in French.  Unless you speak French, of course.”

 

“Why is it in French?”  Dipper’s smile fell off his face, replaced with a confused look.

 

“Because it was written in France?” Norman guessed, leaning his head onto Dipper’s shoulder.  He didn’t know any more about how opera worked than his boyfriend did.

 

“Well… aren’t old theatres usually haunted to hell and back?” The older boy shifted so that their positions would be more comfortable.  Norman appreciated it, though he hadn’t originally been planning to leave his head there for more than a few minutes.

 

“I don’t think this theatre is old.  I think they just built it to look that way.  There were more ghosts on the busses then there are in here.”

 

Dipper sighed and sat back, right as the light dimmed.  The show was starting.

 

The opening number was long, boring, and  _ very _ French.  Definitely the type of thing that rich, snooty types such as the Northwests would enjoy telling people they had seen.  The next song was even longer, even more boring, and somehow even more French, if Dipper wasn’t imagining it.  Inevitably, unable to understand the language (or even see the stage that well), his mind began to wander.

 

All things considering, ending up in the private box of the wealthiest family in Gravity Falls, cuddling his boyfriend, was not even close to the strangest thing that had happened to Dipper that summer.  No, that had to be the revelation that, as Mabel put it, “you’re  _ hella _ bisexual, Dippin’ Dots!”  Either that, or the fact that said revelation had come between a battle with an eldritch abomination and his boyfriend waking up from the dead and - as  _ Norman _ put it - “coughing up a metric buttload of Satan’s Jell-O.”

 

Dipper smiled a little at that thought.  Norman’s ability to find some humour in the situation was reassuring.

 

There were less than two weeks left of summer, and then Norman would be going back to Massachusetts for a year. And then what?  College?  What then?  Would Norman want to spend his senior year of high school explaining that his boyfriend was in college?  Dipper certainly had no intention of letting him go - not when it had taken him this long to figure out how head over heels he was - just because one of them was going to college.

 

There were less than two weeks left of summer, he thought again.  Only a couple of weeks.  Only a little under fourteen days.  What the hell were they doing spending one of those days in an opera house watching some boring old show that neither of them could understand?

 

Intermission took entirely too long to come.  As the lights went on, Dipper realised he had been zoning out so much that he had no idea what had happened for the entire first act of “les pompoms and pearls” or whatever this stupid show was called.

 

It was then that he heard the even, slow breathing coming from the dead weight of Norman’s head on his shoulder.  Dipper smiled fondly as he shook his boyfriend awake.

 

“You fell asleep, you dork.”

 

“Hm?” Norman sat up, looking a little dazed.  “Oh, I… sorry.”

 

“Eh.  You didn’t miss much,” the older boy stretched his arm and shoulder.  “Think you drooled on Stan’s coat though.”

 

“I did not,” Norman’s cheeks went a little pink.  “Shut up, Dipper.”

 

“Yes, you did!  Right here!” He laughed, and stood up.  “Come on.  What do you say we ditch this place?”

 

“And go  _ where _ ?” 

 

Dipper didn’t answer.  He just grabbed Norman’s hand and pulled him up, leading him out of the opera house and into the streets, pushing past indignant rich people and laughing all the while.  It hadn’t been dark when they had arrived, but it was now, and the streetlights lit their way as they broke into a run.

 

They got about a block away before they leaned on the side of the nearest building.  Dipper’s laughter had been contagious, so now they were both giggling like children.

 

“What’s gotten  _ into _ you?” Norman asked.  Rather than actually answering - for, truthfully, he didn’t really know how to answer that question - Dipper shrugged, and asked a question of his own:

 

“You wanna grab something to eat?  They aren’t expecting us back at the Mystery Shack for another few hours.  And I don’t know about you, but I could  _ really _ go for a burger or something gross and greasy and cheap.  Gotta get the taste of rich people perfume and pretension out of my mouth.”

 

Norman just rolled his eyes and smiled fondly at that.

 

Not content to just wander about the streets aimlessly, Norman asked the first ghost he found (a young man who looked like the victim of a car accident) where the closest burger joint was, and they ended up at a Denny’s.

 

“Ah, a night at the opera followed by some fine dining.  Nothing like it,” Dipper snarked as they slid into either side of a booth.

 

“I’m certain this is  _ exactly _ what Pacifica had in mind when she gave us those tickets,” Norman smirked as he grabbed a menu and began perusing it.  Dipper didn’t even bother; he knew what he wanted to eat.

 

“Ooh, sarcasm, that’s original,” the older boy readily returned his boyfriend’s smirk, and they both laughed a little.  “Besides, you wanted to get out of there as much as I did.”

 

“I didn’t say I was going to tell her, did I?”

 

“Keeping a secret from your girlfriend?” Dipper arched an eyebrow, earning an eyeroll.

 

“Don’t start that again.  Behave yourself, I think that’s our waitress walking over here.”

 

“Can I get you two something to drink?  Or answer any questions?” the waitress asked as she walked up to their table. Her nametag said “Mariana”. She didn’t look much older than they were.

 

“Yeah, I had a question.  Are the pancake puppies made with real puppies, or is it a puppy substitute?”

 

Norman kicked Dipper’s legs under the table before the waitress could snark back - and she  _ did _ look like she was biting back an unamused comment - and told her with a sheepish little smile, “Actually, I think we’re ready to order our food.”

 

They ordered - a classic cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate shake for Dipper; waffles with whipped cream and an oreo milkshake for Norman - and let Mariana go on her way before Dipper could annoy her even more.  Norman watched her walk away, before turning and realising that his boyfriend had been watching him watch her walk away with a small, somewhat-silly little smile on his face.

 

“What?” he asked, looking a little self-conscious as he did so.

 

The older boy didn’t respond other than a little half-shrug.

 

“Dipper, seriously,  _ what _ ?”

 

“Nothing, nothing.  Can’t a guy stare at his boyfriend in peace?”

 

Norman gave him a  _ look _ , that one that said, ‘you’re seriously the strangest person I know and I cannot believe that you’re the person I fell for.’  Dipper kind of wished that he would look at him like that forever.

 

Wait, forever?  That seemed like an awfully long time.  Less than a month ago, he’d been trying to convince himself that he liked  _ girls _ , hadn’t he?  And yet now - at that very moment, in that slightly-dirty Denny’s booth just outside of Gravity Falls, in their ill-fitted suit jackets - he didn’t want to imagine any other future outcome for himself than to be with this boy across the table from him, looking at him like he was considering throwing him in the trash.  

 

Maybe that would change in the future.  They hadn’t been dating  _ that _ long, after all.  If he was being completely honest with himself - as much as that honesty still sometimes scared him - Dipper kind of hoped it didn’t change.

 

“You know,” he continued, “While you were taking your nap and drooling all over Stan’s coat-”

 

“Shut up, I  _ wasn’t _ ,” Norman blushed a little, the pink in his cheeks clashing with the blue of his eyes quite nicely.  (And since when had Dipper started to notice  _ that _ kind of sappy thing?)

 

“-I realised something.”

 

“...what?”  The medium seemed suspicious, as if he was expecting another stupid joke about him falling asleep.

 

“I realised… that I’m probably the luckiest guy in the country.  Possibly the world.”

 

“I- what?” Norman was thrown completely off guard by that, and it was Dipper’s turn to blush.  “I mean, I- you-  _ what _ ?”

 

“I just… I’m really glad I’m dating you, I guess.  I mean, I… Y-yeah,” oh, great, now  _ he _ was sputtering too.

 

“Oh,” the younger boy looked down at his hands, which were folded upon the table.  His face broke into a wide grin, the kind that he couldn’t wipe off his face if he tried.  Sounding somewhat shy - even if, after all this time, he really had no reason to feel that way around Dipper anymore - he replied, “...I’m really glad you’re dating me, too.”

 

Not really sure how to put his feelings at the moment into words - how could he make Norman  _ understand _ just how glad he really was? - Dipper impulsively reached across the table and placed his good hand on top of his boyfriend’s folded ones.  

 

The food arrived before he could make an even bigger lovesick fool out of himself.  Only very reluctantly did Dipper pull his hand away.  The waitress definitely noticed.  He might have once cared about that. He certainly didn’t care now.

 

“Dude.  Waffles and whipped cream?”  He teased, knowing that Norman had only ordered something like that because he felt comfortable enough to get what he actually wanted.

 

“As if it’s any worse than what Mabel would order,” Norman purposefully took a large bite.  “At least I’m not dipping my food in my milkshake.  Now  _ that’s _ disgusting.”

 

Dipper pulled the french fry he was holding out of his milkshake and waved it in Norman’s direction.

 

“Bit close-minded, don’t you think?  Don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.”

 

“I think I could go without trying that.”

 

“Come  _ on _ ,” Dipper got a wicked grin on his face.  “You  _ know _ you’re curious.”

 

“No,” Norman answered flatly.  “And if you’re thinking what I think you’re thinki- Dipper, don’t you dare!”

 

Dipper propelled his arm across the table in an attempt to get the offending fry into his boyfriend’s mouth.  Norman tried to fend him off, earning a swipe of chocolate milkshake down the bridge of his nose and on his left cheek as a result of the ensuing scuffle.

 

“Gross!” He wiped off his cheek, laughing a little.

 

“Say cheese,” Dipper whipped out his phone and snapped a picture before Norman even had the chance to react.  “I think this is gonna be your new contact picture.”

 

“Delete that right now.”

 

“Mmmmm, no.  I don’t think I will,” the older boy stood up and leaned across the table, kissing Norman on the nose to remove what was left of the mess.  “Dork.”

 

“God, I hate you so much.”

 

“No, you don’t,” Dipper responded with a grin.

 

Norman couldn’t help but smile back, despite himself, as he said, “...no.  I really don’t.”

 

***

 

Taking the last bus back to Gravity Falls for the night, they got back to the Mystery Shack a little past midnight.  Dipper motioned for Norman to be quiet as they got to the door, opening it as slowly as possible so as not to alert anyone to their presence.

 

“Grenda and Candy don’t like Pacifica very much,” he whispered, “so with any luck they’ve exhausted themselves arguing and are all asleep now.”

 

“That doesn’t sound lucky at al-” Norman began, but was cut off by the lights going on in the living room.  He and Dipper both froze.

 

Pacifica and Mabel stood triumphant, Grenda and Candy behind them, at the foot of the stairs.  Norman almost didn’t recognise them with their large, ratted-up hair and colourful make-up.

 

“Hell-ooooo, boys,” Mabel grinned.  “Care to join us for a little…  _ fun _ ?”

 

“Oh, god,” Dipper paled.  “Don’t tell me.  ‘Jem and the Holograms’ marathon.”

 

No one moved for a few seconds.  Then, Pacifica commanded:

 

“Grenda!  Hold them down with your freaky big arms!”

 

“I’m on it!” the large girl exclaimed as she ran at Dipper like a linebacker.  

 

He turned to his boyfriend, terror in his eyes, and yelled as Grenda tackled him to the ground, “Norman, run!  Save yourself!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I once asked a waitress at Denny's the same question Dipper asked. She told me to my face "you're not funny."


	4. The Guide to Honesty

_ Tip #4: Is honesty always the best policy?  Jury’s still out on that one.  But it certainly can make things interesting! _

 

***

 

“Guys, check this out!”

 

The Mystery Quartet - as Mabel  _ still _ insisted on calling them - was sitting in the twins’ bedroom, two days before the twins’ birthday, trying to figure out what to do.  Norman sat on the floor by Mabel’s bed, having been reluctantly convinced to let the girls attempt to get his hair to take any other style.  (So far, nothing had worked, but Pacifica’s competitive nature wouldn’t allow her to quit - apparently, she didn’t want his hair to “beat” her.)  Dipper was on his own bed, reading the Journal for the umpteenth time.

 

“Is it some sort of magical hair salve?” Pacifica asked Dipper, who had just spoken.  “Because otherwise, I’m not interested.  I thought we were done with all that supernatural shit.”

 

“A true mystery enthusiast’s work is  _ never _ complete,” Dipper responded.

 

“ _ Booo _ ,” all three of his companions told him in unison, and he glared indignantly.

 

“Well,” he continued, “ _ I _ thought it was interesting.  Bunch of freakin’ savages...”

 

“Oh, don’t pout,” Mabel grinned over at him.

 

“I’m not  _ pouting _ !  I’m-”

 

“Sulking?” she cut her brother off, grin only growing.  “Go ahead, show us, we all know you want to.”

 

Dipper flipped the Journal around so that his three companions could see what he was looking at - an illustration of a strange, yellow-coloured fungus alleged to grow somewhere in the Gravity Falls forest.

 

“The writer notes that the effects of the spores are ‘interesting, yet temporary’ and wonders if there’s a way to make them more permanent - but doesn’t say what those effects are,” Dipper said.  “And, I mean, I was just thinking- I mean, we  _ were _ trying to figure out something to do today, and-”

 

“Oh my god,” Pacifica rolled her eyes.  “Last time we poked our noses into that shit, two of us in this room ended up possessed.”

 

“Well, I mean,  _ everyone _ in this room has been possessed at one point,” Dipper frowned.  “That’s just life.”

 

“That is  _ not _ just life!”  The blonde continued, “I mean, do you even hear yourself right now? You are entirely too blasé about this kind of stuff!  No, we are  _ not _ going out into the forest to seek out god knows what!”

 

***

 

“I can’t believe you dragged us into this god damned forest to seek out some stupid magical mushrooms,” Pacifica pouted as the four trekked through the trees.  Dipper had somehow convinced everyone to go out mystery hunting, just out of sheer curiosity.  (Or rather, Norman had decided to humour his boyfriend, and then Mabel had decided to humour  _ him _ ,  and then Mabel had given her that god damned  _ look _ of hers, and the next thing Pacifica knew, here they all were.)

 

“Would you rather be sitting inside all day, trying to ‘tame’ my hair?” Norman offered, trying to placate the rich girl.

 

“Yes!  I  _ will _ tame it!  I’m not going to let it win!”

 

“Sh,” Dipper turned and shushed her, then looked back down at the Journal.  “Now, if I’m reading this right, we should find the fungi in a grove near a giant boulder…”

 

“Because  _ that’s _ descriptive,” Pacifica huffed.  “We’ve passed at least three boulders.”

 

“Four,” Mabel pointed at one just ahead of them.  This particular boulder was  _ very _ large, enough that if someone somehow hollowed it out, they could probably live quite comfortably inside.

 

“That is definitely a giant boulder,” Dipper noted.  “Now, everybody keep an eye out for-”

 

“Found it!” Somehow, without anyone noticing (how did she  _ do _ that?) Mabel had run ahead into a small clearing where there was indeed a mushroom-like fungus, more gold than yellow in reality, growing at the base of one of the trees.  Dipper laughed triumphantly and ran over to get a closer look, crouching down in front of the fungus, which was glittering as if it really  _ was _ made out of precious metal.

 

Norman and Pacifica exchanged a look.

 

“Do you think it’s going to get us high or whatever?” she asked the medium.

 

“Don’t say that,” was his reply as they walked over and stood with Mabel about a foot behind Dipper.

 

“Now,” the male twin was saying, “the Journal doesn’t say we have to eat it or anything, so maybe if I just…”

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Norman frowned, beginning to have second thoughts after what Pacifica had just said.  

 

Before he could reply reassuringly, Dipper reached out and, tentatively, poked the fungus - releasing a cloud of gold dust right into all of their faces.  Dipper, being the closest to it, got the worst of it, and fell back coughing and rubbing his eyes. 

 

No one moved for a few seconds.

 

“I don’t… feel any different,” Pacifica said, looking down at her hands.  “I mean, I’m not ‘tasting colours’ or whatever.”

 

“Hey, neat,” Mabel grinned.  “Our faces are all sparkly like in ‘Twilight’!”

 

“Gross,” Dipper rubbed at his face, but the gold glitter didn’t rub off.  He stood up.  “Well… maybe that’s all it does.  Guess this was a bust.”

 

“Don’t be too disappointed,” Norman grabbed his hand and gave it a soft little squeeze.  Dipper seemed to appreciate that.  “It’s better to end up covered in glitter than to be made violently ill or something.  Besides, looking for it was kind of fun.  And at least we killed an hour.”

 

“Yeah… I guess…” the older boy shrugged.  “Let’s just head back to the Shack, alright?”

 

They began walking back, Mabel whistling as they did so.  Dipper frowned as he recognised the song.

 

“Ugh, Mabel, really? ‘Single Ladies’?”

 

“Don’t judge, bro-bro, I know you know all the words!”

 

Dipper opened his mouth to protest that he didn’t, but what came out - entirely against his will - was, “of course I know all the words, but I wasn’t going to tell any of you that.”

 

The quartet stopped walking, and Dipper was suddenly aware of the other three staring at him.

 

“Why did I say that?” he wondered out loud, and then, quite suddenly, he was hit with a wave of dizziness, and swooned a little.  Norman caught him.

 

“Dipper, are you okay?” the medium asked, worry evident in those large blue eyes of his.

 

“God, you have such nice eyes.  I love that shade of blue so much; have I ever told you that?” Dipper asked.  Norman blushed a little, and the older boy continued, “Can… can we sit down for a few minutes?”

 

Suddenly, Mabel leaned against a tree.  “Woah.  I’m getting dizzy, too.  Maybe we  _ should _ sit down.”

 

They all did, and just in time, as the dizzy spell hit Norman next, and then Pacifica.

 

“Uh, guys?” Pacifica frowned as she lay her head into Mabel’s lap.  “I think that dust cloud might have done more than make us all glittery.  I feel kind of drunk.”

 

“How do you know what being drunk feels like?” Dipper asked.  He and Norman were leaning against a rock, still holding hands.

 

Pacifica opened her mouth to make a snarky comment - but what came out was, “Staci and Tiffany and I snuck some of Tiff’s dad’s stash at this one party.  I got really sick and it was probably one of the more embarrassing moments of my life.”  She frowned.  “I don’t know why I’m telling  _ you _ this, though.”

 

Mabel giggled a little.

 

“What’s so funny?” Pacifica looked up at her girlfriend.

 

“I think…” Mabel started, then looked over at the boys.  “No, wait, let me test something out first.  Hey, Dipper, what’s your favourite song of all time?”

 

“Babba’s ‘Disco Girl’, but I’m never going to admit that out loud in front of Pacifica,” he replied, then immediately frowned. “Wait a second…”

 

“That’s what I thought,” Mabel nodded triumphantly.  “I think I figured out what the effects of that fungus are.”

 

“Oh, no,” realisation dawned on Dipper.

 

Norman frowned.  “What?  What does it do?”

 

“Truth spores!” Mabel exclaimed with a big smile.  “This is  _ awesome _ !”

 

“This is  awful ,” Dipper groaned.

 

“For once, I agree with Dipper,” Pacifica said.  

 

“Thank you, Pacifica.  Even under the influence of ‘truth spores’ you still hate me.”

 

She wanted to roll her eyes, but her mouth ran away from her, as it blurted out, “Dipper, I don’t hate you.  I just don’t really know how to talk to people without being a bitch.  And besides, I thought you hated  _ me _ .”

 

“This is awesome,” Mabel repeated under her breath.

 

“I don’t hate you,” Dipper answered, against his own will.  “I just get jealous of how close you are to my boyfriend.”

 

“Dipper,” Pacifica gave him a pointed look.  “You have nothing to worry about.  The very  _ idea _ of kissing a boy grosses me out.  I am literally only attracted to girls.”

 

“I told you not to be jealous of her,” Norman squeezed Dipper’s hand again.  “Besides, you’re the only person for me.  I’ve known that for years.  I was just afraid to tell you.”

 

“I never meant to make you afraid,” Dipper frowned.

 

“You didn’t make me afraid. I did. I mean… Sometimes I think I’m a monster, but I’ve never felt that way around you.”

 

“Really? Sometimes I’m afraid I’m somehow never going to be good enough for you.”

 

“Wow, you two spend a good seventy per cent of your brain capacity thinking about each other,” Pacifica looked over at them.  “I’m not at all surprised.”

 

“I spend a lot of time thinking about Paz, so I can sympathise,” Mabel nodded.  “But you already all knew that... You know, I don’t think this truth spore thing works on me.  I always say whatever I’m thinking anyway!  Hey Norman, tell us more about how much you love my brother!”

 

“Mabel!” Dipper blushed.

 

“I honestly don’t think I deserve you,” Norman continued, causing his boyfriend to blurt out:

 

“I think you deserve so much better than me.”

 

“If I wasn’t under the influence of those stupid spores, I’d say you two were disgusting,” Pacifica said, “but honestly, you two are seriously perfect for each other.  Secretly, even _ I _ kind of find it adorable.”

 

“Aw, Paz!” Mabel smiled down at her.  “You’re so cute when you’re being honest with your feelings!  See, Dipper?  She doesn’t hate you at all, not even a little bit!”

 

“Actually, I don’t hate any of you.  I act like I don’t care, but secretly I love all of you so much,” the blonde blushed.  “And I really really hate that I’m saying this out loud because it makes me feel really exposed, and that’s uncomfortable.  Also, don’t tell anyone, but I’m really afraid of needles.”

 

“Needles? You never told me that,” Mabel replied.  “See?  This  _ is _ awesome.  Talking about our feelings, not a care in the world…”

 

“Easy for you to say,” Dipper replied.  “You’re no different than how you normally are!”

 

“Mabel,” Pacifica said, “have I ever told you that I’m secretly jealous that you have bigger boobs than me?”

 

“I’m secretly jealous that Mabel has better social skills than me!” Dipper laughed at that.

 

“The only time I’ve ever felt jealous was when Dipper told me about Nicola,” Norman added.  “At least… I think that was jealousy?  I don’t really have a frame of reference for what jealousy feels like…”

 

“Sometimes I act happier than I am just so you three won’t feel completely hopeless,” Mabel blurted out.

 

The other three looked at her, seemingly horrified, but then she started laughing.

 

“See?  Turns out I had a secret too!”

 

They all started laughing at that.

 

***

 

The effects of the truth spores lasted for about two hours.  None of the four teenagers could keep themselves from blurting out any thought that ran through their minds, be they silly (“one time when I was little I had a nightmare about a rooster and for some reason I’ve never forgotten that stupid rooster dream.”) or somewhat depressing (“from a young age I’ve had it deeply ingrained in my mind that I’m a freak who no one could love, and the fact that any of you care about me at all is completely unexpected.  I honestly don’t know how to deal with it sometimes.” - that one had earned Norman a very long, clingy hug from Dipper.).  They all agreed that what had happened in that forest would stay forever in that forest - some secrets were just not meant to see the light of day - but not before Norman said one last honest truth:

 

“I’ve been taking extra classes at a local community college so I can graduate early and we can go to college together, Dipper.  I was keeping it a secret.”

 

By the time he finished his sentence, the dizziness - and the other effects of the truth spores - had almost completely worn off, and they were all able to stand again.

 

“Oh, thank god,” Pacifica brushed some dirt off of the back of her legs.  “I think that was the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 

“What?  No, that was fun!” Mabel giggled.  “It’s okay, when we get back to the Shack you can rest your head on my big boobs!”

 

“Oh my god, Mabel, shut  _ up _ ,” the blonde blushed.  They began to walk a little bit ahead of the boys.

 

Dipper was still just gaping at Norman.  Not walking.  Not moving.  Just standing there and staring.  It was a little unnerving.

 

“Uh…” the medium began.

 

“Are… are you seriously planning to graduate early for me?” Dipper was in awe.

 

“I… well, yeah.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because… I wanted to?” Norman didn’t seem to know how to answer that.  “I know how you get, and I didn’t want you to have to take a gap year for my sake, so… I decided to do it this way instead.”

 

“You’re serious.  You’re not just saying that.”  

 

“Didn’t we always used to talk about going to college together?” Norman blushed, and looked down at his feet.  “I mean, if that’s okay…”

 

“Okay?!  Of- of course it’s okay!  I just- I mean, I can’t believe you’d do that for me!”

 

“I’d do anything for you.  And, I mean… I wasn’t going to let you take a year off to wait for me or something…”

 

“Can I tell you a secret?” Dipper asked with a smile.

 

“...what, the last two hours weren’t enough for yo- mmph!”

 

Norman was cut off as his boyfriend pitched forward and kissed him.  It was nice.  Soft.  Dipper smelled like the forest.  Would he  _ ever _ get used to Dipper doing that?

 

“Just between you and me,” the older boy whispered as he pulled back, “you’re the best boyfriend in the whole world.”

 

“Get a room, you two!” Mabel called back to them.  Dipper rolled his eyes and flipped his sister the bird, which she laughed loudly at.

 

“Come on,” the older boy offered Norman his hand again.  “Let’s get back to the Shack, alright?”

 

Norman nodded, and they began following the girls.  They walked in silence for a few minutes before the younger boy remembered something:

 

“So, Dipper… ‘Single Ladies’, huh?”

  
“Shut up, Norman.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somewhere in-universe there probably exists a home video of Mabel, Candy, and Grenda doing the 'Single Ladies' dance.


	5. The Guide to Poltergeists

 

_ Tip #5: Don’t ever spend too long alone with your boyfriend in a public restroom.  It doesn’t matter what the circumstance is; your sister will talk. _

 

***

 

“You know,” Dipper pulled Mabel closer to him so that he could whisper to his twin sister, “when I joked about Grunkle Stan taking us to get dollar menu hamburgers at Burger Time, I thought that I was just kidding.”

 

“Dipper, be grateful,” Mabel chided, elbowing her brother in the side.  “He’s trying to do something nice for us on our birthday!”

 

“Because the first lunch that I want to eat as a seventeen year old is a greasy piece of shit burger that costs less than a Hershey’s bar.”

 

“Okay, one, you eat really gross things all the time.  Two, at least he let us each bring someone,” Mabel reached out and grabbed Pacifica’s hand.

 

“Ooh, spending five dollars instead of three, big whoop!” Dipper rolled his eyes.

 

The Mystery Quartet and Grunkle Stan were third in line at a “cheap McDonalds knock-off - and that’s saying something!”  In honour of the twins’ late August seventeenth birthday, the old man had decided to “do something generous for my favourite two teenage weirdos”.  Dipper realised all too late that after five years he really should have figured out that Grunkle Stan’s idea of “generous” was not exactly going to be a five-star Sunday brunch.  (Especially since it was a Thursday.)

 

“You know, if he’d asked me, I would have paid for something,” Pacifica sighed, looking up at the menu as they moved up a place in the line.  “I mean, obviously not  _ here _ .”

 

“Obviously,” Mabel squeezed her hand, then told her brother, “Pacifica’s never been to a place like Burger Time before.  Isn’t it exciting?”

 

“Really?  Never?  You don’t say,” Dipper’s response was less than enthused.  “The seven or eight pictures you already took didn’t clue us in at all, did they, Norman?”

 

“I hope my boyfriend’s sarcasm is getting you excited to eat some awful food,” Norman locked eyes with Pacifica.

 

“This better not make me sick,” she responded with a smirk.

 

“If it does, Mabel will probably devote a scrapbook page to it. ‘Pacifica’s first food poisoning’, now with twenty per cent more puke-green glitter!” Dipper pantomimed the act of taking a photo, causing his boyfriend to lightly smack his arm, and the girls to roll their eyes at him.

 

“I’d pay to see that,” Grunkle Stan interjected, reminding the four that he was still there.  

 

Pacifica blushed a little, and snipped, “no, you wouldn’t.”

 

The old man chuckled, never shy about having a laugh at the expense of a teenager.

 

The group moved up one more spot so that they were now the next in line.  

 

Out of nowhere, Dipper said, “Hang on, I’ll be right back.  Mabel, you know what to get me if I’m not out of the bathroom in time.”

 

Mabel’s only response was to stick out her tongue as her twin made his way to the bathroom.

 

***

 

A few minutes later, Dipper was attempting to get the last little bit of liquid soap out of the strangely-sticky soap dispenser that hung over the bathroom’s one sink.  

 

Though his hygiene still left much to be desired, he had been trying to get better about it - mostly because Norman wouldn’t hold his hands if the medium found out Dipper had gone to the bathroom without washing them.  (Well, washing the one that wasn’t in a cast, anyway.)  And that definitely would put a damper on his birthday, even if it was tempting to skip it and just walk right back out there.

 

“Come on,” he grumbled, fiddling with the soap dispenser some more.  “Come on, you stupid thing, I don’t have all day.  My  _ boyfriend _ is out there.”

 

Well, no one else was in the bathroom with him.  (Thus why he was openly talking to himself.)  It wasn’t as if anyone would  _ know _ if he skipped washing his hands, just this once.  It was certainly a waste of time to be standing here fiddling with the damn dispenser all day.  He glanced up at the door, considering his options.

 

What if Mabel asked him, though?  He couldn’t just lie to Mabel.  Or to Norman, for that matter.  He sighed, and glared at the soap dispenser, determination settling into his features.

 

And then, he punched it, with a little grunt.  The stupid thing  _ still _ refused to yield any of the pink soap that Dipper could  _ see _ was inside of it.

 

“Stupid-!” he bit back a curse, and pulled back to punch it again, when he heard something.

 

Laughter.  A strange, high-pitched little giggle.

 

Dipper whirled around.

 

“H-hello?” he called out, voice cracking a little on the second syllable.  He’d sworn that he was alone in the bathroom.  In fact, all the stall doors were open.

 

He  _ was _ alone in here.

 

Shaking his head, he turned around - just in time to catch the reflection in the mirror behind him.  A small shadowy figure faded away in the mirror.

 

“...you have got to be kidding me,” Dipper muttered.

 

***

 

“Come on, it’s their birthday.  I can prove it; they have I.D.’s.  It only comes once a year,” Stan was holding up the line as he attempted to heckle with the young boy behind the counter.

 

“I’m sorry, sir,” the poor cashier couldn’t even meet Stan’s gaze, “b-but company policy doesn’t have any rules about offering birthday discounts.”

 

“Hm.  Alright, then how about if we knock the cheese off two of them?  A regular hamburger costs less than a cheeseburger, doesn’t it?  How much does a slice of cheese cost - twenty, twenty-five cents?  Mabel, sweetie, you’re lactose-intolerant, aren’t you?”

 

“No-” Mabel started to protest that she wasn’t, but her great uncle wasn’t listening, not really.  He was far too preoccupied with trying to convince the wimpy cashier that a regular hamburger and a cheeseburger couldn’t possibly  _ both _ cost one dollar.

 

Norman felt a vibration in his pocket.  He dug for his phone, expecting something from Neil, or maybe from his sister.

 

He was not expecting a text from his boyfriend, especially not one that read, “I need you in the bathroom right now.”

 

Why on earth did Dipper need him in the bathroom?  And why right that second?  He frowned, confused, and wondering if something was wrong.  Why didn’t Dipper just come out and tell him?  Or would it be something gross, like maybe Dipper had picked a stall without toilet paper and wanted him to go in there and hand him some under the door from the next stall over.

 

His confusion must have showed on his face, because Mabel looked over at him.

 

“Whatcha looking at there?” she poked her head over to look.  Norman frowned and shoved his phone back into his pocket quickly - but not quickly enough.  Mabel had seen, judging by the grin that spread across her face as she teased, “oooh, you’d better not keep him waiting in there,  _ loverboy _ .”

 

“I-it’s not like that,” he stammered, feeling the blush rise to his cheeks of its own accord.  It wasn’t at all what she was implying -  _ was it _ ?  No.  No, it couldn’t be.  Dipper wouldn’t ever ask him to do something he was uncomfortable with.  Especially not in a fast food bathroom…  _ would _ he?

 

“ _ Sure _ it isn’t,” she snickered, catching Pacifica’s attention.  

 

“What are you two talking about?” the blonde took in Norman’s too-red face and Mabel barely holding back guffaws of laughter.

 

“ _ Nothing _ ,” Norman insisted.

 

“Yeah, nothing,” Mabel was now outright laughing, “except Norman giving Dipper a very  _ special  _ birthday present!” 

 

“Oh.  My god,” the medium turned and speed-walked to the bathroom.  Whatever Dipper “needed” him for, it had to be better than this humiliation.  The sound of Mabel’s laughter followed him all the way there.  

 

Still arguing about the price of cheese, Stan didn’t even take notice.

 

***

 

Dipper was crouching on the sink counter, trying to escape the water that was now flooding out of the three toilets - he  _ hated _ poltergeists - when he heard the door to the bathroom jiggling, as if someone was trying desperately to get in.  It was as if some sort of force was holding it shut, though.  He  _ really  _ hated poltergeists.

 

“Norman?!” Dipper called out.  “Is that you out there?!”

 

“Dipper, is everything okay?! The door’s jammed or something, and there’s water coming out.”

 

“Oh, thank god,” the older boy sighed his relief when he realised it was indeed Norman on the other side of the door.  He called out to his boyfriend, “Push against it with your shoulder!”

 

“ _ What _ ?!”

 

“Your shoulder, dude!  Push!  The damned thing can’t hold forever!”

 

“ _ Shut up , _ ” a disembodied whisper sounded in Dipper’s ear, sending shivers down his spine.  It wasn’t a fair enough warning for what happened next - suddenly the mirror shattered, as if someone (or some _ thing _ ) had hit it with a great force.  Dipper threw up his hands to shield his face from the glass.

 

“Dipper!” Norman yelled again, and finally the door gave, swinging open just as the medium was preparing to jump at it again.  For his efforts, Norman fell ungracefully, shoulder-first, onto the wet floor.  “Augh,  _ gross _ !”

 

“Norman!” Dipper exclaimed, watching his boyfriend pull himself up and grabbing for his hand to help him onto the very small section of the bathroom counter that wasn’t coated in shattered glass.

 

“You know,” the medium sounded a bit disgruntled as he pulled himself up and huddled his damp form next to Dipper, “if I didn’t have a weird complex about public bathrooms before, I’m probably going to after this.”

 

“And I am sorry for that, and normally I appreciate your snark, but can we worry about that after we deal with this?” Dipper’s eyes darted around the room frantically, watching the doors of the stalls open and shut themselves repeatedly as the water continued to flood the floor.  “It figures my first paranormal case as a seventeen-year-old would be a piece of shit poltergeist - I freaking  _ hate  _ poltergeists,” he groaned to no one in particular.

 

“Uh, Dipper, you might not want to call it a piece of-” Norman began, but was cut off when an unearthly force pulled the two to opposite ends of the room, slamming them into the walls and letting them crumple back down to the damp floor.  

 

“Do you see it?  Can’t you talk it down or something?” 

 

Norman began to look around the room, but couldn’t see any spirits whatsoever.  And then, he suddenly didn’t feel the damp floor anymore.  Looking across, he could see Dipper trying in vain to grab onto the hand driers on the walls to keep himself from being pulled up into the air.  Norman realised then, that he, too, was levitating.

 

“Uh oh…” he muttered.

 

***

 

The line was getting longer and longer, and people were either starting to get irritated, or whipping out their phones in hopes of filming the next viral video - “Old man goes crazy at burger joint!” or something like that.  Stan either took no notice, or just did not care at all about the others in the restaurant, as he continued to try and convince the poor cashier to give him  _ some _ sort of discount:

 

“When you think about it, it’d be saving  _ you _ money as well, because you wouldn’t have to buy more pickles if you didn’t waste pickles on our burgers.”

 

“I- you- so you don’t want any pickles?”

 

“Not for twenty cents per burger, I don’t!”

 

“Th-they’re not-” the cashier began, then sighed and shook his head.  “Sir, I’m sorry, but as I’ve told you, it’s against company policy to-”

 

“Policy schmolicy, I’m talkin’ cold hard logic here!  Come on, kid, get on  _ my _ level!”

 

“I-!  I don-t-!”

 

Pacifica tuned out the whiny cashier and Grunkle Stan, not really caring to hear how this argument panned out.  She was doing her best to keep her head cast forward, to not turn around and accidentally end up in some mouth-breather’s vine post.  Wouldn’t the local paparazzi have a field day with  _ that _ ?

 

How long had they been standing there?  She turned to Mabel, who was trying to pull her hair across her face and get it to stick in imitation of a moustache.  Pacifica was about to comment to the boys about that - “Looks like Mabel can grow a better moustache than you two put together” or something - but suddenly realised they weren’t back from the bathroom yet.  

 

Not that she was  _ worried _ ,  of course.  But it was a little strange.

 

“Mabel,” she whispered - not that it mattered, no one in the restaurant was paying attention to her - “where the hell are Dipper and Norman?”

 

Mabel turned to her girlfriend with a grin.  “Oh, I’m sure they’re  _ just fine _ , if you catch my drift.”  She punctuated this with an exaggeratedly large wink.  

 

Pacifica did not catch her “drift”.

 

“They’ve been in there for, like, ever,” she continued, frowning a little.

 

“It took Dipper years to figure it out,” Mabel giggled a little.  “Guess he just couldn’t wait any longer.”

 

“Figure what out?  Shouldn’t we make sure they’re okay or whatever?”

 

“Uh… no.  Let’s just… let’s just let them do their  _ thing _ .”

 

“Do  _ what _ thing?” Pacifica was feeling increasingly exasperated.  She adored Mabel, but sometimes she didn’t understand the other girl at all.  Sometimes, it was as if all poor people spoke some secret language that she would never truly be privy to -  _ so _ lame!

 

“Paz,” Mabel turned and locked eyes with her.  “The two of them.  In a bathroom.   _ Alone _ .  What do  _ you _ think they’re doing?”

 

“I don’t know, maybe-” Pacifica cut herself off as she realised what Mabel was implying.  “...oh.   _ Oh _ .”

 

“Yeeeaaaahhhh…”

 

“Okay.  Gross,” the blonde flipped her hair.  “Boys are disgusting.  Like, really?  Here, of all places?”

 

“Are we  _ really _ going to talk about my brother making out with someone?  I don’t want to  _ picture _ it or anything!” Mabel shook her head.

 

“Sir,” they could hear the cashier still attempting to placate Stan.  “Sir, I’m just going to… I’m just going to go get my manager, please calm down, sir…”

 

“Get the damn manager, then!  Maybe  _ they’ll _ listen to  reason !” Stan exclaimed.

 

Pacifica tuned them out again and frowned, then glanced in the direction of the restrooms.  Ew, was that  _ water _ on the floor?

 

“I was just saying,” she continued, “that it was gross.  If you pictured it in your head, that’s on you.”

 

Mabel followed her girlfriend’s gaze, and also noticed the wet floor.  She was about to comment on it when she heard a loud  _ thump _ coming from the restrooms.  Everyone else in the place seemed to still be focused on her great uncle, but Pacifica had heard it too, exchanging surprised expressions with her girlfriend.

 

“You don’t think…” the blonde began.

 

“...if I walk in on my brother sticking his tongue down Norman’s throat, you  _ so _ owe me.”

 

“Square deal,” Pacifica agreed, and let Mabel pull her in the direction of the bathrooms.

 

***

 

Norman was looking all around the room from where he was hovering in midair, but every time he thought he caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye, it would disappear before he could get a good look.  Dipper, hanging on to the top of one of the stall doors and cursing when it kept opening and shutting itself, was not helping.

 

“I fucking hate poltergeists!  Can’t you talk to it?!” the older boy demanded.

 

“I would if I could tell what it was!  There are different types of poltergeists, and I don’t want to make it worse!  It could be an energy vampire type, or a boggart type, or maybe we’re on top of a disturbed graveyard, or-”

 

“I don’t care what it is, just do  _ something _ !”

 

“What the  _ hell _ is going on in here?!” another voice interrupted, and Dipper and Norman both looked down to see Mabel in the doorway, Pacifica close behind her complaining:

 

“I knew I shouldn’t have worn these shoes today.  Ugh, they’re ruined now.”

 

“Oh, woah, Paz, look,” Mabel pointed up at where her brother and Norman were hovering in midair. 

 

“Don’t  _ look _ !  Help us down!” Dipper exclaimed, before adding another, “ _ God _ _,_ I hate poltergeists.”

 

_ “This’ll be fun…” _

 

That time, Norman had heard the high-pitched, childlike whisper.  He tried to turn himself around in the air - not as easy as he would have thought.  There - in one of the larger mirror shards!  The face of a child!  Behind him, he heard a girlish scream, but didn’t know if it came from Pacifica or Mabel.  He was completely focused on trying to get himself to the corner of the ceiling so he could maybe pull himself down via the walls.  Maybe if he could get to the poltergeist, he could talk it down, face-to-face.

 

“Norman, what are you -  _ eugh _ !” Pacifica’s question was cut off with a noise of disgust, but Norman didn’t turn to look at her.  He didn’t have to.  He heard the splashes as she fell, heard the toilet paper flying off the roll, probably straight at the others.

 

“Come on,” he muttered to himself, “you just have to get down…”

 

_ “Down?” _ The little voice sounded like it was right in his ear.  Before Norman could react, gravity took hold of him again, and he fell the eight or nine feet to the floor, landing with a  _ splat _ .  It stung, but he had no time to dwell on that right now.

 

“Who are you?” he asked.  If it really was just a child - some poltergeists were, just using up the energy the child had had in life - then maybe he could approach it like one. “How about you put my friends down, and I can try to help you, okay?  Would you like that?”

 

_ “But this is so much more fun.” _

 

“Norman!” Dipper exclaimed again.  “Watch out for that glass!”

 

“Glass?” the medium looked up and saw some of the larger glass shards hovering in the air in front of him.  Well, crap.  “Uh.  H-hold on, now, before you stab me, maybe we can talk this out.  Why do you want to hurt us?”

 

“You drop those glass shards right now!” Pacifica demanded before Norman got an answer.

 

“Pacifica…” he sighed.  He appreciated that she cared about him so much, but now was really not the time.  Especially as it meant the poltergeist turned its attention to her, slamming her toilet paper-clad form into a wall and eliciting a shriek from Mabel for the effort.  “Pacifica, no!  It’s just a child-!”

 

“Well, then it’s acting like a spoiled brat!” the blonde looked _ livid _ .

 

“Talk about the pot calling the kettle black…” Dipper muttered.

 

“You think you can scare me with temper tantrums, kid?!” she continued.  “I  _ own _ temper tantrums!  I make temper tantrums my  _ bitch _ !”

 

“Pacifica, don’t-!”

 

_ “You don’t know anything!”  _ Now all four of the teens could hear the voice - that of a little girl, screaming at top volume and causing the bathroom lights to flicker on and off erratically.   _ “You big stupidheads!  You don’t know anything about me at all!” _

 

“Oh my god, she sounds like  _ you _ before you met Mabel,” Dipper couldn’t resist teasing Pacifica, even as he hovered in the air.

 

“Shut up, Dipper!” Pacifica was not amused. 

 

Something clicked in Norman’s mind.  “Dipper - that’s _ it _ !”

 

“Wha-”

 

“I know you’re upset,” he tried again to reach out to the little girl, grasping at whatever he could to try and help her.  “You were… you were lonely when you were alive, weren’t you?  So now you play with anyone who comes into the bathroom.  Am I right?”

 

_ “No!” _ The voice screamed again, and Norman could feel himself being thrown.  He braced himself, but the impact of the wall behind him still stung.   _ “Mommy and Daddy were stupid!  I don’t even care if they didn’t love me!  They didn’t even notice when I drowned!  Why should I care about anybody?!” _

 

He nodded, and locked eyes with Pacifica, who mostly just looked confused.

 

“I’m sorry they didn’t notice,” he continued, forcing himself to remain calm.  It wasn’t the worst he’d dealt with, after all.  “But doesn’t trying to hurt us make you just like them?”

 

_ “I don’t care!  I don’t care, I don’t!” _

 

The flickering of the lights was getting worse.  It was beginning to make his eyes hurt.  But Norman still pressed on, saying, “Just because your parents don’t love you doesn’t mean you aren’t loveable!  If you just listen to people, instead of trying to hurt them, maybe you’ll see that.”

 

_ “You don’t know anything!” _

 

“I do know, because I’ve seen it happen!  I was lonely, too, before I found my friends,” he looked at Pacifica again, and nodded.

 

She looked bewildered, but added on, “M-me too!  My parents hate me too, but look how I turned out.  Under all this gross waterlogged toilet paper, that is.”

 

“You don’t have to do this,” Norman said, calmly.  “There’s still hope.  There’s  _ always _ hope.  Please, put my friends down and  _ listen _ to me!”

 

Suddenly, the lights stopped flickering and the other three teens dropped to the floor.  In the centre of the room stood the ghost of the little girl.  It took Norman a few seconds to realise that, for once, the others could see her too.  He supposed, with poltergeists, the rules didn’t always work the same. 

 

“Oh, you have  _ got _ to be kidding me,” Pacifica muttered when she saw the big hair and sash on the little girl.  “She’s… she’s a pageant kid.”  When the twins looked at her, the rich girl added, “I was, too.  Duh.”

 

The little girl turned to Pacifica and looked at her, _really_ looked at her.  Then, she turned back to Norman.

 

“This used to be the girl’s bathroom.  I don’t know why they changed it...  My family used to come here after pageants if I won.  Only if I won.  I didn’t like the other girls… and none of them liked me very much either…”

 

“I’m sorry,” Norman nodded, listening to her every word.  “You know… maybe you’ll be able to make friends on the other side.”

 

“Do you think so?” the little girl’s eyes got wider.  

 

“I know it.  You’ll be loved.  I promise.”

 

“But… will there be chicken nuggets on the other side?”

 

Norman didn’t know how to answer that, but Mabel piped in:

 

“ _ I _ think that there will be whatever you want!  A whole house built out of chicken nuggets, with a pool full of ketchup!”

 

“Ew,” Pacifica wrinkled her nose, but the little girl giggled a little, and took a step towards Norman.

 

“There’s a light…” she opened her arms.  “It’s… it’s warm…”

 

He gave her a small smile, and opened his arms for the hug she seemed to be going for.  Her form disintegrated into wispy tendrils of light, disappearing entirely into the light that only she could see before she got to him.  She was gone.

 

Norman stood up and surveyed the damage, looking at all of his friends.  They were all wet, and covered in toilet paper.  Dipper had a few small cuts on his arms from the mirror shards.  Norman could feel bruises forming, and was fairly positive the others were experiencing that too.

 

“So…” Mabel broke the silence.  “Did the little girl show up  _ while _ you two were making out, or did you get to finish first?”

 

“Mabel!” Dipper went bright red.  “We weren’t making out!”

 

“If you  _ say _ so!” 

 

“Cut it out!”

 

As the twins argued, Pacifica walked over to Norman, and looked up at him.  He waited for her to speak.  

 

“That little girl… she was so angry,” the blonde was so quiet, his ears strained to hear her beneath Dipper yelling.  “That… could have been me.”

 

Norman shook his head.  “No.  Because you… you know that you have friends who love you.”

 

She bit her lip, but instead of commenting on that, yelled out to the twins:

 

“Shut up, you two, and let’s get out of here before Stan notices how long we’ve all been gone!”

 

***

 

The manager had managed to placate Stan - Dipper kind of wished he’d been able to witness that and take notes on how to do so - and the four got back in line behind the old man just in time to witness the manager agreeing to knock a quarter off the full price of the order if Stan promised to never ever come back.

 

The audience that had amassed - for the crowd behind them could be called nothing less - groaned.  All that trouble to reduce five dollars to $4.75?

 

“Alright!” Stan was grinning with pride.  “Then in that case, it’ll be five burgers off the dollar menu.  And make it snappy - we haven’t got all day!”

 

“F-for here or to go?” the wimpy cashier asked from where he hid behind his manager.

 

Stan turned, and took in the sight of four exhausted-looking, damp, messy teens behind him.  He’d lived in Gravity Falls long enough, however, to know that some questions were better left unanswered.  

  
He turned back to the cashier and added, “You know what?  Let’s make that to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And through all that I couldn't figure out how to work in a good "Poltergeist" reference. I must be losing my touch.


	6. The Guide to Sixteenth Birthdays

_ Tip #6: Sometimes when your boyfriend is in danger, you’ll be helplessly across the country.  This is only the first of many reasons long-distance sucks, but in this instance you have to rely on…  friends to help him. _

 

_ Tip# 6.5 (added at Mabel’s request): Communication is really important.  Like,  really important. _

 

***

 

Norman had been back in Blithe Hollow, Massachusetts, for about two weeks now, and every second of those two weeks was harder and harder.  It wasn’t that he didn’t like seeing his friends and family again, but now that he knew what it was like to be kissed and touched and held by Dipper Pines - the boy he’d been pining after for years now - every second without him was somehow emptier than those with him.  Texting helped, as did Snapchat, Skype, and late night phone calls.  But they were a rather poor substitute.  They paled in comparison to the real thing.

 

As he walked home from school that day - the day before his sixteenth birthday - he certainly wasn’t lacking in text messages from his boyfriend:

 

_ “ It’s your last day as a fifteen year old - how’re you gonna spend what’s left of it? ” _

 

_ “ Stop texting me.  You’re in class _ _,”_ Norman typed back, a small smile on his face as he did so.

 

“Let me guess - you’re texting Dipper again instead of listening to the friends you have with you,” Salma’s voice caused him to look up.

 

“How’d you know?” he shot her a small, sheepish smile.  Salma had been the first to guess, when school started up again, that he and Dipper were now doing this whole long-distance relationship thing.  According to her, it was “about time” because it was “utterly obvious” how much Norman liked Dipper.  (Salma had never even met Dipper.  Neil had, but only if Skype counted as meeting someone.)

 

“Who else would it be?  You don’t text anyone else.”

 

“He texts me,” Neil shot Salma a smile from the other side of Norman.

 

“You’re standing right there.  I seriously doubt it’s you that he’s - oh, for heaven’s sake, Norman!”

 

“S-sorry!” Norman shoved his phone back into the pocket of his hoodie, blushing a little.

 

“ _ I _ , for one, am happy for you,” Neil stated, matter-of-factly, then grinned cheekily.  “Salma is too, even if she refuses to admit it.”

 

Salma rolled her eyes, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.  “Unlike  _ some _ people, Neil, I worry about Norman developing an addiction to his phone, which could negatively affect his grade point average.”

 

“I don’t think his phone is what he’s addicted to,” Neil’s voice had the lightest hint of a teasing tone.  “Norman’s in  _ looooove _ .”

 

“Cut it out,” Norman could feel his cheeks getting even hotter.  He wanted to protest more, but… 

 

...he was fairly certain he  was in love with Dipper.  He’d even said so, even if Dipper hadn’t said it back, not really.  Did “me too” count as saying it back?  Norman was aware -  _ painfully _ aware - that even two weeks later, Dipper still hadn’t said “I love you.”  Maybe it was the stress of the distance getting to him, but if he thought about it too hard, it started to kind of hurt a little.  It had taken every ounce of his courage to tell Dipper that, after all.

 

He hoped that courage was Dipper’s problem here, and not a real lack of love for him.  At least Dipper still acted like he loved him, even if he didn’t say it.

 

That had to count for something, didn’t it?

 

His phone buzzed again.  Norman pushed those doubts out of his mind again - though they kept stubbornly returning, he would push them out every time - and ignored Salma’s exasperated groan as he pulled his phone out again.

 

This time, though, it wasn’t Dipper who had texted him.  It was his mother.

 

_ “ Someone special is here to visit you for your birthday! _ _”_ his mother had typed to him.

 

_ Huh _ _?_  Who could be there for  him ?  It couldn’t have been Courtney; she wasn’t driving up from Connecticut, where she went to school, until the next day.

 

“What’d he say?” Neil sounded genuinely interested, and Norman shook his head a little.

 

“Oh, uh… that one was my mom.  Someone’s at the house for me.”

 

“She didn’t say who?” the ginger boy looked a little confused.

 

“I imagine he’ll find out in about two seconds,” Salma gestured to the Babcock household as the trio passed it.

 

“I’ll text you later, okay?” Norman promised before running around to the back entrance of the house and barging in.

 

There, at his kitchen table, was Pacifica Northwest.

 

He stood there and blinked a couple times, as if to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating, but the blonde was still sitting there.

 

“Pacifica - What are you doing here?” Confusion caused him to be a little more blunt than he normally would have been.

 

“Hello to you, too,” she rolled her eyes, and he smiled a little, causing her expression to soften.  “Well?  Get over here and hug me or whatever.”

 

Norman had to laugh a little at that one - he still wasn’t entirely sure how to take it that Pacifica actually liked him that much, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining.  It was kind of nice to have something that reminded him of summer - and Gravity Falls - here in Blithe Hollow.  He walked over and set his backpack down on the table, sitting next to her and offering a tentative embrace.

 

“Did I get the date wrong?” Pacifica asked, adding as an afterthought, “I thought Mabel told me tomorrow was your birthday.”

 

“It is, but- how are you in Massachusetts?”

 

“I bought a plane ticket.  Obviously.”

 

Of course she had.  To someone with Pacifica’s wealth, plane tickets were probably as easy to impulse buy as candy bars.  He felt a little embarrassed that he hadn’t realised that before.

 

“Don’t you have school?” Norman asked, still shaking off the surprise of seeing her so unexpectedly.  It was a Monday, after all.

 

Pacifica shrugged.  “I can afford to take a couple days off.  I’ve had perfect grades since I was a kid.”

 

“Isn’t it wonderful?” a third voice interrupted them, and Norman moved his arm off of where it had been resting around Pacifica’s shoulder.  His mother was beaming when he turned to greet her with a sheepish little wave.  “Pacifica wanted to surprise you for your birthday, Norman!  I told her she could stay with us for a couple nights.  Happy early birthday, sweetie.”

 

“Your mom won’t let me get a hotel room,” Pacifica whispered, and Norman bit back a laugh.  That sounded like his mother, alright.

 

“Well, I’m sure you two have a lot to  _ catch up _ on, so I’ll let you have some  alone time in your room if you promise to keep the door open,” Sandra’s grin was almost  _ too _ wide, and Norman couldn’t help but wonder if there was an implication there that he wasn’t catching.  He never could really tell with his mother.  “I’ll be down here if you want some snacks.”

 

“Thank you,” Norman said, more to be polite than anything else, as he stood up and gestured for Pacifica to do the same.

 

***

 

Whether or not Sandra had been implying anything, she was right in that Pacifica and Norman did have a lot to catch up on.  While he had been texting her the last couple of weeks, he didn’t talk to her nearly as much as he talked to Dipper, and besides, it wasn’t the same as being in the same room with her.  (Even if she did have a few snarky remarks about his choice in room decor - though the sarcastic delivery of, “wow, you and Dipshit are better matched than I thought” didn’t take away from the small spark of pride that Pacifica thought he and Dipper were a good match.)

 

They even had a three-hour Skype call with the Pines twins.  Mabel was pleased as punch to see Pacifica there.  Dipper was flabbergasted, and probably more than a little flustered, especially with Pacifica teasing him whenever she could.  Norman tried to tell her to ease up, of course, but he couldn’t help it if he secretly found it a little adorable.

 

(After all, it was easy to forget all the doubts he’d been having lately if he could focus on Dipper’s face turning pink and his voice getting just a little higher pitched in that way that it did whenever someone got under his skin.)

 

And then Sandra called up the stairs, “Kids, time for dinner!”

 

Norman  _ really _ should have known better than to expect dinner to go any other way.

 

Everything went fine at first.  Perry seemed pleasantly surprised when he met Pacifica, commenting to his son - for some strange reason - on how  _ pretty _ she was.  He was even more happy when he realised he recognised her last name from the Forbes 500.  Sandra kept shooting Norman very  _ big _ smiles whenever Perry said anything at all to Pacifica.

 

Until what he said was, “See, Sandra?  I told you sending him off to Oregon every summer was good for him.  Now he’s got a nice girlfriend, and he can finally have a nice,  _ normal _ life, like the other kids!”

 

Norman dropped his fork onto his plate of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.

 

“Oh, I’m not-” Pacifica began, but then looked over at Norman, at the  _ look _ he was giving her.  Weakly, she finished with, “Uh… I’m not sure why he didn’t  _ say _ anything about me.  Norman, can I talk to you in the hall?   _ Now _ ?”

 

“Oh, how cute,” Sandra whispered to her husband, as if Norman couldn’t  _ hear _ her.  “A little lover’s spat!”

 

Norman let Pacifica drag him into the hallway, preferring that to the intense awkward atmosphere that had just taken over the table.

 

“Norman, what the _ hell _ ?!”  Pacifica hissed through clenched teeth.  “You told your parents I was your  _ girlfriend _ ?!”

 

“Of course I didn’t,” he whispered, putting his hands up in an effort to placate her.  “I don’t know where they got that idea. And can you keep it down?”

 

The blonde glared at him silently for a few seconds, and he could almost see the gears turning in her brain.  Then, her eyes widened with realisation as she gasped, “You haven’t told them about Dipper yet!”

 

“Pacifica, keep it  _ down _ , please,” he frowned.  “I just… It hasn’t come up.  I was waiting for the right time to tell them.”

 

“Fuck ‘the right time’ - I’ll tell them myself.”

 

“ _ Don’t _ ,” he said, and Pacifica paused.  Norman sighed.  “Look, you don’t know my dad like I do.  I just… I don’t want to give him any more reasons to be disappointed in me.  You heard what he said.  He wants me to be  _ normal _ _._ ”

 

Pacifica looked away, guilt clear in her features.  She was no stranger to parental disapproval.  “I hate to say this, Norman, but I think he’s going to be twice as disappointed if he finds out we’re pretty much lying to him.  I mean, if you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend for one night, I will, but this whole thing is kind of fucked up, don’t you think?”

 

“I know,” Norman hung his head and sighed again.  “And I’m not asking you to pretend anything, just… don’t tell them anything, either.  Not yet.”

 

“So when  _ are _ you going to tell them?”

 

“I don’t know…”

 

“What do you  _ mean _ you don’t know?” Her head snapped back up so that she was again looking him in the eye.  “What’s not to know?  Aren’t you and Dipper, like, totally in love or whatever?”

 

“I… I guess?”

 

“You  _ guess _ ?” Pacifica sounded incredulous.  “What does that even mean?  You either are or you’re not.”

 

“Forget it.  I’m just… I don’t know.”

 

“Norman, what is going on?  Did Dipper do something?  Do I need to call him up right now and yell at him?  Because you know I will-”

 

“No, no, that won’t be necessary, really, I just… I don’t know if he’s as serious about this as I am.  That’s all.”

 

Pacifica paused.  She didn’t seem to know how to react to that.  Finally, she asked, “Why do you think that?”

 

Norman shrugged.  “I… I tried to tell him that I loved him, but he didn’t say it back…” His voice sounded small and unsure.  He hated that.  “But, I mean, it’s probably nothing, right?”

 

“Norman, of  _ course _ he loves you.  Even  _ I _ can see that.  Hell, even Bill fucking Cipher could see that!  Knowing Dipper, you probably just caught him off guard and now he’s coming up with some stupid plan to say it or whatever.”

 

“You… you think so?”

 

“ _ Duh . _  I have nothing to gain from lying to you,” she rolled her eyes, and pat his shoulder, somewhat awkwardly.  She was still learning how to do the whole physical contact thing.  He appreciated it all the same.  “Look, if you’re still worried about it in a couple more weeks, you call me and I’ll ask Mabel, alright?”   
  
“A-alright,” he nodded.

 

***

 

The rest of dinner that night went very awkwardly, but Pacifica  _ didn’t _ out Norman.  She didn’t pretend to be his girlfriend either, but the assumption had already been made, and she didn’t exactly discourage it.  

 

The awkwardness, it turned out, had only just begun.

 

The morning of his sixteenth birthday started out wonderfully.  Both Dipper and Mabel had tried to be the first ones to wish him a happy birthday, so he had two text messages dated to midnight - it seemed Mabel had beat Dipper by a few seconds.  He shot Dipper a quick message to let him know that, knowing full well that in California it was still four in the morning and Dipper wouldn’t see his reply for another few hours.

 

He went over to his duffel bag from the summer, which he still hadn’t finished unpacking, other than to pull the dirty clothes out of it.  The Massachusetts weather wasn’t cold yet, not in September, but the mornings were beginning to get brisk, and he couldn’t think of a better day than his birthday to debut the sweater Mabel had given him.  (After all, while it wasn’t the first sweater she had knit him, this one was actually something he’d want to wear in public.  Norman loved Mabel, but he wasn’t confident enough for her fashion sense.)  It wasn’t until he pulled it out that he spotted the plaid beneath it.

 

“What…?” he muttered to himself, pulling out one of Dipper’s flannels.  How had  _ that _ gotten in there?

 

“And what’s this?”

 

Norman turned around when he heard his grandmother’s voice.  Sure enough, Grandma Babcock was floating behind him, an amused smirk on her face.

 

“Your pretend-girlfriend is going to have be pretend-mad if you wear your boyfriend’s clothes.”

 

“You, uh… you heard that last night?” Norman blushed a little.  His grandmother knew about Dipper - of course she did; she’d certainly eavesdropped on enough of their Skype conversations.  Keeping things from a nosy ghost was damn near impossible.

 

“How could I not? That Pacifica sure has a mouth on her!  I never cursed like that when I was her age!”

 

“You curse all the time,” he couldn’t help but smile a little.

 

“Not when I was sixteen I didn’t!”

 

“Pacifica is seventeen, Grandma.”

 

“In that case, I suppose it’s alright,” the old ghost said sarcastically, then smiled at her grandson.  When she opened her mouth again, her words were genuine rather than sarcastic.  “I just wanted to tell you happy birthday.  And that I think you’ll look very nice in plaid.”

 

He blushed again, but put the flannel on over his shirt all the same, catching a whiff of what smelled like pine needles and cheap cologne as he did so.  It smelled like Dipper.  Norman hadn’t even known that he’d been missing that smell.

 

Maybe today would go alright after all.  He could hope, couldn’t he?

 

That hope was immediately dashed when he left his room only to come face-to-face with his older sister.  Norman couldn’t help but think that if he opened one more door to an unexpected blonde visitor, he’d begin to develop a complex.

 

“Courtney?  I thought you weren’t coming down from Stoneybrook until after your class!”

 

“My class was ‘cancelled’,” Courtney smirked, and actually used air quotes.  “I  _ was _ going to ask you why there was a girl in my bed-”

 

“That’s my friend Pacifica,” he frowned.  

 

“-but I think the more important question here is whose flannel that is.”  His sister’s smirk was downright evil looking.  “Don’t even try to lie and say it’s yours - that thing is way too stretched in the shoulders.  Spill!”

 

“I was cold,” Norman glared down at her - now that he was taller than his sister, he actually felt somewhat intimidating when he did that, even if it still didn’t phase her any more than it had when he was eleven.  “I found it in my duffel bag.  It’s, uh, Dipper’s.”

 

“Dipper?  That scrawny little nerd we met when you were twelve?” Courtney seemed to give this some thought.  “Oh.  Em.  Gee.  Don’t tell me.  You and Dipper-”

 

“Courtney, shut  _ up _ !”  Norman could feel his face heating up.  

 

“I  _ knew _ it!” His sister exclaimed triumphantly.  “I  _ knew _ there was a reason you kept going back to Oregon every summer!  You totally went and got yourself a boyfriend, didn’t you?!  You little stud - I didn’t know you had it in you.  Well?!  Show me photos, spill all the juicy details, I want to know  _ everything _ !”

 

“ _ No _ ,” he pushed past her.  “I have to go to school.”

 

“You do know I’m just gonna ask blondie once she wakes up, right?”

 

“Good  _ bye _ , Courtney!”  Norman couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  Salma and Neil would probably be outside soon, anyway.  And Salma did  _ not _ tolerate lateness.

 

Rushing downstairs, Norman grabbed a cold Pop-Tart and bolted out the door before either of his parents could see him and ask anymore awkward questions.  It wasn’t until he got to the sidewalk that he realised he hadn’t told Courtney that his parents didn’t know.  Not wanting to go through the whole explanation again, he shot a quick text to Pacifica - “ _ don’t let Courtney tell my parents about Dipper _ ” - and hoped she’d wake up before it was too late.  

 

He didn’t have too much time to worry about it, though.  There was Salma walking up to his house -  _ without _ Neil.

 

That was… unusual.

 

“Where’s-” he started, but Salma cut him off:

 

“Neil overslept.  And I see no reason why  we should be late because of  _ his _ missed alarm.”

 

Norman frowned a little.  That wasn’t like Neil at all.  Neil Downe was a heavy sleeper, sure, but somehow he was always up and chipper in the mornings, ready to face the day with a smile.

 

“By the way, happy birthday,” Salma shoved a card in his face, snapping him out of his worried thoughts.  “It’s not much, but I didn’t have time after my calculus homework to do any more.”

 

Though her tone of voice was as snappy and condescending as ever, Salma almost had a small smile on her face, and Norman readily smiled back at her when he opened it and pulled out a gift card to the Sand-Witch.  

 

“Thank you.  You didn’t have to get me anything,” he pushed all his worries - about Dipper, about his parents, about Neil - away.  It was his birthday, after all.  He didn’t want to worry on his birthday, of all days.

 

“Walk a little faster, would you?” Salma rolled her eyes.  “I wasn’t willing to be late for Neil, and I’m not going to be late for you either.”

 

The medium laughed a little at that, speeding up his steps.

 

***

 

Neil finally showed up halfway through second period English class, his only shared class with Norman that year.  Norman had been texting Dipper under his desk (though he was generally a good student, sometimes he couldn’t help himself) when his best friend slid into the seat next to him and immediately put his head down on the desk with a groan.

 

“Good morning to you, too,” Norman looked over, frowning a little.  

 

Neil looked  _ awful _ .  His skin was pale and sickly.  His red curls, which were messy even on good days, were sticking out all over the place.  His eyes were puffy, with dark circles under them.  Norman was used to seeing all this on his own reflection, but not on Neil.   _ Never _ on Neil.

 

“Did you sleep at all last night?” His frown only grew.

 

“No,” Neil croaked out.  Well, at least he was being honest.

 

The teacher turned to glare in their general direction, and Norman waited for her to go back to writing on the board before whispering:

 

“Neil, is everything okay?  It’s not like you to pull an all-nighter.”

 

“No,” the redhead repeated.  “I woulda called you, but I figured you wanted to be with your special guest.”  He yawned.  “Who was it, anyway?”

 

Norman felt a pang of guilt in his chest.  That was just like Neil, to suffer in silence so that Norman could have a good time with Pacifica.

 

“Uh, Pacifica, she’s a friend from Oregon,” he answered, watching as his best friend struggled to keep brown eyes open.  “But, I mean- Neil, if something’s wrong and you think I can help, I want you to call me.  I don’t mind, really-”

 

“Hey, what do ghosts look like?”

 

From anyone else, this question would have thrown Norman off.  From Neil, a non-sequitur was not that unusual.

 

“Like normal people,” Norman ran a hand through his hair.  “You know, other than the deathly pallor and an otherworldly green glow.  But besides that, they look just like normal people.”

 

“Oh…”

 

“Why?” he frowned.

 

“I thought the blue lady in my house was a ghost,” Neil yawned again, and looked as if he might fall asleep then and there, “but I guess not.”

 

Norman poked him in the side to keep him awake.  “What blue lady?”

 

“I dunno.  She showed up last night at my house and won’t stop screaming.”

 

That raised way more questions than it answered.  Norman was about to ask more about the mysterious, screaming “blue lady”, but Neil had already fallen asleep.

 

Their English teacher never even noticed.

 

***

 

As soon as he was able, Norman had texted Dipper about the “blue lady”.  Within a few minutes, Dipper had texted back,  _ “As soon as I get home, I’ll check every book I have.  Promise.” _ While it eased some of Norman’s worries about Neil that Dipper was willing to help, no questions asked, the rest of the school day passed rather slowly.  He didn’t even remember that it was his birthday for half of it.  All he really wanted to do was figure out this mystery before anyone got hurt.

 

He briefly wondered if this was how Dipper had felt on pretty much every case they had solved together over the years.

 

When he got home, his mother reminded him, “Don’t forget we’re going to be having a special birthday dinner tonight as a family!  Pacifica is invited too, of course.”

 

Other than a quick thank you, Norman barely acknowledged her as he sped upstairs to tell Pacifica about the “blue lady”.

 

“Pacifica-” he burst into Courtney’s room, but was quickly cut off by his sister, who was sitting on the bed with his rich friend.  The older girl was painting her toenails, while Pacifica herself was unloading beauty products out of a shopping bag onto the nightstand.

 

“Oh.  My god.  Why have you been keeping her a secret from me?  I think I might steal her away from you!” Courtney said with a smirk, gesturing over to a corner piled high with shopping bags.  Apparently Pacifica had taken her instructions to distract Courtney rather seriously.

 

“Get over here,” Pacifica demanded, scooting over a little on the bed.  “I bought this new hair cream I want to try on you.”

 

“I- Wait, what?” Norman was a little thrown off by this request, momentarily forgetting what he wanted to tell her, though he did come and sit next to her.

 

“I’m  _ not _ going to let your stupid hair beat me - I  _ will _ tame it,” the rich girl sounded as determined and competitive as ever as she began to rub the stuff in his hair.  It smelled minty.  

 

(It didn’t feel as good as when Dipper played with his hair.)

 

“Pacifica-” he started again, but once again his sister had to speak over him:

 

“Pacifica showed me pictures of you and Dipper by the way.  Why didn’t you tell me he  _ totally _ filled out?!  I mean, he’s no  _ hunk _ , obvi, but he’s, like,  _ way _ cuter than the last time I saw him.  You’ve got better taste than I thought.”

 

“ _ Courtney _ ,” Norman blushed a little at the frank way his sister was talking about his boyfriend.

 

“Whaaaat?  I’m just being honest!”

 

Pacifica pulled her hands out of Norman’s hair and wiped them on the rag Courtney was painting her toes over.  

 

“Okay, now let that sit for five minutes or so, and we’ll see if it does anything.  It can’t be worse than the time Mabel and I tried to braid it.”

 

“She showed me pictures of that too,” Courtney grinned.  Norman rolled his eyes.

 

“I should have known you two would hit it off,” he muttered. 

 

“I can’t believe  _ you _ two did!” his sister’s grin only grew.  “She’s totally not like your  _ other _ friends.  Too bad you’re not dating her instead, I’d like to see more of her sometime.”

 

Norman only glared.  Pacifica cleared her throat, and replied before he could:

 

“Yeah,  _ that’s _ never gonna happen.”

 

“Why, you think you’re too good for my brother?” Courtney smirked.

 

“Not too good, just too gay,” the rich blonde deadpanned, wiping the smirk of the Babcock girl’s face.

 

“Wow, really?” the older girl looked thoughtful for a moment.  Norman was about to comment, but stopped, confused by a sudden unfamiliar sensation on his neck.   _ What _ …?

 

“What?  Do I not ‘look gay’ or whatever?”  Pacifica frowned, and didn’t take notice as her friend brought his hand up to the back of his head.

 

“I just have…  _ really _ shitty gaydar,” Courtney shrugged, turned to her brother - and gave out a little shriek.  “Oh my god, change it back, change it  _ back _ !”

 

“Wha-?” he was a little confused, watching as Pacifica’s head snapped up to look at him, her blue-green eyes widening.

 

“I can’t believe it  _ worked _ !  Mabel isn’t gonna  _ believe _ this!  Norman, hold still, let me get a photo!”

 

“No, he looks like the chick from the ‘Ring’ movies!  Wash it out!” 

 

It was only then that the medium figured out they were talking about his hair.  Was that what he was feeling on the back of his neck?  It must have been.  With a little wordless grumble, he slid off the bed and slinked to the bathroom.

 

Catching sight of himself in the bathroom mirror, he sighed and turned the sink on right away.  Courtney had not been exaggerating - it was the first time his hair had ever followed the laws of gravity, and frankly, he looked  _ ridiculous _ .  Ducking his head under the faucet to wash the mint-scented goop out, Norman heard the familiar alien-like tones of theme song of “The X-Files”.

 

That was Dipper’s ringtone.

 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and set it on the counter, putting it on speaker as he asked from under the faucet stream:

 

“Dipper, aren’t you in class?”

 

“Technically, I’m in the school bathroom right now,” the voice of his boyfriend replied.  “I couldn’t wait to get home to research this Blue Lady mystery.  But - hang on, is that water I hear?”

 

“Pacifica did my hair,” Norman explained.  “I’m washing it out.”

 

“You let her play with your hair?” The medium could hear a twinge of jealousy in Dipper’s voice.

 

“Dipper, is that why you called me?  To ask about Pacifica?”

 

“Right, right, the case!”  Of course Dipper would call it a case, like this really  was an episode of “The X-Files” or something.  “Listen, there are literally hundreds of possibilities that could cause the appearance of a ‘blue lady’.  I’m trying to narrow it down - did Neil say anything else about her?”

 

“Um,” Norman shut the faucet off, stood up, and shook his head quickly for a few seconds.  Much to his relief, his hair quickly sprung back up into its familiar vertical position.  “He mentioned that she wouldn’t stop screaming.”

 

“Screaming?” Dipper sounded thoughtful.  “I wonder if… hey, Neil wouldn’t happen to have any Irish in him, would he?”

 

“I think so...” Norman seemed to remember Neil telling him at some point.  “I think he’s like… a quarter Irish?  Why?”

 

“Norman,” Dipper’s voice suddenly sounded serious, and the medium felt his stomach dropped.  “Norman, you need to get over to his house right now.”

 

***

 

Pacifica had not been pleased when Norman, still on the phone with Dipper, had grabbed her off of Courtney’s bed and pulled her along on some paranormal adventure.  And Norman was vaguely aware of her complaining the whole way that she thought she’d “left that shit back in Gravity Falls”, although to Pacifica’s credit, she didn’t for one second refuse to follow him along.  Norman, at that moment, did not care about her complaining.  All that he was thinking was how desperate he was to get to the Downe house before it was too late.  Before the banshee - for that was what Dipper had determined the “blue lady” had to be - could literally scream Neil to death.

 

“And what exactly,” he was panting into the phone as he ran, “are we supposed to do when we get there?  I don’t know the first thing about banshees.  And I don’t think Pacifica does, either.”

 

The blonde shook her head, glaring straight ahead as she ran.  

 

“I’m trying to look it up!” Dipper was frantic, and Norman would have appreciated it if he wasn’t so frantic himself.

 

“I will cut this bitch’s head off myself if it means getting out of this sooner,” Pacifica grumbled.

 

“Dipper, Pacifica says-”

 

“I heard her,” the older boy’s voice was snappy, but Norman ignored it.  He could see Neil’s house up ahead.  They were almost there.  “Tell her that probably won’t be necessary.  You can’t kill a banshee by beheading it.”

 

“Then how  _ do _ we kill it?!” Pacifica demanded, loud enough that Dipper  _ had _ to hear her.

 

“Uh… You don’t.” 

 

“ _ What? _ ” Norman asked.

 

The line went dead as soon as they got to the Downe household.  Norman pulled his phone away and looked at the screen, which was suddenly malfunctioning to the point that it resembled TV static.  That definitely wasn’t a good sign.

 

“Great…” he muttered, then grabbed the doorknob, not even intending to bother with knocking first.  “Come on, Pacifica.”

 

“Visit your friend for his birthday, I thought.  Get a break from all this supernatural crap, it’ll be  _ fun _ ,” the blonde rolled her eyes, sarcasm positively  _ dripping _ from her words. “But this is just  _ fine _ , it’s not like we have no idea what we’re doing or anyth-”

 

The door opened, and the rest of her words were cut off by an unearthly wail emanating from deep inside the house.  Without even thinking about what he was doing - after all,  _ Neil  _ was in there - Norman ran in, towards the source of the noise.

 

It didn’t take long to follow the high-pitched, keening wail to the living room.  True to Neil’s earlier description, the creature floating in the centre of the room had a bluish tint to her, her long and stringy hair floating around her gaunt face like a halo.  Her eyes were a blank white, and her mouth, from what Norman can tell, had rows and rows of fangs all the way down, like a shark.

 

“Yikes.  She sounds even worse than the last Iggy Azalea single,” Pacifica snarked.

 

“Norman,” a familiar whisper got the medium’s attention, and he looked to see Neil hiding behind the couch and gesturing for Norman and Pacifica to join him.  

 

Unfortunately, Neil had not been subtle enough, and the whispering attracted the attention of the banshee as well.  Her wailing then escalated into a full-fledged scream, and if the teenagers had thought the wails sounded horrible, this was hundreds of times worse.  

 

A glass on the table completely shattered, and the entire room seemed to shake from the sheer force of the sound.  To his left, Norman witnessed Pacifica dropping to her knees and clutching the sides of her head in an attempt to block the awful sound out.  

 

“Stop that!” Norman could feel himself yelling, but couldn’t hear his own voice over the screaming.  “Leave Neil alone - what do you want with him, anyway?!”

 

Though he hadn’t been able to hear himself, she certainly seemed to, turning her entire head around to stare at him with those empty eyes.  The screaming lowered in volume to the groaning wail again, and Norman could hear Pacifica gagging a little from how horrid the all-consuming scream had been.  He stood his ground, and continued to glare, repeating:

 

“What do you want with my best friend?”

 

To his surprise, she answered, though he couldn’t understand a word of it:

 

“Beidh sé bás.  Beidh sé bás.  Beidh.  Sé.  Báaaa AAAAAAA !” The last word extended itself into another scream.

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Norman spotted Neil doing a rather clumsy tuck-and-roll out of the room and into the hallway.  He followed his best friend and watched him sprint into another room.  Neil was brave, Norman had to grant him that.

 

The banshee, having realised her chosen target was no longer in the room, floated out of the living room moaning softly.  She was slow, moving from room to room trying to sense Neil’s presence.

 

Norman went back into the living room to help Pacifica up.  His chest clenched up a little when he saw the blood trickling from her ears.  The sound of the banshee’s screams had clearly affected her more than him.  He wondered briefly if his ability to speak to the dead had anything to do with that.  Then again, banshees weren’t dead, were they?

 

“Pacifica, are you okay?” he held onto her arm in case she fell over again, though she seemed to be in no immediate danger of doing so.

 

“I’m going to go find your friend,” she nodded, pulling her arm away a little more roughly than she intended, and wiping the blood off her face with a grimace.  “You go outside and call Dipper back.”

 

“But-”

 

“Look, as long as she doesn’t start screaming again, I’ll be fine.  This is  _ not _ the time to argue with me, Norman!  Now go!”

 

Norman nodded.  Pacifica’s determination was rather admirable in times like this, after all.  He ran to the backyard, to the furthest corner from the house, and whipped out his phone with such desperate speed that he was fumbling not to drop it.  Predictably, once the screen was readable (though it still was rather glitchy), there was a series of increasingly-frightened texts from Dipper.

 

He placed the call to his boyfriend, not expecting Dipper to pick up right away, being that the older boy had to have still been in school.  Just as Norman had suspected, Dipper didn’t answer.  Less than twenty seconds later, he was calling Norman back.  The medium answered right away.

 

“Dipper, you were right.  It’s a banshee,” Norman neglected the usual small talk that came with phone conversations.  There wasn’t any time for that.  

 

“Are you okay, Norman?” 

 

Norman felt that strange little warm feeling in his chest.  It was somewhat of a relief that the first thing his boyfriend was concerned about was his well-being.  Despite the terror of the situation, he couldn’t help but blush a little at just how  _ caring _ Dipper really was.  

 

With the distance between them, it had been easy to start to forget that.

 

“Norman?  Are you still there?” the other boy’s voice snapped the medium out of his daze.

 

“Oh.  Right, yeah, I’m here,” Norman clarified.  “I’m okay.  The screaming is loud and annoying, but I think it hurts Pacifica and Neil more than it hurts me.  Pacifica’s ears were bleeding a little.”

 

“Really?” Dipper seemed a little surprised by that.  “Huh… I wonder if that’s significant…”

 

“So if we don’t kill it, what can we do?” Norman allowed a bit of urgency to seep into his voice, so that Dipper didn’t get  _ too _ lost in thought.

 

“As far as I can tell, most websites that deal with mythology and folklore like this recommend an incantation to banish the banshee to the Otherworld.   _ If _ you’re powerful enough to do it, that is.”  

 

“So what does that mean?”

 

“I’ll send you the screenshot I took.  Just chant the words at her.  If it doesn’t work, call me back and I’ll look for another way.”

 

“Wait,  _ me _ ?” the younger boy shook his head, although he was aware Dipper couldn’t see him.  “Dipper, I don’t know- I mean, I’ve never done anything like this before.”

 

“You said yourself that the screaming didn’t hurt you.  Norman, you  can do this.  Not for me, but for Neil, alright?”

 

Norman paused, trying to resign himself to this new development.  For Neil, he would try.  And for Dipper, who believed so strongly in him, even if Norman wasn’t quite sure where the hell that belief was coming from.

 

“Okay.  Send me the chant.”

 

They hung up, and once the text message was sent through, Norman did his best to commit the strange words to memory, knowing the phone would be useless once he got back into the house.  Muttering the strange words so he wouldn’t forget - and hoping desperately that he wasn’t mispronouncing them - he ran back into the house.

 

He found Neil and Pacifica under the kitchen table, smeared blood on both of their faces - Neil even seemed to have remnants of a nosebleed.  There was a small amount of broken glass on the countertops and floor, and Norman briefly wondered if the screaming had broken all the glasses in the house.  He hoped not.

 

“You two okay?” he whispered, trying not to alert the banshee to their presence just yet, though he could hear her groaning from another room in the house.

 

“Besides the bleeding and the exhaustion and that awful noise?” Pacifica rolled her eyes.  “Yeah.  We’re fine.”

 

“Ooh, and the waves of nausea,” Neil added sincerely to Pacifica’s sarcasm.  Norman wasn’t entirely sure if this was a symptom of his friend being sleepy, or if it was just Neil being Neil.  “Don’t forget those.”

 

He nodded.  “Stay here.  I’m going after her.”

 

“What?” Pacifica grabbed the fabric of the flannel he was still wearing.  “Norman, have you lost your damn mind?”

 

“Probably.  It can’t make things any  _ worse _ , though,” he shrugged her off before bolting out of the room.

 

The banshee was not hard to find.  She was in Neil’s bedroom, floating over his bed and slowly rotating just her head, as if looking for her chosen target.  The closet door and all the dresser drawers were wide open, and looked recently rummaged through.  Norman swallowed down feelings of hesitation and intimidation before trying to get her attention.

 

“H-hey you!” he began.  She stopped turning, and locked gaze with him once more.  “Um… B-bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo?”

 

The banshee did not flinch, but rather floated right past him back into the hallway, as if he wasn’t even there.  Norman followed her, repeating weakly:

 

“Bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo.”

 

It didn’t seem to be working at all.

 

She was heading for the kitchen.  He tried to grab at her, but missed, falling over a little as he again said the words.  “Bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo.”

 

It was too late.  The banshee had spotted his friends under the table.  Once again, she opened her mouth wide, showing the ungodly amount of fangs as the screams began again.

 

Once again, Norman was forced to watch as his friends doubled over in pain, clutching their ears in agony in an ill-fated attempt to block it out.  Not really thinking, he grabbed them both by the arms and pulled with all his being, trying to get them out of the room.

 

The banshee  _ really _ did not like that.

 

“ _ Tá sé mianach ! _ ” she yelled, extending an arm.  Her bluish aura suddenly appeared around Neil, and he began to float upwards from the ground, as if she was telepathically moving him towards her.  Which, Norman then realised, was exactly what she was doing.  He was running out of time.

 

“B-bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo,” he stammered again.  She didn’t react.

 

“What are you doing?” Pacifica hissed in his ear, leaning a little on him to keep herself up.  She looked a little nauseous from the soundwaves throwing off her equilibrium.

 

“It’s a chant to banish her,” Norman answered, watching with a growing sense of helplessness as Neil tumbled through the air slowly towards the banshee.  “Neil!”

 

“Don’t worry,” Neil forced a smile.  Norman could tell it was fake.  “I’ll get out of this… somehow…”

 

“If it’s a chant, you need to emote!” Pacifica’s voice got a little stronger.  “Say it again!”

 

“Um… Bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo.”

 

“Not like that!  Like this!  Bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo!”  The blonde sounded sure of herself.  “You can’t be afraid - If you sound like you mean business, your opponent will react as if you do.  So  _ yell  _ that shit!!”

 

He nodded.  At this point, he was too desperate to argue, and would try anything.

 

“Bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo!” He screamed.  This time, the banshee took notice, snapping her head back to meet his gaze.  

 

He stepped back a little, apprehensively, and felt a hand slip into his.  Turning to its source, he nodded at Pacifica - grateful she was there to keep him from getting afraid - and screamed again:

 

“Bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo!”  She dropped Neil to the floor with a dull thud.  Norman kept screaming, locking gaze with her, allowing more and more anger - how  _ dare _ she try to kill his best friend?! - to enter his voice. “Bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo!  Bain na biotáillí, nach mbaineann anseo!”

 

“Norman?” Neil asked, but the medium didn’t let up.

 

“Bain na biotáillí!  Nach mbaineann anseo!”

 

The banshee screamed one last time, but this time in fear rather than rage.  And then, she was gone in a white-hot flash of light.

 

Norman sat down on the floor, suddenly a little dizzy.  He couldn’t believe it had worked.

 

“Norman, that was amazing!” Neil gushed, punctuating this with a large yawn.

 

“Dude, take a nap,” Norman responded with a little laugh.  “You’ve earned it.”

 

“‘Kay,” Neil stood and stretched, starting to make his way to the living room.  “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

 

“Yes, you will.”

 

“It was nice meeting your friend.  You know, except for all the running for our lives stuff.  Oh, and happy birthday!”

 

“Go to sleep, Neil,” Norman shook his head fondly.

 

***

 

They walked into his birthday dinner, disheveled and exhausted, just as his mother was putting food on the table.  Norman had done his best to help Pacifica clean the blood off of her face, but some stubbornly remained both in her ears and on the fabric over her shoulders.  His mother gave them a questioning look.

 

“Where did you two go?” Sandra pulled out a chair for her son, and another for Pacifica right next to him.  “Norman, I told you dinner was at five, didn’t I?  I understand you want to take your girlfriend out when she’s here-”

 

“Girlfriend?” Courtney snorted.  “What are you talking about?  Norman has a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.”

 

Norman froze.   _ Shit _ .

 

“Very funny, Courtney,” Perry gave his daughter a  _ look _ .  

 

“I’m totes not joking!  You remember Dipper Pines, don’t you, Dad?  From a couple years ago, scrawny little weird kid?  Well, he like  _ totally _ filled out, and he and Norman are totally dating now!  Isn’t it the cutest thing?!  Creepy weirdo little dork love!”

 

“C-Courtney!” Norman finally found his voice to protest.  But the damage was done.

 

“Whaaaat?” Courtney continued.  “It’s true, isn’t it?  You’re wearing his shirt, and Pacifica showed me all those pictures of you two holding hands and-” She stopped suddenly, realisation entering her features. “Wait… Mom and Dad didn’t know yet?”

 

Norman sunk down a little in his seat and waited for the inevitable fallout. 

 

“Dipper Pines?” Perry sounded pretty much exactly how Norman had expected his dad to sound - a mix of shocked and incredulous, with a giant side of ‘my son is such a weirdo’.  Courtney shot her brother an apologetic look across the table.

 

“Perry,” Sandra chided, “calm down.  Remember your blood pressure.  I’m sure Dipper is a perfectly nice-”

 

“Dipper Pines,” Perry repeated, then suddenly gestured to Pacifica.  “Then who the hell is  _ she _ ?!”

 

“I’m…” Pacifica started, then pursed her lips.  Then, she started again, “I’m his boyfriend’s sister’s girlfriend...”

 

“Who wants salad?!” Sandra sounded a little  _ too _ peppy as she spoke before her husband could get another word in.  Norman groaned.  Some birthday.

 

Well, he supposed, all things considering, it could have been a lot worse.

 

***

 

Perry drove Pacifica to the airport the next morning on the way to his job.  (Or rather, out of the way, since the airport was a good deal further than his workplace.)  She’d offered to just call a cab - it wasn’t as if she couldn’t afford it - but of  _ course _ Sandra had insisted that after his behaviour at the dinner table, he just  _ had _ to.  

 

In fairness, once things had calmed down, dinner hadn’t been  _ that  _ bad, had it?  Sandra had even told Norman to invite his boyfriend to stay with them sometime.  Perry still had his doubts - he remembered Dipper as a weird smelly kid obsessed with the paranormal.  That kind of person did not sound like a good influence on his son.  But he didn’t tell Pacifica that, of course.  What he did say, as she opened the door to step out of the car, was:

 

“You have a nice flight, Pacifica.”

 

It didn’t hurt to be polite, after all.

 

Pacifica looked at him, then hesitated.  Then she answered, “Yeah, listen.  If I give you money, will you just, like…  _ not _ be mad at Norman?”

 

He paused, then looked down at the steering wheel and groaned, “...why couldn’t he have been dating you?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the longest chapters in the story. Not even gonna lie, Norman and Pacifica interacting is one of my favourite things to write.


	7. The Guide to Meeting the Parents

_ Tip #7: Seriously, just be yourself. Yes, it’s cliché.  But clichés are clichés for a reason. _

 

***

 

Dipper’s eyes scanned the crowds of the airport floor.  It had taken some convincing - and more than a little bribery in the form of unsavoury chores - to get his parents to allow him to take Pacifica up on her offer to send him to Blithe Hollow for a week at the end of October.  It had taken even more convincing to get his teachers to send him off with the homework he’d be missing over the course of that week.  

 

All that grovelling and cleaning had been worth it, though, because here he was in Massachusetts, ready to take this whole relationship thing to the next level by meeting Norman’s parents.  And that, Dipper felt, was a  _ big deal _ .  That meant things were  _ serious _ , right?  Boyfriends didn’t just say “my parents want to meet you” if the relationship wasn’t  _ serious _ .  

 

And so he continued to look around, wondering if Mr. and Mrs. Babcock looked the same as they had the summer that the whole family had come to visit Gravity Falls, and hoping desperately that he’d given Norman the right arrival time.  For some reason, his heart was pounding.  His palms were sweating.  (He was grateful that his left arm was no longer in the cast so that he could wipe both of his sweaty palms on his jeans, though it didn’t help the pounding heart issue very much.)

 

He didn’t have to look long.  After a few minutes, a familiar voice behind him said, in a  _ very _ joking tone:

 

“Come here often?”

 

Dipper couldn’t keep the big, stupid grin from spreading across his face as he turned around and  _ propelled _ himself at Norman, who almost fell over from the force of the hug.  For the moment - just for that moment - Dipper didn’t care that they were in public.  Hell, it was an airport - people probably  _ expected _ this sort of behaviour in an airport.  

 

“Norman!  I missed you so much - I know I tell you that pretty much every night, but I don’t think you even know how much I missed you,” Dipper was rambling, as he clung to his boyfriend.

 

“I think I may have  _ some  _ idea,” Norman’s mouth turned up in the corners, a lopsided little smirk at his boyfriend’s babbling.  “Come on, Dip, let’s get your suitcase before someone steals it.”

 

“Dude, where are your parents?”

 

It was Norman’s turn to grin, now, as he pulled his wallet out of his pocket and flashed his brand new driver’s license.  He’d only had it for a couple of days.

 

“ _ What? _ ” Dipper grabbed it.  “You didn’t tell me!  Not fair, Norman; I told you when I got my cast off!”

 

The medium laughed a little.  “I... wanted to surprise you?”

 

“This is an awful picture of you, you know,” the older boy continued to scrutinise the license.  “You’re way cuter in real life.”

 

“Shut up,” Norman blushed and grabbed his wallet away from his boyfriend, shoving it back into his jeans.

 

“You are, though,” Dipper grinned again, poking the other boy’s reddened cheeks obnoxiously.  He was definitely only doing it to get a rise out of Norman now.  “Especially when you blush like that. You might as well just accept it now, because let me tell you, there’s gonna be a lot of that this week.  You don’t get complimented enough.   _ I’m _ gonna fix that.”

 

Partially to shut Dipper up, and partially because it had been nearly two months and that was long enough to wear down even Norman’s normally-reserved nature, the younger boy leaned down and kissed his boyfriend.  It lasted all of two seconds, but it had the desired dual effect of shutting Dipper up  _ and _ satisfying a craving Norman hadn’t liked having thrust upon him after the end of summer.

 

“Uh… s-sorry…” he muttered, looking away.

 

“Don’t be,” the older boy finally saw his suitcase on the conveyor belt - it was hard to miss the custom luggage tags Mabel had made him - and grabbed it.  “I, uh… I like it when you do stuff like that.”

 

“You do?”

 

“ _ Yeah _ , I do,” Dipper shoved his arm a little.  “Don’t act so surprised.  Is it really some huge shock or whatever that I like it when my boyfriend kisses me?  Really?”

 

“Dipper, shut  _ up _ ,” Norman rolled his eyes again, not quite managing to keep the smile off of his face.  

 

_ God _ , Dipper had missed this.

 

***

 

At the very outskirts of Blithe Hollow, there stood an abandoned house, the windows boarded up and the lawn overgrown.  This wasn’t the best part of town, far from it, and local middle schooler Shannon Cooper looked up at it in hesitation.

 

She’d heard the rumours about it being haunted by malevolent spirits - who  _ hadn’t _ , in Blithe Hollow?  They weren’t any weirder than the rumours about that spikey-haired kid who could summon zombies, were they?  Still, she could feel her heart pounding hard enough to burst out of her ribcage.

 

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” she asked her friend Allison, a scared sort of awe entering her voice.  She clutched the black candles in her hand a little tighter.   _ God _ , this was such a horror movie cliché!  She hated this.

 

“Come  _ on _ , Shannon, don’t be such a chicken!” Allison laughed in her friend’s face.  “Besides, Sierra  _ dared _ us to!”

 

Shannon took a breath, and followed Allison up to the door of the house.  She could do this.  She could.  She could make Sierra see how cool she was, how much she was definitely  _ not _ \- what was it Sierra had called her? - oh, yes, a ‘scared, strange little baby’.

 

Shannon could do this.  After all...

 

What was the worst that could happen?

 

***

 

“Dude, off the  _ roof ? _ !” Norman was cracking up.  Dipper  _ had _ to be bullshitting him, he just  _ had _ to.  “I don’t believe you for a second.  Your parents would never let you.”

 

“I’m serious!  My mom even times me!” Dipper mimed operating a stopwatch.  “So far, my best time is only twenty-six seconds, but I’m working on getting the strength in this arm back up to what it was before I broke it.”

 

“In what situation would you ever need to hang off a roof for longer than twenty-six seconds?” The medium still couldn’t help but laugh.  No one made him laugh quite like Dipper did.  He’d missed it.

 

“Last time you got yourself into trouble, I had to hang off a tree root to avoid falling into an eternal void,” Dipper said, rather overdramatically.  “Next time, I’d like to be prepared.”

 

“Oh?  Are you implying there’s going to be a next time?”

 

“W-what?  No!  No, definitely not, not if I can help it.  But it doesn’t hurt to be prepared!”

 

“Twenty-six seconds,” Norman teased.  “Even  _ I _ could probably beat twenty-six seconds.”

 

“Hey, I’ve only been out of the cast for, like, a week.  Besides, it’s harder than it looks,” the older boy got a little defensive.  “Twig arms like yours?  Probably couldn’t even break twenty seconds.”

 

Maybe it was the fact that his giddiness at seeing his boyfriend in the flesh was impairing his judgment.  Maybe some of Pacifica’s competitive nature was rubbing off on him, causing him to feel challenged at Dipper’s words.  Or maybe Norman just wasn’t thinking things through.  But the next words out of his mouth would be, in hindsight, a  _ spectacularly _ stupid decision:

 

“Wanna bet?  Five bucks says I can top your best time.”

 

“You don’t have a trampoline to put under your roof.  It wouldn’t be safe,” Dipper grinned.  

 

“Courtney has some old exercise mats stored in her closet.  Or are you scared you won’t beat me?”

 

“You think I’ll agree to your stupid bet just because you call me scared, Norm?”

 

Norman didn’t say anything, but gave Dipper a very pointed look.  The older boy looked towards the window and shrugged.

 

“Alright.  But it’s your funeral.”

 

“I’ll go get the mats,” he grinned, jumping up off of his bed and heading to Courtney’s room.  She was a full state away in Stoneybrook right now, so she wouldn’t even notice if he took her mats.  And he figured they had a good fifteen to twenty minutes before his parents got home from the grocery store.

 

Norman consciously ignored the small voice in the back of his mind, the one telling him that this was probably one of the dumber things he had ever done for Dipper.  And over the years, he had done a  _ lot _ of dumb things for Dipper’s sake.

 

He couldn’t ignore the voice that sounded behind him as he rummaged through his sister’s closet to grab the mats she used to practice cheer stunts on:

 

“You are aware that this is both dangerous and stupid, right?” sarcasm tinged his grandmother’s disembodied voice.

 

“Maybe,” he shrugged.  “I, uh… I guess I like when he gets enthusiastic about something like that, though.  It’s not the most dangerous thing I’ve ever done.”

 

“Are you trying to convince me?  Or yourself?” Grandma Babcock saw right through him.  “Just because your boyfriend has a cute butt doesn’t mean you jump up and do every dangerous thing he suggests.”

 

“ _ G-grandma _ !” Norman blushed in shock.

 

“What?  He does.  Just because I’m not ordering doesn’t mean I can’t look at the menu.”

 

“Grandma, oh my god,” he shoved all the mats he could carry under his arm, and hurried outside to set them up before she could say anymore.

 

***

 

“I’m not saying that you have to automatically be best friends,” Sandra was speaking to her husband as he turned the car onto their street.  “But for Norman’s sake, I  _ do _ want you to try and be nice.  I don’t want another repeat of his birthday dinner, and I’m sure Dipper has grown up a lot since we last saw him.  After all, Norman did.”

 

“I can be civil, Sandra,” Perry rolled his eyes.  “But Norman could have told us he got himself a boyfriend months ago.  I just don’t understand why he felt the need to keep it a secret.  Something is just fishy, that’s all.”  

 

“Maybe he was afraid we’d be homophobic.  I watch ‘Glee’, Perry, I know how hard this whole ‘it’s okay to be gay’ thing can be on teenaged boys.”

 

“Homophobic?!  When have I ever said anything that at all indicates I wouldn’t love my own son just the way he is?!  I don’t care that Dipper is a boy - I care that he seems to want to be the next Peter Venkman, and I don’t think someone like that is a very good influence on Norman!”

 

“Be  _ nice _ , Perry,” Sandra repeated as they pulled into the driveway.

 

Walking into the house, Perry was a bit surprised to find all was silent.  He’d expected to find the two boys watching some awful old horror movie in the living room. 

 

“Norman?!” he called up the stairs.  “Come outside and help your mother bring in the groceries!”

 

No reply.  Perry’s eyes narrowed.

 

He walked into the kitchen just in time to hear the loud  ‘ _ fthwump’ _ coming from the backyard, followed by peals of laughter and an unfamiliar voice exclaiming, “I  _ told _ you so!” 

 

He rushed outside just in time to witness his son laughing on a stack of Courtney’s exercise mats, directly beneath another boy - that must have been Dipper; he even still wore that same stupid pine tree hat from all those years ago - who was _ hanging off his roof , _ yelling down to Norman:

 

“What am I at now?! Think I can top a minu-”

 

“ _ Norman! ” _ Perry thundered his son’s name.  Dipper dropped to the mats below in shock, and Sandra soon scampered outside at the sound of her husband’s yelling.  “Just  _ what _ do you think you’re doing?!”

 

The boys exchanged deer-in-headlights expressions, and Dipper shot up.

 

“I’m so, so,  so sorry, Mr. Babcock,” the older boy was suddenly apologetic - Perry didn’t buy into it for a second.  “I-it was my idea, I talked him into it-”

 

“Dipper, don’t,” Norman was suddenly right behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.  “I egged him on, Dad.  It was a stupid idea, I know, but-”

 

“Groceries!” Sandra exclaimed brightly.   _ Too _ brightly.  Perry knew exactly what his wife was doing, and he didn’t appreciate it, but she continued anyway.  “There are groceries in the back of the car.  I’d really appreciate help unloading them.”

 

Perry had never seen two teen boys run to help unload groceries so quickly.  And he certainly had never seen a glare the likes of which Sandra gave him as soon as Norman and Dipper were out of sight.

 

***

 

Dipper was completely freaking out.  Norman was ignoring his grandmother’s eyerolls and “I told you so”s as he tried to calm his boyfriend down some, but even he knew trying to calm him entirely was a lost cause.  He’d been at it for at least an hour, after all.

 

“Your dad hates me,” Dipper just kept saying as he paced back and forth, nervously running his hands through his hair.  “He hates me.  He completely hates me.”

 

“Dipper,” Norman sighed, trying to think of what he could say that he hadn’t already said over the course of the last hour.  “My dad is just… like that, sometimes.  Honestly, knowing him, he was probably looking for a reason to dislike you.  He, uh… He was  _ really _ disappointed I wasn’t dating Pacifica.”

 

“Oh, so he’s comparing me to  _ Pacifica _ !  Wonderful!” Dipper let out one of those desperate, nervous laughs that meant nothing about the situation was in any way funny.  “That makes it just  _ great _ that he hates me, doesn’t it?”

 

“Come on, Dip…”

 

“He  _ hates _ me!”

 

“Yes, I heard you the first seventy times,” the medium muttered, before standing up and walking to stand in front of Dipper to stop the older boy from pacing any more.  He grabbed Dipper’s sweating hands out of his hair and held them down between the two of them, looking his boyfriend in the eyes as he said, “Look, what happened, happened.  You can’t dwell on it the whole week, okay?”

 

“But what if he forbids you from seeing me ever again?!”

 

“Then I will drive to California myself.  Neil will cover for me.  Trust me, it’s gonna take more than that to keep me away from you,” he allowed himself a small smile down at his boyfriend, more for Dipper’s benefit than his own.  “And we’ve got a whole week before that becomes a problem.”

 

“A whole week,” Dipper repeated.  He was clearly thinking something.  Norman was still trying to determine if that was a good thing or not, when the older boy opened his mouth again. “I… I can do this.”

 

“Yes,” the medium nodded, relieved. “Yes, you can.”

 

“I can  _ definitely _ come up with a great, detailed plan to win your parents over in a week.”

 

“Wait, no, that wasn’t what I meant-”

 

“Boys!” Sandra’s voice called up the stairs before Norman could tell Dipper why one of his plans was a terrible idea.  “Dinner’s ready!”

 

Norman sighed, resigned.  What was the worst that could happen, right? 

 

***

 

Neil had gotten his driver’s license the same day Norman had.  They’d gone to the DMV together, in fact, though they were unable to get Salma to tag along as well.  Like his older brother before him, Neil had taken a liking to joyrides.  Even when his parents asked him to perform a simple task - say, picking up some aspirin from the drugstore - he tended to take side streets home, enjoying the journey.

 

Currently, he had just turned onto Maple Street, wondering when the clear day had suddenly turned all grey and blustery, when out of the blue two younger girls came running out of a run-down house with an overgrown lawn.  They looked frightened, with tears running down their cheeks.  Neil pulled over and reached across the passenger seat to roll down the window on that side.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked.  The shorter one was sobbing too hard to speak, clinging to her friend, who replied:

 

“Th-there’s a  _ ghost _ in there!  He tried to kill us, oh my god!”

 

Neil gestured for the girls to get in his car, which they did, gratefully.

 

“I’ll take you home, okay?” he smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring fashion, not telling them that he fully intended to drive right back to Maple Street afterwards.  And he knew just who to text for back-up.  Before driving off, he whipped out his phone and typed the message to Norman:

 

“There’s a ghost in that old house on Maple. Wanna meet me here to deal with it?”

 

***

 

All of Norman’s secret hopes about dinner going alright were dashed as soon as Dipper nervously blurted out to Sandra, “I can see where Norman gets his good looks from!  Eheheh…”

 

Somehow, from there, things only got worse.

 

“ _ So _ ,” Perry was cutting his chicken a little  _ too _ vigourously as he glared across the table. “I understand you’re into all that freaky stuff that Norman sees.  Is that how you two hit it off?”

 

“Dad, please don’t-” Norman began, but next to him Dipper responded - a bit more higher pitched than normally in his nervousness - with:

 

“O-of course not!  I mean, not that I’m turned off by all that stuff- n-not that I’m turned  on by that stuff, I mean it’s just kind of  _ there _ , you know?”

 

“It’s ‘just kind of there’.” If possible, Perry’s glare got even more intense.

 

“You know what, Mrs. Babcock, this chicken is  _ fantastic _ ,” Dipper avoided eye contact.

 

Norman wished very hard that the ground would open up and swallow him alive.  The ground stubbornly refused to do so.

 

“Dipper, I think what Perry  _ meant  _ to ask is when you decided you and Norman were, you know… compatible.  Isn’t that  _ right _ , Perry?”  Sandra gave one of her big smiles in an attempt to salvage the situation.  As if the situation was salvageable.  

 

Perry snorted and grumbled, “Yeah, Sandra,  _ that’s _ what I wanted to ask.”

 

“Perry, that tone of voice is  _ not _ appreciated.” she glared at her husband before turning her smile on Dipper, who was clenching and unclenching his fists over and over.  “Dipper?”

 

“Uh… I… I guess after I, uh, broke my wrist?”

 

Well, Norman reflected, he had to give Dipper points for creativity.  At least it wasn’t technically a lie.

 

“How’d you break your wrist?” Perry didn’t miss a beat.  “Did you fall off a roof you were hanging off of?”

 

Norman groaned audibly, not even bothering trying to be subtle about his displeasure anymore.

 

“I-!” Dipper stammered, eyes darting around the room as if the best possible answer to that question would be found on the walls of the Babcock home.

 

“He fell wrong,” the medium cut in before his boyfriend or his father could say anything to make the situation even more awkward and terrible.  His father didn’t really need to know that Dipper had fallen wrong in a misguided attempt to protect  _ him _ from the supernatural.  “It could have happened to anyone.”

 

“Right,” the older boy attempted to flash a grin, though in his nervousness it came off more as a frightened grimace than an easygoing smile.  “Hey, uh, you know, Mrs. Babcock, if you need help with the dishes after dinner, I can one hundred per cent do that!  Back in California they call me ‘Dishwashin’ Dipper’!”

 

“Literally no one calls you that, and you hate doing dishes,” Norman muttered.  His boyfriend ignored him, other than a nudge to his leg under the table.

 

“Oh?  Isn’t that  _ nice _ , Perry?” Sandra smiled at that offer.  

 

Her husband was  _ not _ won over.  Not even a little bit.  He just continued to glare, reaching for the shakers to put some more pepper on his chicken, and perhaps shaking it just a little  too energetically in his anger.

 

And then, just when it didn’t seem as if things could possibly get worse, the universe apparently decided to have even more of a laugh at their expense.  Because it was then that the worst possible thing that could have happened, happened.

 

Dipper sneezed.

 

The whole table went silent, and Norman witnessed his boyfriend’s face immediately changing colour into that bright, embarrassed shade of blush-red.

 

“Was that-?” Perry started to ask, but Dipper immediately cut him off with an emphatic:

 

“No!  That was nothing, a-absolutely nothing at all!  I didn’t hear a thing.  Norman, did you hear anything?  I sure didn’t!”

 

“You sneeze just like a kitten!” Sandra gushed.  Norman was sure his mother  _ meant _ well, but it certainly wasn’t the right thing to tell the older teen.  Dipper’s face fell noticably.

 

“I’ve seen enough,” Perry said ominously.

 

“Dad-”

 

“Norman, if you really  _ have _ to be different - as usual - and date a guy, couldn’t you have picked someone a little more… I don’t know,  _ manly _ ?”

 

“Oh, god, you  _ really _ shouldn’t have said that,” the medium pinched the bridge of his crooked nose.

 

As if on cue, Dipper shot up, anger now flooding his features.  Momentarily forgetting whatever disastrous plan he evidently had about the night, he shouted, “For your information, I can bench press almost two hundred pounds!  Hell, I could probably bench press your son!”

 

“No one is bench pressing me!” Norman exclaimed.  Everyone at the table went quiet and turned to him.  He sighed, and hesitated for a few seconds, trying to choke down whatever anger he felt at the situation.  When he felt he could speak calmly again, he turned to Dipper and instructed, “Dipper, please go upstairs.”

 

The older boy looked a little aghast, and a lot more embarrassed about his outburst.  “I still have to help your mom with the dishes.”

 

“ _ Please _ go upstairs,” the medium repeated.  Dipper only nodded and complied with his boyfriend’s request, all too happy to get out of there.  

 

As soon as the Pines boy was out of the room, Norman turned to his father and mustered up the fiercest glare he could manage.  (He made a mental note to ask Pacifica to teach him how to give a  _ really _ scary glare in the future.)  

 

“You couldn’t even try to be nice, Dad?”

 

“Perry-” Sandra began, but her husband cut her off:

 

“Norman, I don’t trust him for a second.  You saw him tonight; kid’s a total phony.”

 

“You didn’t even give him a chance,” the medium replied, forcing himself to stay calm, or at least trying to.  “He’s not normally like that, but he’s trying really,  _ really _ hard, okay?”

 

“I’m trying to look out for you - I don’t think he’s good for you!”

 

“Look,” Norman said, “for reasons that I don’t fully understand, he desperately wants your approval, and that’s why he isn’t acting like himself.  But you know what?  At least he’s trying.  I get that you’ve decided from the get-go not to like him, but, I mean, _ god _ , you could have put in a tiny bit of effort!  Maybe you would have actually gotten along.  I just… I just wish you had even a scrap of faith in the fact that I know what’s ‘good’ for me.  And that’s Dipper, whether or not you ‘approve’.  Okay?”

 

His dad didn’t seem to have anything to say to that, at least not right away. Norman took the opportunity to leave the table so he could deal with the other side of the argument.

 

After his son had left the room, Perry turned to his wife to exchange looks with her, but all she told him was:

 

“You know, Perry, maybe  _ you _ should do the dishes tonight.”

 

***

 

Dipper was sitting on the bed, frantically writing in a notebook when Norman got into the room.  The younger boy didn’t even bother to ask what was going on.  He knew right away.

 

“Dipper, stop.  Put the notebook down.  No plans, no drafting, no freaking out - seriously, just be yourself.”

 

“Don’t spit clichés at me, man.  Making plans  is being myself,” Dipper responded.

 

“No, making plans is refusing to face your fears, which makes you act different,” Norman sighed - he’d really had enough of this night - and held his hand out.  “Dip - whatever that was down there?  Complimenting my mom’s appearance and offering to do the dishes?  That’s not you.  Now, give me the notebook.”

 

“No.  I have to get the rest of this week  _ perfect _ ,” the older boy was stubborn as ever.

 

“Dipper.  Listen to me.  It doesn’t matter to me if my parents approve of you.   _ I  _ approve of you, and I like being with you, okay?”

 

“It matters to me, though.  It matters to me a lot.  Because- because what’ll it be like for you when I’m not here to protect you?!”

 

Norman paused.  “I don’t think it’ll be much different from normal.  Contrary to popular belief, I  _ can _ take care of myself, you know.”

 

Dipper didn’t respond to that, choosing instead to keep writing in his notebook.  The medium sighed with resignation.  From where it was on the charger, his phone suddenly buzzed.  Pulling it off - 83% was good enough for now - he was somewhat surprised to see a string of texts from Neil, the latest of which describing floating objects in that old house on Maple Street that looked like it was destined to become a crack den.

 

He shot back a quick reply to say he’d be there soon, threw the phone down on the bed next to Dipper, and went to grab a jacket.  He’d walk - Maple Street wasn’t that far, and Neil could handle a simple poltergeist for a few minutes.  They were annoying, but they weren’t the most dangerous things out there by far.  Besides, Norman needed to clear his head a little.  

 

“Where are you going?” Dipper looked up.

 

“Poltergeist,” Norman explained.  “Don’t worry about it.  I know how much you hate them.  I’ll take care of it and be back in fifteen.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah.  Just keep working on your list.  Since that’s what _ matters _ to you,” he rolled his eyes and left his boyfriend on his bed to draft up his stupid plan.

 

***

 

The walls inside the house on Maple Street were oozing red liquid - blood? - now, like out of a movie that Neil could have sworn Norman had shown him once.  He couldn’t remember the title.

 

“‘Update’,” Neil muttered out loud to himself as he typed the words into his phone, “‘the walls are bleeding.’”  He sent the message out and looked around.  

 

So far, he had eluded the ghost, trying to keep it busy until Norman could get there.  He hadn’t actually  _ seen _ the spirit, other than catching glimpses out of the corner of his eye of something impossibly black and formless.  What he  _ had _ done was smelled an awful smell, like rotting eggs or something, that seemed to permeate the entire house.

 

He checked his phone.  No reply.  Neil could hear a slow thumping from down the hall.  It was only a matter of time before the ghost - if that’s what it was - found him again.  Kind of like a high-stakes game of hide and seek, the ginger boy reflected.  Then, he shook his head - this wasn’t the time or place for a thought like  _ that _ .

 

“Norman, where the heck  _ are _ you?”

 

***

 

Grandma Babcock was beginning to get  _ extremely _ frustrated with the boy on her grandson’s bed, cute butt or no cute butt.

 

Firstly, Dipper was still working on his plan that, from what she had seen over his shoulder, would likely  _ never _ work with Perry.  

 

Secondly, her grandson had, in his frustration, left his phone on the bed.  Dipper didn’t even seem to notice it vibrating periodically.  He was too caught up with his planmaking.  The ghostly old woman was beginning to see exactly why Norman had gotten so frustrated.

 

Thirdly, the messages popping up on the phone screen periodically were increasingly distressing.  Bleeding walls?  Shadow figures?  The smell of rotten eggs?  Not that she was an expert or anything, but Grandma Babcock had never heard of a poltergeist who could cause  _ that _ .

 

She wished  she had become a poltergeist herself, so that she could throw the damn phone at Dipper’s head.  Or at least do  _ something _ to make him pay attention.  Dealing with the living was such a pain in the ass.

 

Norman’s cell phone vibrated again, and again Dipper didn’t appear to notice.

 

“Look at the phone, for Pete’s sake!” Grandma Babcock yelled, though she already knew it was no use.  Though he wouldn’t feel it as anything more than a sudden cold burst of air, she attempted to shove him anyway - more to let off steam of her own than in any attempt to get him to pay attention.

 

Predictably, Dipper shivered a little and absentmindedly brought his left hand up to his face.  When he placed it back at his side, however, it brushed the phone.  

 

“Oh,  _ now _ you notice,” Grandma Babcock rolled her eyes.  Norman had always gone on about how smart Dipper was, but for someone so smart, he sure was dense as a rock!

 

Dipper’s brow furrowed as he scrolled through the messages.  Then, something seemed to register in his brain.  Grandma Babcock watched as he jumped up and ran to his luggage, pulling out an old red journal with a six-fingered gold hand emblem on the cover.  

 

He flipped through the pages frantically until he landed on a specific one.  She watched some more as his eyes widened and he exclaimed:

 

“... _ shit! _ ”

 

***

 

Norman had only been there for under a minute when he figured it out.

 

The smell of sulfur?  The bleeding walls?  It just didn’t add up - until the apparition had appeared in front of him not with a familiar green aura, but with completely black eyes.

 

It wasn’t a ghost at all.

 

“Neil?” his voice shook as he spoke to his best friend.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“ _ Run _ .”

 

***

 

Dipper found Mr. and Mrs. Babcock downstairs on their couch watching some movie.  All his plans to get them to like him, all his careful ideas of what to do and what to say, were the furthest thing from his mind now.  All the Pines boy cared about was getting Norman out of danger as soon as possible, his own reputation be damned.

 

“Where’s Maple Street?!” he demanded, causing the two adults in the room to jump a little before turning to face him.

 

“Why?” Perry glared at him suspiciously.  Dipper groaned.  He didn’t have  _ time _ for explanations!

 

“Norman went to deal with some ghost there, only I think it’s not a ghost, and I have to go back him up - just give me directions so I can run over there as fast as possible and I’ll be out of your hair!”

 

Sandra stood up and offered him a smile, albeit a slightly-uneasy one, as she said, “Nonsense - We can drive you there, okay?”

 

“What?” Perry grabbed his wife’s arm, intending to coax her into sitting back down.  Instead, she pulled her arm away and shot him a  look .

 

“Perry, he doesn’t know his way around town,” she whispered.  “I’m not going to let him get himself hopelessly lost - he’s a child!”

 

“...Fine.  But  _ I’m _ driving.”  Perry turned to Dipper, who wore an expression of undisguised anguish.  “Get in the car, kid.”

 

Dipper ran out to the car without reply, Perry and Sandra shortly behind him.  

 

The drive over to Maple Street took under ten minutes.  Dipper didn’t try to make conversation with the Babcocks - he wasn’t even thinking about that - but instead spent the whole time using a pen found on the floor of the car to hastily copy something from his phone screen onto his left arm, just in case his phone started to malfunction once they arrived.  

 

If his suspicions were correct…

 

He didn’t have time to finish the thought.  The car turned onto Maple Street and Dipper saw the house with its overgrown lawn and boarded up windows.  Perry didn’t even get to a complete stop before he opened the door and jumped out, running towards the door.  He could vaguely hear Perry making some snide comment about him not saying ‘thank you’, but Dipper put it in the back of his mind to be dealt with later.  There was no time right now.

 

The front door opened before he got up to it, and Norman - along with a bigger boy who Dipper recognised from a few Skype chats as Neil - burst out of the house.

 

“Norman!” Dipper yelled out, catching his boyfriend mid-run.  “It’s not a ghost, it’s a-”

 

“I know!” Norman looked him in the eyes, and opened his mouth to say something else, but his voice was drowned out by the screams of the damned as a thick, black smoke poured out of the house with enough force to knock all three boys down -  _ hard _ .

 

Dipper was the first to jump up, ignoring the stinging scrapes on his arms as he yelled out, “Norman, you and Neil get the heck out of here!” He ran a few feet away, the untrimmed lawn coming up to his knees.  “Hey, demon scum!  You wanna torment someone?  Huh?!  Come and get me then!  Unless you’re too weak to try and possess me!”

 

“Dipper, don’t-!” Norman called, but by then the formless demon was already surrounding Dipper, trying to enter his body through his mouth, nose, ears - wherever it could get to.

 

If there was one thing Dipper knew about demons from all his research, it was that without a body to possess, they were easy enough to deal with  _ if _ one knew what they were doing.  Hoping he knew what he was doing, he consciously fought to keep the demon out of his body as he began to read the slightly-smudged exorcism off his arm:

 

“Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, et secta diabolica.”

 

The demon made that awful shrieking sound again, charging at him.  For a formless being, it certainly could push someone down with a lot of force!  He took no mind of that, catching himself to keep from falling as he continued.

###  “Ergo draco maledicte et omnis legio diabolica…” Dipper trailed off and squinted - the next part had gotten super smudged.  But there was no time for hesitation, so he pressed on, hoping he was pronouncing this right, even if he didn’t know the first thing about Latin. “A-adjuramus te, cessa decipere humanas creaturas, eisque aeternai perditionis venenum propinare!”

 

Incredibly, the demonic screaming stopped as the black smoke began to thin out.  The creature didn’t appear to like that, desperately forcing itself towards Dipper again, but before it could make another attempt to knock it over, it dissipated entirely.

 

The exorcism had worked.  Dipper breathed a sigh of relief.

 

Norman was immediately at his side, scolding him:

 

“Dipper, what were you thinking?!  You don’t just go and taunt demons - you could have been seriously hurt!  Don’t you ever do something like that-”

 

“You’re bleeding,” Dipper cut him off, voice soft.

 

It was true - the medium must have hit his face or something at some point during the night, for now blood was trickling steadily from his nose.  Absentmindedly, he brought his fingers up to the bloody mess, but the older boy pulled his hand away.

 

“Come on,” Dipper suddenly remembered their ride was still sitting there, and gestured at the car that now held a shocked Perry and Sandra.  He’d deal with their opinions later, he figured.  

 

“But Neil-”

 

“It’s fine,” Neil piped up with a shrug.  “You go with him.  I’ll text you when I get home, okay?”

 

Dipper was intensely grateful in that moment that his boyfriend had a best friend who was so friendly and understanding.  He made a mental note to thank Neil for that - but later.  There wasn’t time for that now.

 

He rushed Norman into the backseat of the car, not even taking notice of Perry and Sandra.  As far as he was concerned, at that moment, only Norman mattered.

 

Not having a tissue on him - in his haste to get to the house, he’d not thought to bring anything that might be useful - Dipper grabbed the bottom of his shirt and, exposing a bit of his stomach, pressed the fabric to his boyfriend’s bleeding nose.

 

“Head down,” he instructed.

 

“Dipper, I’m really oka-”

 

“Head down,” he repeated gently, using one of his hands to guide Norman’s head downward into his shirt.  “You need to let all the blood come out.  If it goes back into your throat, it can get into your lungs and cause pneumonia.  Don’t roll your eyes at me, dude, it’s  _ true _ .”

 

Dipper may not have noticed Norman’s parents looking back at them in the rear view mirror as they drove away, but Norman certainly did.  It was embarrassing and a little unnerving, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it - Dipper wasn’t going to let him go until his nose stopped bleeding.

 

“You really don’t have to do this,” he said, quietly.

 

“Yeah, well, I’m doing it anyway,” Dipper still held firmly, though his voice was gentle.  “Just keep your head down and let it all drip out.  Does it feel like it’s broken?”

 

“No, it just stings a bit.  Really, I’m okay now.”

 

“I know,” the older boy nodded.  “I mean, I did all I could to make sure you would be.”

 

“How’d you know it was a demon?” Norman wondered.

 

“You left your phone at home, you dork,” Dipper smiled down at him.  “And if you thought that I was gonna let you fight off something as dangerous as a demon - well, that’s just never gonna happen.  I’m  _ always _ gonna make sure you’re okay.  Okay?”

 

“Okay,” he began to nod, but again felt his boyfriend’s hand on the back of his head, pushing it down into his shirt.

 

“Norman, keep your head  _ down _ .”

 

***

 

Perry and Sandra hadn’t said anything the entire car ride home, or once they got back to the house.  Perhaps, Norman thought, they were still a little in shock.  It wasn’t every day that they saw a demon.

 

After Norman’s nose had stopped bleeding and Dipper changed into a non-bloodied shirt, the two went into the living room to claim the TV while it was still available.  Half an hour into “Plan 9 From Outer Space” - one of Norman’s favourites, and prime snark material - the medium lay his head into the crook of Dipper’s shoulder and closed his eyes.  

 

Before Dipper could ask what the hell his boyfriend was doing - this was one of the best parts! - Perry walked into the room.

 

Dipper braced himself.  He’d known that he would have to deal with the consequences of demanding to be driven to some demon-infested house eventually.  He’d just hoped to have the rest of the night to come up with how to do that.  It didn’t look as if he was going to get that opportunity, so he’d just have to make do however he could now.

 

After all, what was the worst that could happen?

 

“Dipper,” Perry took a seat next to him on the couch.

 

“M-Mr. Babcock,” he stammered, unsure what to expect.

 

Perry sighed before he spoke again.  “Look, I know I haven’t exactly been… welcoming.  But I want you to know that Sandra and I appreciate what you did for him tonight.”

 

Dipper was stunned into silence.   _ Huh _ ?

 

“My son isn’t like everyone else,” Perry continued, “and I didn’t know if I could trust you to not take advantage of that.  Of  _ him _ .  But getting him out of danger and taking on the fight yourself?  It takes a real man to do that.  I’m… still coming to terms with it, but I’m glad he found someone like you.  He needs someone like that.  Someone who won’t run from the abnormal, or bail when things get too strange.  Someone who can look past the ghost thing and see him for who he is.  And I guess on some level I didn’t think there was anybody out there like that, but… well, as much as it pains me to say it?  I was wrong.”  He held out his hand.

 

“Th-thank you,” Dipper’s voice cracked a little as he took Perry’s outstretched hand and gave it a firm shake.  He cleared his throat and intentionally spoke just a little deeper when he opened his mouth again, “You don’t have to worry about me running from the strange and unusual, sir.  Because I think he’s…” brown eyes darted down to where Norman seemed to be asleep.  “Aw, you don’t wanna hear me getting mushy over your kid.  But, I mean… I’m not going anywhere.  Your son is… the best thing that ever happened to me.  Ghosts or no ghosts.”

 

The boy could feel a smile automatically coming to his face as he said these words.  The truth of them was suddenly overwhelming.

 

“And no more dropping him off roofs,” Perry said.  “You see how skinny he is. He’ll break.”

 

“I’ll do my best to avoid it in the future.  But he’s stronger than you think, though.  In his own way,” Dipper couldn’t help but smirk a little at how  _ well _ this was going.  “I mean, he almost beat my record time.  And I won’t let him break.  I’ll protect him.  Always.”  Half-jokingly, he added, “What do you think I started lifting weights for?”

 

To Dipper’s surprise and delight, the man beside him actually returned his smirk, asking, “Prepared for anything, huh?”

 

“I try to be…”

 

Perry sighed and stood up.  “Alright then.  Date my son, Pines.”

 

“I will,” Dipper grinned.  “Uh… thanks again.”

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Norman’s father waved his hand dismissively and left the room.

 

Once he was gone, Norman’s voice piped up:

 

“You did well with my dad.”

 

Dipper jumped a little, surprised at that.  “I… I guess I did.  But what I don’t get is why you were pretending to be asleep.”

 

“You really think he would have said any of that if he knew I was awake?” Norman smirked a little, moving so that he could give Dipper that  look again, the one Dipper loved that said ‘you’re such a dork and I adore it.’  “Anyway, now you can stop worrying so much about getting his approval.”

 

“And I didn’t even have my elaborate 12-step plan to reference!” Dipper grinned.  “Guess I didn’t need it after all.”

 

“Really?” Norman feigned shock.  “You don’t say.  Guess that means there’s probably something you wanna tell me, huh?”

 

“What?  No.  Shut up.”

 

“Something that rhymes with ‘doorman goober fight’ perhaps?” the younger teen got cheeky.  Dipper shoved him, playfully.

 

“I  _ guess _ you were maybe a  _ little _ bit right,” he conceded.  

 

“I know I was,” Norman replied.  “What I didn’t know is that you got buff for me.”

 

Dipper’s entire face went red.  “I, uh… forget I said that.  It’s stupid.”

 

“It’s not stupid.  It’s kinda sweet.  But you know I’d like you even if you couldn’t bench press my entire body, right?”

 

“I like being able to protect you,” Dipper blurted out before he could stop himself.

 

Norman’s smarmy grin was suddenly replaced by a much more genuine - albeit unsure - one.  He laughed a little at that.  “You…  _ God _ , Dip. What happened to me being stronger than you think?”

 

“Oh, I meant everything I said.  I’m still strong enough to protect you, though.”

 

“You’re a big dork is what you are,” the medium replied, though he couldn’t quite keep the affection out of his voice as he said it.

 

Suddenly, Dipper smirked.  Out of nowhere he was diving across the couch and pinning his boyfriend down by the wrists, laughing down at him like a child.

 

“Say it.  Say I’m strong enough, or else!”

 

“Or else  _ what _ ?” Norman challenged, attempting to squirm away.  Dipper held strong.

 

“Alright.  You asked for it,” his grin was evil now as he gathered a bunch of sticky spit in the back of his throat before opening his mouth and letting it dangle over Norman’s face.  He and Mabel had done this to one another all the time as children, and it never failed to get results.

 

Sure enough, Norman was exclaiming, “Gross gross  _ gross _ !  Fine!  You’re strong enough!  You’re super strong and super manly and super gross!”

 

Dipper sucked it back up and swallowed before kissing his forehead and jumping off.  “Told you so.”

 

“You are a  _ child _ ,” Norman pouted.

 

“But you love me anyway.”

 

He stopped, suddenly.  The words had come out before he could stop them.  Dipper could feel his face heating up again.  How would Norman react to that?  It wasn’t the right  _ time _ for a word that heavy.  The medium’s expression was unreadable, and Dipper could feel his heart racing.

 

Norman seemed hesitant.  Then, he finally spoke, his voice quiet but cutting the awkward silence anyway:

 

“Um… you missed.”

 

Relief flooded Dipper’s heart as he pitched forward and kissed Norman on the mouth, like he should have before.

 

He couldn’t say the words, not yet.  He wasn’t ready.

 

But he could still make his feelings known  _ this _ way.

  
And for now, that was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That last scene was completely gratuitous fluff and I regret nothing about it.


	8. The Guide to Zombies

_ Tip # 8: The undead are romantic as hell.  Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise.  _

 

***

 

Surprisingly, Halloween had not always been Norman’s favourite holiday.  While he did appreciate all the great old movies that played on TV around the holiday and all the tacky decor that came with it, he’d never liked trick or treating as a kid.  And as a teen?  Getting invited to parties solely because the guests wanted him to act as some sort of human ouija board?  It got old pretty quickly.

 

That had all changed a couple of years ago when the tourism board of Blithe Hollow - probably in an ill-advised attempt to compete with nearby Salem - had decided to capitalise on the town’s memories of 2012 and make the “Blithe Hollow Annual Halloween Zombie Walk” a thing, every year on the Saturday closest to Halloween.

 

(Never mind that the actual event it claimed to “commemorate” had happened in September.  And never mind that the actual zombies had turned out to be relatively non-violent.)

 

The first year it had happened, Norman had been a little put off.  But a lifelong fascination with the undead - and the fact that most of the people who trickled into town for the event were fellow zombie enthusiasts who knew nothing of his involvement with what had happened in 2012 - soon caused Norman to embrace the tacky silliness and fake gore that came with a zombie walk.

 

Besides, this year Dipper would be joining him and Neil.  And that made it all the better.  For once, he was not only happy about the yearly event.  He was  _ excited _ .  Overjoyed, even.

 

“You know, I never thought I’d say this,” Dipper’s voice pulled him out of his train of thought, “but in a way I’m almost kind of glad you bled all over this shirt.  Makes it just a little bit easier to ‘zombify’ myself.”

 

“Shut  _ up _ ,” Norman shoved him, digging into the bag of “zombie supplies” they’d gotten that morning at the local Halloween supply store.  “I said I was sorry for bleeding on you.  It’s not like I could control it.”

 

“And I said you didn’t need to apologise,” Dipper replied, grabbing some fake intestines before his boyfriend could claim them.  “Besides, I can pay you back.”

 

“Pay me… back?”

 

The older boy held up a packet of fake blood and grinned.  Norman rolled his eyes.

 

“Put some towels down first, Dipper.”

 

“Whatever,  _ Mom _ .”

 

Towels were put down, fake blood was splattered, corpse-green paint was liberally applied, and old clothes were ripped and ruined (or rather, “improved”) as the pair got to work turning each other into suitable zombies.  It was ridiculous - though definitely not the  _ most _ ridiculous thing the two boys had ever done - and Norman couldn’t help but enjoy every last second of it.

 

The night hadn’t even truly begun yet, and, thanks to Dipper Pines, he was already enjoying himself.

 

Norman wondered if he would ever really get used to that sensation.

 

“Hey.  You’re thinking too hard again.” 

 

Brown eyes looked at the medium softly, and the younger boy couldn’t help but blush a little underneath the fake gore and body paint.

 

“I’m just… glad you’re here, I guess,” Norman shrugged.  “I think you’re gonna have fun.  The Zombie Walk is great.”

 

Dipper suddenly leaned in a little.

 

“Uh…” Norman began, but was cut off when Dipper leaned in a little more until their lips were barely brushing.  The younger boy never really quite knew how to react when Dipper did this.

 

“Infected!” The older boy laughed against his lips, and Norman couldn’t help but begin to laugh too.  

 

Though, he didn’t get much of a chance to laugh, as his boyfriend leaned in just a bit more, closing that miniscule distance between them.  The kiss tasted like fake blood, but somehow, it was okay.  It was more than okay.

 

“What was that for?” the medium asked as Dipper pulled back.

 

“What, can’t a guy kiss his cute zombie boyfriend?  Jeez, Norm!”

 

Norman couldn’t bring himself to comment on the ‘cute’ part of that statement, so he replied, “Didn’t know necrophilia was such a turn-on for you, Dip.”

 

“Hey.  It’s not necrophilia if you’re  _ both _ dead.”

 

The two boys exchanged looks before they both erupted into loud guffaws of laughter.  

 

Tonight was going to be  _ great _ .

 

***

 

Katie Cooper sat on the steps of Town Hall with a plethora of other “zombies”.  She could not wait for the Zombie Walk to start, mostly because then people like Alvin would be making zombie noises all night instead of trying to impress her with the  _ stupidest _ made up story she had ever heard.

 

“You know, babe,” Alvin looked as if he thought he was being suave, though he was anything but, “I  _ totally _ fought those zombies back in 2012.  I basically saved all my friends.”

 

“Sure you did, Alvin,” she rolled her eyes.  Unlike all those who had traveled here from other parts of New England to partake in the night’s festivities, she did have some memory of what had really happened.  (Mostly, she remembered her parents not letting her and her sister leave the house, learning about the ‘freak tornado’ on the news, and some ill-formed rumours and blurry cell phone shots exchanged with friends the next day at school.) 

 

“I don’t wanna brag or anything, but I was pretty badass,” her sarcasm seemed to have gone right over Alvin’s head, because he wasn’t shutting up.  “Yeah, if a real zombie outbreak ever happened?  You have nothing to worry about.  Alvin’s got your back, babe.”

 

“My name isn’t ‘babe’.  It’s Katie,” she looked around at all those gathered, waiting for the Walk to start.  Not too far from where she sat stood another guy from their school, a redhead checking his phone.  She didn’t know Neil Downe very well, but anyone was preferable to  _ Alvin _ .  She pointed.  “Hey, wasn’t he with you in 2012 too?”

 

“Who, Neil?” Alvin scowled.  “ _ Seriously _ ?”

 

Ignoring him, she stood up and walked over to Neil, calling to him as she did so, “Neil!  It’s Katie!  We had math class together last year?”

 

Neil turned to the girl with a friendly, if somewhat confused, smile.  “Hey, Katie.  Uh, hi, Alvin.”

 

“Where’s your little  _ boyfriend _ ?” Alvin sneered.

 

“You mean Norman?  Probably trying to find parking.  Blithe Hollow was  _ not _ built for all these extra cars,” Neil shrugged, not letting Alvin’s unoriginal insults get under his skin.  He was pretty used to it.  

 

“Alvin was just telling me how you helped him fight off a bunch of real life zombies?  And I was just about to tell him all about how you  _ totally _ saved my sister Shannon from a demon last week!” Katie smiled up at Neil, who laughed a little at that.

 

“Norman did most of the work with the zombies.  I was just there for moral support, really.  And Alvin… you know, I’m still not sure why he was there.”  Alvin scowled at Neil for that, but the redhead didn’t seem to notice. “And as for last week?  Dipper did the exorcism, not me.  Oh, speak of the devil!”

 

As two more boys approached - Norman and a shorter boy with fake intestines spilling out of a hole in his shirt (that must have been Dipper) - Katie turned to Alvin and said, “I love how  _ humble _ Neil is.  I think somebody could really learn from that.”

 

“I totally know what you mean, babe.  I hate when people aren’t humble.  Good thing I  _ so _ am,” Alvin still didn’t get it.  She sighed and gave up entirely, walking off to maybe find some of her  _ actual _ friends before the Walk officially began.

 

Alvin frowned.  Why did Neil and Norman always make it so hard for him to pick up chicks?  Just as the clock hit seven - the time that the Zombie Walk was set to start - he noticed something poking out of the backpack of the strange boy who Norman had walked up with.  Not even thinking (then again, when did he ever?) Alvin grabbed it, pulling the object out of the backpack just as the other three boys began to shamble away in classic zombie fashion.  

 

Alvin chuckled a little, wondering how hi _ lar _ ious their faces would be when they noticed they’d lost something.  That would teach them to mess up his game.

 

***

 

Keeping a straight face was the hardest part, Dipper quickly noticed.  Since zombies weren’t supposed to actually talk, it was an unspoken rule that neither were Zombie Walk-ers.  Mostly this meant the only sounds they were allowed to make were zombie-esque guttural groans.

 

For some reason, that was  _ way _ funnier than it should have been.  

 

Dipper had heard his boyfriend scream in fear before.  He’d heard Norman laughing so hard that tears were streaming down his cheeks, he’d heard him sigh in exasperation, he’d heard him cry out in pain or disgust.  He had  _ never _ , however, heard the medium make a noise quite like this before, let alone with so much gusto.  It was rare that Dipper got to see Norman like this - for once just letting himself live in the moment and not worrying so much (not that Dipper didn’t have that same problem; he was very aware that he did) - and so the sight of it alone was pretty entertaining.

 

Norman seemed to notice almost right away, too, and kept looking Dipper’s way and  _ deliberately  _ making the dumbest zombie noises he could in an attempt to make the older boy laugh.  He  _ had _ to be doing on purpose.

 

Two could play at that game, Dipper quickly decided.

 

That was how it had escalated into the two of them hamming it up more and more, making the grossest noises they could make, along with the most clichéd zombie-esque actions they could think of, in order to make the other lose his shit first.  Neither of them had said that was what they were doing, of course.  They both just  _ knew _ . It was pretty hilarious, even if Dipper refused to be the first one to break and laugh out loud.

 

And it was because of all of this that it took Dipper longer than usual to realise something wasn’t right.

 

Firstly, there was a weird smell in the air, more than just a mix of body odour and fake blood.  No, this smelled more like a mix of decay and something burning.  Dipper had smelled that same smell before, though he couldn’t immediately place where or when.

 

Secondly, more and more of the Zombie Walkers were running.  Due to movies like “28 Days Later”, Dipper had expected some runners, but not this many, and definitely not with some of them screaming.

 

Thirdly, when he turned around to see what they were running from, he noticed a small group in the back of the crowd with glowing green eyes.  His first thought was that it had to have been some really intense costume effect.

 

Then he realised it couldn’t be an effect at all.  They were real.  It seemed impossible, and yet there they were.   _ Real _ zombies.

 

He grabbed Norman’s sleeve and, wordlessly, whirled him around to get a good look.  Norman stumbled a little, having been caught off-guard, but Dipper steadied him and said:

 

“Norman.  Look.”

 

At that, even Neil stopped in the middle of the road, so that all three of them were looking at the chaos unfolding behind them.  By now, most of the Zombie Walkers were beginning to catch on to what was happening.  The thing about there being so many zombie enthusiasts in one place is that it all but eliminated the confusion that Dipper would have expected.  Instead, most of the people either were running for safety, or grabbing whatever they could to fight off the undead hoard.

 

“Gross,” Neil was the first to speak, with a wide, almost-excited smile.  “But awesome!  So, what, you’re going to go talk them out of eating people, right?”

 

“Woah, woah, woah, no you’re not!” Dipper tightened his grip on his boyfriend’s arms, though Norman hadn’t moved yet.  “That’s the dumbest thing you could do!  We don’t know where they came from, what they want-”

 

“Dipper,” the medium’s voice was calm, “they’re  _ zombies _ _._  Of all the things you and I have seen, zombies are the easiest to deal with.  I can’t believe you’re actually worried about this.”  He paused.  “Okay, yes I can, it’s  _ you _ .”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” The older boy frowned and refused to let go.  “For your information, I have experience with zombies too, and they’re not all scared old pilgrims!  Before you go rushing in to negotiate, we need to figure out what kind of zombie they are!”

 

“You mean like Romero or Raimi?” Neil piped up, eager to be helpful in any way he could.  He wasn’t as well-versed in the lore as his best friend, but years of friendship with Norman had taught him a lot of basic zombie factoids.  “They seem pretty slow to me.”

 

“No,” Dipper finally let go of Norman in order to take off his backpack and kneel to begin digging past all the snacks, trying to find something.  “I mean is their zombie-ness caused by a virus?  Or necromancy?  Or magic?”

 

“There’s no such thing as magic,” Norman scoffed.

 

“Says the medium who once ended a magical curse,” Dipper countered, still rummaging through his bag.  “Ugh, where  _ is _ it?”

 

“He’s got you there,” Neil smiled at his friend.  Norman rolled his eyes and kneeled down so he was eye-level with his boyfriend.  The zombies - the real ones - were slowly getting closer, and they really didn’t have time for this.

 

“Dipper, what are you looking for?”

 

“The Journal,” Dipper whispered a reply.  “I know I brought it - I  _ always _ do, just in case something like this happens - but it’s not here.  There’s pages and pages of zombie lore in there - how to tell them apart, how to cure bites, how to summon them, how to kill the undead-”

 

“Wait, what was that last one?”

 

“How to kill the undead.  You see, if they’re your run of the mill virally-infected zombies-”

 

“Uh, guys?” Neil asked.

 

“No, no, the one before that,” the medium pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.  “Dipper, if a Journal containing directions on how to summon zombies disappears, and then zombies start showing up…”

 

“Oh my god, you don’t think-” Realisation bloomed on Dipper’s face, but not before Neil interrupted again, this time with a more urgent:

 

“ _ Guys _ ?”

 

The two looked up to see what Neil saw.  The zombies were upon them.

 

Dipper turned to Norman as he rose.  “You up for some good old-fashioned zombie asskicking while we try to find who stole my Journal?”

 

Norman couldn’t help but smirk a little, picking up a nearby stick to brandish like a baseball bat.  “Way ahead of you.  Dork.”

 

With that, the two were off, Neil close behind as soon as he saw what it was they were doing.  The boys ran straight to the hoard of necromanced zombies and started swinging whatever they had on them as they made their way through the crowd - Dipper’s backpack, Norman’s stick, and Neil’s fists.

 

At first, the medium was reluctant.  Dipper had lead their charge - because of  _ course  _ he had - and had no problem swinging his backpack around at any zombie who dared to get too close to his boyfriend.  

 

Once Norman witnessed that these zombies were, in fact, mindlessly trying to kill them, all reluctance melted away as he swung with enough force that he could already feel the soreness it would cause in his shoulders.  The stick hit the nearest zombie - one that had been ambling up towards Dipper - with a satisfying  _ thwak _ . 

 

To his surprise, Norman laughed.

 

“What’s so funny?” Neil turned to his friend, shoving a zombie away from him with enough force that it knocked down two behind it.  The redheaded boy had learned over the years to use his size to his own advantage, and it was certainly coming in handy here.

 

“I- I don’t know,” he continued to laugh, adrenaline beginning to course through his veins.  “I just killed a zombie.  Like in a video game.”

 

“One kill?  Not that funny,” Dipper answered.  “I’ve got five.  I think Neil has three or four.”

 

“Watch it, Dipshit, I just saved your life,” the medium smirked.  “You don’t think I could get more than you?”

 

“Is that a challenge, Norm?”

 

“Do you want it to be a challenge?”

 

Dipper responded by smashing in the head of another walking corpse and answering, “Six.”

 

“Oh,” blue eyes narrowed, “it is  _ on _ .”

 

***

 

_ Thirty-one . _

 

Norman had soon abandoned the tree branch in favour of an abandoned cricket bat - probably one of the participants had come in cosplay from “Shaun of the Dead” and abandoned their prop once real zombies showed up.  True to the film he guessed it was meant to reference, the bat satisfyingly smashed in the faces of any of the undead who tried to come near him.

 

_ Thirty-two . _

 

By jabbing with the bat rather than swinging it in a wide arch, he rather unfortunately got it stuck three inches deep in the chest cavity of one of the zombies. 

 

“Crap,” he muttered to himself, waving the bat back and forth by the handle, trying to evade the grasping arms of the thing stuck on the other end, and finally succeeding not only in dislodging it, but sending it careening into two of its undead brethren until they all fell down in a gory, entangled mess.

 

_ Thirty-three, thirty four, thirty five . _

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Norman could see Dipper using whatever the older boy could get his hands on - his backpack, sticks and rocks, even his bare hands - to best the creatures surrounding them.  He couldn’t even see where Neil had gotten off to.

 

He didn’t have time to really look, didn’t have time to do anything except swing the stupid cosplay bat around and hope it hit its target.

 

_ Thirty-six . _

 

Dipper was yelling something.  What was he yelling?  The medium hadn’t been listening.  He strained his ears now, trying to decipher it.  And that’s when he heard another, very faint, and yet very distinct sound.  Not Dipper yelling, not the moans of the undead, but...

 

Whimpering.

 

Not taking his eyes or his bat off of his attackers -  _ thirty-seven, thirty-eight _ \- Norman ran towards the whimpering.  It didn’t take him long to locate the source, hiding between two parked cars.

 

“Alvin?!” He exclaimed, raising an arm to bat back another zombie -  _ thirty-nine _ .  

 

His former bully cowered on the ground, holding a familiar red book over his head as if it would shield him.

 

And suddenly Norman understood exactly what had happened.

 

“Dipper!” He called out for his boyfriend.  “Dipper, come here!”

 

He almost expected Dipper to snark back - something like “I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m kind of occupied” - but thankfully, the older boy didn’t question it at all.  Norman had called him over, and he answered the call readily, no questions asked.  The medium wished he had time to properly appreciate that.

 

“Is that-” Dipper immediately spotted his journal in Alvin’s big, meaty clutches, and grabbed it away.  “How the hell did you get that?!”

 

“Don’t hurt me!” Alvin yelped, and Norman rolled his eyes.

 

“Dipper, this is Alvin.  Looks like we found our necromancer.”

 

“You used this book to summon these things?” Dipper glared down at Alvin, gesturing to the Journal.     
  


“I didn’t-” Alvin began, but Norman cut him off, speaking as calmly as he could really manage in between bat swipes:

 

“Did you or didn’t you?”

 

“Ye-e-e-e-esss!” the former bully wailed pathetically.  Norman almost pitied him.

 

Dipper balled up his fists as if he meant to punch Alvin for this.  “Do you realise how irresponsible-” He lunged forward, and Alvin yelped again as Dipper grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him up, screaming in his face over the sounds of the undead still around him.  “Do you even  _ realise _ how many people you put in danger?!  Did you even fucking  _ think _ ?!”

 

“Dipper,” Norman gestured, “can we save the responsibility lecture part for later?  We kind of have bigger problems...”

 

The older boy shot a glance to the hoard around them, then turned his glare back to Alvin, who he still had a tight grip on.

 

“You started this mess. You’re gonna help us fix it,” he grumbled.  “Luckily for you, getting rid of them is easy enough - a perfect three-part harmony will shatter their skulls.  And, oh - look at that - there’s three of us!”

 

Norman blushed a little when he realised what Dipper was hinting at.  Alvin had made fun of him his whole life for his size (first because he was too little, and then because he’d shot up in height seemingly overnight), his hair, his ears, his ghostly abilities, and pretty much everything else about him - the _ last _ thing he needed was for Alvin to hear him sing.

 

“I don’t sing,” he frowned.

 

“What?” Dipper returned the frown.  “Come on, man, you can’t be any worse at it than me!”

 

“It’s not that,” the medium looked away.  “I just… I don’t sing, okay?”

 

His boyfriend looked torn.  On one hand, Norman knew Dipper wanted to defeat the zombies as quickly as possible.  On the other hand, he also knew that Dipper wouldn’t ever ask him to do something that made him uncomfortable.  And the idea of singing in front of everybody was definitely something that made him  _ profoundly _ uncomfortable.

 

Luckily at that moment, out of nowhere, Neil Downe jumped onto the top of one of the nearby cars.  Where had he even  _ come _ from?  Norman exhaled, relieved at the sudden appearance of his best friend, alive and well

 

“Neil!” he called out.  Neil only turned to them, winked, and then turned again to face the undead as he yelled out:

 

“Hey, zombies!  Are you ready to rock and roll?!” 

 

It was such a cheesy thing to say - and such a  _ Neil _ thing to say - that Norman couldn’t help but laugh.  

 

Never one to be shy, Neil opened his mouth and sang at the top of his lungs - not very  _ well _ , but he sang nonetheless - “Don’t start unbelieving!  Never don’t not feel your feelings!”

 

Dipper dragged Alvin onto the car’s roof as well, elbowed him into joining in.  The three singing together was more cacophonous than melodic, but it got the job done.  Zombie heads were exploding left and right, showering the streets of downtown Blithe Hollow with gore, and the song was well-known enough that the few zombie walkers left soon joined in, until everyone was singing the chorus of the cheesiest song to come out of the eighties:

 

“Don’t start!  Unbelieving!”

 

***

 

The zombies Alvin had summoned were all defeated, and a couple of quick trips to the local morgue and grocery store had taken care of those who had been bitten - according to the journal, a cure could be crafted out of formaldehyde and a lot of cinnamon, of all things.  Having chewed out the former bully some more - lots of screaming and cursing - Dipper was satisfied.  

 

Beneath the stars, he and Norman sat on the steps of Blithe Hollow’s town hall, hand in hand as they stared out at the aftermath of the night, Neil on Norman’s other side.  Norman still clutched the cricket bat in his other hand - they never had found its original owner.  Dipper would be flying back to California in a couple of days.

 

“What are you two thinking about that’s got you so quiet?” Neil piped up with a grin.  Dipper returned it readily - he really respected how courageous Neil had acted earlier in the night.

 

“I was trying to find my favourite constellation,” Norman couldn’t resist teasing his boyfriend a little.  

 

“Don’t,” Dipper rolled his eyes.  

 

Norman kissed his forehead through his bangs and murmured, quietly enough so that Neil wouldn’t hear, “found it.”

 

The older boy blushed and squeezed his hand, but didn’t dignify the comment with a verbal response.

 

Neil laughed a little.  “You guys are so cute it’s almost disgusting.”

 

“More disgusting than the rest of tonight?” Dipper asked.  When Neil shook his head, he shrugged.  “Guess we’ll have to try harder.”

 

“Oh, hey!  Before I forget - how many zombies did you end up getting?”

 

“Uh…” Dipper tallied up his total in his head.  “Forty-two.”

 

“Same,” Norman grinned.

 

“What?!  No way!  That’s impossible; I had a head-start!” the older boy frowned.

 

“Guess I’m just that good,” his boyfriend said with a little smirk.  This remark earned him a shove from Dipper.  “How many did you get, Neil?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know.  Fifty-six?”

 

The other two could only gape in awe at this.

 

“Dude…” Dipper whispered under his breath.  “Your best friend is freakin’ awesome.”

 

“I could have told you that,” Norman said.

 

“Bummer your date night got ruined, though,” the ginger boy continued, not at all perturbed by this.

 

“Actually?” Norman paused, thought for a second.  “I think that’s probably the best date we’ve ever had.”

 

Dipper reflected on that, and then started laughing.  Norman was right - it sure as hell beat ice skating and a night at the opera, after all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no qualms about posting a Halloween chapter in July, because it is always Halloween IN MY HEART


	9. The Guide to ChristmaHanuSolstiYule

_ Tip # 9: It’s okay to miss each other.  But don’t let that ruin your enjoyment of other things.  After all, you never know when something or someone might surprise you. _

 

***

 

Mabel absolutely loved the holidays.  She was the type of girl who got extremely into any and all holidays - including random ones found on google like National Sandwich Day (the third of November) - but she especially loved the winter holidays.  Any excuse to go nuts with ugly sweaters and good food and gaudy decorations was welcome in Mabel’s book.

 

And this year, she had even more of an excuse to go absolutely overboard with the Christmas and Hanukkah decorations.  Because Pacifica would be visiting for the holidays.  Pacifica, whose parents hadn’t spoken a word to her in five months.  Pacifica, who had never had a proper holiday season - Mabel was going to fix that.  Her parents had agreed with her that this was a  _ grave _ injustice.  (At least, Mabel thought Mr. and Mrs. Pines agreed.  It was hard to tell, as she hadn’t let them get a word in edgewise when she  _ begged  _ to let Pacifica come down from Oregon for a couple of weeks.)  

 

Mabel was  _ determined _ to make her girlfriend’s “first  real ChristmaHanuSolstiYule” the best holiday ever.

 

Now if only her brother would quit being such a party pooper.

 

“Dipper,” she burst into his room for the umpteenth time that day.  “Are you really going to spend our entire winter break locked up in your room?!  Quit hogging the laptop - I need to look up more decoration tutorials!”

 

Dipper, from his spot on the part of his bed not dominated by dirty laundry, looked up coolly.

 

“The rest of the house already looks like Santa’s elves threw up all over it,” was his only reply.  

 

“Is that Mabel?” a familiar voice came from the laptop speakers.  The girl twin was not at all surprised.

 

Mabel jumped over the laundry pile so that she was slightly behind her brother, perching her head on his shoulder.

 

“Hi, Norman!” she chirped loudly, right into Dipper’s ear.  The boy twin winced.  On the screen, Norman laughed all the way over in Massachusetts.  

 

“How are the preparations for Pacifica’s visit going?” the medium asked politely.  

 

Mabel smacked her brother’s hat.

 

“Mabel!” Dipper groaned.  “What was that for?!”

 

“You told Norman before I could?!  No fair!”

 

“What are you, five?!”

 

Norman laughed again.  “Dipper didn’t tell me, Mabel.  Pacifica did.”

 

“Did she sound excited?” she asked, eyes shimmering fiercer than the tinsel glitter in her sweater.  (It was itchy but it would be so worth it when Pacifica saw it later that night.)

 

“It’s, uh… hard to tell with her.  I think she’s more excited to see you than for anything holiday-related,” Norman shrugged.  Behind him, his room was even messier than Dipper’s, if possible.  He appeared to be packing for something.  Mabel vaguely recalled Dipper telling her the previous night over latkes that the Babcocks were going on some ski trip or something.  Which was funny, Mabel thought, because they  _ already _ lived in a place with snow.  But she had never met Norman’s parents, and so she accepted this news at face value.

 

“Well, she should be excited!  We’re gonna build gingerbread houses, and play dreidel, and decorate the tree, and drink eggnog until we feel sick, and sing carols, and-”

 

“Yeah, I can  _ definitely  _ see Pacifica doing all of that,” Dipper rolled his eyes.  “Don’t you have cookies to bake or something?  Leave me alone so I can talk to my boyfriend before he leaves.”

 

Mabel shoved her brother.  She wanted to make a remark at that, but she knew he was more than a little jealous about Pacifica’s visit, and it was making him act like more of a jerk than normal.  

 

There was so much she could say to that.

 

Instead, she winked at the webcam - making Norman smile a little - and exclaimed, “Cookies!  That’s a  _ great _ idea!”

 

***

 

Pacifica hadn’t known what to expect, meeting Mabel’s parents.  On some level, she was aware that most people would see this as a “big deal”.  And, okay, it was a big deal to her, but not for the usual reasons people would be nervous to meet their girlfriend’s parents.  It wasn’t them approving of her relationship that she was worried about.

 

_ ‘What if you fuck up?’  _ a small part of her whispered.  The part that had always made her sort of hate Christmas.   _ ‘You don’t belong here.  You’ve done nothing to deserve this.’ _

 

She shook her head.  Mabel had invited her, so obviously Mabel wanted her there.  Right?

 

_ ‘Because she pitied you.’ _

 

_ ‘No,’ _ she thought to herself as the cab - she had refused to let Mabel or her parents pick her up at the Oakland airport - turned another corner.   _ ‘Mabel doesn’t have it in her to pity someone. She loves me. Maybe this year will be different because of that. Maybe this year, Christmas will actually mean something.’ _

 

She wasn’t entirely convinced.

 

It didn’t matter.  The cab had stopped.  She paid in cash and lugged her heavy pink suitcase onto the curb.  (Why had she  _ ever _ thought it would be a good idea to pack so many shoes?!)

 

The Pines house was as bland as any other house on the street, adorned with twinkling lights and a fake snowman on a lawn that needed to be watered.  It was a bit surreal - Pacifica had never really considered until this moment that Dipper and Mabel had a home outside of the Mystery Shack, though logically she’d known that they must. 

 

She took a deep breath.  Raised her hand to knock on the door.  It opened before she could - Mabel had been waiting for her.

 

“Uh… hi, Mab-”

 

“ _ Paz! _ ” Mabel squealed, drawing her girlfriend in for a tight hug against the itchy tinsel in her sweater.  Pacifica tried to look irritated at this, but couldn’t quite manage to keep the smile off of her face.

 

“So finally we get to meet the infamous Pacifica!” A voice that Pacifica didn’t recognise said.  

 

The rich girl reluctantly squirmed out of her girlfriend’s embrace to get a good look at Mr. and Mrs. Pines.  Dipper was nowhere to be seen, except in the framed photographs that lined the walls and shelves, showing the twins at various ages.  Pacifica’s blue-green gaze fell upon a bedazzled frame that held a photo of her and Mabel.  She recognised it as a selfie Mabel had taken the day they had all gone ice skating.   _ What? _

 

“What’s this?” she picked it up.

 

“You’re practically part of the family now, so we couldn’t leave you out of our wall of fame!” Mr. Pines said.

 

_ What? _

 

His smile  _ seemed _ genuine.  That only served to make Pacifica more uneasy.  Strange adults didn’t just smile genuinely at her like that.  Shouldn’t they have been judging her or something?  She grasped the air, reaching for Mabel’s hand.  Mabel noticed, grabbing Pacifica’s lone hand with both of her own, and the rich girl squeezed gratefully.

 

“Oh, she’s even prettier in person!” Mrs. Pines chimed in.   _ Her _ smile seemed genuine too. 

 

_ What? _

 

“Obviously, Mom! What can I say? I’ve got good taste!” Mabel wasn’t at all perturbed.  “I lucked out with Paz!”  Was this… normal?  No, that couldn’t be right.  Happy families only existed in movies, didn’t they?

 

“If half the things she’s said about you are true,” Mabel’s father winked at Pacifica, “then we’re the lucky ones to have you here.”

 

“What did she say about me?” Pacifica asked, curiosity overriding her caution.  She waited to be complimented on her appearance (which she always worked very hard on) or something.  She didn’t expect Mrs. Pines to answer with:

 

“Oh, only that you’re the smartest, sweetest girl she knows, and that she’s ‘super duper’ proud of you constantly, and that every time she thinks she couldn’t love you anymore you do something else that surprises her.  No big.”

 

That made the rich girl blush - Mabel thought she was  sweet ?

 

“Mo- _ oooom _ !” Mabel’s face was pink as well.  “Come on, Paz, let’s go to my room.  You still want me to help you learn to knit, right?”

 

“You think I’m ‘sweet’?” Pacifica smirked, squeezing Mabel’s hand again.

 

“Come  _ on _ , Paz!”

 

***

 

Mr. Pines called the girls and Dipper for dinner a few hours later.  (Dinner couldn’t come soon enough, Pacifica thought - knitting  _ sucked _ ,  and if it wasn’t for Mabel’s constant reassurance and her own competitive nature, she would have given up on it almost immediately.)

 

“Oh, neat!  Mom and Dad never use matching plates!” Mabel’s brown eyes lit up when the teens entered the dining room.  The table was set with bread, meat, and latkes - all on, as Mabel had noted, matching plates.  “They must like you, Pacifica!”

 

“Big deal!” Dipper plunked down in his usual chair, arms folded.  “They’re just plates!”

 

“What’s his problem?” Pacifica leaned over and whispered to her girlfriend.  Dipper saw this and rolled his eyes, even though she was sure she’d said it quiet enough that he wouldn’t have even heard her.  

 

“There isn’t any problem,” Mabel took the seat next to her brother and, with a big grin, kicked the bottom of his shoe under the table, “ _ is _ there, Dipper?”  She gestured for Pacifica to sit on her other side, between her and Mrs. Pines.  

 

“So should someone light the candelabra or…?” Pacifica started, somewhat awkwardly.

 

Dipper snorted, and this time both Mabel  _ and _ her father gave him a Look for it.

 

“It’s a menorah,” Mrs. Pines told her with a smile, “and we light it after dinne-”

 

“Hanukkiyah if you want to get technical,” Dipper cut his mother off.

 

“Dipper, we’re trying to have a nice family dinner, not convert Mabel’s  _ goy-lfriend _ !” Mr. Pines grinned.  Both of the Pines twins groaned at that.  Pacifica was almost certain that it was a terrible pun, but she didn’t get it, so she couldn’t comment on it.

 

The adults both served the food, and soon everyone was too busy eating to make horrible puns that Pacifica wouldn’t understand. It was the nicest family dinner the blonde had ever had.  Or at least it would have been if Dipper wasn’t being such an insufferable jerk.

 

Pacifica didn’t want to admit it out loud, but it kind of stung.  After all this time, she’d thought Dipper considered her a friend now rather than a rival for his sister’s affection, or why ever it was he’d once despised her.  She considered him  _ her _ friend.  Usually.  Not when he was being an asshole like this, though.  And she hadn’t even gotten to do anything fun to make him mad first!  

 

And the jerkish behaviour just kept coming, even as Mr. and Mrs. Pines were clearly doing their best both to placate their son and to make Pacifica feel welcome.

 

Like when she asked someone to pass the salt, and Dipper grabbed it before his father could only to salt his own plate first.

 

Or when Mr. Pines expressed gratitude for something Pacifica said about his cooking, and Dipper responded with a snide, “complimenting the chef, what an  _ original _ way to suck up.”

 

(That one was particularly egregious, Pacifica noted.  Norman had told her how Dipper had acted when he had met the Babcocks.  She almost wanted to start a fight with him then and there, just to show him up, but found she couldn’t quite bring herself to do it.  Mabel had told her parents she was ‘sweet’.  And no one had ever said that about Pacifica before.  She kind of liked being sweet.)

 

The real shining gem of the evening, however, came near the end of dinner, when Mabel clinked her glass with her fork and announced to her family:

 

“Attention!  In honour of our  _ very special guest _ this evening-”

 

“Oh god,” Pacifica and Dipper muttered in unison.  At least they were still in agreement about something.

 

“-I’d like to perform a special rendition of a brand spanking new holiday song I’ve been working on!”

 

“Oh!  Honey, grab the camera!” Mrs. Pines gushed.  At least someone other than Mabel was excited.  Pacifica wondered whether it would be more appropriate to hold her head high with forced dignity, or sink down into her seat a little.

 

Mabel took a big breath. And then burst out with, “‘Cause it’s ChristmaHanuSolstiYule Time! ‘Cause it’s ChristmaHanuSolstiYule Time! The Holiday fun has just begun when you’re hangin’ out with the Pines!”

 

“Oh _god_ ,” her brother sank down into his seat a little pit, using his hat to hide his face. Mabel took no note of his reaction, and continued with her song.

 

The lyrics, Pacifica noted, were that particular Mabel blend of silly and endearing. And okay, maybe it wasn’t the greatest song she’d ever heard, but it was endearing.

 

Until Mabel got to the part where she sang, “...skiing, sledding, not Yom Kippur, ice skating - but not with Dipper-”

 

“That’s  _ it _ !” Dipper shot up, interrupting the song with a yell.  “This is  _ stupid _ !”  

 

He stormed out of the room.  Mrs. Pines rose to go after him, but her husband stopped her.

 

“Let him sulk,” Mr. Pines whispered.  She nodded.  Mabel kept singing as if nothing had happened.  Pacifica waited for Dipper’s bedroom door to slam...

 

Ah, and  _ there _ was the sound of a door slamming, the feeling of family tension still thick in the air.  Some holiday traditions, Pacifica considered, were the same for her no matter where she spent the holidays.

 

***

 

Dipper lay on his bed, staring at the laptop screen, where both Amazon and Skype were open.  Norman wasn’t online - of course he wasn’t, his family would be leaving to go to Colorado or wherever the next day.  As for Amazon, he really had no idea what he was doing there.  There were lots of things Norman would  _ like _ which were available to buy, but they all seemed like… “friend gifts”.  Nothing seemed right for a “boyfriend gift”.  Friends bought their friends zombie cereal bowls and special edition “Walking Dead” DVDs, boyfriends bought… 

 

...he didn’t really know.  And he couldn’t go ask Mabel, not after the way he had acted at dinner.  The sound of laughter came from under his door, and the boy felt his stomach clench a little.  Mabel was so happy to have Pacifica there.  

 

Why couldn’t he just be happy for her?  Why was he so angry?

 

On some level, he already knew.  There were only so many “kissing under the mistletoe” and “the holidays are for spending time with loved ones” advertisements he could take.

 

His stomach clenched a little more.

 

Dipper frowned and opened a new window to watch “The X-Files”.  “How the Ghosts Stole Christmas” - a classic episode.  It wasn’t the same without Norman watching with him over Skype.  His stomach clenched even more.  Holidays were stupid.

 

His door opened, but Dipper didn’t turn to face the invader.

 

“Not now, Mabel.  I’m watching this.” 

 

“I’m not Mabel,” Pacifica sat down on the very corner of the bed, wrinkling her nose, “but I appreciate the flattery.”

 

“Shouldn’t you be downstairs playing dreidel or eating cookies or something?” He was unable to keep the annoyance  _ completely  _ out of his voice.

 

“After all this time, you’re  _ still _ jealous of me?  Get over yourself - I’m not trying to steal your boyfriend, and I’m not trying to steal your sister.  Jesus, Dipper, I thought-”

 

“I’m not jealous,” Dipper cut her off.  Pacifica didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, so he continued, “not… not of you, anyway.”

 

The blonde looked at his computer screen, took in what she saw, and said, “...oh.  You… you miss Norman.”

 

“I always miss him,” Dipper blurted out before he could stop himself, then blushed a little at the outburst.

 

He watched the corners of her mouth twitch, and braced himself for her to either frown or laugh in his face.

 

Pacifica did neither, though. Instead, she only responded with, “Yeah. This time of year is always great for making someone feel lonely as shit, isn’t it?”

 

And then something clicked inside of him, and Dipper suddenly felt terrible.  Pacifica hadn’t really done anything to him, and it wasn’t her fault that Mabel had decided to ask for her to visit California.  And he hated to admit it, but she was right.  He wasn’t the only one who felt lonely around all these holiday images of happy families and kissing under the mistletoe.  

 

“...I guess I was a huge jerk at dinner, wasn’t I?” He pursed his lips, waiting for her response to this.

 

“That’s not new. You’ve always kind of been a jerk.  I don’t know what he sees in you, to be honest.”

 

“Hey,” he frowned, but then she laughed a little.  To his surprise, he found himself laughing a little, too, as he added, “Actually, you’re right.  I don’t know what he sees in me, either.  I mean, I haven’t even been able to figure out a Christmas present for him yet, and I’ve been shopping since November!”

 

“Dipper,” Pacifica rolled her eyes, “it’s a Christmas present, not an engagement ring.  Norman won’t care  _ what _ you get him, as long as he knows you love him or whatever.  Get him a freaking zombie movie, he’ll eat that shit up.”

 

“Get him a zombie movie?  Pacifica, how can one movie - how can one  _ object _ \- possibly show him that I would do anything to make him happy?  How can any one thing show him how strongly I feel about him?!”

 

“If you want him to know all that, just tell him,” she crossed her arms.

 

Dipper paused.

 

_ That was it _ !  He could tell him!  He could tell Norman, once and for all, that yes - yes, he loved him, he was sure about it now.  He could tell him about the fear of losing him, the missing him, he colour of his eyes.  About the future, how their dorm would look, about growing up together and going on adventures.  He could tell him - with  _ complete honesty _ \- that he never in his life felt as happy as he did when Norman was near him.

 

“Stop  _ staring _ at me like that; it’s weird,” Pacifica’s voice, accompanied by a smirk, snapped him out of his thoughts.

 

“Pacifica, you are a  _ genius _ !”

 

“I- what?” the smirk fell from her face, and a confused expression took its place.

 

“Thank you,” he continued.  “Seriously.  I think that was exactly what I needed to hear.”

 

“No, go back to being a jerk, this is  _ weird _ .”

 

He chuckled at that.  “Bitch.”

 

“Jerk,” she countered, reaching over to shove him.  Impulsively, he grabbed her arm before she could manage that, and put her in a lose chokehold, causing her to squeal through peals of laughter, “Oh!  My god!  Get  _ off _ of me, you smell terrible!”

 

_ Click . _

 

Mabel grinned in the doorway, holding a camera.  Dipper sheepishly let his sister’s girlfriend go, and she pat down her hair where he had messed it up.

 

“Look at you two,” Mabel looked immensely pleased.  “Getting along for once - it’s a ChristmaHanuSolstiYule miracle!”

 

“Mabel, that’s not a word!  And weren’t you playing dreidel with Mom and Dad?” Dipper glared at his sister.

 

“Without you guys around for me to beat?  Fat chance!” the girl twin looked at the laptop behind Dipper and Pacifica on the bed.  “Oh god, Paz, he got you watching ‘X-Files’ too?  Dipper, when will the madness _ end _ ?!”

 

“We actually weren’t,” Pacifica replied, gesturing for her girlfriend to join her.  

 

Dipper found he wasn’t even that jealous when Mabel did so, climbing over his legs and wrapping her arms around the blonde so that Pacifica really had no choice but to lean back into her itchy-looking sweater.

 

(Okay.  Admittedly, it would have been nice to be able to hold Norman like that.  But he wasn’t jealous anymore.  Not really.  Wistful, perhaps.)

 

“I was going to,” he said, “but your girlfriend just  _ had _ to come in and distract me.”

 

“Yup,” Mabel leaned down and kissed the top of Pacifica’s head where it rested on her chest.  “She does that, alright.”

 

“I’m not sorry,” Pacifica smirked.  “It’s just some dumb ghost show, anyway.”

 

“Dumb alien show, actually,” Mabel giggled.

 

“It’s ‘The X-Files’,” Dipper glared at them.

 

“I’ve never seen it,” the blonde shrugged.

 

“What?!” his eyebrows flew up.  “Hold on, I’ll start it over.  New holiday tradition.  Right now.”

 

“ChristmaHanuSolstiYule tradition?” Mabel couldn’t resist.  Dipper didn’t dignify it with an answer.

 

***

 

Christmas Eve came and went.  Mabel introduced Pacifica to some of her favourite Christmas classics while they helped Dipper and the Pines parents decorate the tree all morning.  The afternoon was spent making gingerbread houses - though Dipper and Mabel ate more decorations than they ended up putting on the houses.  Dipper tried to push thoughts of missing Norman out of his head - he  _ knew _ Norman was busy getting ready for his trip, after all, so it was no wonder that the medium wasn’t texting him very much that day.

 

But his nerves were beginning to get the best of him.

 

What if his gift idea  _ wasn’t _ such a good idea after all?

 

What if he couldn’t find the right words?  What if Norman was secretly disappointed that he wasn’t getting something physical?  Worse, what if Norman got weirded out by it?

 

He barely slept that night from the worry of it all.

 

Mabel came into his room at 5:45 on Christmas morning.

 

It had happened without fail, every year since they were kids, that no matter how late she slept the rest of the year, Mabel was always up before the sun on Christmas morning.

 

“What are you doing up?” Mabel’s attempt at a whisper was hardly quiet.  “Couldn’t wait to see what Santa brought you?”

 

Dipper reached over and grabbed his phone, then groaned when he saw what time it was.  

 

(It would be 8:45 in Massachusetts, he noted.  Norman would be awake.  He shot him a quick “Merry Christmas” text.)

 

“Texting the boyfriend?” Mabel continued, walking over and sitting on her brother’s feet.  Her smile softened a little.  “You’re having trouble sleeping again - which means you’re being a total worrywart again, probably over nothing.  So what is it?”

 

“Just thinking,” Dipper glanced at his phone again.  Norman hadn’t read the text yet - was he already on a plane to… wherever he was going?

 

“About Norman?  When are you  _ not _ ?  Welcome to the wonderful world of being in love, little brother.”

 

Dipper rolled his eyes at the ‘little brother’ comment.  “Yeah.  About that… Um.  How did you… how did you first tell Pacifica that you, uh... l-loved her?”

 

He inwardly cursed himself for sounding so unsure.  For even voicing the question at all.  But it was too late to take it back.

 

Mabel’s expression changed from confused to wistful to shocked so quickly, Dipper was almost surprised her eyebrows didn’t fall off.

 

“You haven’t told him yet that you- You’re going to tell him as a Christmas present aren’t you!?  Dipper, oh my  _ god! _ ”

 

“Shh!” Dipper sat up and shushed his sister, clamping a hand over her mouth.  “Mabel, it’s not even six AM yet, you can’t - gross, don’t  _ lick _ me.”

 

The girl twin looked decidedly non-apologetic as her brother pulled his hand away to wipe her spit off on the sheets.

 

“Didn’t you already tell him you loved him back in August when you thought he was de- oh,” Mabel cut herself off, but not soon enough to avoid a dirty look from Dipper’s direction. “Anyway, I don’t know what you’re so worried about.  He’s  _ obviously _ going to say it back.  He loves you, Dipper, anyone with eyes can see that.”

 

“What if the timing’s not right?”

 

“Dipper-”

 

But it was as if a dam had broken, and suddenly Dipper couldn’t stop the words from spewing forward:

 

“What if I don’t make it special enough?  Like, if I flub up?  Or even- what if Norman doesn’t want it to be ‘special’?  You know how he can be about being the centre of attention sometimes.  Even though he’s practically, like, the centre of my whole  _ world _ , but, I mean, what if saying that freaks him out?  I don’t want to push him away.  But what if  _ not _ saying it pushes him away?  And I can’t just ask him because it ruins the surprise and- oh, god, I’m going to mess it up.”

 

Mabel reached over and poked her brother’s nose with a “Boop!”  

 

Having been caught off guard, he clamped his mouth shut.  

 

“Stop worrying so much about all of that,” she continued with a smile.  “Dipper, I’ve never seen anyone look at anyone else the way you two have always looked at each other.  He loves you, and you love him, and it’s  _ totally _ obvious!  You’re  _ way _ overthinking this - if you feel the time is right, then it is.”

 

Dipper opened his mouth to respond to that, but his phone vibrated before he could.

 

“What’d he say?” Mabel asked, grin growing wider.

 

Her brother read the text message out loud, “‘Merry Christmas. But it’s way too early for you. Go back to sleep, Dipper.’”

 

The boy twin couldn’t keep a small, fond smile off his face at that.  Mabel noticed.

 

“Awwww!” she squealed.  “See?  He loves you.  Totally obvious.  Now come on, let’s go wake up Mom and Dad!”

 

***

 

The Pines’ gifts to their children were opened early in the morning, before Mabel got Pacifica up for a “super special Christmas pancake breakfast!”  However, Mabel  _ insisted _ that the gift exchange between the teens be delayed until after sunset.  Dipper didn’t ask why - he’d learned long ago that once Mabel  _ insisted _ upon something, it was impossible to convince her to do otherwise.

 

At about four o’clock, his mother pulled him aside.

 

“Dipper,” she said, “do you remember when you and Mabel were much younger, and you used to insist upon counting to make sure you each had the exact same number of Christmas presents?”

 

“I… guess...?”  Confused, he looked back into the living room where Mabel and their father were trying to get a fire started, while Pacifica sat by the tree and looked on.

 

“Your father and I realised,” Mrs. Pines continued, “that this year we gave Mabel one more than you.  So.  I’m going to run and pick you up one more gift, okay?  I just wanted you to know that.”

 

His mother’s expression was unreadable, and Dipper’s confusion only grew.

 

“Ah, Mom, you don’t have to do that.  Especially not on Christmas.”

 

“Oh, believe me,” Mrs. Pines smiled, “I  _ do _ have to.  Trust me, Dipper.”  She reached up and ruffled his hair before pulling her car keys out of her pocket and calling out to her husband, “Are you coming with me to pick up Dipper’s gift?!”

 

“Mom, you really don’t have to-”

 

“I’m coming!” Mr. Pines shot up, now that the fire was started.  “This won’t take long - try not to burn the house down while we’re gone, you three!”

 

“No promises,” Mabel winked at her father.  

 

And before Dipper could protest anymore, his parents rushed out the door.

 

Thoroughly weirded out, he pulled out his phone on instinct, before pocketing it again.  Norman wouldn’t be able to text right now.  He’d been silent practically all day.  Not that Dipper blamed him.  With a sigh, he joined Pacifica on the carpet.  

 

“Who wants hot chocolate?!” Mabel jumped up and scampered toward the kitchen.

 

“What, we aren’t giving gifts to each other yet?” Dipper frowned.

 

“Hot chocolate first, then ‘The Grinch’ - the cartoon one, not the movie one - and  _ then _ gifts!” his sister called from the kitchen, which was adjacent to the living room.

 

“Why does it matter?” his frown deepened, and his suspicions grew. Turning to Pacifica, he asked - demanded, really - “Do you know something about all this?  What’s going on?”

 

The blonde shrugged coolly and inspected her nails - there was a Santa band-aid on one of her fingers, probably from Mabel’s attempts to teach her how to knit.

 

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Pacifica’s voice was unaffected.

 

He furrowed his brows.  Pacifica and Mabel were  _ definitely _ not telling him something.

 

“Mabel-” he began when his sister came back into the room and handed him a mug filled with hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows.

 

“Grinch first, questions later!  Pacifica’s never seen it!” Mabel shushed him, handing Pacifica her mug.  The blonde took a slow, tentative sip, getting a small dab of whipped cream on her nose.

 

“You  _ do _ know something!” Dipper wasn’t to be deterred.  

 

Mabel didn’t even answer him that time, choosing instead to lean in and kiss the whipped cream off of her girlfriend’s nose, which had the dual effect of making Pacifica blush and making Dipper turn away in disgust.  

 

Though the curiosity was killing him, he found he couldn’t ask about it, because for the entire duration of the cartoon, every time he turned to the girls Mabel would do something disgustingly romantic with Pacifica.  Like gently taking her chin and kissing her on the mouth, or hugging the blonde to her sweater and kissing the top of her head.  Dipper didn’t want to see his sister doing that kind of thing - and he knew she had to be doing it on purpose.

 

He had to begrudgingly admit that it was a good strategy.  Mabel knew what she was doing.  She knew  _ exactly _ what she was doing.  She had to.

 

Had he known just what it was that awaited him, Dipper probably wouldn’t have even noticed Mabel and Pacifica, or the hot chocolate, or “The Grinch”.  He probably would have been shaking from the excitement, if only he had known.

 

As it was, he was caught completely off guard when the door opened shortly after the cartoon ended, and his father walked in holding a familiar duffel bag. Before Dipper could even process this visual, his mother followed with a bag of Chinese take-out, apparently in the midst of conversation with a third person.

 

It was a damn good thing Dipper had finished his hot chocolate, because in his shock at seeing Norman there with his parents, he dropped his mug.

 

“Norman!” he gasped, jumping to his feet and running across the room to hug his boyfriend.

 

And then everyone was talking at once.  Someone screamed “Surprise!” (Probably Mabel), and someone told him Merry Christmas, and Mrs. Pines was saying… something, but Dipper wasn’t focused on any of it.  All that mattered was that Norman was here.  Not skiing in some mountains, but here, in Piedmont.  In Dipper’s embrace.  Dipper bumped their foreheads together, and they were laughing now, though he wasn’t quite sure at what.

 

It took him a few seconds to remember his parents and his sister were still there.

 

Blushing, Dipper pulled back, though he didn’t let go entirely - he still was holding Norman’s hands in his own, and he couldn’t quite wipe the grin off his face.

 

“What are you doing here?!” he exclaimed.  “I thought you said you were going skiing!”

 

Norman smiled that small, crooked smile that drove Dipper nuts every time he saw it.  “No. What I said was that my family was going skiing.  Which is true - my mom and dad leave for Aspen tomorrow.”

 

“But how-” Dipper turned to face his family, who all had big grins on their faces.  “You all knew about this?!”

 

“Mom asked me what you wanted more than anything,” Mabel confessed.  “And I knew it would be Norman. So I asked Pacifica to help-”

 

“-and I asked Courtney for Mrs. Babcock’s number so I could give it to Mabel,” Pacifica finished her girlfriend’s sentence.  “Offered to pay for plane fare too, but no one would let me.”

 

“It’s a joint Christmas present for the both of you!” Mrs. Pines gushed.  “From us  _ and _ from the Babcocks.”

 

“It was  _ really _ hard not to tell you…” Norman said with a shy little smile on his face, a smile Dipper had always found particularly adorable.  

 

“Is that why you’ve been so quiet lately?” Dipper laughed a little.

 

“Well, that and the fact that I was on a plane for most of the day.”

 

Dipper didn’t know what to say to that.  So he just laughed some more and hugged his boyfriend again.  

 

***

 

“Alright, alright, Dipper’s turn!” Mabel squealed.  They were in the middle of their gift exchange (finally - it had been delayed even more with their parents wanting to take photo after photo of Dipper and Norman, and then of all four of the kids together) and Mabel had just thrust a homemade scrapbook into Dipper’s hands, the same kind she had given Pacifica and was probably going to give to Norman as well.  But whereas Pacifica’s had been filled with photos of the girls, Dipper was relieved to find that his was mostly photos of himself and Norman, or himself and Mabel, or… symbols glowing on a dusty old wall.  He recognised what it was right away.

 

“These are from last summer?” he asked, a little awed at his sister’s attention to detail.

 

“And someday when you’re married and all your little gay babies ask how Daddy and Daddy met, you can show them that,” Mabel nodded.  “But maybe leave out all the gross bits.” She paused, and chuckled to herself.  “Heh… ‘gaybies’.”

 

“Gross, no one wants to think about that,” Pacifica shoved a heavy-looking wrapped box at him with her leg.  “Open mine next, Dipshit.”

 

He blushed a little, both at Mabel’s comment and out of sheer shame for how rude he’d been to Pacifica.

 

“You didn’t have to get me anythin-” he started, but she rolled her eyes and cut him off:

 

“Spare me.  Just open the damn gift.”

 

What Pacifica had bought for Dipper nearly made his jaw drop off of his face.  Beneath the wrapping paper was a box of books, fifteen of them to be exact: the full Paranormal Encyclopaedia as published by Stanford University.

 

“Oh my god,” he breathed in sharply.

 

“See?  It’s like your stupid journal but, like, for the whole world or whatever.” Pacifica leaned back, resting an arm on the expensive art supply kit she’d gotten for Mabel.

 

Norman looked a little uneasy as he handed Dipper a much smaller, much more messy looking gift.  He’d wrapped it himself and it showed.  Beneath the wrapping paper was a snow globe - one of the ones that could hold a photo, in which Norman had inserted a photo of the two of them together.  It was sweet, sentimental.  Dipper shook it and watched the snow fall all around their faces.

 

“It’s, ah… it’s not much…” the medium looked away, a bit embarrassed to be the follow-up to Pacifica’s gift.  “But I know how much you hate the distance, and I… I don’t know, I wanted to give you something that was just for you.  Not for your wallet or to share with Mabel.  Just for you…” His cheeks flushed pink.  “Also… at least now you’ll have  _ some _ snow.”

 

“Shut up,” Dipper couldn’t keep the grin off of his face as he put it down on top of the encyclopaedia set and leaned in towards Norman.

 

“You can tell me if you don’t like it,” Norman continued.

 

“Seriously, shut up, I love it,” Dipper kissed his (now  _ very _ pink) nose, ignoring his sister and Pacifica pretending to gag.

 

Norman’s scrapbook from Mabel had a red cover, and was mostly filled with photos of Dipper - with a whole two page spread dedicated to photos of Dipper looking at Norman when the medium wasn’t looking, “so now you know how he looks at you!”

 

From Pacifica, Norman received an ugly red wool  _ thing _ that Mabel helpfully explained was an ear-warmer to wear around his head back in the snow, so his ears wouldn’t get cold.  As it was the rich girl’s first (and probably only) knitting project, it was rough and full of mistakes, but Norman very obviously liked it anyway.  She hadn’t used her money or her power to get it, she’d used her own time and energy.  It was the best thing he could have received from her - something honest.

 

And then, everyone turned to Dipper expectantly.

 

This was it, he reflected.  He’d have to say the words, and there would be no taking them back.  All his ideas, all his careful plans for what to say, and he suddenly couldn’t remember anything.

 

“I, uh…” Dipper could feel his heart pounding, his hands sweating, his mouth getting dry.

 

_ ‘Don’t panic,’ _ he told himself.   _ ‘This is Norman, and he loves you, and you love him.  Just tell him that.  Just tell him and don’t panic.’ _

 

“I…” he began again.  Norman looked more confused than anything, and Dipper hesitated.

 

How could he tell him?

 

How could he put the strength of his love into words?  The fear of losing Norman, the anticipation of ‘forever’ that had sat in the back of his mind since that night at the opera, the way he missed holding him, kissing him, the colour of his eyes - how could Dipper possibly articulate that?  How could he explain any of that?

 

How could any combination of words even  _ begin _ to describe how this strange, reserved, amazing,  _ incredible _ boy in front of him made Dipper feel?

 

(And why the hell had he let Mabel talk him out of making notecards?!)

 

“I… I left it upstairs,” he blurted out before he could stop himself.   _ Damn it _ _._  He could feel Pacifica’s annoyance and Mabel’s confusion at the outburst, but it couldn’t be taken back now.  Weakly, Dipper forced a little smile and said, “I’ll give it you tomorrow, okay?  You don’t mind, right?”

 

“I don’t mind,” Norman looked even more confused.  “Dipper, are you okay?”

 

“J-just tired,” he answered.  And it was true, he  _ was _ tired now that he thought about it.  “You’re probably tired too, right?  Let’s call it a night and-”

 

“Not yet!” Mabel exclaimed, dumping a bag of cheap chocolate coins - where had she even pulled those from? - onto the carpet and producing a plastic dreidel from her sleeve with a flourish of her hands that was entirely unnecessary.  “You’re not getting away  _ that _ easy, Dippin’ Dots!  The night is still young!”

 

“Hanukkah ended two days ago,” Dipper pointed out as she began dividing up the chocolates.  “And Norman is still on Massachusetts time-”

 

“There’s no expiration date on fun,” she stuck her tongue out at her brother.  “Besides, I meant it when I said I wanted to beat you and Paz at it!”

 

“How do you even play this game?” Pacifica frowned.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Dipper said.  “Mabel always makes up new rules as she goes along.  It’s pointless.”

 

“It’s not pointless!  It’s easy!  Here, I’ll go first!”  The brunette girl spun the little top before anyone could protest.  “Ah!  Big squiggly!”

 

“ _ Gimel _ ,” Dipper corrected, rolling his eyes.  Norman laughed a little, reaching over to grab one of his hands and squeezing.  Dipper’s expression softened a little, and he squeezed back.

 

“Big squiggly,” Mabel repeated, “means that I get to take every piece of candy in the middle-”

 

“Okay that one is true,” Dipper conceded.

 

“-and that I get to smooch any player I want!”  She shot her brother a cheeky little grin, before turning to Pacifica and kissing her cheek.  “Your turn, Paz.”

 

“Pass,” the blonde responded.  

 

“You  _ can’t _ pass!” Mabel looked aghast.  “Pacifica, dreidel is a sacred ChristmaHanuSolstiYule tradition!”

 

“Christma-what?” Norman whispered to Dipper, who chuckled and told his boyfriend:

 

“Don’t ask.”

 

Pacifica rolled her eyes and spun, landing on shin.

 

“Ha!” Mabel exclaimed triumphantly.  “That means you have to give each of us one of your chocolates  _ and _ you have to perform a dance!”

 

“That is not even remotely what-” Dipper began, but then gave up with a shrug.  “You know what, I don’t even know why I bother.”

 

“Me either,” his sister grinned and made a strange hand gesture like something out of a rap video.  “Because we’re playin’ by  _ Mabel’s _ rules, sucka!”

 

Pacifica shrugged, stood up, executed a near-perfect pirouette, and sat back down with a scowl as each of the others grabbed a chocolate from her pile.  She shoved the top at Norman wordlessly.

 

Norman spun and, once again, it fell onto gimel.

 

“Notice how now Dipper has no objections,” Mabel whispered to Pacifica, loudly enough for both boys to hear.  Dipper blushed accordingly, and Norman chuckled.

 

“I believe that means Mabel gets to kiss someone?” the medium asked cheekily.

 

“Shut up and get over here,” Dipper grabbed his sleeves and pulled him close, kissing him firmly.

 

It wasn’t the words he wanted to say, but he hoped -  _ this _ way - he could make his feelings known.

 

“I saw that!” his sister shrieked, and Dipper pulled back.  What had Mabel seen?  The answer soon presented itself - Norman’s hands were full of gelt from Dipper’s pile.

 

“You-” Dipper laughed.  “You little cheat!  You nasty little cheat!”

 

And then all four of the mystery quartet were laughing (even Pacifica), over Norman’s strategy, over Mabel’s made-up rules, over the sheer joy of finally being together again, all four of them, for the holiday season.  They clutched at each other and laughed and laughed.

 

“Someday,” Dipper told Norman in the midst of all this joy, “I’ll teach you the real rules.”

 

Norman stopped laughing with a start.  “Someday?”

 

“You alright?” Dipper paused, concern growing.  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

Suddenly, Norman’s face was stretched into a big grin, and the medium - slowly - hugged Dipper, clinging to him close and saying:

 

“I’m good, Dip.  It’s nothing.  It’s just… you think we’ll still be together ‘someday’.”

 

“I don’t think that.  I  _ know _ it,” Dipper smiled.  He hadn’t realised that the offhand comment would mean so much to Norman.  But he was glad that it did.

 

He was glad that Norman was here.  

 

“Dipper’s turn!  Dipper’s turn!” Mabel exclaimed.

 

With a smile, he grabbed the dreidel.  Spun it.

  
“Hey, Mabel?” He couldn’t keep the smile off of his face.  “What’s hay mean?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was implied Norman told Dipper he loved him at the end of TUiM, but Dipper hasn't said it back yet (not when Norman was conscious anyway) soooo...
> 
> Also. Before anyone gives me shit about making the Pines family celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, I'd like you to remember that both myself and my excellent beta/soundtrack writer are Jewish, and if you have a problem with that, you can shove it.
> 
> Speaking of, you should really be listening to the soundtrack if you haven't already, this chapter's song is extra special: https://soundcloud.com/sarah-kaufman/sets/the-dipper-pines-guide-to


	10. The Guide to Ex-Girlfriends

_ Tip # 10: If you love each other, no one should come between you, be they exes or actual monsters.  Do whatever you can to make sure of that. _

 

***

 

Dipper woke up on the morning of the twenty-sixth with a familiar, welcome weight on his chest.  He still couldn’t believe that the previous night had happened.  Norman was  _ here _ \- in  _ California _ \- and he couldn’t be happier.

 

Okay.  So he  _ had _ panicked and clammed up when he tried to tell Norman how much he loved him.  But Dipper wasn’t to be deterred - as soon as he found time today, he was going to try and write out his feelings.  Then, he’d know how to say them.  Norman would know how much he loved him.

 

That is, if Dipper could bear to tear himself away from his boyfriend long enough.  Here in his bed, staring into those blue, blue eyes that he loved so much, the older boy didn’t know if that was possible.  He wanted to be here forever.  He wanted to drown in that shade of blue.

 

Something suddenly clicked in Dipper’s mind.

 

“H-how long have you been up?!” he exclaimed.  Norman laughed a little.

 

“About an hour, I think?  I’m still on Massachusetts time...”

 

“Why didn’t you wake me up?!” Dipper demanded, sitting up straight.  He watched his boyfriend stand and stretch, listened to his spine making that  _ crk-crk _ sound as he did so.

 

“Have you ever tried to wake yourself up?  You sleep like a rock, dude.”

 

“I do  _ not _ ,” the older boy laughed a little.  He’d missed this light-hearted teasing in the months they’d been apart.  He’d missed it more than he’d thought possible.  It just wasn’t the same over the phone.

 

The doorbell rang, and both boys jumped.

 

“Mabel will get it,” Dipper said quickly, not eager to part from Norman even for a second.  As if on cue, both boys could hear the pattering of feet from Mabel’s room as the girl twin rushed to grab the door. “Dude, put on a sweater or something, you’re going to freeze.”

 

Norman looked down at what he was wearing - pyjama pants and a thin, worn old t-shirt - and shrugged.  “No, I won’t.”

 

“It’s winter!”

 

“Dipper, it’s, like… sixty degrees right now.  That’s  _ not _ winter.  I’ll be fine.”  Norman looked amused.  “But if you’re _ really _ that worried…”

 

“I am,” Dipper confirmed.

 

With a shrug, the younger boy grabbed the red knitted  _ thing _ that Pacifica had given him off the nightstand, and put it on around his head.  Dipper thought it looked ridiculous, but he wasn’t about to say anything that would make Norman mad at him.  He knew how much the medium loved that Pacifica Northwest, of all people, had actually made him something.  And it  _ did _ look warm.

 

“Better?” he asked cheekily. 

 

“Come on, let’s go see who was at the door,” Dipper rolled his eyes, grabbing Norman’s hand and pulling him out into the hall.  Pacifica was waiting there, evidently for Mabel to come back to her room.  Even this early in the morning, she’d brushed her hair back into a perfect ponytail and put on a layer of lip gloss.  Her blue-green eyes drifted to Norman’s head, and she frowned.

 

“Ugh, take that off!” she demanded.

 

“No,” Norman couldn’t help but smirk.  She made a dash at him and tried to grab it herself, but he stood on his tiptoes, using his height to get away from her reach.

 

“You can’t wear that in public, it’s hideous!” she exclaimed.  He laughed a little.

 

“No, I love it, I’m wearing it forever!”

 

“Ugh!   _ Why _ ?!”

 

Before the medium could come up with a reply to that, Mabel’s voice sounded from the entryway, stopping all three of the others in their tracks:

 

“Um… Dipper?!”

 

It wasn’t Mabel yelling to them that was surprising - she did that all the time - but the unsure tone was unusual.  Norman, Dipper, and Pacifica all exchanged expressions of confusion before they all rushed to be the first ones to the front door.

 

Standing there, next to a very confused Mabel, was a petite Asian girl in a brightly coloured dress and cardigan.  Her eyes were rimmed with red, as if she’d been crying recently.  Dipper’s face lit up with recognition almost immediately.

 

“Trinh?!” the Pines boy exclaimed.

 

“Dipper!” the girl - Trinh -  _ threw _ herself at him, sobbing into his chest suddenly.

 

“Trinh?” he repeated, shooting Norman a confused look over her head.  “What is it?  What’s wrong?  Come inside, come sit down.  What’s wrong?”

 

***

 

The five teens sat around the Pines’ kitchen table.  Trinh was still crying, but the worst of it was over, and now she could breathe and speak again.  Norman couldn’t stop looking at her, trying to figure out where he had heard her name before.  She clearly knew both Dipper and Mabel.

 

“I’m sorry for barging in like that on the morning after Christmas, but…” Trinh reached out, placed a manicured hand on Dipper’s shoulder.  It made Norman flinch, though he wasn’t quite sure why.  “I just… I didn’t know who else to turn to!”

 

“I-it’s okay,” Dipper stammered, awkwardly placing his hand over hers in a gesture of comfort.  Norman looked away, suddenly remembering where he’d heard the name before.

 

(It had been the October after he’d turned fifteen.  Dipper had told Norman that his homecoming date - Trinh Pham - let him feel her up “over the bra”.  Even back then, it had made his stomach twist up in weird, unpleasant ways.  Two weeks later, Dipper and Trinh had broken up because she couldn’t stand all of his “paranormal conspiracy crap.”  Norman had felt like an asshole for being secretly relieved.)

 

The medium focused his stare at his fingers drumming on the tabletop.  He didn’t want to watch Dipper’s ex-girlfriend squeezing his hand, leaning into his chest.

 

“Trinh, what happened?” Mabel was the next one to speak.  (Pacifica was oddly silent, Norman noticed.  He couldn’t bring himself to look up at her to figure out why.)

 

“It sounds crazy… it sounds  _ so _ crazy,” she shook her head, black hair swishing back and forth.  “Look, I- I know I used to make fun of you, Dipper, but I was wrong.  I was so,  _ so _ wrong!”

 

Despite himself, Norman looked up in time to see Dipper blinking in surprise.  He wished he hadn’t - his boyfriend was looking this girl right in the eyes, asking in that soft tone of voice that Norman usually quite liked:

 

“Something paranormal?”

 

“I think…” Trinh bit her lower lip.  (Was Norman imagining things, or did Dipper’s eyes flit to her mouth when she did that?  Either way, he definitely  _ wasn’t _ imagining her leaning a bit closer to him,  _ gazing _ into his eyes…) “I think a demon kidnapped my little brother!  My parents don’t believe me, the cops don’t either, but I know what I saw!  Dipper, you… you’re the only boy I  trust to help me with this…”

 

Norman reached up and pulled the ear-warmer off of his head.  He felt a little sick.

 

Dipper nodded, seemingly unaware of his boyfriend’s predicament.  His focus was all on  _ her _ .  “Alright.  Yeah.  Alright.  I can- we can help you, Trinh.  Just… just let me get dressed first, okay?  You wait here.”

 

“Okay…” Trinh seemed a little  _ too _ reluctant to let go, but she did.

 

Dipper gestured for Norman to follow him upstairs to get dressed.  The medium didn’t say a word as he did so.  He was afraid of what would happen if he did.

 

***

 

The entire mystery quartet stood inside the bedroom of Trinh’s little brother, Hao Trieu, looking the entire room over for clues the cops might have missed - evidence of something supernatural.  Dipper had insisted he could handle the case alone, but Mabel had decided that if he went, all four of them would have to go. 

 

“Think about it,” she had said on the walk over - Trinh didn’t live far enough away to justify driving - “all four of us, together again, solving a Christmas mystery!  A  _ Christmystery _ !  It’s meant to be!”

 

“It’s the twenty-sixth,” had been the only thing Dipper had to say in reply to that.

 

In a way, Norman was kind of relieved that Mabel had decided that.  Trinh was following Dipper around the room, nodding attentively as he spoke to her - what was he  _ saying _ ?  Why did she keep touching his arm like that?  Norman hated to think what she would be doing if he and Pacifica and Mabel weren’t there.

 

Guilt twisted in his stomach, and he looked away in shame.  Norman was painfully aware how unlike himself he was acting.  Trinh was clearly upset about her brother’s apparent kidnapping, and he normally would have been the first to want to help someone who was upset.  So why could he hardly bear to even  _ look _ at her as she touched Dipper in a way that was  _ absolutely not okay _ , and,  _ ugh _ , now she was obviously checking him out, and flirting, and  _ no, no, no _ !

 

He shook his head.  What the hell was  _ happening _ to him?

 

“Guys,” Mabel called the others over to where she stood by the window, “you might want to check this out!  There’s a footprint or something!”

 

Grateful for the distraction from…  _ whatever _ it was his feelings were doing, Norman went to Mabel’s side immediately, followed by Pacifica, Dipper - and  _ Trinh _ .  He tried to push that thought from his head, tried to focus on what Mabel was gesturing at.

 

There, on the windowsill, was a hoof print seemingly _ burned _ into the paint.  Just outside was another on the outside of the house - which was strange, as the Pham house was two stories, and Hao Trieu’s bedroom was on the second story.  What was doubly strange was that the print looked like that of a goat or a sheep or something - not exactly a common sight in Piedmont, California.

 

“See?  See?  That  _ has _ to be demonic!” Trinh exclaimed.  

 

Norman frowned - since when was  _ she _ an expert at demonology?  There was no evidence that pointed to demons - no smell of sulfur, no bleeding walls.

 

_ ‘She’s just trying to help,’ _ he told himself.   _ ‘She’s just worried about her brother.  It’s not her fault she’s inexperienced with this stuff.  I’m being ridiculous.’ _

 

“Hold on,” Dipper muttered, reaching over past his sister to pull something out of the hinges of the window.  “How did the cops miss this?”

 

In his hands, Dipper held coarse black hairs - more like those of a goat than anything that was likely to have come off of Hao Trieu.

 

“Let me see,” Trinh grabbed Dipper’s hand and pulled it so the hairs were in front of her face. “Wow, Dipper, how did you even  see these?  You’re… you’re amazing, you know.”

 

Norman turned away.  He felt sick again.  Where did she get off calling Dipper amazing in that awed tone of voice?!  He shook his head more vigourously - what was the  _ matter _ with him?  So  _ what _ if Trinh thought Dipper was amazing?  Dipper  _ was _ amazing - and he was dating Norman. So why did Norman care what Trinh thought?  Why couldn’t he just help her like any other case?

 

His head was beginning to hurt.

 

“Uh, Norman?”

 

He jumped a little, then blushed when he realised it was just Pacifica.

 

“Are you alright?” she asked quietly, furrowing her brows.  “You’ve been weirdly quiet.  I mean, if I were you, I’d have gone freaking apeshit by now.”

 

“What are you talking about?” he frowned.

 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed,” Pacifica gestured with her chin over to where Trinh was standing by Dipper.  Touching his arm  _ again _ .  

 

Norman felt his chest clench. 

 

“You  _ have _ noticed!” Pacifica reminded him she was still standing there.

 

“Sh,” he shushed her.  “It doesn’t matter.  She’s not… She’s not  _ really _ doing anything.”

 

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” the blonde crossed her arms.  “Seriously, Norman, just say the words and I will march over there and give her a piece of my mind.”

 

“N-no, that won’t be necessary,” he ran a hand through his hair.  “I want to help Trinh, Pacifica, I do, it’s just… I don’t understand why she… she  _ irritates _ me so much.  And I know I shouldn’t feel like this-”

 

“Yes, you should.  You absolutely should.  She’s flirting with your boyfriend, for fuck’s sake.”

 

“Pacifica, sh!” He frowned.  “Look, just… just don’t worry about it.  It’s fine.”

 

She hesitated just long enough for him to notice the ghost floating behind her. 

 

Norman stood up a little straighter as he took in the sight of the little old woman - probably Trinh’s grandmother.  

 

“Pacifica,” he whispered, “stand still for a second and pretend I’m talking to you, okay?  Can you do that?”

 

She looked confused, but nodded.  He made eye contact with the ghost.  She opened her mouth.

 

“Bạn thấy tôi?”

 

He wilted a little.  Great.  Of course Grandma Pham - if that was who she was - only spoke Vietnamese.

 

“Uh… Do… do you speak English, Miss…?”

 

Pacifica’s eyes widened as she realised what he was doing.  But to her credit, she followed instructions well - she stood there and pretended he was whispering to her.

 

“Cái gì?” The old woman asked.  “Tôi không hiểu!”  
  
---  
  
“Uh…” Norman tried again.  “Hao Trieu-”

 

“Hao Trieu!” The woman’s undead eyes lit up.  “Các Krampus đưa ông đến East Oakland! Giống như trong các câu chuyện!”

 

“Um.  Thank you,” he held up his hands, hoping she at least understood the gesture.  There were at least three words of that which  _ weren’t _ Vietnamese.  They could use that to help solve the case.  Then they could go home, Norman could spend some time with his boyfriend away from all of this, and his head would stop hurting and his heart would stop clenching.

 

_ ‘And a little boy’s life would be saved,’ _ he reminded himself.  He hated that he had to remind himself.  But it would all be solved soon.

 

“Guys?” he turned and called out to the twins, who both flocked over to where he and Pacifica stood - Trinh close behind.  (Norman pretended not to notice, though it didn’t escape him that, true to his wishes, Pacifica didn’t say a word to her.)  “I might have… um… do either of you know what a ‘Krampus’ is?”

 

“I do!” Trinh piped up.  “Wait here - I’ll be right back.”

 

With that, the newcomer to their mystery-solving team scampered out of the room.

 

“She’s eager to help,” Mabel commented, then turned to Norman.  Her girlfriend cut her off before she could speak:

 

“She’s certainly eager to do  _ something _ ,” Pacifica huffed, crossing her arms.

 

“Yeah.  To save her brother,” Dipper frowned.  “Norman, what’s going on?”

 

“H-huh?” the medium blushed.  “Oh, um… nothing.”

 

“Nothing,” Dipper looked skeptical.  “So you just pulled the term ‘Krampus’ out of thin air.”

 

Norman felt a little embarrassed - his boyfriend had been asking about the case, not about…  _ whatever _ it was he was feeling about Trinh.  Of course.  The case was what was important right now.  He had to keep reminding himself that.   _ ‘Focus on the case, Norman.  Not on how Trinh keeps touching Dipper.  The case.’ _

 

“There’s a ghost,” he gestured to where Grandma Pham was still watching them suspiciously.  “She only speaks Vietnamese, I think, but I got three words out of her that could help.  That was one of them.”

 

“What were the other two?” Mabel asked.

 

“East Oakland.”

 

“Here it is,” Trinh marched back into the room holding a book, and the mystery quartet broke their quasi-huddle to look at her. (Or, in Pacifica’s case at least, to glare daggers at her.)  “It’s a book of fairy tales - Hao Trieu got it for Christmas.  But that’s just… The Krampus is just some old fairy tale, isn’t it?”

 

Dipper glanced over at Norman, then turned back to his ex.  “You’d be surprised how many old fairy tales have a grain of truth in them.  Let me see that.”

 

Trinh handed him the book readily - their fingers brushing as she did so - and he skimmed the page.  Mabel peered over his shoulder, reading out loud for the benefit of the rest of the group:

 

“In Germany and Austria, the hairy demon Krampus, with the horns and cloven hooves of a goat, thrashes his chains about.  Whereas Santa Claus rewards good, sweet little children, the Krampus kidnaps nasty, bad little children - and  _ beats them with branches _ !”

 

“ _ No _ !” Trinh gasped, and thrust herself into Dipper's arms, causing him to drop the book.  "I don't want my little brother to get beaten by a demon!"

 

“I-it’s alright,” Dipper stammered, patting her hair somewhat awkwardly.  Norman looked down at his shoes.  “Don’t worry, Trinh, I’ve got a plan.  Mabel, you and Pacifica go back home and research all you can about the Krampus.  If he exists, there’s a way to defeat him.  Norman, you and me are going to East Oakland.”

 

“What about  _ me _ ?!” Trinh looked up, her eyes locking with Dipper’s.  “Dipper, I- I know I always called you crazy for believing in this stuff, but I’m  _ scared _ ! You can’t just leave me alone!”

 

“It’s safer for you to stay here,” Dipper told her softly.  (Did he  _ really _ need to use that tone of voice?!)  “You still have my phone number, right?  Call me if anything weird happens.  Alright?”

 

“A-alright…” she agreed.

 

***

 

It just didn’t make any sense, Dipper reflected as he parked the car he shared with Mabel in East Oakland.  He locked all the doors before putting change in the meter - though it was only fifteen minutes away from his house in Piedmont, this part of the city was like being in a different world.  Car break-ins weren’t uncommon.

 

But more importantly, why would a creature from German lore be kidnapping the child of first-generation Vietnamese immigrants?  And why in California?  “Christmystery” or no, something wasn’t adding up.  A piece of the puzzle just wasn’t there.

 

“Come on,” he took Norman’s hand and walked them into an alleyway between two large business buildings. He didn’t know what they were doing there, but it was better to be actively seeking clues than to be loitering cluelessly by the car like a couple of schmucks.  “Did the ghost give you any other clues about East Oakland?”

 

“Maybe.  I told you, she was speaking Vietnamese.”

 

Norman sounded a little more irritated than normal, and Dipper turned to look at him.  

 

“Are you alright?” he frowned.  “You’ve been weirdly quiet all day.”

 

“I’m fine,” the younger boy responded a little too quickly, shrinking into himself a bit.

 

Dipper hesitated.  There was a big difference between the Norman this morning - the laughing boy in an ugly wool hairband who was utterly comfortable with him - and the one that stood before him now, chewing his lip and unable to look Dipper in the eyes.

 

The older boy let go of Norman’s hand to cup his boyfriend’s face gently.  He watched those same blue eyes that he’d been gazing into that morning as they now darted back and forth, unsure.  It was clear that something was  _ seriously _ bothering Norman.

 

“Norm… you know you can tell me anything, right?  If something’s bothering you-”

 

“But it shouldn’t be bothering me!” The medium exclaimed.  Dipper pulled back in his surprise, and the younger boy wilted a little.  “It’s just… I think I’m… upset?  I don’t really know if ‘upset’ is even the right word.”

 

“What’s upsetting you?” Dipper tried again.

 

“Watching Trinh Pham throw herself at you all morning!” Norman blurted out.  Immediately, he clamped his mouth shut and looked away again.  But the words couldn’t be unsaid.

 

Dipper bristled a little.  “She wasn’t ‘throwing herself’ at me.  You don’t know Trinh like I do - she’s just upset because her brother is missing!  I can’t believe you, of all people, are jealous!”

 

Now, Norman looked Dipper in the eyes, if only to glare at him.  “I’m not-!  I’m not  _ jealous _ !  I just… I don’t like seeing her touching you so much!”

 

“That’s jealousy, Norman!”

 

“Well, maybe… maybe I wouldn’t be jealous if you’d told her to back off!” His glare hardened, making those blue eyes look icy cold.  “Maybe you could have told her that I was your boyfriend instead of letting her grab at your arm and- and  _ flirt _ with you.”

 

“I wasn’t letting her do anything!  I can’t believe you!” Despite himself, Dipper could feel his temper flaring up.  How could Norman think that he’d ever allow anyone - especially someone like Trinh Pham - to come between them?!  After all they’d been through together, how could Norman still doubt him that much?!

 

“ _ You _ can’t believe  _ me _ ?” Norman challenged.  “Not  _ once _ did you even try to introduce me to her.  I don’t think she even knows my name.  ‘Trinh, this is my boyfriend, Norman, he’s going to be helping us investigate’ - I mean,  _ really _ , Dipper, it’s not that hard!  Maybe then she wouldn’t have been clinging to you the whole time-”

 

“ _ Clinging _ to me?!” the older boy yelled.  “She wasn’t clinging!  She was crying because her little brother got kidnapped by a German Christmas demon!  He could  _ die _ , Norman!  A little kid could die!  Or did you forget that we’re supposed to be investigating that?!”

 

“I didn’t forget-!” Norman’s eyes darted to a little behind Dipper, and suddenly went wide.  “Dipper, behind yo-!”

 

Something suddenly was covering Dipper’s face, so that he couldn’t see, or even breathe.  The stench of whatever it was, was horrible, like hot garbage and decaying corpses, crawling down into his throat, into his lungs.  

 

He tried to cough, but couldn’t.  Tried to twist away, but something held his arms tight.  Where was Norman?!  Was he okay?!

 

Dipper tried again to escape, but to no avail.  His lungs were burning, screaming in agony, from the lack of air.  His mouth tasted like the bottom of a birdcage, from the stench of - ugh,  _ what _ was on his face?!  Why couldn’t he see?  Why couldn’t he  _ move _ ?

 

Slowly - agonisingly slowly - he fell into unconsciousness.

 

***

 

He couldn’t see a thing when he awoke.  In fact, it took him a few seconds to even realise he  was awake, with how dark it was.  Dipper blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes to adjust.  He coughed, spitting out a bit of mucus in an attempt to get that awful taste out his mouth.

 

It was no use.  It was too dark, his mouth still tasted like he’d licked someone else’s vomit, he had a headache and what felt like bruises along his spine, and he didn’t even know where he was or if Norman was okay-

 

_ Norman _ !

 

Suddenly, Dipper remembered what had happened before he’d passed out.  The case, the argument - where was Norman?!  Was he safe?  Was he hurt?”

 

“Norman?” he said out loud, crawling around on the floor in the darkness.  “Can you hear me?  Oh, god, please be alright.  Norman?”

 

No reply.  Dipper felt sick.  This wasn’t supposed to be how today went at all.  He had planned on telling Norman he loved him, not fighting over something as stupid as a few arm touches.  And now he didn’t know where he was, or if he’d ever see Norman again, or if the last thing he’d ever have said to his boyfriend was something about a dead child.

 

He groped around on the floor in front of him, feeling nothing but… dirt?  Dust?  Was that a chunk of concrete or a rock?  He coughed again, still babbling in hopes that Norman could hear him:

 

“Norman, if you can hear me, I’m sorry, I am, just please be alright, please be alright, please be  _ alive _ …  Come on, Norm, please.  Just say something.  Anything.  Even if you’re going to yell at me, just say something, just let me know you’re alive, oh my god.”

 

A barely audible little sniff came from the far corner of… wherever it was that Dipper was.  He whipped his head around automatically, though he still couldn’t make out anything more than a few large dark shapes in the ever-present darkness.

 

“Norman?” he asked again, crawling towards where the sound had come from.

 

“N-no…” a tiny voice responded.  Dipper realised immediately who it was.

 

“Hao Trieu?” he crawled a little closer until his fingers touched a wall.  Sitting up against it, he reached out and found the child’s sleeve.  He’d met Hao Trieu once or twice back when he and Trinh were an item, but that had been awhile ago.  “Do you remember me?”

 

The little boy didn’t respond at first.  Dipper scooted a little closer and wrapped an arm around the kid’s shoulders. 

 

“How old are you now?” he tried again.  “Seven?  Eight?”

 

“Seven and a half,” Hao Trieu responded.  “He got you too, huh?”

 

“Who got me?”

 

“The Krampus,” the child spoke with utmost sincerity.  “I saw him - he’s  _ real _ .  He kidnaps kids for being bad!  That’s why I’m here.  I coloured in all Trinh’s magazines and stole some of her candy… What did  _ you _ do?”

 

Dipper hesitated, but ultimately figured that if he could keep Hao Trieu talking, he might be able to figure out a way out of this mess.  If there  _ was _ a way out.

 

“I got in an argument with my boyfriend,” he responded honestly.

 

“You have a boyfriend?!” the little boy sounded surprised.  “Boys can have boyfriends?”

 

“Yeah,” Dipper shrugged, though he knew Hao Trieu probably couldn’t see it.

 

“Does he like Transformers?”

 

Dipper smiled sadly.  It was such an innocent question.  It was also one Dipper didn’t know the answer to - though, the fact that it had never come up between them pointed to the answer probably being no.

 

“I don’t know,” he responded honestly.  “He’s more into zombies than robots.  Have you… do you know where he is?  I think the Krampus may have taken him, too.”

 

“Does he have spiky hair?”

 

“Yes!” Relief flooded his whole body, to the point where it felt as if a weight was being lifted off of his chest.  “Yes!  Hao Trieu, do you know where he is?!”

 

Hao Trieu took Dipper’s hand and moved it off of his shoulders and down past him.  Dipper let the child lead his hand until his fingers made contact with a familiar head of hair -  _ Norman’s _ hair - on the ground.

 

He gasped, feeling his heart sink again as he moved to get Norman’s head in his lap.  The younger teen wasn’t responsive, wasn’t moving.  Was he…?  Dipper couldn’t bear to even think the rest of that question.  

 

As if on cue, Norman suddenly coughed.

 

“Oh, thank god,” Dipper said.  The younger boy stirred in his arms, regaining consciousness.

 

“Dipper?” Norman’s voice was groggy.  “Is that-”

 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s me!” 

 

“And me,” Hao Trieu piped up.  In his relief, Dipper couldn’t help but laugh a little at that.

 

“And Hao Trieu.  Norman, I- are you hurt?”

 

“No,” the medium sat up.  “I’m fine, I just… where  _ are _ we?”

 

“Don’t know,” Dipper slowly stood up, though he wasn’t sure if there even would be room for him to do so.  It turned out there was, though, and so he began to walk slowly, keeping a hand on the wall as he did so.  “Stay there, I’m going to try and find a door.  If there’s a way in here, then there’s a way out...”

 

Norman didn’t reply.  It stung a little. Dipper wondered if his boyfriend was still mad at him.  He shook his head, still feeling along the wall, shuffling his feet forward.  There wasn’t time for him to worry about that right now.  He had to get them out of here first, and then he could tell Norman he was sorry for being such an ass, and that he loved him, only him, not Trinh Pham.

 

... _ If _ he could get them out of here, that is.

 

The walls felt cold, kind of damp.  Dipper was almost positive they were brick walls, though some sections had crumbled to reveal what felt like metal piping underneath.  That probably meant they were still somewhere in industrial Oakland. 

 

“Dipper,” Norman’s voice sounded so small in the vast, dark emptiness of wherever they were, “did you try calling Mabel?  My phone has no service…”

 

The older boy stopped walking.  In his panic, he’d completely forgotten that he even owned a cell phone!  He reached into his pocket, and… of course, it was gone.  It must have fallen out at some point between parking the car and waking up here.

 

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered under his breath, too soft for Norman and Hao Trieu to hear, and smacked the wall lightly to vent his frustration.  He turned his head and called back over his shoulder, “I think I lost it.  Can you use yours like a flashlight and see if you can figure out where we are?”

 

A pause.  Dipper continued to walk forward, feeling his way along the wall.  How long  was this room?

 

“We’re in a brick room,” Norman spoke again.  Dipper bit back the urge to tell him that he’d already figured it out - the  _ last _ thing he needed was for Norman to be mad at him.  “One that probably hasn’t been used for a long time.”

 

Hao Trieu screamed and Dipper whipped his head around.

 

“Dead rat,” Norman explained.  The older boy could see the light of the cell phone, an aura of white in the surrounding blackness, illuminating part of Norman’s face.  The medium looked tired -  _ resigned _ , even - and Dipper felt his heart clench again.  Norman was barely saying a word - was he scared?  Was he still mad at him?  Had he decided to give up?  

 

Dipper  _ had _ to get them out of here.

 

He kept walking until the texture beneath his fingers changed.  What he was feeling now was no longer crumbling brick walls, but something smooth and cold, almost like…

 

“Metal,” he murmured out loud.  “A door… A door!  I found a door!”  

 

He felt along the door until he found a handle, and jiggled it a bit to determine if the lock would give.  And when that didn’t work - he hadn’t expected it to - Dipper began slamming his shoulder against it.  The door had to give in eventually.  Because he sure as hell had no intention of doing so.

 

“Come on!” he punctuated each of his shoulder slams with an exclamation. “Stupid!  Door!  Come on!”

 

“Stop it!” Hao Trieu screamed again.  “He’ll hear you!  Stop it!”

 

“Just!  A little! More!”

 

Something pounded on the other side of the door, and Dipper jumped back.  Frozen in one spot, he heard the sound of metal on concrete, like rattling chains being dragged on the ground.  This, paired suddenly with a low, growling sound that Dipper soon realised was laughter.  Behind him, Hao Trieu had begun to cry.

 

“Naughty, nasty little boys,” the voice that came from the other side of the wall was a deep, raspy baritone.  Had he not been trapped, Dipper probably would have laughed at it for how very “Disney villain” it sounded.  There on the cold, dusty ground, nothing about it was funny.  “Needlessly fighting the day after Christmas, and then trying to get out of your comeuppance?  Don’t you worry your pretty little head, Dipper Pines. Your punishment will come soon enough.  The clock is ticking… and time is short.”

 

“What does that even  _ mean _ ?!” Dipper demanded.

 

The Krampus - or whatever that was out there - didn’t reply.

 

Gulping, Dipper felt his way back to the corner of the room, where Hao Trieu’s cries were muffled, probably by Norman holding him.  

 

He leaned back against the wall and sighed.  They were trapped.  They were utterly, hopelessly trapped, and there was nothing they could do about except wait there in the darkness for - what, the Krampus to come in and beat the shit out of them with branches?  Dipper felt sick.  He didnt want to give up, but there was no way out.  There wasn’t even a way to let Mabel and Pacifica know where they were.  He just couldn’t believe that after all they’d been through - after ghosts and suicide cults and zombies and sasquatches and Eldritch Abominations and a huge crisis over whether he was gay or straight only to find out that he was neither - after all of that, they were going to be done in by a character out of a children’s story book!

 

And the worst part of it was that, if they died in here, Norman would never know how Dipper felt about him.  Norman would end his life thinking Dipper wanted to get out and feel up Trinh Pham, instead of knowing the truth, that now Dipper couldn’t even fathom the idea of ever again kissing anyone but Norman Babcock, for the rest of his life.  Even if the rest of his life was only a few more hours.

 

He couldn’t let that happen.  

 

Determination set in now.  Sure, he had no control over where they were, or how long they would be there, but he couldn’t let Norman think that, not now, not for one more second.  Of all the uncontrollable things about their situation, this was one Dipper  _ could _ control - and damn it, he was  _ going _ to control it.

 

“Norman,” he said, “I- I have to tell you something!”

 

Norman hesitated before replying, “I don’t really know if this is the best time to-”

 

“I love you!” Dipper blurted it out.

 

“... Wh- _ what ? _ ” his boyfriend’s voice was slightly higher pitched than usual in its shock.  Even Hao Trieu had stopped crying.  Dipper groaned.

 

“I wanted to tell you last night, but I couldn’t find the right words.  How can words explain- I mean, I- The thing is?  I’m, like,  _ completely _ in love with you, Norman.  More than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone or anything.  It’s… it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes - in a really, really good way, you know?  You’re just… completely amazing.  You’ve always been there for me, even when I didn’t deserve it, and I can’t believe my luck sometimes that I even get to be in the same  _ room _ as you, let alone hold you, and kiss you, and- and I want to keep doing that.  Always.  Because no one in the world could ever be as good for me as you.”

 

He sighed, shakily.  It was as if a dam had broken, and now he couldn’t stop rambling:

 

“And you don’t have to do or say anything except be you, because that’s more than enough. It’s always been more than enough, it’s always going to be.  God, Norman, I just- I want to wake up next to you ten, twenty years from now and tell you all of this every damn morning, but now we might not get that chance, and I have to tell you now, but how can I?  How can these three tiny words possibly tell you how much I- I love you.  I love you, I love you, I love you.  I could say it, like, a million times, and it doesn’t even come close to equalling how much I really feel, and you don’t have to say it back or anything, but-”

 

“Dipper, of  _ course _ I love you back.”  Norman’s hand reached out in the darkness and found Dipper’s.  The older boy was relieved that he could  _ hear _ the smile in Norman’s voice.  He hoped against hope that he’d get a chance to see that crooked little smile again.  “I’ve known that since August.”

 

Dipper squeezed his hand, brought it up to his face and held it there, Norman’s hand against his cheek.  

 

In the silence, the two clung to each other like that for a very, very long time.

 

And then, the door opened.  Dipper’s head snapped up to the sudden beam of light that shone in his face.  He squinted, his eyes trying to adjust to something other than darkness.  It wasn’t until he heard his sister’s voice that he realised the sudden light was a flashlight beam.

 

“Dipper,” Mabel kneeled down and cupped her brother’s face, “you’re okay!”

 

Behind her, Pacifica waved her own flashlight around.  It was only then that Dipper was able to glean a little more of his surroundings, based on what the beam of light landed upon.  Broken, dusty windows high up on the walls, equipment that hasn’t seen usage in probably over a decade - the “Krampus’s lair” was little more than an old factory building!

 

“How’d you find us?” he asked. 

 

“We took a bus to East Oakland, found your car,” Pacifica replied, “and then from there it was a matter of following clues.  A dropped cell phone in an alleyway, another burnt hoof-print, and a scrap of your shirt caught on some barbed wire around this gross old building - really, Dipper, it wasn’t that hard!”

 

“And Paz didn’t even tell you the best part!” Mabel’s voice was entirely too chipper.  “The Krampus - he’s not real!”

 

“What?” Dipper frowned.  “We heard him!”

 

“I saw him,” Norman added, the little child in his arms nodding along to indicate he, too, had seen him.

 

“No, no,  _ listen _ , he’s-” Mabel began to explain, but was drowned out by the sign of clanking chains.

 

Hao Trieu gasped and whispered, “He’s  _ here _ .”

 

Pacifica and Mabel both whirled around, their flashlights on the door just as the beast came in.  For the first time, Dipper really got a good look at the Krampus.  It was at least ten feet tall, maybe more, with massive hands and a coat of matted black fur.  The horns on its head were massive and curled like a ram’s, and its feet were cloven hooves.  Chains were draped around its body, and in one of its hands it held a bunch of birch branches.  The waves of stench coming off of this thing made Dipper gag.

 

“Naughty girls,” the Krampus smirked, its fangs dripping saliva onto its black fur.  “Breaking in - don’t you know this is private property?  No matter - there’s plenty of branches to go around!”

 

_ Click . _

 

Pacifica had taken a photo of the beast on her iPhone.  She took a few steps to the left, looking for phone service, and then laughed triumphantly.

 

“You’re not real,” Mabel grinned.  “We don’t believe in you, do we, Paz?”

 

“Not even a little,” the blonde shook her head.

 

“ _ What?! _ ” the Krampus sounded enraged.

 

“Nope!” Mabel grinned.  “Because you messed up - the Krampus isn’t real.  It’s a German fairy tale!  If you wanted to really scare us, you’d have picked something a lot more  _ obvious _ to imitate!  Like Bigfoot.  Ooh, or an alien - Dipper would have been  _ all _ over that!”

 

“Imitate?” Dipper frowned, glaring up at his sister.

 

“Yup!  When Paz and I were researching, we found out something  _ very _ interesting.  And because of that, we don’t believe in you, Mr. Krampus - or should I say Mr.  _ Tulpa _ ?!”

 

“Tulpa…” he muttered to himself, straining his brain to remember… of course!  Of course it had to be a Tulpa - all the things that didn’t make sense about this case, it all fell into place when one considered it wasn’t the Krampus, but a shapeshifting thought form monster preying on the imagination of a little boy.  And how did one defeat a Tulpa?

 

“You think it matters to me what you ‘found out’?” The Krampus - no, the  _ Tulpa _ \- laughed, brandishing its bundle of birch branches.  “You’re too late - I already have you right where I want you.”

 

“Puh- _ leeze _ ,” Pacifica laughed.  “Do you  _ know _ how many Instagram followers I have?”

 

The Tulpa shrank before their eyes.  Now it was only about six feet tall, about Norman’s height.

 

“Let me read some of these comments to you,” the blonde continued, “they’re a riot!  About eighty per cent of them are just the word ‘fake’, but here, listen to this one. ‘My blind grandma can photoshop better than that!’”

 

“No!” the Tulpa shrieked.  It was four feet tall now.

 

“Ooh, this one’s unique,” Mabel read over her girlfriend’s shoulder.  “‘Nice cosplay, but next time get your fabric at a real store instead of using a rug from IKEA.’  Ha!  Cosplay…”

 

“Stop it!” the Tulpa ran at them.  But now it was only two feet tall.  

 

“This user says their dog would make a better Krampus than you,” Pacifica smirked evilly.  By the time the Tulpa got to her, it was less than a foot tall, and shrinking rapidly.  

 

“Hao Trieu?” Mabel smiled gently at the little boy, who was watching this all with wonder.  “What do you say?  Still believe in the Krampus?”

 

The little boy smiled.  “No.  No, I really don’t!”

 

The Tulpa disappeared with this final blow to its power.  It would disturb them no more.

 

***

 

Mabel drove them all back to Piedmont - Dipper’s eyes were apparently taking “too long” to adjust to being back in sunlight.  Norman didn’t mind - the back seat was cramped, but Dipper loved him.  Dipper  _ loved _ him, and now he didn’t care  _ what _ Trinh did, because she couldn’t change that - Dipper loved him so much, it was almost no wonder that he hadn’t noticed her flirting.  It was a nice feeling.  He wanted to hold onto it forever.

 

It was late afternoon, and they pulled up to the Pham household right as the sun began to set.  Dipper grabbed Norman’s hand and held it tight as the quartet walked up to the door, Mabel holding Hao Trieu in her arms.

 

Mr. Pham was the one who opened the door.  He yelped wordlessly when his son exclaimed, “Daddy!”  From there, it had only been a lot of screaming and happy tears as the family was happily reunited.

 

(Norman noticed Grandma Pham floating above them, a fond look on her face.  He waved at her, and she shot him a grateful smile.  She wouldn’t be able to verbally thank him, but some things were universally understood.)

 

Trinh soon made her way over to the quartet.  Or rather, over to Dipper.

 

“I can’t thank you enough,” she smiled up at him, placing a hand on his chest.  “Dipper, you- you’re a hero!”

 

“Back off, Trinh,” Hao Trieu piped up from his mother’s arm.  “He has a boyfriend who likes zombies, and zombies are cooler than you!”

 

“Hao Trieu Pham, you stop that!” Mrs. Pham shushed her son.  

 

Trinh stepped back, and blinked.  And then, for the first time, she seemed to finally notice Dipper holding Norman’s hand.

 

“...Oh,” she said.  “You- oh.  You and him?”

 

Norman blushed.

 

“Y-yeah,” Dipper looked sheepish.  “I should have told you before.  This is, ah… This is Norman.  My boyfriend.”  He smiled a little.  “I love him a lot.”

 

“Norman,” Trinh stepped in front of him, looking up at him with an unreadable expression on her face.  Norman held his breath, wondering if she was about to yell at him or something.  Much to his surprise, her face broke out into a smile.  “You’re lucky, you know.  He’s a good guy.”

 

“I know,” relieved, he returned her smile.  She stood on her tiptoes and leaned closer, to whisper something in his ear:

 

“Here’s a tip.  When you kiss him?  He likes it when you suck on his bottom lip a little.  Not enough to hurt him, but you get the idea.”

 

Norman could feel his face go completely red, and he coughed nervously.  Trinh laughed.

 

“Wh-what’d she say about me?!” Dipper demanded.  “Trinh, what did you  _ tell _ him?!”

 

“You’ll find out,” she responded in a sing-song voice, then laughed some more.

 

Norman hid his face in the crook of Dipper’s shoulder.  Despite his embarrassment, he was happy.  Hao Trieu was safe.  The mystery was solved.  And Dipper loved him.

 

Dipper loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be noted that I do not speak Vietnamese, so if there are any grammatical errors with Grandma Pham, please don't hesitate to let me know!


	11. The Guide to College Acceptance

_ Tip # 11: Sometimes, there’s nothing you can do for one another except offer emotional support.  And sometimes, that’s enough. _

 

***

 

“Dear Mr. Pines.”

 

(Dipper wondered if he would ever get used to these letters addressing him as ‘Mr. Pines’.)

 

“Congratulations!  On behalf of the staff and faculty of Kaufman University, it is with great pleasure that I inform you of your admission to Kaufman as a member of the class of…”

 

Dipper didn’t even read the rest of the acceptance letter.  With a loud wordless yelp of excitement he pinned it on the wall - next to the other two acceptance letters he’d received that day, from Syracuse and Potsdam - and ran to grab the laptop he shared with his sister out of her room before she could claim it.

 

“Woah, hey!” Mabel jumped up from the bed, knocking over her sketchpad and a few of the coloured pencils she had been drawing with.  “Knock first, Dippin’ Dots, I could have been naked or something!  What was that ‘whoop’ about, huh?”

 

“What ‘whoop’?” Despite himself, Dipper couldn’t keep the grin off of his face.  “For your information, Mabel, I just got accepted to not one, not two, but  _ three _ of the schools I applied to in New York.”

 

“When are you gonna get accepted into a California school, huh?” She shoved him playfully.  “East coast least coast, west coast best coast.  Everyone knows that.”

 

“I think Norman wants to stay on the east coast so he can still go to Neil’s graduation or something.  But we applied to some schools in Ohio and Illinois too, so- why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“Because it’s so  _ adorable _ !” Mabel gushed, bringing her hands up to her face in a gesture of happiness.  “Applying to all the same schools together - you’re so in  _ love _ !”

 

“Sh-shut up,” her brother blushed.  “It’s not like we’re running off to get married.  We always talked about going to college together, even before we started doing this whole boyfriend thing!  You know that!”

 

“Whatever you say, loverboy.  Are you gonna shop for curtains together too?”

 

“Shut up, Mabel.  Just because Pacifica can buy her way into whatever school you get accepted into-”

 

“Ooh, better stock up on condoms while you’re there!”

 

“Oh my god, shut  _ up _ , Mabel!” He swiped the laptop, face now thoroughly red, and sped out of the room before his sister’s teasing could get any worse.  The sound of her raucous laughter followed him down the hall.

 

Predictably, Norman was already on Skype by the time Dipper calmed down enough to force the blush off of his face.  The older boy didn’t even hesitate to hit the ‘call’ button.  Within a few seconds, the face of his boyfriend - the face Dipper had grown to favouring over every other face - filled the laptop’s screen.

 

“Norman!” He greeted his boyfriend with a smile.  “Just the guy I wanted to see!  I’ve got news for you!  I got my letters today from Potsdam and Syracu-”

 

“I got my letter from Potsdam too,” Norman cut him off, looking down.  The webcam froze for a few seconds on the medium’s dejected face, and Dipper could feel his heart dropping into his stomach.

 

“Don’t tell me,” Dipper said.

 

“I didn’t get in,” came the reply he had been both expecting and dreading.

 

“C-come on, Norm, don’t worry about it.  Potsdam is probably a shithole anyway.  I didn’t really wanna go there, and you didn’t either.”

 

A small shrug.  Norman still wouldn’t look up.  “I know.  It still kind of sucks to be told you’re not wanted.  After UMass Boston, this is my second college rejection, but... people have been rejecting me all my life.  You’d think I’d be used to it by now...”

 

Of all the things Norman could have said, that one stung Dipper the most.  He immediately jumped up and tore the letter from SUNY Potsdam off of his wall, crumpling it and dropping it on the floor before running back to the laptop.

 

“Hey, fuck Potsdam, alright?!  Besides, you got into URI when I didn’t.”

 

“The entire state of Rhode Island is probably smaller than the city you live in, Dip.  It’s not exactly a shining achievement.”  Norman sighed.  “I guess if worse comes to worse we could join Courtney in Stoneybrook.  You got accepted there, too, right?”

 

“Don’t do that, man,” the older boy frowned.  “Don’t start resigning yourself to something you don’t want - we applied to more schools than that!  Just you wait, acceptance letters are gonna start pouring in soon.”

 

“You don’t know that.”

 

“Yeah, I do - who  _ wouldn’t _ want you?”

 

“SUNY Potsdam,” Norman deadpanned, then sighed again.  “It’s easier for you, Dip.  Piedmont is, like, one of the top 100 high schools in the country, isn’t it?  Nobody’s even heard of Blithe Hollow High...”

 

“Well then it’s their loss!” Dipper could feel his blood boiling.  “Seriously, fuck Potsdam!  They weren’t the right school for you anyway!”

 

“I don’t really…” the medium shifted uncomfortably.  “Look, can we talk about something other than Potsdam?  Did you hear back from Kaufman yet?”

 

Dipper paused, still reeling from that hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach.  Norman was upset enough right now without having to compare his bad day to Dipper’s good one.  He couldn’t do that to his boyfriend.  He couldn’t hurt him.

 

So he lied.

 

“No.  I haven’t heard from Kaufman yet.”

 

***

 

Mabel got  _ her _ letter two days later.

 

Granted, she, like her brother, had gotten multiple letters of both acceptance and rejection.  Unlike Dipper, most of the schools Mabel had applied to were art schools, both on the east and west coast.  Also unlike Dipper, she had the ability to brush off the rejection rather well.  After all, there were always other schools, and she knew she was talented enough to get into at least one of them.

 

Which is why she was surprised at her own excitement when the San Francisco Institution of Art - a prestigious art school - sent a letter informing her not only of her acceptance, but of a full scholarship, including both tuition and residency fees.

 

Mabel did the only thing she could do.

 

She squealed.   _ Loudly _ .

 

“What?!” her mother came rushing into the kitchen, where Mabel had opened her letter.  “What is it?! Mabel, are you-”

 

“ _ Mom! _ ” she turned to her mother, unable to keep the grin off her face or the light out of her sparkling brown eyes.  “I’m going to San Francisco!”

 

“Let me see that,” Mrs. Pines held her hand out for the letter, eyes scanning it once her daughter handed it to her. “A- a  _ full scholarship _ ?!  Mabel, I can’t believe it!  I’m so  _ proud _ of you!”

 

And suddenly both mother and daughter were squealing as they clung to each other, dancing around the kitchen in their delight.  It was this sight that greeted Dipper as he came down into the kitchen to grab something to drink.

 

“Uh…” he began, but was immediately pounced upon by both his mother and his sister talking at him all at once:

 

“A full scholarship!”

 

“It’s in San Francisco - right across the bay-!”

 

“A  _ full  _ scholarship - and to such a good school, too!”

 

“Can you believe it?! Isn’t it incredible?!”

 

“My little baby girl is going to be an  _ artist _ !”

 

He leaned against a wall, a little overwhelmed by the barrage of comments screamed at him.  “Uh,” he said, smiling weakly, “that’s, uh… that’s great, Mabel.  Congratulations.  You definitely earned that…”

 

Mrs. Pines and Mabel exchanged looks. 

 

“Dipper, I thought you got accepted to most of your favourite schools too,” Mabel spoke.  She could see Dipper was trying and failing to hide some sort of sadness, and she was determined to fix that right up!  It just wouldn’t  _ do _ to have one happy twin and one sad twin!

 

“I did, but… what if Norman doesn’t get into Kaufman?  He wants to go there more than I do - did you know they’re one of only two schools in the country that offers a parapsychology minor?!”

 

“Para- _ huh _ ?” Mabel frowned.

 

Their mother pursed her lips.  “You know, Dipper… it isn’t the end of the world if you and Norman end up at different schools.”

 

“It’s not just that, Mom.  You don’t get it…” he grumbled, looking away.

 

“Dipper Pines, don’t speak to your mother with that tone of voice,” she scolded her son.  “I’m  _ trying _ to ‘get it’.”

 

Mabel looked from her mother back to her brother’s dejected face, then to the letter from the art school where it’d been placed on the kitchen table.

 

Suddenly,  _ she _ got it.

 

It hit her for the first time that - like never before in their lives - the twins would be separated by an entire country.  No wonder Dipper was so anxious for Norman to be going to the same school as him.  Without his sister, he’d need someone.  Unlike her, he’d never been very good at making friends that he could fully trust.

 

Dipper was scared.

 

Without warning, Mabel ran across the kitchen and threw her arms around her brother.  He didn’t react at first, other than an involuntary and barely-audible grunt of surprise.

 

“I understand,” she whispered so that their mother couldn’t hear. “But just never forget - wherever you and Norman end up, you’re always going to be my little baby dork boys.”

 

“Shut up, Mabel,” Dipper said, returning her embrace, holding his sister silently to his chest for as long as they both needed.

 

***

 

Across the country, in Blithe Hollow, Massachusetts, Neil Downe sat on the couch in his best friend’s living room, watching the character he was playing in their video game get absolutely  _ decimated _ by Norman’s player character.

 

“Oh come  _ on _ , that’s not even fair, Norman!” he laughed a little. 

 

Norman was about to come up with a snarky reply, but at that moment his mother came in and dropped an envelope into his lap.  He pressed the pause button and looked up to where she stood over him.

 

“Well?” Sandra smiled down at her son.  “Aren’t you going to open it?”

 

Norman looked down at the blue “KU” on the envelope.  His stomach twisted a little - he wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with another rejection so soon after the last.

 

“M-maybe later…” he answered weakly.

 

“Norman-”

 

“Neil’s here, Mom,” he shrugged, shifting uncomfortably.

 

Sandra hesitated before speaking again, though she did sigh a little.  Norman knew that sigh pretty well - it usually meant she hoped he’d change his mind before she spoke again.

 

“Well, alright,” she finally spoke again, flashing a slightly-too-wide grin.  “But I’ll be in my room if you change your mind, okay, sweetie?”

 

He didn’t reply as he waited for her to leave the room.

 

“Dude,” Neil turned to him, “what was  _ that _ all about?”

 

“Oh, uh.  Nothing.  Just, you know… college stuff,” the medium shrugged.  He didn’t want to make Neil uncomfortable - even though his best friend wouldn’t ever say it out loud, Norman still wondered if perhaps Neil was secretly disappointed that he would be graduating early and leaving Neil and Salma behind.  And so he tried to talk about it as little as possible around them.

 

“Yeah, but… why didn’t you open it?  Don’t you want to know what it says?”

 

Norman shrugged again.  “It’s probably another rejection letter.”

 

“Don’t be like that,” the redhead shoved his best friend’s shoulder.  “Why do you assume the worst?”

 

“Because, Neil,” he frowned, “in my experience, if something seems too good to be true, it usually is.”

 

“What about Dipper Pines falling deep, deeply in love with you?”

 

“Stop,” the medium groaned, blushing fervently at that.  Neil was laughing now.  “That’s… an exception to the rule.  Stop grinning at me like that.”

 

Neil only grinned wider at that, swiping the envelope from his friend’s lap before Norman could react.

 

“I’m going to open it!”

 

“Neil, don’t you dare!” he dove at his best friend, but the other boy jumped up, laughing.

 

“Come on, Norman, isn’t it better than not knowing?” Neil pulled out of Norman’s reach again when the taller boy made another leap towards his friend.  “You just gotta do it, man!  Like ripping off a band-aid!”  Now he was running around the living room gleefully, staying completely away from the medium’s outstretched arms.  “Let me rip off your band-aid!”

 

Feeling defeated, Norman plopped down on the couch and grumbled, “... _ fine _ .”  

 

Maybe Neil was right.  Maybe it was better to just get it over with.  After all, wasn’t refusing to open it only prolonging the inevitable?  If he was rejected - and he probably was, he felt - then the answer was already on the letter whether or not he opened it.

 

“Norman?”

 

The real tragedy of it all was that he knew that if he didn’t get in, then Dipper would refuse to go.  Which really wasn’t fair to Dipper, because the older boy had expressed admiration for Kaufman’s journalism program.  Norman would be disappointed to miss out on something as cool as a parapsychology minor, but he’d be even  _ more _ disappointed if Dipper missed out on something that would be a great opportunity just because of him.

 

“Norman!”

 

Then again, maybe Dipper would be rejected too.  Wouldn’t that just be too typical - Norman’s lifelong bad luck spreading to his boyfriend?  At least there was always Stoneybrook.  Courtney and her sorority sisters  _ had _ said they’d save him a place on “the squad” if he wanted it.  Which he didn’t, but at least there was one school out there that wanted him.  He wondered what majors were  even available at Stoneybrook.  

 

“Earth to Norman!  Are you even listening?” Neil waved a hand in his face.

 

“Give it to me straight, doc,” the medium laid his head back and groaned.  “Is it terminal?  How long do I have to live?  What’ll I tell my wife?”

 

His friend laughed at that and shook his head.  “Well, you can start by telling Dipper to pack his bags for New York - you got in!”

 

“What?” Norman grabbed the letter out of his best friend’s hands, blue eyes scanning it frantically.  

 

“You got in!  You’re going to… how do you say that school’s name?”

 

“Kaufman,” he answered, feeling his face break into a grin.  “I… I’m going to Kaufman.”

 

It was as if a weight had been lifted off of the medium’s chest.  The rejections he’d gotten suddenly didn’t matter; all the feeling unsure about where he was going and how he was going to get there didn’t matter.  None of it mattered because he was going to a great school with a great program that really interested him, and he was going with one of his favourite people in the world, and-

 

Norman suddenly froze.

 

...what if Dipper didn’t get in?  What would he do then?

 

***

 

Pacifica spent a lot of time these days alone up in her room, avoiding her parents whenever possible.  They made no secret of how much a “disappointment” they thought she was.  It didn’t matter, she told herself.  In a few months, the Pines twins would be back in Gravity Falls, and in a few months after that, she’d be leaving with them.  Forever.

 

She only had to last a few more months, she told herself.

 

So it didn’t matter that her parents hated her.  It didn’t matter that whenever she walked through a room they were in, they openly insulted her.  None of that mattered.  Or at least, none of it would matter once August came and she could make use of the money the government would give her to never reveal the Northwest family secret.

 

She had to keep telling herself that.

 

Pacifica shook her head and looked at her laptop screen.  Mabel wasn’t online yet - Pacifica wondered briefly if tonight was the night of her “congratulatory dinner” or whatever it was called.

 

(She didn’t know if “congratulatory dinners” were a normal people thing or just a Pines family thing.  Either way, she hoped her girlfriend knew how lucky she really was, and she wished dearly she could be there for Mabel too.)

 

Her eyes scanned the list of contacts she had.  No one was online - that she would have wanted to talk to, anyway - except for one person.  She smiled and hit the call button.

 

In a few seconds, Norman’s face filled her screen.

 

“I see for once Dipper isn’t stealing all your time away from me?” she couldn’t resist teasing a little.  

 

“Hey, Pacifica,” he seemed distracted in his greeting.  The smile fell from her face as she tried to figure out why.

 

“Did he do something?” she asked bluntly.  

 

“What?  No, I’m just… I’m just worried about college stuff.”

 

Immediately, she wilted.  She was glad he wasn’t upset at Dipper, but at the same time it wasn’t as if Pacifica could call up the entire college system to yell at it for making Norman worry.  She finally settled on just saying:

 

“Oh… I thought you got into a lot of schools, though.”

 

“I, uh…” Norman couldn’t hold back the tiniest smile, “I got into my dream school, actually…”

 

“What?! And you didn’t tell me?!” Her eyebrows flew up. “That’s  _ great _ _,_ Norman!  So, like, what’s the problem?”

 

“I don’t know if Dipper did.  And if he didn’t, I…” he looked down away from his webcam.  “I don’t know if I can make that choice.”

 

Pacifica hesitated.  This was something she didn’t really know how to help with.  She knew that it was easier for her to get into any school she wanted. Sending a ‘generous donation’ in her father’s name - not like Preston would ever even notice - had been her ticket into the San Francisco Institute of Art.

 

“Do you want me to pay them to let Dipper in?” she asked cautiously.  Pacifica wasn’t even sure if she was being serious or not.  If Norman told her to do it, she probably would have, if it would only get him to stop worrying like that.

 

“N-no,” Norman shook his head, “you really don’t need to do that.”

 

“What’s the use of having money if I can’t use it on the people who actually make me happy?”   
  
“That’s not what you did for Mabel, is it?” Norman asked, somewhat incredulously, as if he knew her answer would be no.

 

Pacifica laughed a little at that.  “Mabel didn’t need any help.  She’s amazing enough on her own, you know…”

 

“I know,” he smiled at her.  “You always smile most when you talk about her.”

 

“Oh my god, shut  _ up _ , you  _ sap ! _ ” she blushed a little.  “Anyway, you really should be talking to Dipper about this, not me!”

 

“I… I don’t know,” Norman felt his smile falter, hesitation causing his voice to waver along with it.  “I mean… If he’d heard from them either way, I like to think he’d tell me, especially if it bothered him.  Dipper isn’t exactly  _ subtle _ …”

 

Pacifica snorted at this.  “That’s an understatement.  Alright, I’ll cut you a deal.  You have twenty-four hours before I tell him myself that you got into… whatever school that was.”

 

“You wouldn’t.”

 

“I shouldn’t  _ have _ to.  It’s your news to tell.  Twenty-four hours, Babcock.”

 

“Fine, fine, I’ll tell him!  Can we talk about something else?” Norman frowned.  He watched her smile soften on the webcam screen.

 

“That’s fair, I guess.  Oh my god, you will not be _ lieve _ who texted me the other day.”

 

“Uh… Wendy?” he guessed.

 

“No!  Tiffany!  Months on end of silence, and she invites me out to brunch like nothing ever happened, and I mean, I haven’t texted back yet, but…”

 

***

 

Dipper’s phone had died shortly after the appetizer course at Lo Coco’s, the restaurant his parents had taken them to that night.  (“After all,” Mr. Pines had joked, “it’s not as if Mabel is going to need her college fund anymore!”)  Once he got home, he immediately plugged it in, a bit surprised when - once it flickered back to life - the screen showed a text message from Norman.  Two words: 

 

“Call me.”

 

Dipper tried not to let his mind immediately pick out the worst possible scenario.  It wasn’t like Norman to ask for anything so bluntly like that, but it could have meant anything, right?  Right?

 

Leaving the phone on the charger - it was only at 5% battery power now - he called Norman before the curiosity could eat him alive.

 

It rang twice before his boyfriend finally picked up.  Those two short rings felt like an eternity.

 

“Dipp-”

 

“What is it?” Dipper blurted out.  “Why’d you want me to call you?  Nothing’s wrong, right?  Everything is okay?”

 

“Everything is okay,” Norman replied.  He didn’t  _ sound _ like he was lying…  “I just… need to ask you something before Pacifica does.”

 

Well,  _ that _ had not been what Dipper had been expecting to hear.

 

“O-of course, you can ask me anything!”

 

“Right.  Um…” the medium sounded hesitant.  “So, uh, any chance you’ve heard from Kaufman University yet?  Because, um…”

 

Dipper caught the implication immediately.  “You got a letter from them?”

 

“I asked you first.”

 

The older boy paused.  He couldn’t tell how Norman was feeling over the phone.  But at the same time, he couldn’t  _ lie _ to him, not anymore.  What if Mabel told Norman, and Norman got mad at him for not saying anything before?

 

“I heard from them a few days ago,” he confessed.  “I got in, but I didn’t want to tell you because you were so hurt over the Potsdam rejection, and I couldn’t be the cause of more pain, I just couldn’t, and I’m sorry I didn’t say something before, but-”

 

“Dipper, chill,” Norman’s voice cut him off.

 

“Did you just tell me to ‘chill’? You have  _ got _ to stop talking to Pacifica so much; she’s beginning to rub off on you-”

 

“I got in, too.”

 

“You- you did?”

 

“Yeah.”   _ Now _ Dipper could hear the smile in Norman’s voice as he said, “I was kind of nervous to tell you in case  _ you _ didn’t get in.  I didn’t want to have to choose between the school and you…”

 

A laugh bubbled up from Dipper’s throat at that.  “Aw, man, seriously? You mean to tell me that you did the same stupid thing I did, for the same stupid reason?!  Maybe Pacifica isn’t the only one rubbing off on you.”

 

Norman laughed back -  _ god _ , but Dipper loved that laugh - “If I have to be more like anyone, I’m glad it’s you.”

 

“Don’t be gross, man.  Do you realise what this means?” He was suddenly overjoyed.  It was as if everything was suddenly falling perfectly into place.  It was about damn time, too.

 

“We’re going to Kaufman?” Norman questioned.

  
“Hell  _ yeah _ , we’re going to Kaufman!” Dipper hollered into the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Dipper really wanted to get Mabel back for her condom inquiry, he would have responded "Oh, you're right! Thanks for the reminder!" and then SHE would have been the one blushing and sputtering.
> 
> Also, should be noted? While some of the schools mentioned (such as SUNY Potsdam) are real, the ones the characters end up choosing (as well as Courtney's school) are all fictional, so younguns don't go looking to apply there.


	12. The Guide to Freaking Out

_ Tip # 12: There are great things about dating someone so amazingly different from you. One of the not-so-great things, though, is that sometimes when one of you is freaking out, the other one just… doesn’t get it. And it isn’t always who you’d expect. _

 

***

 

Mabel sincerely hoped that once she and her brother graduated high school, her parents would buy another laptop as a graduation gift.  Sharing one computer with her brother would  _ really _ be a pain in the ass once they were across the country from one another.  

 

Of course, it was already a pain in the ass  _ now _ .  Dipper never remembered to log out of anything, and it was more than a little annoying when she just wanted to look up cool new nail tutorials on Youtube only to be bombarded with video suggestions with titles like “Aliens shot JFK!” and “The REAL truth about 9/11!”  (Honestly, she loved her brother, but one of these days she was going to have a talk with him about his internet choices.)

 

It totally figured, of course, that on that particular day he had left himself logged into Skype as well.  Mabel shook her head at that, and was about to log him out so she could log herself in, when an incoming Skype call notification popped up.  


 

It was Norman.  Of  _ course _ it was Norman.

 

Forgetting for a second that it was Dipper that the medium was trying to talk to, Mabel accepted the call.

 

“Who’s this suspicious stranger?” she grinned right into the webcam.  “He  _ looks _ vaguely familiar, but I don’t think he ever  _ calls _ his dear friend Mabel, so she barely recognises him!”

 

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been-”

 

“Norman, I’m  _ joking _ !” Mabel laughed a little.  “I know, I know, you’re busy planning out all that college stuff.  You should see how excited Dipper is - he’ll tell anyone who will listen all about how he’s going to be living with his favourite person.  That’s you, by the way.”

 

“He didn’t say that,” Norman gave an embarrassed little smile.  “Did he?”

 

“Uh,  _ yeah _ he did!  It’s adorable - I haven’t seen him this excited over something since we went to Disneyland when we were six!” She shook her head.  “But I probably don’t need to tell you that - you’re probably just as excited.”

 

“R-right,” the boy nodded, looking away for only a few seconds.  Those few seconds were enough.  Mabel felt the smile fade from her face, replaced immediately by worry.

 

“Norman?” she asked, cocking her head slightly.  “Are you alright? You seem…”  She paused, wondering what the right word was.  Terrified seemed too strong, even if it would be accurate.  She settled on “...nervous.”

 

“I’m not…  _ nervous _ … per se…”

 

“Then what’s up?” Mabel continued. “Norman… you know you can tell me, right?”

 

He hesitated.  Then, “You… you can’t tell Dipper, I don’t want to ruin his excitement, but…” he ran one of his hands through the dark spikes of hair, and Mabel wondered briefly if he had picked up that habit from Dipper, or if her brother had picked it up from Norman. “ _ God _ , this is so stupid.”

 

“What?  No!  No, Norman, it’s not stupid.  You’re allowed to feel feelings.  What is it?”  

 

“It’s probably nothing, Mabel.  Don’t worry about me.”

 

“Oh no, you don’t,” she crossed her arms.  “If it’s bothering you - and don’t try to tell me it isn’t - then it can’t be healthy to hold it all in.  So what is it?  Are you nervous about college?”

 

“Kind of.  I mean… what if I’m not ready?”

 

“Oh, Norman,” Mabel blew a stray strand of hair from her face. “I know a big change like that is scary.  Believe me, I know.  But I promise you it’s normal-”

 

“It’s not... college I’m nervous about, Mabel.  I mean, it  _ is _ , but Courtney’s already given me the ‘it’s not that different from high school’ talk.  Multiple times.”  Norman sighed, looked away again.  “It’s just…”

 

“What?” She wished dearly she could somehow jump through the monitor and hug him.  Hugs  _ always _ got people talking.  And she couldn’t help him until he started talking.  “You can tell me.  I won’t tell my brother.  Wait, it’s not something that, like, _ involves _ him, is it?  Did he do something?  Do I need to knock some sense into that big head of his?”

 

“What?” Norman looked a little taken aback.  “N-no, that won’t be necessary, I just… I guess I’m just… worried about living with him?”

 

“You’ve lived with him every summer,” Mabel pointed out.  

 

“Yeah, but… this is different.  What if we’re not ready?  What if…” A pause.  And then suddenly it all came pouring out in a stream of unstoppable word-vomit: “What if Dipper makes all these friends, and I’m just, like, this weird loner?  Is he still even going to want to associate with me if I’m a- a social disaster or something?  Let alone still love me!  What if we go together and everything we have just falls apart?!”

 

“Woah, woah, woah!” Mabel waved her hands back and forth.  “Okay, first off?  Dipper isn’t exactly a social butterfly.  Secondly?  Norman, he  _ adores _ you!  You’ve been practically all he’s talked about since last  _ June _ !”

 

“College can change things,” the medium shifted uncomfortably.  Mabel’s heart went out to him.

 

“Not this, though.  Not how much he loves you.  He has for years.  Even if it took him  _ forever _ to figure it out, I always knew that he would.  I mean, I remember the exact moment I figured it out!”

 

“Y-you do?” Norman bit his lip, unsure.

 

“Heck yeah I do!  Okay, so we were fifteen…”

 

***

 

“I’m probably going to regret asking this, but… what the hell are you wearing?”

 

Fifteen-year-old Dipper Pines was sitting on his sister’s bed, half-skimming the latest issue of “Nexus Magazine”, and trying to ignore the glittery, rainbow mess of an outfit Mabel had thrown on.

 

“Duh.  It’s my party sweater,” Mabel turned around so he could see the front, which had the word “PARTY” in flashing rainbow LED lights.  “It’s for Gabriela Garcia’s quinceañera tonight!  You know, I’m sure you could still come if you wanted to.”

 

“No thanks,” Dipper looked back down at his magazine and turned the page. “I don’t think Gabriela’s said more than five words to me - and two of those were ‘shut up’.”

 

“Come on!  It’ll be fun!” She smirked at her brother. “Trinh Pham is gonna be there.”

 

“Dude, don’t try to set me up with your friend,” he blushed.  “That’s weird.  Like she’d ever go for me anyway.”

 

“She might if you washed your hair more than once a week.”  She opened a makeup compact full of glittery eyeshadow and inspected it, trying to choose between hot pink and teal.  “Come on!  It’ll be fun!  It’s like a Sweet Sixteen!”

 

“I know what a quince-”

 

“Dipper!” Mabel suddenly ran over and grabbed either side of her brother’s face.  “Do you realise that  _ our _ sweet sixteen is this year?!”

 

“Because Grunkle Stan is really going to want to throw us a big expensive party,” her brother rolled his eyes.  

 

“He might!  It’ll be fun!  I could invite Candy and Grenda, and we could have karaoke.  I bet Candy would want to duet with Norman.  Wouldn’t they be totes adorable?”

 

Dipper suddenly frowned, going a little red.  “Norman wouldn’t do karaoke.  He doesn’t like being the centre of attention.  And Candy is  _ so _ not his type.  That’s never happening!”

 

That gave Mabel pause.  Dipper wasn’t normally one to protest her matchmaking efforts so vehemently.  He gave her a hard time about them, sure, but he didn’t usually shut them down so quickly.

 

She shook her head.  “That’s not the point!  Pretty soon we’re going to be sixteen!  And then eighteen, and then  _ twenty-one _ \- and then we’ll be  _ old _ !”

 

Still seemingly a little irritated, Dipper rolled his eyes.  “Seriously? Mabel, we have six years before we have to worry about that.  Chill.”

 

“What do you think that’ll be like?” Mabel plopped down on the bed next to her brother, holding up the eyeshadow palette.  “Oh and hey, since you’re not going, can I use you to pick which colour to use?”

 

Dipper sighed, resigned, and closed his eyes so she could test the eyeshadow on him.  “Okay, but you’d better wipe it all off before you leave.  And no pictures!”  He paused.  “What do you think  _ what _ will be like?”

 

“You know,” Mabel brushed some of the teal glitter shadow on her brother’s right eyelid.  He twitched a little under the brush’s light touch.  “Turning twenty-one.  Going to our first bar, getting drunk, making drunken mistakes we’ll later repress…”

 

“Dude,” he frowned, “you’ve put a lot of thought into this.”

 

“You  _ haven’t _ ?” She inspected her handiwork before wiping the brush on her leg and then swiping it in the pink eyeshadow.  “I think if I got to choose my first bar… I think I’d want it to be, like, a small, classy place, you know?  With lots of cool modern art all over the walls from local artists.  And I’d want all my friends to be there, of course!”

 

“How many of your friends are really gonna fit in a small place?” Dipper laughed a little, which caused her to mess up on the pink eyeshadow.  She licked her finger to wipe off the smudged part.

 

“Shut up and open your eyes so I can decide which colour I like better!  And what about you?”

 

“What about me?” Dipper opened his eyes, and Mabel decided she liked the pink better.

 

“What kind of bar would you want to go to when you first turn twenty-one, huh?” She handed him a face wipe to wipe the glittery make-up off his face, which he did readily.

 

“I don’t really care,” he looked back down at his magazine.

 

“What?!  How can you not- oh wait, you missed a spot of teal, hold still,” she leaned back over towards her brother.  

 

“I mean, I guess… just not some place too terribly old.”  Dipper shrugged.  “I don’t know.  I just don’t think Norman would want to deal with a bunch of drunk ghosts, you know?”

 

That caused Mabel to do a double take.

 

“Wait - Dip, you do realise that when we’re twenty-one, we’re  _ probably _ not going to be spending every summer in Oregon anymore, right?”

 

“It doesn’t have to be Oregon,” the boy twin didn’t look up from whatever article currently had his attention.  “It could be here in California, or- or somewhere on the east coast.  Wherever we end up in college.  The where doesn’t really matter.”

 

“You’re already thinking about college?” 

 

“You’re already thinking about turning twenty-one!”

 

Suddenly something clicked in Mabel’s mind.  She jumped up from the bed quickly.

 

“Wait a second- you said ‘we’!  You’re planning to go to college with Norman?”

 

“Wh-what’s wrong with that?” Dipper’s face went red, though he didn’t seem to realise why.

 

Mabel, though.  Mabel knew _ exactly _ why.

 

***

 

“...and that’s when I realised, wow, he still expected you two to be hanging around each other even into your twenties.  Even before he figured out how  _ totally _ in love with you he was, whenever Dippin’ Dots planned for the future, he planned for you to be right there at his side!”

 

Norman chuckled a little.  “He really used to let you test eyeshadow on him?”

 

“Between you and me, he still does sometimes.  But if he finds out I told you, he’s going to whine for days.”

 

“Courtney used to paint my nails,” the younger boy gave a little shrug.  Mabel laughed.

 

“Oh, don’t tell Pacifica that.  She’ll get jealous.  But are you feeling better about all this stuff?  Did I help?”

 

Norman hesitated, blue eyes flitting downward for a split second.  Mabel knew what she had to do.

 

“Oh!  Speaking of Pacifica!  You know that even  _ she _ thinks you two are going to last forever and ever and ever, right?  And if even Paz can see it, it’s totally a done deal!”

 

“She didn’t say that,” the medium pursed his thin lips.  

 

“Uh, yeah, she did!  Okay, so, it was last summer, after that whole thing with the poltergeist in the bathroom on our birthday…”

 

***

 

“Have you never been barefoot in the grass before?” Mabel could hear the amusement in her own voice as she watched her (adorable) girlfriend curl pale toes around the blades of grass.

 

“Mabel,” Pacifica shot her a  _ look _ , “you  _ have _ met my parents, haven’t you?”

 

Mabel only responded by reaching out and grabbing her girlfriend’s hand.

 

“I can’t believe my Manolos were  _ ruined _ _,_ ” the blonde continued, shuddering a little.  “How am I going to take the bus home without shoes?”

 

“Grunkle Stan will give you a ride, I told you!” Mabel shrugged, plucking a thick blade of grass from the ground and blowing into it.  It made a satisfying squawk when she did so, causing Pacifica to jump a little.  “Guessing you never did that either, huh?  Hey, wanna try?”

 

“Not really, no,” the rich girl gave a little smirk.  “I mean as long as we’re alone, there are much better things to do… don’t you think?”

 

“Yeah, you’re right - let’s roll down a hill!  Oh, no, wait, let’s make daisy chains!  Are there any daisies around?”

 

“For god’s sake, Mabel, I’m trying to flirt with you!  How is it you can tease your brother for two hours and twenty-three minutes about making out with Norman-”

 

“Woah, Paz, you counted minutes?”

 

“-but when  _ I  _ try to initiate the same thing with you…” Pacifica shook her head.  “Though, if you ask me, I really don’t think Dipper and Norman  _ were _ making out in there.  Like, at all.  Even before Ghost Girl showed up.”

 

“Well what makes you so sure, huh?” the brunette frowned a little.  “Paz, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but my brother is  _ not _ subtle about how much he likes to kiss Norman all-”

 

“Mabel!  Ew!  Oh my god, stop!”

 

Mabel laughed out loud at the expression on her girlfriend’s face, swooping in to kiss the bridge of her nose before she spoke again:

 

“I’m serious, I want to know why you think that!”

 

“I’m not going to talk about your brother’s love life; that’s  _ weird _ ,” Pacifica said, crossing her arms.

 

“Just tell me, then I’ll stop asking.”

 

“Well…” the blonde paused.  “Because… because!  Norman just doesn’t seem like he’s comfortable taking that step yet, you know?  And your brother, dense as he is, loves him too much to ever make him do anyth- holy shit.”

 

“Uh…” Mabel blinked, confused.  “What do you mean ‘holy shit’?”

 

“Do you realise those two idiots are going to be together until all of us die?!” Pacifica looked as if she’d just had an epiphany, instead of stating what Mabel saw as totally obvious. “Like, ten years from now we’re going to be going to, like, dinner parties at their house or something and they’re probably  _ still  _ going to be just as gross with each other, holy shit!”

 

“...oh.  Okay, yeah,  _ now _ I see how this is a strange thing to be talking about.”

 

“It’s just weird.  But like… a good weird.  They’re gross dorks but…” Pacifica smiled fondly down at the grass. “...they’re good for each other.”

 

Mabel reached over and gently cupped the other girl’s face, turning it towards her.  “Paz… do  _ you _ realise that you just said ‘we’ in that ten-years scenario?  As in you and me?”  Her smile got wider.  “You think we’re still gonna be together in ten years?”

 

“I dunno,” Pacifica blushed, “I mean… I hope so.”

 

“I hope so too!” the brunette squealed, pulling her into a tight hug against her chest.  “Hey, Paz, whaddya say we quit talking about my brother so you can make out with your future life partner?”

 

“When you put it like that,” Pacifica’s snarky tone was muffled against her girlfriend’s chest, “how could I  _ possibly _ say no?”

 

“Your sarcasm is both noted and ignored,” Mabel grinned cheekily.  Even Pacifica Northwest couldn’t help but return that smile.

 

“Alright.  But after, you have  _ got _ to teach me how to do that thing with the blade of grass.”

 

***

 

“...and then I don’t think you want me to tell you the rest of that story,” Mabel laughed a little.  Norman’s face on the webcam had started to go a little pink.

 

“W-would you have kept going?!” the medium sputtered a little, which only made Mabel laugh more.

 

“Maybe another time,” she winked into the webcam.  Norman made a face at that, but didn’t speak again for a good few seconds.  When he finally did open his mouth, it was only to say:

 

“I guess it is kind of nice that Pacifica thinks we’re all still going to be together in ten years.”

 

“Yeah, Paz is  way more sentimental than she lets on,” the brunette girl agreed with a nod.  “It’s adorable.  And, I mean, in this case?  She’s totally right!  Mystery Quartet for _ life _ !”

 

“Right…”

 

“Yeah, exactly, she  _ was _ right,” Mabel got a little more determined.  Norman certainly was stubborn with his bad thoughts.  But she could be stubborn too, and was sure her positivity could win out over his fears.  “You two are totally going to still be in love in ten years.  And twenty years.  And forever.”

 

“You have a lot of faith in us,” Norman commented somewhat dryly. 

 

“Heck yeah I do!  Just mark my words, Norman, in ten years you two dorks are totally going to be shacking up together and being really gross and romantic and it’s going to be fabulous.  Just mark my words…”

 

***

 

26-year-old Norman Babcock found his boyfriend exactly where he’d expected him to be in their shared apartment: hunched over his laptop on the floor of the living room, hastily-scribbled loose notes all over the floor around him.  Shaking his head, Norman smiled fondly and went to kneel behind Dipper, placing two slender hands on the older man’s tense shoulders.

 

“Sit up straight; you’re going to make yourself sore,” he chided gently, trying to massage the tension from Dipper’s upper back.  Dipper seemed to like that, and leaned back into the touch readily.  “Are you still working on your latest case report?”

 

“I think the root of the problem is paranormal,” Dipper confirmed that he was still working on that particular investigation, “but I don’t think my boss’ll let us publish that.  Maybe we should check the place out again later.  You know, once media coverage calms down.”

 

“Maybe you should eat something,” Norman replied.  “I bought pizza.  It’s on the counter in the kitchen.”

 

“You’re too good to me,” Dipper tilted his head back to try and look at Norman, grinning all the while.  

 

The medium rolled his eyes at that, but smiled back all the same.  “Seriously, come on, Dip.  I don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there, but knowing you it’s probably too long.”

 

He started to stand up to lead his boyfriend to the kitchen, but Dipper grabbed at his hands to stop him from rising.  This had the effect of making him fall back down to the ground somewhat ungracefully, long legs sprawling out to either side of his boyfriend.

 

“Dipper, what-”

 

“You’re warm,” Dipper moved Norman’s arms so they were back around him, and leaned back into his chest again.  The medium couldn’t help but laugh a little at that.

 

“So I’m guessing you didn’t get the heater fixed today, then.”

 

“And give up on this? Are you crazy?”

 

Norman shrugged to the best of his ability in that position, burying the lower half of his face into Dipper’s fluffy hair to kiss the crown of his head softly.

 

“You wouldn’t at all be the first person to call me that,” he said, somewhat quietly.

 

“What?” Dipper tried to turn to look at him, suddenly frowning.  “Who called you that?  Because that’s not okay-”

 

“It’s okay, Dip, I don’t care anymore,” the younger man offered a little smile.  “After all, I have you now.  They don’t.  So who’s the real winner here?”

 

Dipper manoeuvred to turn around in Norman’s arms so he could face him - which, being that they were both still sitting on the floor surrounded by slightly-crumpled paper, was more than a little awkward - and grinned up at his boyfriend.

 

“Me, clearly.  Because I have  _ you _ .”

 

“Shut up,” blue eyes rolled again.  

 

“Why should I?” Dipper’s stupid grin - which the medium had to admit to himself that he did actually love a lot - got wider as he leaned in and bumped their foreheads together.  “After all, I am the luckiest motherfucker in the world.  I mean, I get the opportunity - no, the  _ privilege _ \- of being in love with the sweetest, most amazing, smartest…”

 

“Cut that out.”

 

“...bravest, most compassionate…”

 

“Dipper,  _ stop _ , oh my god.”

 

“... _ cutest _ -”

 

More to shut him up than anything else, Norman pitched forward and pressed their mouths together, earning a satisfyingly surprised-sounding “mmph!” sound from Dipper as he did so.  The older of the pair practically melted into it, though.  It was hard for Norman to even want to pull away when his boyfriend pressed his entire body into his chest, snaking one of his arms around his back to entwine callused fingers in his black-brown spikes of hair.  The kiss only lasted about a minute or so, but what a minute it was!

 

Dipper was the one that pulled back first, chuckling as he murmured against Norman’s lips, “you’re especially cute when you blush like that.”

 

“You need to stop,” Norman could feel that his face  _ was _ pretty hot, but he didn’t mind.  Not really.  How could he?

 

“Okay, okay, but you’re not going to want to kiss me after we eat, I’ll have pizza breath.  Might as well get it all in now.”

 

“I think I’ll manage,” the younger man laughed a little, pushing some of the fluffy brown hair back so he could plant a kiss directly on that birthmark he loved so much.  Dipper’s stupid grin softened some.

 

“God, I love you so much.  I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said you were too good to me.”

 

The utter  _ sincerity _ of that seemingly-offhand comment caused a small burst of warmth to bloom in Norman’s heart.  He couldn’t help but start to laugh, the joy of the situation - however absurd it was - suddenly affecting him.

 

“What?” Dipper asked, a little confused.  “What did I say?”

 

“Nothing,” Norman said, leaning forward so his head rested on the other man’s shoulder.  “Nothing, I just… I love you too.  That’s all.”

 

Dipper just held him there contently for a few minutes, until the moment was interrupted by a sudden growl from his stomach.  

 

The younger man jumped back a little at the noise, and the two locked eyes - and then, out of nowhere, they were both cracking up , holding each other up as loud guffaws of laughter shook their entire bodies.  It hadn’t even been particularly funny, Norman reflected, and yet he found he couldn’t stop.  The sheer joy of the little moment had just been too much.

 

Dipper wiped a stray tear of mirth from his face, and said, “Come on, let’s go eat that pizza you bought.  But after that, I really gotta finish this work thing.  You’ll still keep me warm while I do it, right?”

 

Norman stood, offered his hand to help Dipper up, which the other took gladly.

 

“For you, Dip?  Anything.” 

 

***

 

Mabel paused to scratch an itch near her ankle.  When she looked back up at the screen, Norman wore an expression she knew well - that of someone who was clearly trying not to smile, and yet couldn’t stop smiling.

 

She felt elated; that had been  _ precisely _ the reaction she wanted.  _  ‘Success!’ _

 

“You… you really think that’s where we’re going to be in ten years?” 

 

Mabel returned his small smile with an enthusiastic one of her own, and said, “I  _ know _ that’s where you two dorks are gonna be!  What, you got a problem with my totally accurate prediction?”  She knew, though, that he didn’t.

 

“Actually,” his smile got a little bigger, and his cheeks flushed a very tiny bit, “Mabel, that was… I was so worried about what our future would be, but that - I can actually see that happening, you know?”

 

“Obviously!  I know my stuff,” she flipped her hair, giggling a little.

 

“Thank you,” he said.

 

“That doesn’t sound like Pacifica,” a third voice sounded from the doorway of the bedroom.  Mabel looked up and stuck her tongue out at her brother.

 

“It’s not Paz, unless she got a whole lot taller all of a sudden. You left yourself logged into Skype, Dippin’ Dots.”

 

“Is that Dipper?” Norman asked.  As if in response to this, Dipper ran over and jumped on the bed with a silly grin.

 

“Hey!” Mabel protested, trying halfheartedly to shove her brother off.

 

“Norman!” Dipper was endearingly enthusiastic to see his boyfriend.  “I was actually just reading up on some of the classes they have at Kaufman.  I know we’ve got months, but I like to be prepared.”

 

“Told you he was excited,” the girl twin rolled her eyes.

 

“Shut up, Mabel.  Norman is probably excited, too.”  He looked at the webcam.  “You are, aren’t you?”

 

“I am,” Norman confirmed.

  
And, much to his surprise, he really was.    


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mabel is my bae-bel.


	13. The Guide to Valentine's Day

_ Tip # 13: Long distance is hard, especially when it seems like everyone else takes for granted the things you’d kill to do.  But for the right person, it’s more than worth it. _

 

***

 

Dipper was irritated for two reasons.

 

The first was that it was a week until Valentine’s Day.  He and Norman had decided back in January that they weren’t going to treat it any differently from any other day of the year - neither one of them was that into pink hearts and bouquets of roses and fluffy teddy bears holding cards full of sappy sentiments that no one in their right mind would _ ever _ really say - but it was still rather grating to be  _ constantly _ surrounded by happy couples.  At school, happy couples planning big dates and kissing in the halls and  _ not shutting up about any of it _ .  At home, his parents bringing each other flowers and chocolates.  He couldn’t even watch TV or go online without constantly being bombarded with ads featuring a whole host of disgustingly romantic imagery.

 

(It really wasn’t fair how people took all this stuff for granted.  Dipper wanted more than anything to be able to hold Norman like the people in the ads, to kiss him and grab his hand and even have some romantic candlelight dinner.  It wasn’t  _ fair _ that three thousand miles prevented that, while people at school who would probably break up within a month got to have all of it.)

 

The second reason was that his parents, in the midst of all their lovey-dovey ‘let’s act like two schoolchildren in love’ shenanigans, had decided to clean out the garage, and had asked Dipper and Mabel to transfer some of the boxes to a nearby public storage unit.  Mabel was, of course, as chipper as she ever was, but he really didn’t see why they had to do it.

 

“Just throw all that crap out, or give it to Goodwill or something!  You never even use it!” he had protested.  His parents weren’t having it.

 

And so there he and Mabel were, on a Tuesday afternoon, taking boxes of god only knew what from their car into the dusty old storage unit about fifteen minutes from their house.

 

“There isn’t even any room in here for all this shit,” he grumbled.  “Mom and Dad should really get rid of some of it.”

 

Mabel dropped the box she was holding directly on the floor in front of her, with no care as to what might be in it, and exclaimed, “Come on, Dipper, you’re looking at this all wrong!  Who  _ knows _ what we could find in here?!  There’s probably all sorts of stuff from when we were kids - or even before that.”

 

“Oh, no, you don’t,” he glared.  “The agreement was that we drop that stuff off and go home, not that we dig around for broken toys or whatever.”

 

As usual, Mabel completely ignored her brother’s concerns, running deeper into the storage unit, behind haphazard towers of junk.  That only irritated him more, of course.

 

“Check this out!  It’s like a trip down memory lane!  Dipper, this is _ amazing _ !”

 

Rolling his eyes, he set the box he was holding down nearby and made his way over to where his twin’s voice had come from.  Mabel had found an old tricycle, which she was currently attempting to ride, though she was far too big for it.

 

(Dipper vaguely remembered falling off of it when he was maybe three or so.)

 

“Mabel, get off of that,” he said.  “You’re going to get hurt.”

 

“Party pooper,” she stuck out her tongue and continued to pedal.  

 

Dipper rolled his eyes, and turned to look at some of the other stuff.  Nothing looked particularly interesting, and even if it had, most of it was covered in dust and spiderwebs.  He shuddered as he wondered how many spiders - and rats, for that matter - had homes among all their old stuff.

 

From behind him, he heard a crashing sound.  Sighing, he turned to where his sister had undoubtedly fallen off the tricycle.

 

“Mabel, I told you tha-”

 

“I’ve never seen this before,” Mabel didn’t look hurt, though the trike was overturned near a large… something.  Whatever it was, it was covered by a sheet and bound with ropes.  “What do you think it is?”

 

Dipper frowned.  “Whatever it is, Mom and Dad clearly don’t want anyone to touch it.  So can we just go already?”

 

“Oh come  _ on _ , Dippin’ Sauce!  I thought you liked mysteries.  You  _ know _ you want to solve what’s under the mysterious sheet.”

 

He hesitated. Now that she mentioned that, he had to admit to himself it  _ did _ make him somewhat curious. It was probably a bad idea, anyway. And yet...

 

“Please?” Mabel tried again.

 

Dipper sighed.  “Fine.  But after that, we’re leaving.”

 

The two twins knelt together in front of the mysterious covered artefact and began to fumble with the ropes.  Some dust came up, causing them both to cough, but they pressed on, eventually getting all the ropes and the sheet off only to reveal…

 

“A mirror?” Dipper frowned as they stood and stepped back.

 

The mirror that the twins had uncovered was large, and very ornate, looking more like something that belonged in a Victorian mansion than in a California storage unit.  Near the top of the heavy wooden carved frame were strange symbols that looked vaguely familiar, though Dipper neither recognised them nor the mirror itself.  He reached up to brush them lightly with the tips of his fingers.

 

“It looks like something Pacifica’s family would buy,” Mabel said, reminding him of her presence.  “Huh.  Weird.  I’m going to go back to where I found the tricycle, though.”

 

“Wait,” he stopped her, noticing something.  “Look.”

 

Their reflections in the mirror were fluctuating back and forth, subtly and shimmery at first, but the fluctuations grew wilder and wilder by the second, their reflections distorting more and more until they were no longer visible.  The strange symbols glowed briefly, until they, too, flickered out.

 

“What the…” Dipper whispered, though he didn’t know why he was whispering.

 

The mirror then got very bright, causing both twins to gasp their surprise and cover their faces.  When the bright light cleared, what they saw shocked them.

 

Norman stood on the other side of the mirror, not quite paying attention to them - perhaps not seeing them - washing his hands in a sink that stood about waist high and blocked the entire bottom view.  Dipper recognised the room his boyfriend stood in immediately as his bathroom back in Blithe Hollow, Massachusetts.  

 

It seemed impossible - and yet there it was, in front of his very eyes.

 

“Mabel,” his voice was unsteady, “are… are you seeing this?”

 

“You mean am I seeing Norman?  Yeah,” she confirmed.  “This is so weird!”

 

“It doesn’t make any sense,” he agreed.

 

“Well maybe it’s like the Mirror of Erised or something.  It knows you wanna see Norman, so it showed you him-”

 

“Dipper? Mabel?” Norman spoke.  The twins’ heads snapped up to where the younger boy was now leaning on his bathroom counter and giving the mirror a look of mixed suspicion and shock.  

 

“You can see us?” Mabel asked him.

 

“Yeah - what are you doing in my bathroom mirror?” He blushed a little, eyes darting down for just a second.  “You guys weren’t listening while I…?”

 

“No, no, of course not,” Dipper shook his head quickly.  “You’re probably not going to believe this, but-”

 

“We found a magic mirror!” Mabel cut in.  “And it showed us  _ you _ !  Isn’t that amazing?!”

 

“Hold on,” the boy twin pulled his phone from his pocket and snapped a picture of the strange symbols carved into the wood.  He held the phone screen up for Norman to see.  “I think these may have something to do with it - the mirror started going crazy after I touched them, and then there you were… do they look familiar to you?”   
  


“No-” Norman began, but Mabel cut him off:

 

“Stop trying to make everything into a full-scale investigation or whatever!” She shoved her brother’s shoulder.  “You wanted to see Norman, and now you can see him, and you don’t even have to hog the laptop to do it.  Isn’t that a  _ good _ thing?”

 

The boys exchanged looks through the glass of the mirror, as easily as they might look through a window.

 

“It… it  _ is _ kind of cool,” Norman was the first to reply, with a small, almost-undetectable smile.  Dipper had missed seeing that smile.  He’d been missing Norman a lot lately, after all.

 

“Yeah.  I guess it is,” he said.

 

***

 

“Yes… yes, I think I do actually remember that old thing,” Mrs. Pines frowned, tapping her chin with one finger thoughtfully.  Her children had gotten back to the house an hour late, and explained that they’d found a fancy old mirror in the storage unit.

 

“Yeah, it was all covered up, so it didn’t even get dusty! Is it yours?” Mabel asked.

 

“It’s your father’s,” their mother said in reply.  “He inherited it before you two were born, but there was just no place for it in the house.  You know, I don’t think we ever even uncovered it; we just tied the sheet on and put it in storage. I’d completely forgotten about it, to be honest!”

 

The twins exchanged glances, deciding without a word  _ not _ to tell their mother about the mirror’s supernatural properties.  

 

“Do you want me to ask him about it?”

 

“No!” Dipper exclaimed a bit too quickly, earning a look of confusion from his mother and a shoulder-nudge from his sister.

 

“It doesn’t really matter, Mom,” Mabel forced one of her big grins. “We just didn’t know where it came from, but we don’t really care that much.  _ Do _ we, Dip?”

 

“N-no, of  _ course  _ not!” Dipper’s forced grin was not as natural looking as his sister’s.  “Why would we care about anything like that?”

 

Mrs. Pines looked from her son to her daughter a couple of times before letting out a suspicious “...okay… Oh! But if you change your mind, come to me first so I can break it to him gently.  Your father took that whole incident so hard you know, and I don’t want him getting upset, especially not so close to Valentine’s Day...”

 

“O-okay, we won’t!” Mabel exclaimed, both her and her brother flashing twin grins at their poor, befuddled mother and darting out of the room before their mother could grow even more suspicious.

 

***

 

As the next few days passed, Dipper very quickly fell into a new routine.  After school, he’d drop Mabel off at home, and drive to the storage unit to hang out with Norman.  Mostly they just did homework together, occasionally resting their hands on either side of the mirror, or even trying to kiss through it, which… wasn’t ideal, but it was a hell of a lot better than what they had been doing.

 

But if they finished their homework early - or even sometimes if they didn’t - they could just  _ talk _ to each other.

 

And when they did that, Dipper found that all the Valentine’s Day stuff, the sappy romantic advertisements that had been beginning to feel like oppressive kiss-or-die propaganda - well, none of that bothered him so much anymore.

 

“Your parents don’t care that you’re spending so much time in the bathroom, do they?” Dipper looked up from the old lawn chair he had dragged over to sit in front of the mirror.  On the other side of it - in Blithe Hollow - Norman was perched on his counter, a battered math book and a piece of binder paper balanced precariously in his lap.  His face went a little pink, and Dipper laughed at how cute it was.

 

“Don’t remind me - on my way up here, I heard my mom asking my dad if it was ‘normal’ for a teenage boy!” he shuddered.  “I don’t know what they think I’m doing in here, and I’m not sure I  _ want _ to.”

 

“Alright, alright!” the older boy shook his head a little.  “Hey, how’s your grandma, by the way?”

 

“She’s fine,” Norman shrugged.

 

“She’s not, like, right behind you or anything, is she?”

 

“Dipper.  She doesn’t follow me into the bathroom.”

 

It was Dipper’s turn to turn a little pink.  “Did you tell her about the mirror?”

 

“I… wasn’t sure how to explain it,” the younger teen confessed.  “What’d you tell your parents?”

 

“Nothing.  Only Mabel knows about it,” Dipper reached out and rested his palm on the cool surface of the mirror.  “It’s kind of like I’m keeping you a secret.  Like in a movie or something.  Star-crossed lovers or whatever.”

 

“That’s the dorkiest thing I’ve ever heard,” Norman smirked a little, placing his hand on the other side over Dipper’s.  (If Dipper concentrated hard enough, he could almost pretend the warmth from his own hand was coming from the other side of the glass, from Norman.)

 

“I’m only this dorky for you,” he flashed the biggest, dorkiest grin he could muster.

 

“Okay, but if you start quoting Shakespeare or something-”

 

“You couldn’t stop me if I wanted to.  Oh Norman, Norman, wherefore art thou Norman?”

 

Norman laughed at that, and leaned over so his forehead was pressed against the mirror.  In that moment, Dipper loved nothing more than that sound, than the fact that he could make Norman make such a joyous sound.  

 

It made him so happy.

 

He was  _ happy _ .

 

***

 

Mabel was really enjoying being able to come home and use the laptop instead of having her brother hog it all the time.  (Pacifica was enjoying it too, enough that she never even asked the reason for why Dipper was never hogging the computer anymore.)  

 

She was happy for her brother for many reasons, not least of which being that Dipper was a lot more bearable to be around when he was excited to see Norman rather than grumbling under his breath at other couples around school.

 

Which is why it was surprising on the afternoon of the 13th, when she checked her phone between her last two classes and saw a text from Norman.

 

“Can I ask you something about Dipper?” it read.

 

Mabel was not one to jump to conclusions.  So though part of her wondered if perhaps something was wrong, another part of her wondered if maybe all that “we’re not doing Valentines Day” posturing was a load of crap, and maybe Norman needed help picking a gift for Dipper or something.  Which, being that Valentine’s Day was the next day, was  _ really _ pushing it, Mabel thought.

 

She really hoped that second part of her was right.

 

“Sure! What’s up?” she texted back, punctuating with a string of emojis. (Purple heart, smiley face, and just to make sure he knew how happy she was to help, a thumbs up.) 

 

“It’s really better if it’s over the phone,” came the reply a few seconds later.  

 

Mabel frowned.  She  _ really _ had to get to last period.  What could it possibly be about?

 

“I’ll call you as soon as I get home,” she sent another text as quickly as she could before the bell rang.

 

***

 

Dipper was, as always, eager to get to the storage unit.  Just like he had been doing for the last week, he ran in, towards the back, and touched his hand to the mirror’s surface.  Just as always, his reflection would flicker, the symbols carved in the top would glow, a bright light would flash, and there was Norman’s bathroom.  And that day, there was Norman, perched on his counter and waiting for him with that crooked little smile that Dipper loved perhaps more than anything.

 

“You beat me to it,” he returned that smile with one of his own.

 

“I do have a three hour advantage,” Norman shrugged.  “Hey, uh… I was thinking about this mirror…”

 

“I thought you said you didn’t want to solve this mystery,” Dipper blinked, surprised.  “I mean, why look a gift horse in the mouth, right?”

 

“No, no, I know, I just…” the medium pursed his lips. “Right now it’s working like a window, but… why couldn’t it work like a door?  Or a portal?  I mean, we don’t know that it can’t.”

 

Dipper’s pulse sped up suddenly, though he didn’t really know why.  Could it be possible?

 

“But how?” He looked around the frame, up at those oddly familiar symbols.  Where had he seen them before?  “Maybe if I could figure out those symbols, if I read the out loud…”

 

“Or maybe they’re like a seal and you need to, you know, break them.  Sorta like a demon circle…” Norman’s voice trailed off, and he looked away momentarily.  “I don’t know… just a thought…”

 

“Do you think that’ll work?  Norman, what if it just makes the mirror into a normal mirror, and I can’t see you anymore?”

 

“I don’t know, Dip.  It was just an idea.  Forget it.  You don’t  _ have _ to do it if you don’t want to.”

 

Something in the way Norman was chewing on his lower lip made Dipper’s stomach clench.  Determined, he looked up at the symbols.

 

“I’ll do it,” he decided.

 

***

 

As soon as she could, Mabel called Norman.  She didn’t take off her shoes, she didn’t set up the laptop, she didn’t even get to the top of the stairs before she called him.  He picked up almost right away.

 

“Norman!” She squealed into the phone.  “What’s up, buttercup?  Oh!  Happy almost-Valentines Day!”

 

“Mabel,” Norman sounded upset, “I, uh… I’m sorry, I’m probably just being paranoid, but, uh.. does… does Dipper still want to do this?”

 

“Huh?” The confusion felt like a punch to the chest.  “What are you  _ talking  _ about?”

 

“Y-you know…  _ us _ .”

 

“Pfft,  _ duh _ !  He only talks about you all the time!  Why?  Did he say something?  I know you two have been talking a lot lately-”

 

“What?” Now Norman was the one who sounded confused.  “Mabel, I… Aside from a few text messages, I’ve barely heard from him all week.  I mean, I know I’ve been really busy with homework and all, but...” his voice trailed off.

 

“But the mirror!” She frowned.  Something wasn’t adding up.

 

“What mirror?” he asked.  “I’m sorry, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.  What mirror?”

 

Realisation hit Mabel like a ton of bricks.  She didn’t even hang up the phone as she ran to the garage to dig out her bike -  damn Dipper for taking the car!  

 

***

 

Dipper had pushed the lawn chair up to the edge of the mirror, and was balanced very precariously on it as he reached up to deface the strange symbols with his car keys.  Norman was watching him intently.  It had been a relief when the first symbol’s destruction hadn’t resulted in losing the image of his boyfriend.  But as soon as he got to the last one, he was stopped by the sound of a loud, distinctly female voice:

 

“Dipper!  Don’t!” Mabel was just a bit sweaty, clutching her phone to her chest.  She gestured frantically for her brother to come over to her.

 

“It’s okay, Mabel, really,” Norman flashed a reassuring smile.  “Dipper? How far along are you?”

 

Dipper climbed down from the chair.

 

“Sorry, man,” he offered his boyfriend an apologetic shrug.  “Let me see what’s up with Mabel first.  I’ll get the last one after, okay?”

 

He darted over to his sister, and noticed how distressed she looked.  He wondered why, but not for long - Mabel didn’t wait very long at all to blurt out:

 

“Dipper - that’s not Norman!”

 

“Wait,  _ what _ ?” the male twin shook his head.  “No offence Mabel, but what the hell are you even talking about?”

 

“It’s not Norman,” she held up her phone.  “ _ I _ have Norman on the phone right now!”

 

“Mabel?  What’s happening over there?” Norman’s voice - so small and unsure - came out of her phone, and Dipper felt as if his heart had just dropped into his stomach.

 

He whirled around to face the mirror, where the other Norman was giving him and Mabel a confused expression.

 

“But… how?” Dipper looked from his sister to the mirror, over and over.  It wasn’t making any  _ sense _ .  “I’ve been talking to him all week, and- and he’s been talking back, and he… he…”

 

“Dipper,” Mabel’s eyes got a little wider as she realised something, “look at his eyes.”

 

He did so.  He hadn’t been focused on trying to find something wrong before, but now that he knew where to look, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed sooner.

 

The Norman in the mirror had the exact shade of blue in his eyes that Dipper loved so much, but the shape of the irises was perfectly round.  Dipper had spent enough time with the medium over the years to know that his eyes had oddly faceted irises.

 

And then, suddenly, he got angry.  How could  _ anything _ use Norman’s image like that?!  Nothing about it was okay, and Dipper could feel his fists clenching and unclenching, could feel his face getting hot.

 

“What are you?!” He demanded.

 

“Dipper,” the reflection in the mirror held up its hands - they looked just like Norman’s, long and thin and pale, and this only served to make Dipper more angry - “Dipper, it’s me, Norman!”

 

“Shut up!  Shut  _ up _ !  You are  _ not _ \- so what the hell are you, huh?!”

 

“Yeah!  What the hell  _ are _ you, you Mirror Monster!?” Mabel piped up, and the thing in the mirror that was definitely  _ not _ Norman suddenly got a cruel expression on its face, contorting Norman’s features into something twisted by anger and hate.

 

“You ruined everything!” It yelled at her.  “I was so close to getting - this is the same thing that happened thirty years ago, when I took this form-”

 

Incredibly, the image of Norman in the mirror fluctuated until it began to look like the twins’ Grunkle Stan, except… younger.  With slight differences.  The glasses were all wrong, as was the chin. Dipper and Mabel exchanged looks of horror.

 

“Why?” Dipper couldn’t believe how hollow his voice sounded.  “Why did you- why take his form? You were going to… oh, god, you were going to make me come in there with you and- and  _ eat _ me or something! But why me?”

 

“It didn’t have to be you,” the image in the mirror locked eyes with Mabel.

 

Suddenly it changed again.  This time the image showed the other side of another full length mirror, looking into a very expensive bedroom.  Pacifica Northwest stood in the mirror, and when her immaculately glossed lips parted, it was her voice that spoke now, not Norman’s:

 

“Mabel, please.  Don’t you love me?”

 

Dipper watched as his sister’s face went from angry to downright  _ furious _ .

 

“You-!  How dare you-!  I-!” Mabel, in her fury, couldn’t even complete a sentence.  And then, suddenly, she grabbed the nearest item - the small, slightly rusty old tricycle she had tried to ride a week prior - and lifted it over her head with a monstrous wordless shriek,  _ throwing _ it into the centre of the mirror.  “Pacifica would  _ never _ wear socks with open-toed shoes!   _ NEVER _ !”

 

The mirror cracked, and Mabel kept screaming, kept grabbing random pieces of junk and slamming them into the mirror, which was screaming in a thousand different voices as she shattered it into pieces.  Dipper could only hunch on the floor by his backpack until she finished.  

 

And then, finally, it was over.

 

Mabel turned back to her brother, broken glass clinging to her sweater, a small cut on her cheek where some of it had grazed her.  

 

“Are you okay?” she asked, walking over and crouching by him.

 

“Remind me never to piss you off,” he responded.

 

“Dipper?  Mabel?  What’s going on over there?  Is everything okay?”

 

The twins looked to where Mabel had dropped her phone in her fury.  Dipper grabbed at it before his sister could get it.

 

“Norman?  Are you there?”

 

“Yeah, I’m still here,” Norman - the  real Norman - replied.  “Dipper, what happened?  Did Mabel say something about a ‘mirror monster’?  Or did I hear that wrong?”

 

Dipper hesitated.  And then it all came pouring out, everything that had happened for the last week, all the conversations with the mirror, all the little signs that Dipper should have seen and that were so obvious in hindsight, but at the time he had been so desperate to be with Norman he’d ignored them, brushed them off.  He felt awful, he felt literally  _ sick _ with guilt.  Finally, he ended his rant with:

 

“...and the worst part of it all was that I hurt you.  I wanted to see you so bad that I ignored the signs, and you got hurt, and that’s unforgivable!”

 

“Dipper…” Norman sighed.  “Of  _ course _ it’s forgivable.  Watch: I forgive you.”

 

“But-”

 

“But nothing.  Paranormal things can get pretty tricky. I might have done the same thing.  I was just worried that… you know, that because I’ve been so busy with homework lately, that you were losing interest…”

 

“Losing interest?!” Dipper yelped into the phone, ignoring his sister rolling her eyes at him.  “No.  Never.”

 

“Then it’s okay,” the smile in Norman’s voice could be heard, even if Dipper couldn’t see it.  “Hey… I know I said I didn’t want any Valentines stuff, but… How would you like to have a movie date?  Tonight?  Would that make you feel better?”

 

“Wha- but how?” the older teen sputtered.

 

“Dipper… you are aware of these miraculous new inventions called Skype and Netflix, right?”

 

As she watched her brother arrange the details of his Valentine’s date, Mabel brushed some of the glass off of her sweater.  She gave the mirror - what was left of it - one last glare.  It was only then that she noticed the initials carved into the bottom: “ _ S.P . _ ”

 

She briefly wondered if she should tell her brother that.  But then she realised - it really didn’t matter.  The mirror wouldn’t be bothering anyone ever again.  Besides, Mabel didn’t want to be in this storage unit any longer than she had to.

 

“C’mon, bro bro!” she clapped her brother on the shoulder.  “Let’s go put my bike in the car and go home!  After all…  _ You _ have a hot date to get ready for!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written before "Not What He Seems" aired. Or maybe the "S.P." stands for Stantonio Pines.


	14. The Guide to Sleep

_ Tip # 14: Don’t let each other neglect physical health, not even for each other.  It’s never worth it. _

 

***

 

“...and then Mabel told him that he might want to rethink his  _ own _ orientation, since  _ most _ straight guys seemed to ‘dig’ the idea of two girls kissing!” Dipper laughed into the phone.  He was currently regaling his boyfriend with the latest Piedmont High School gossip.

 

“Really?  Mabel said that?” Norman’s voice over the phone sounded surprised, albeit tired as well.  

 

“You know Mabel - the fastest way to get under her skin is to insult Pacifica.  I mean if anyone’s learned that by now, it’s me,” Dipper shrugged, though he knew the other boy couldn’t see him do so, and yawned a little.  It suddenly occurred to him that  _ he _ was pretty tired, and he frowned and looked at the clock, eyes boggling when he realised the time.  When had it become ten o’clock?!

 

“She  _ is _ pretty protective.  Not just of Pacifica, but of you too, you know.  I mean-”

 

“Norman,” he cut his boyfriend off.  “It’s, like, one A.M. over there!  What the hell are you still doing up?!  Dude, go to bed!”

 

“Uh…” the medium’s voice was noncommittal.

 

“ _ Norman _ !”

 

“I’m not really tired, Dip.  It’s fine.”

 

“It’s  _ not _ fine!” The older boy was stubborn.  “Is your insomnia bothering you? You’re not having nightmares again, are you? Do you want me to ask Mabel to ask Pacifica to send you some more of those sleeping pills she gave you in August?”

 

“No, no, that’s not necessary, I just- Look,” he sighed, “I just want to finish this essay, okay? It’s due in two days, and, yeah, I’ve been stressed over it. I’ll go to bed as soon as I finish it. Okay?”

 

“If you’ve got two more days, do it tomorrow.”

 

“No, because we start a new unit in math tomorrow  _ and _ there’s a lab assignment in physics, so I’m going to have too much other homework to work on this essay.  I have to finish it tonight.”

 

Dipper chewed the inside of his cheek, worry beginning to eat at him.

 

“Dude,” he told his boyfriend quietly, “you need to sleep sometime. You know that not sleeping can make you really sick, right?  Like, it makes your immune system go straight to hell. And it makes you unable to focus, and it can make you irritable as hell-”

 

“You sound like an after school special.”

 

“Thank you for proving my point about the irritability,” Dipper’s frown deepened.  “I don’t mean to  _ nag _ you, but you worry me. I don’t want you getting sick or anything.”

 

“...I’m not  _ trying _ to worry you,” Norman’s words sounded measured, careful. “As soon as I finish this I’ll try to sleep.  That’s the best I can do.  I’m sorry.”

 

The older boy sighed.  It just wasn’t  _ fair _ .  He opened his mouth to protest, but instead another yawn escaped.  This time, Norman noticed.

 

“Dipper.  Are  _ you _ tired?”

 

“We weren’t talking about me.”  He paused.  “But yeah.”

 

“You don’t have to stay up with me, you know.  You can go to sleep if you need to.”

 

“But what about  _ you _ ?”

 

“I’ll be fine,” Norman said, and Dipper hated that they were on the phone and he couldn’t try to read Norman’s expression.  “As soon as I finish this, I’ll  _ try  _ to sleep.  Okay?”

 

“Promise?” 

 

“...Yeah.  Promise.”

 

“Alright,” Dipper sighed again, laying back on the bed.  “I love you, alright?”

 

“Love you too.  Good night.”

 

***

 

“Babcock.  Not your best work.”

 

It was a few days later, and Norman’s high school math teacher, Mrs. Laughlin, was handing back some graded assignments near the end of class.  Even through his bleary, tired eyes, he could see clearly that his had a big red zero on it, and his heart sunk.

 

“I don’t understand - I did all of these right…” he muttered numbly.  A ghostly student - Lori Murdock; she’d attended Blithe Hollow High in the seventies - giggled in the corner, and Norman cringed that no one else could even  _ hear _ it.

 

“Most of them, yes,” Mrs. Laughlin conceded, “but I don’t know where these problems came from. Wherever they came from, it wasn’t the assignment I gave you.”  She moved on to hand out the rest of the assignments, leaving Norman to stare at that big red zero.  It taunted him.  And Lori Murdock’s disembodied giggling didn’t help.

 

He shook his head, confused, until he realised - his teacher was absolutely right. It  _ wasn’t _ his high school math assignment.

 

It was his homework for the math class he was taking at the local community college.

 

He groaned.  That meant that he’d turned in his high school assignment - which he  _ knew _ he did because he remembered calling Salma to help him understand one of the word problems, which was something he normally understood fine on his own but he’d just been so unable to focus lately - to his professor at Blithe Hollow Community College.  And Professor Patel did  _ not _ allow late assignments.

 

It just wasn’t fair.  He’d  _ done _ both assignments.  But now he had two failed grades anyway.  The hours of math work had been for nothing!

 

Norman couldn’t accept that.  He  _ couldn’t _ , he had way too much riding on these grades.  If Kaufman University withdrew his admission… no.  He wouldn’t accept that.  Not this time.  Not if acceptance meant ruining everything not just for himself, but for Dipper.

 

“Mrs. Laughlin,” he approached his math teacher as soon as class ended, “about the assignment… Uh, I kind of mixed it up with my homework in my other math class, but I  did do the assignment.  Is there any way I can make it up to you?”

 

Mrs. Laughlin lowered her glasses and stared up at the tall young boy with scrutinising brown eyes.  Then, she sighed.

 

“Now you know I don’t normally allow make-up assignments without a doctor’s note.”

 

“I know, I know, I just-”

 

“Let me finish, Babcock,” she pushed up her glasses.  “As I was saying.  I wouldn’t normally allow it.  But… you are a hard working student.  So if you can promise not to let it happen again, I’ll grant you a make-up assignment.”

 

“That bitch!” Lori Murdock gasped in the corner. “She never let  _ me _ make up any assignments when  _ I _ went here!  Oh, I am  _ so _ haunting her!”

 

Norman repressed the urge to roll his eyes at Lori, reminding himself that Mrs. Laughlin couldn’t  see the ghostly teen, and nodded.

 

“Chapter seven, section one,” the math teacher told him, “numbers one through fifty.”

 

“Um… even numbers or odd numbers?” he asked, head swimming a little.

 

“ _ All _ numbers.  I expect it on my desk tomorrow along with the assignment already due tomorrow.  Now get to your next class, Babcock - I’m not writing a pass for you.”

 

Norman sighed.  Fifty more math problems to do for his troubles.  How was that fair?

 

***

 

“How is that fair?!” Dipper’s voice was loud, indignant.  Norman cringed and held the phone away from his ear a little.  

 

“She didn’t  _ have _ to offer me a make-up assignment…” he mumbled, scratching out part of the solution to the problem with his pencil - and then immediately erasing it when he realised no, no that wasn’t the right step to take.  The medium didn’t know why he was defending his math teacher - he didn’t particularly want to do fifty extra problems tonight - but he supposed he couldn’t really fault Mrs. Laughlin when he himself had asked.

 

“But what about your other homework?”

 

“It’s not that much… Just another math assignment and a government paper to finish.  I’ll be fine.”

 

He could hear Dipper sigh heavily.  That sigh always sent a small wave of guilt crashing against the walls of his stomach. He pushed it aside. It wasn’t as if he had a choice, after all.

 

“Dipper,” the younger boy repeated, “I’ll be  _ fine _ .”

 

“Norman - you need to have time to rest!” That tone in Dipper’s voice - the obvious, undisguised worry - made the guilt come back even stronger.  Norman reminded himself again that he didn’t have a choice. 

 

“I’ll be fine,” he said for a third time.  “Really.  Don’t worry about me.”

 

“It’s a bit late for that!” 

 

“Dipper…”

 

“You realise chronic sleep deprivation has the same effect on the brain as being drunk, right?” The pitch of Dipper’s voice was rising, as it always did when he got just a bit frantic about something. “I could link you to a chart and everything - if you stay awake for long enough you basically become, like, a functioning drunk.”

 

Norman frowned. 

 

“I don’t feel  _ drunk _ , Dip. I mean, you’re being kind of a hypocrite... A-and it’s not like I won’t try to sleep - just as soon as I finish these assignments. I’m sorry, I just… I have to get them done. I just have to.”

 

“You’ll ‘try’ to sleep.”  Though he couldn’t see Dipper’s face, the younger boy could hear the frown in his voice.  “Norman, what do you mean you’ll ‘try’? Is your insomnia acting up again or isn’t it?”

 

“I’m just really stressed right now. I’ve had a lot of homework lately.  B-but it’s really fine-”

 

“Because if it is, I can have Mabel ask Pacifica-”

 

“N-no, don’t do that!” Norman said quickly. It was bad enough that Dipper was worrying about him. He didn’t think he could handle the guilt if he was worrying Mabel or Pacifica too. “I-I’ll sleep.  I will.”

 

“...okay,” Dipper didn’t sound entirely convinced.

 

Once again, the guilt washed over Norman, and this time he wasn’t as successful with pushing it away. Because he had no idea if he was lying to his boyfriend or not. And that made everything so much worse.

 

***

 

Dipper worried the entire next day. He knew Norman was probably starting to get annoyed with him - had their situations been reversed, he probably would have been annoyed too - but he didn’t know how to stop worrying. He didn’t know how to get across to Norman just how important this was to him, how much it worried him.

 

As always, he hated the distance between them.  He  _ hated _ it, hated every single one of the 3,112 miles between them. He wanted more than anything to be there for Norman, to do something,  anything to try and help him get through this - to _ hold _ him if nothing else.

 

Instead, he was stuck in Piedmont, looking up things on WebMD and imagining the worst.  Norman hadn’t been using Skype lately, claiming it was a distraction from his heavy schoolwork, so Dipper awaited the phone call that came every night.

 

It didn’t come soon enough.  The worry had already sent his head spinning when his phone began to vibrate, when that photo he’d taken so many months ago back in that Denny’s popped up to let him know Norman was calling him.

 

“How are you feeling?” Dipper didn’t even bother with ‘hello’.  He had meant to sound caring, but it came out more like a demand.  He cringed, but it wasn’t as if he could take it back.

 

“Hello to you, too,” Something about Norman’s voice was… croakier than normal, like someone who was just waking up. Or someone who was starting to get a cold. Dipper felt his chest clench, and before he could stop himself, he blurted out:

 

“Norman, you don’t sound good. I’m not trying to nag you, dude, but you really need to get some rest before you get sick-”

 

“Dipper,” the medium cut him off, sounding a lot more annoyed than his normally patient nature allowed for.  (Dipper remembered that moodiness and irritability were two things sleep deprivation could  _ definitely _ cause, so he tried not to take it personally.)  “I have a headache and a lot to do. Can we not have this conversation for the fifth night in a row?”

 

“O-okay,” he stammered, fist clenching around the blanket on his bed.  It wasn’t okay, though, not at all.  It was just as Dipper had always feared - the distance preventing him from protecting Norman.  He just hadn’t ever imagined that what he would fail to protect Norman from was himself.

 

Still, for Norman’s sake - despite everything, Dipper did want to make him happy - he tried to push all that out of his mind for now, to hide all of his worry from his boyfriend.  It didn’t quite work, but they managed to have an almost normal conversation about other things for twenty minutes or so.

 

Until Norman muttered, “...oh, crap.”

 

“What? What is it?!” Immediately, the older boy stopped trying to hide his worry.

 

“I-it’s nothing.  Don’t worry about it. I just… don’t remember what the hell I meant when I took these notes…”

 

“If you’d gotten a decent amount of sleep last night, you might have,” Dipper couldn’t stop himself. “I’ve been reading up on it. The sleep-deprived brain can’t think or process information very well, so-”

 

“I thought you said you weren’t going to do this tonight,” the medium’s voice got just a little lower in volume. 

 

“I’m worried about you!”

 

“Well, don’t. I can handle it.”

 

“By running yourself into the ground and not taking care of yourself?” The older boy challenged.

 

“I get enough lectures in my daily life. I don’t need one from you, too.  You’re supposed to… I don’t know, support me or something.”

 

Dipper bit back another reply.  His heart felt like it was tearing itself to shreds, the shrapnel cutting open his stomach, at the sound of Norman’s voice.  The younger boy didn’t sound angry, but Dipper almost wished he did, because hearing him like this - so weary, almost broken down - was far, far worse.

 

“I do support you…” he finally answered.  “I’m just scared for you.”

 

“It’s homework, Dipper, not Bill Cipher. It’s unpleasant, but it won’t kill me.”

 

“No, but- but  _ you _ might! People get hospitalised for exhaustion all the time!” Dipper was grasping at straws now, but he had to get his point across.  He  _ had _ to!

 

“I’m not going to get hospitalised,” Norman sounded skeptical.

 

“It happened to a girl from my school last year!”

 

“It’s not like I can just not do my homework,” the younger boy’s voice was still quiet, but now it had a new quality to it - a chilly quality.  The older of the pair recognised it - Norman was starting to shut down, to retreat into himself.  He forced himself to calm down.  If his boyfriend shut him out like that, no amount of begging would get him to listen.

 

“I know, but… maybe you could make a schedule or something that’ll let you divide it up better and still get a good, I dunno, seven hours?” Dipper offered.  “I’m sure Salma could help you.”

 

“It’s not that simple.”

 

“Why not?!” The exclamation came before he could stop it, and it just kept coming and coming.  “I know you have a lot of homework, but you _ need _ to sleep, Norman!  This isn’t an optional thing - your _ health _ is at stake!  Why are you doing this to yourself?!”

 

Norman didn’t reply at first, and Dipper felt a little sick. Why had he let himself yell like that?  When the younger teen finally did speak, his voice was ice cold:

 

“I’m doing all of this for  _ you _ , Dipper.”

 

“Norman-”

 

_ Click _ .

 

The stress-nausea only grew as Dipper realised his boyfriend had just hung up on him.  He tried calling back immediately, but it went straight to voicemail.

 

Norman was…  _ i gnoring _ him?!

 

He shook his head numbly, two thoughts circling in his head.  The first was that he had fucked up, and he knew it. The second?  Norman was just going to keep doing this until something truly terrible happened.  And now Dipper had no chance of stopping it.

 

***

 

Norman had only meant to ignore Dipper for a few hours - only enough time for them both to calm down before they said something they’d regret - but then he’d gotten too tangled up in his homework, and before he knew it, it was three in the morning, far too late to call Dipper back, or even respond to the twenty-ish texts his overeager boyfriend had sent.  

 

He didn’t manage to fall asleep until 4:30 - on top of the usual school stress, the knowledge that he was causing Dipper to panic made it difficult for him to relax - and even then, it wasn’t a very restful sleep.  

 

His headache had only gotten worse by the time his alarm went off at 6:30, and the _ last _ thing Norman wanted to do was drag himself out of bed.  But he reminded himself he had a test that day, and forced himself to get ready.

 

It wasn’t until he got to school that he noticed he’d forgotten his phone at home.   _ Damn it .   _ He’d been forgetting a lot of things lately, it seemed.

 

He only made it to third period before his friends stopped him in the halls.

 

“Norman!” Neil’s voice seemed much louder through his headache.  “Why haven’t you been answering your texts, man?”

 

“We’re not supposed to text in class, Neil,” Salma reminded the redhead, rolling her eyes and tossing some of her stick-straight hair.  “I expect Norman knows that, even if he  _ blatantly  _ ignores that rule for a certain someone.”

 

“I actually left my phone at home…” Norman muttered, leaning his head against the cool metal of the lockers.  He hadn’t realised how hot he’d felt until his skin made contact with that cold surface.  It almost felt good.  Or it would have if his head wasn’t spinning so much.

 

Neil and Salma exchanged looks.

 

“You don’t look so good, Norm,” Neil didn’t bother to disguise the worry in his voice.  “Do you want us to take you to the nurse?”

 

“‘Mokay,” he murmured a reply.  “Just have a headache…”

 

Salma opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by the bell ringing.  The noise echoed in Norman’s ears, causing him to cringe.  It was too loud, too loud…

 

“Come on.  We can’t be late for class,” she frowned, and began to walk.

 

Norman made a move to follow her.

 

And then his vision blurred and he could feel himself falling.

 

The next thing he knew, he was laying on the ground, Neil and Salma hovering above him. His head felt like it was going to burst open. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, and his eyes couldn’t focus on their faces, but he tried to assure them he was okay, he had just tripped or something.

 

Before he could get the words out, everything went completely black.

 

***

 

Dipper had been a wreck for the last couple of days.  His boyfriend was  _ still _ ignoring him, no matter how many texts of apology he’d sent.

 

The not knowing what was happening in Norman’s life, the sickening feeling that the medium’s bad behaviour was going to catch up to him and there wasn’t a damn thing Dipper could do about it, was made twice as bad by the knowledge that it was all his fault. That if he’d just stopped to think before talking to Norman about it, maybe he would have listened to him. (True, Norman could be just as stubborn as he could, but ‘maybe’ was all Dipper had right now.)

 

When his phone rang, after two nights of silence, it was really no wonder that he scrambled for it desperately, apologies already on the tip of his tongue just in case.

 

He didn’t recognise the phone number, but he recognised the area code: 978. This phone call was coming from Blithe Hollow.

 

“Norman?” he demanded as he picked up the phone, not caring how desperate he sounded.

 

“No,” the voice on the other end of the line did not belong to Norman, but Perry Babcock. “But you  _ do _ need to talk to him.  Now.”

 

Dipper was used to being ordered around like that by his parents, or Grunkle Stan, or even Mabel - but he hadn’t been expecting such an urgent request from Perry Babcock, of all people.  And why was Norman’s dad calling him, anyway?  His heart sank a little more into his stomach with every new possibility he thought up.  None of them were good.

 

“Wh-what happened?” His throat was dry as he asked, his voice wavering.  But he had to know.

 

“He has a fever,” Perry’s voice was steely, and Dipper could picture the man very clearly in his head, standing there with his jaw clenched the way he did. “It was 105 yesterday, but his mom got it down after he fainted-”

 

“He  _ what _ ?!” A wave of nausea hit Dipper, and he ran his free hand through the front of his hair, absolutely sick with worry. Norman was that sick? The guilt dug into his stomach with claws sharp as knives as the words - ‘fever’, ‘105’, ‘fainted’ - swirled around, making him more and more nauseous. Perry’s reply only half snapped him out of it:

 

“That’s what I said! I’ve been trying to talk to him, but he won’t listen to me.  The kid’s stubborn. But maybe… maybe he’ll listen to you.”

 

“But-” Dipper started. His protest went unheard - he could only hear shuffling and muffled voices on the other end for a few seconds, before it was replaced by a very groggy:

 

“I told him not to call you...”

 

“Norman!” he choked out, unable to keep the frantic worry from creeping into his voice.

 

“Can I take a rain check on the ‘I told you so’?” Norman sounded annoyed, but more than that, he sounded exhausted.

 

“I’m not-!” Dipper began, but then stopped himself, taking a shaky breath to steady himself. 

 

He couldn’t hurt Norman any more than he already had, couldn’t muck up the situation even more than it already was. In a way, it was almost his fault. If he’d been more supportive from the beginning, maybe Norman would have listened. So he had to stop and think, measure his words, anything it took to  _ help _ .

 

“I’m not going to say I told you so,” he tried to sound calm. It came out more shaky than he wanted, but at least it was a start. 

 

“...you’re not?”

 

“No. I’m not,” he let out a sigh. 

 

“Why not? It’s exactly what you said would happen,” Norman replied, annoyance slowly seeping out of his voice. Which only made the poor boy sound more exhausted. “You were right.”

 

The guilt sunk its talons into the pit of Dipper’s stomach.

 

“Norman, I don’t care about being ‘right’ - I care about  _ you _ .” It took all of his willpower to keep his voice low, to keep himself from giving into the panic and sounding as frantic as he felt. He grabbed a nearby pillow and pressed it to his chest, wishing it was Norman he was holding there instead. 

 

“It’s just… I can’t fuck up, Dipper.  I can’t.  If my grades drop, if Kaufman U decides to withdraw my admission… I couldn’t let you take a gap year for me, and I’m not going through the application process again. And, yeah, I let it get to me.  I let it stress me out.” Norman huffed. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

 

Dipper frowned.

 

“Look, I don’t… I didn’t mean to make you feel like I was trying to, I don’t know, be all ‘holier-than-thou’ or whatever. I know insomnia sucks hard -  _ believe _ me, I know.  I just… I feel so helpless over here when you’re suffering. And I want to help you.”

 

“You shouldn’t have to help me,” the younger boy’s voice was quiet, unsure. “I’m not your responsibility, Dip.”

 

“No, but you  _ are  _ my boyfriend, and I  _ want _ to help you.” He paused. “I know I can’t take your cold away, but maybe I can help you figure out, like, a homework schedule or something? And maybe… I don’t know, is there anything I can do to help you sleep easier?”

 

“I…” Norman hesitated.  Then coughed.  (Dipper could hear the way the coughs were ripping through Norman’s delicate frame, and he clutched his pillow a little tighter.)  “I don’t know. I guess I just… I miss you. I was really looking forward to going to college with you, and to… well… you know.”

 

“What?” Dipper was confused now. “Dude. You’re still going to college with me.  What does that have to do with-”

 

The medium mumbled something in reply before Dipper could finish the thought.

 

“What?” He repeated.  “Norman, I can’t understand what you’re saying.”

 

“I said ‘I sleep better with you there.’”

 

The older boy went bright red, grip on the phone only tightening as he listened.

 

“When I’m with you, I just… it’s hard to feel stressed when you’re… you know,” Norman sounded (understandably) flustered.  “But you’re  _ there _ , and I’m  _ here _ , and I just don’t know what to do, Dipper.  I just don’t know what to do…”

 

Dipper sighed, trying to think of what he could possibly say to that. He didn’t know what to do, either.

 

“I wish I could be there for you,” he confessed. “You know that if I could, I’d fly over to Blithe Hollow right now and- and get you soup or something, at least!”

 

The younger boy gave a small laugh at that, though it quickly turned into another coughing fit. Dipper waited for it to subside, clutching onto his pillow tightly, before continuing:

 

“And when we’re in college together, I’m going to hold you every night you know. I won’t let you go. Even if we both get gross and sweaty, I don’t care.”

 

“You don’t have to get sweaty for me. Just being there helps…”

 

“Then - then let me be there for you now!” the older boy exclaimed. “I’ll call you every night until we’re living together again, and if I can’t hold you then at least I can stay on the line until you fall asleep.”

 

A pause. Dipper waited, forcing himself not to babble to fill the silence.

 

“I don’t want to be any trouble,” Norman finally replied.

 

“It’s not any trouble,” he insisted. “I  _ want  _ to do it. That is… if you think it’d work?”

 

“I think…” the medium seemed to be giving it some thought. “...I think you’re stubborn. But it’s worth a try, I guess. And I guess asking Salma to help me manage my time better wouldn’t be the end of the world.” He paused again, before speaking again, much more quietly, “And, um… thank you.”

 

And for the first time in days, Dipper smiled.

 

***

 

A week passed, as did Norman’s fever. Most of his teachers were understanding about it, given the circumstances (much to his embarrassment, quite a few students had seen him faint at school that day). He wasn’t even terribly worried about those who weren’t as understanding - if he did well on every assignment from here on out, he’d still be able to pull all A’s and B’s. Still good enough for college.

 

Still good enough for Dipper.

 

It was easier to sleep at night now, too. The stress was still there, granted, but it was much more difficult to stay up dwelling on it with Dipper’s voice in his ear telling him some awful joke. Or telling him how much he loved him. There was an equal chance of either with Dipper, after all.

 

It wasn’t ideal - it wouldn’t be until they could be in the same bed again - but they were making it work.  Every night at about ten P.M. east coast time - when Dipper called - they were making it work.  His “X-Files” ringtone would sound throughout Norman’s room, his stupidly cute grin would pop up on Norman’s phone screen, and the medium would pick up and say something like:

 

“You would not  _ believe _ what happened at school today...”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then everything was okay until college when they discovered the joys of finals season.


	15. The Guide to Prom

_ Tip # 15: Remember to thank your sister’s girlfriend for making your prom worthwhile - she’s really not that bad after all. Also, don’t worry so much about how bad you are at dancing; everyone will be too busy gawking at your actual real life boyfriend (that you totally didn’t make up) to even notice your dancing skills. _

 

***

 

Norman had expected to spend this particular Saturday morning in May like he spent all his Saturday mornings - sleeping in as long as he could get away with. He didn’t get many opportunities to sleep in, after all, and it was nice to be able to spend time in bed without having to worry about school until at least nine A.M. 

 

(His definition of sleeping in may have differed from his peers’, but with his history of insomnia, Norman would take what he could get.)

 

He had not expected someone coming into his room at about 8:30, plopping a Starbucks cup down on his bedside table, shaking him awake, and asking:

 

“You like mocha, right?”

 

He had  _ definitely _ not expected to open his eyes to see Pacifica Northwest hovering over him.

 

“P-Pacifica?” he sputtered, shooting straight up. “What are you doing in my room?” He paused. “Actually, what are you doing on the east coast?”

 

The blonde took a sip of her  _ own _ Starbucks cup - they’d misspelled her name as Pamela for some reason - and merely asked again:

 

“So do you like mocha or don’t you? Because Courtney said you had a sweet tooth, and I just figured…”

 

“Yeah, I do, but you didn’t have to-” he began, then shook his head. “Seriously, not that I’m not happy to see you, but… what are you  _ doing _ here?”

 

Pacifica paused, and then the corners of her glossy lips quirked up into an almost catlike smirk.

 

"I'm taking you to prom."

 

"What?" He asked flatly, taking a sip of the drink she'd bought him.

 

"Piedmont's prom is tonight?" The blonde's tone of voice indicated that this was obvious information, and Norman should have known it. "I'm taking you to be Dipper's date. And then whenever yours is, I'll fly him over."

 

"That's going to be hard to do," a long, slow sip of mocha - okay, it did taste pretty good - "since mine was last week. I didn't go."

 

"Huh. Guess we'll have to make tonight twice as special then, won't we?" Pacifica didn't miss a beat.

 

"Really, Pacifica, you don't have to-"

 

"I know I don't have to! And I know it's not really your scene, and I know Dipper said he was okay with going stag, but-! Mabel says he's just saying that. And I guess..." she sighed, blowing a section of her bangs upwards. "I guess I kinda liked the idea of us all having that together? I don't know..."

 

He paused to consider this, punctuating his silence only with another sip of the drink.

 

The idea of going to a high school dance had  _ never  _ been something he had been interested in - it wasn’t like his popularity level was suddenly going to change just because he showed up in a suit and drank some punch out of a Dixie cup - but it did seem to be something Dipper would want. Dipper always had been a little too invested in what he “should” do, and it wouldn’t be shocking to Norman at all if his boyfriend felt like he “should” go to prom, with or without a date. And if it was something Dipper wanted…

 

Pacifica was still staring at him, one hand perched on her hip. Anyone who didn’t know her well would have thought she was utterly nonchalant over this whole ordeal - as if flying across the country early in the morning was just no big deal at all - but her blue-green eyes gave her away.  _ She _ wanted this, too. Perhaps because she was still learning how to be nice to people, perhaps because she really did care about them (Norman knew she did, no matter how much she tried to hide it) and thought it would make them happy.

 

And he knew without even thinking that Mabel would be overjoyed to see him. The “prom scrapbook-ortunities” alone would  _ thrill _ her. 

 

If so many people wanted this...

 

He sighed. “What did my parents say?”

 

“Well, your mom signed the guest pass form. She says she wants pictures,” the blonde couldn’t help but start to smirk a little.

 

“Fine,” Norman agreed. 

 

***

 

He didn’t know what he had expected - being dragged to the local tuxedo rental shop, maybe. Certainly not being ushered into a cab and driven to the empty field where the private Northwest jet was (probably illegally) parked. This early on a Saturday morning, few living gawkers were around, though there were plenty of ghosts who had never seen such a thing either.

 

“These rich socialites think they own the damn place,” an old man who had died of a heart attack griped.

 

“ _ I _ think it’s neat,” a tween girl ghost - carbon monoxide poisoning - countered, “though if it were  _ me _ , I’d paint it pink. When you’re that rich, you might as well.”

 

“I’ve heard of Southwest airlines, but Northwest?” Asked a jogger ghost - car accident - who thought he was being funny. The old man and the young girl ghosts groaned.

 

“Do your parents know you have this?” Norman asked, not quite sure how to react to any of this.

 

“Of  _ course _ not,” Pacifica rolled her eyes. “As if Preston Northwest would loan his precious toy to his ‘ungrateful rebel’ daughter. But he’s in Shanghai, and my mother is in L.A. getting a chin tuck or something, so what they don’t know won’t hurt them.”

 

“Are you sure that’s-”

 

“Norman, for god’s sake, get in the plane. The pilot is starting to get antsy; I can only bribe him so much.”

 

The inside of the Northwest jet was not only far nicer than any plane Norman had ever been in, it was nicer than most  _ buildings _ he had been in. Preston had clearly spared no expense. The front section of the cabinet alone had a flat-screen television, a mahogany table, gold leaf on more things than necessary, what looked like a miniature beauty salon in the corner (probably for Mrs. Northwest, and complete with a stylist who gave Norman a surprised look when he came in), and even… was that a  _ jacuzzi ? _

 

Pacifica seemed absolutely at ease, even if Norman felt vaguely uncomfortable - like this was way more than he deserved right now - and she dragged him by the sleeve of his t-shirt to sit in the most comfortable-looking, overstuffed brown leather seats he had ever seen. (He had no doubt that the leather was probably off some rare Tibetan ox or something. It was somehow even more comfortable than it looked.)

 

“You ready for take-off?” She asked him.  “Last chance to back out...”

 

He buckled his seatbelt.

 

Once they were high enough in the air to move about the cabin, it was without a doubt the strangest flight Norman had ever taken to the west coast.

 

Pacifica immediately made her way over to the stylist to begin the necessary work on her hair and nails for the night, and instructed Norman:

 

“The back room has a bunch of designer suits in it. Just try them all on and pick whatever you like. After that, we can watch a movie or something if you want.”

 

She wasn’t kidding - the back section of the plane was filled to the brim with suit jackets, button ups, and pants, in all sorts of colours and fabrics. In the back of the room was a mannequin in a pastel teal dress which Norman supposed was for Pacifica, as it certainly wouldn’t fit  _ him _ . He didn’t know anything about fashion, but he did have to admit that it was quite pretty.

 

What had he gotten himself into?

 

Eventually he picked an all black ensemble, with a thin red tie that he didn’t know how to tie. A bit embarrassed - this outfit probably cost more than his entire house - he stepped back into the room where Pacifica was currently having her toenails painted and drinking some fruity smoothie-looking thing out of a margarita glass.

 

“Is… is this okay?” Norman asked. Both Pacifica and the stylist turned to look at him.

 

“Come here,” Pacifica put her drink down and gestured for him to come over.  When he did so, she took both ends of his tie and tied it for him. “Actually… you clean up pretty nicely. Dipper is going to  _ completely _ flip his shit when he sees you in that.”

 

He wasn’t sure why, but it caused his face to go a little pink.

 

“Now go change, unless you wanna wear that all day,” she waved him off, though not without a smile. 

 

***

 

“One more picture on the stairs!  This time stand below your brother, Mabel, sweetie,” Mr. Pines instructed, digital camera in hand.  

 

Dipper rolled his eyes at his father’s instruction, but pressed himself close to the bannister anyway so that Mabel - in her giant rainbow monstrosity of a dress - could even  _ get _ to the steps below him. He thought that he’d picked a nice outfit, going with a light blue jacket and black bowtie over the traditional white shirt and black pants, but Mabel  _ always _ had to be the centre of attention. 

 

Not that he really minded all that much. Everyone at school wanted to know what Mabel Pines would create for prom. Who was he to judge? (Even if her skirt  _ was _ raining glitter all over his shoes…)

 

“And…  _ smile _ !” Their father took another photo on the camera. Mrs. Pines looked down at her watch for what seemed like the seventh time that night.

 

“Mom, chill, the limo will be here soon,” Mabel’s voice was chipper. 

 

“I still can’t believe you got us a limo,” Dipper chimed in. “Hope you’re prepared to pay for Mabel to drink all the soda and bother the chauffeur the whole way to Treasure Island.”

 

“ _ I _ can’t believe you think I’m going to be the one drinking all the soda,” Mabel elbowed her brother in the stomach, a bit harder than she intended. He doubled over just a little, clinging to the bannister just a bit overdramatically. She ignored him, instead turning her attention back to their parents with, “Mom, really, it’ll  _ be _ here. Stop worrying so much!”

 

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.  Before anybody else in the family could react, Mabel grabbed her skirt and pulled it up to her knees so she could run down the remainder of the stairs towards the door, the whole time shouting at her mother:

 

“See?! I  _ told _ you it’d be here soon!”

 

Dipper looked to his parents, and was somewhat surprised to see that their only reaction to this was to exchange knowing smiles.  That was… weird of them… But he didn’t have enough time to reflect on this, because before he could even begin to puzzle out a solution, he heard his sister squeal:

 

“Paz!  Norman!”

 

He whipped his head towards the door at that. Mabel was gleefully screaming and jumping up and down, holding onto the manicured hands of Pacifica Northwest. And standing slightly behind them, looking up at Dipper with a shy smile and a small wave, was Norman.

 

In a dark suit.  With a  _ tie _ .

 

Dipper felt his face grow hot, feeling almost dazed as he hurried down the stairs to greet his boyfriend. If he wasn’t mistaken, Norman had grown a little taller - though that definitely could have been the shoes. (Dipper was well aware he was a little different now too - in the past few months, his chin had sprouted more hairs, so now he had a small patch of what he hoped would one day be almost a beard.)

 

“You have got to stop surprising me like this,” his fingers found the end of Norman’s skinny red tie, and held onto it as he smiled up at the younger boy. He couldn’t  _ stop _ smiling.

 

“It was a surprise to me, too,” Norman laughed a little. It was the most beautiful sound.

 

_ Click _ _._  Mr. Pines took another picture. The Mystery Quartet just laughed, not even really noticing.

 

***

 

Despite the swanky location (The Treasure Island Event Centre, with its red chandelier and dance floor, was a lot fancier than the Piedmont High School gymnasium) and the even swankier dresses and limousines, Dipper was not as surprised as he could have been that prom was really not that different from any other high school dance he’d attended.

 

His same group of friends hung out with him at a table near the back and pretended to be  _ totally shocked _ that Dipper Pines of all people had a boyfriend (even though “you’ve seen  _ pictures _ , Kyle!”). The same songs played, and Dipper pretended to be disgusted with them even though he secretly knew all the words to roughly half of them. Pacifica and Mabel had scampered off early on in the night, though Mabel returned periodically to eat off the plate of food she’d set near her brother, and Dipper occasionally caught glimpses of them from the dance floor where they were seemingly trying to outdo each other, Pacifica’s practised perfect dance moves against Mabel’s improvised fun ones.

 

Dipper did not try to dance. He never danced at these things. Luckily for him, Norman wasn’t much of a dancer either.

 

That was one thing that made this dance different, of course.  _ Norman _ was there. Holding his hand under the table the whole time, pretending not to notice Dipper’s leg tapping in time with the music, graciously smirking as Dipper’s friends teased him about his boyfriend being “way out of his league”.  (Occasionally, when they thought no one was looking, letting Dipper use the end of his tie as a handle to pull him in for a quick kiss in the darkness of the back of the room.)

 

At one point, Trinh Pham even came up to them and tried to get them both out on the dance floor.

 

“It’s really okay,” Norman had refused as gently as he could. He still didn’t seem completely at ease around her. “I’m not much of a dancer.”

 

“You two are lame,” she’d smirked at them. “Who pays the money to get into prom and doesn’t even dance?!”

 

The night went on and the two stayed at their table regardless. Dipper was able to point out Nicola to Norman, dancing with her new boyfriend, though he was never quite able to flag her down long enough to introduce them. (He and Nicola had parted on good terms, but they’d drifted apart over the course of the school year as well.)

 

“Are you having fun?” Dipper finally asked his boyfriend, near the end of the night, playing with the ends of that skinny red tie the whole time. He couldn’t help but stare right into those blue, blue eyes as he asked. Somehow, the twinkling lights all around the room made them look even brighter in the darkness.

 

“You’re here, aren’t you?” Norman offered a small, almost lazy smile. Dipper returned it, and started to reply, only to be interrupted by his sister coming up to them and playfully punching his shoulder.

 

“Have you two nerds been here all night?” Mabel asked, grabbing a chair to sit with them and dragging Pacifica down with her into her lap. The effect, with Mabel’s giant rainbow glitter mess of a skirt, was more comical than anything.

 

“Other than when we were making out in the bathroom,” Dipper responded jokingly.

 

“D-don’t tell her that!” Norman scolded, then clarified, “He’s joking. We didn’t do that!”

 

“Too bad. The bathrooms are way swankified! Like something at Paz’s house!”

 

“One, ‘swankified’ is not a word,” Pacifica rolled her eyes. “Two, they are not even close to the bathrooms at my house.” She turned her attention to the two boys, and paused, before adding, “three, as much as I hate to admit it - because I  _ know _ she’s going to gloat - Mabel’s kinda right. You really should get in at least  _ one _ dance together.”

 

“Pacifica, you’ve  _ seen _ how well I dance,” Dipper responded. The blonde had to know how uncoordinated he was.

 

“I guarantee you no one out there is gonna be looking at you,” she replied. 

 

“Yeah, they’re all focused on their  _ own _ dance partners,” Mabel agreed. “And when are you gonna get another chance to dance with Normy before your wedding, hmmm?”

 

“D-don’t say stuff like that!” He sputtered indignantly, hearing Norman’s nervous little cough as he did so.

 

The song changed to something slow, some recent pop ballad that Dipper barely knew. 

 

“Suit yourself,” Pacifica shrugged, and stood up, offering her hand to Mabel. “But it’s the last slow song of the night-”

 

“Yeah, and  _ I’m _ gonna dance it with the love of my life!” Mabel butt in with a huge grin, causing her girlfriend to blush.

 

“Mabel, stop, not in front of your brother…”

 

Dipper didn’t hear the rest of what Pacifica was murmuring due to the slow swell of the music as the girls went back out to the dance floor. He watched them for a few seconds before a tap on his shoulder caused him to turn back towards Norman…

 

...who was looking down into his own lap nervously, biting his lip and blushing bright red (which was clear even in the dim light), as he held out one hand to Dipper.

 

“What,  _ you _ wanna dance?” the older boy couldn’t keep the surprise out of his voice.

 

“P-Pacifica did go through a lot of trouble to get me here…” was Norman’s only reply.

 

Dipper took his hand.

 

The two did not go to the dance floor in the centre of the room. They stayed by their table, in the low light of the back of the room where no one would notice them. Dipper placed his arms around Norman’s waist, somewhat awkwardly. Norman’s hands were on the back of his neck, where he could feel them shaking just a little. Their eyes didn’t meet each other at first, and it was a few seconds of very awkward swaying before their feet found the slow, steady rhythm of the song.

 

Dipper stepped forward so that their bodies were pressed together, leaning his head on Norman’s shoulder. For once, he didn’t mind being shorter. This was… actually really nice. The movement had caused Norman to have to snake his arms more around Dipper’s shoulders, and he could feel the younger boy’s breath by his ear. They weren’t suddenly great dancers of course - it was still barely more than a slow back-and-forth - but it was  _ nice _ .

 

And that’s when he heard it.

 

It was barely audible over the noise of the rest of prom, but it was unmistakable once he noticed it. There, right by his ear - a soft, low, sweet humming that soon gave way to some of the words of the song: 

 

“So take my hand, and lead me through… and whisper that you love me, too… just to know I’ll never be too far from you… but you already knew…”

 

In his surprise, Dipper pulled back a little, to look Norman in the face. The medium realised immediately he’d been caught, and stopped moving, clamping his mouth shut.

 

“Dude…” Dipper whispered. “Are you…?”

 

“Y-yeah, Neil likes this song, so I know a lot of the words, and I just… Is… is it okay?”

 

“It’s- it’s fine!” he stammered out. “You’ve got a  _ really _ nice voice, actually!”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“It’s true! I thought you said you couldn’t sing, you liar!”

 

“What?” the younger boy furrowed his brow. “I never said that.”

 

“Yes you did! Back in October, with the zombies-”

 

“What I said was I  _ didn’t _ sing. And I don’t,” Norman paused, then leaned forward again so his mouth was back by Dipper’s ear, “...but if you want me to, I… I’m willing to make an exception for you.”

 

The two began to move again.

 

Dipper didn’t know how to respond. So he just nodded, choked out a “Yes, please.” (He inwardly cringed - what a dorky reply - but Norman chuckled at it.)

 

“Forever’s not so scary,” the younger boy sang softly into his ear - though with less shyness this time, and Dipper realised Norman had been holding back on him, this was  _ incredible _ \- “when I’m sharing it with you. So I’m not going anywhere unless I go with you…”

 

It suited Norman’s voice much better than it did the actual singer, anyway. Dipper leaned his head into Norman’s shoulder even more, closed his eyes and smiled as he continued to listen through the end of the song - the end of the dance - the end of the prom. 

 

“...I’m not going anywhere without you…”

  
He really couldn’t have asked for a better prom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the sappiest thing I've ever written tbh
> 
> The song actually isn't any radio pop song; it's a really sweet original song Sarah wrote for the soundtrack which you should all go listen to.


	16. The Guide to Lake Monsters

_ Tip #16: Arguments are going to happen no matter how close you are. Don’t get petty about it. It never helps. _

 

***

 

Mabel was relieved to finally be done with high school. She was relieved to finally be done with graduation, and all the graduation parties that followed (though they  _ had _ been a lot of fun). But mostly, she was relieved to be back in Gravity Falls, where she could see Pacifica every day instead of only on special occasions, where they didn’t have to be going on some date or adventure if they didn’t want to, and could just chill at the Mystery Shack and paint each other’s nails on the floor of the living room while eating junk food and binge-watching “The Carrie Diaries”.

 

Which is exactly what they were doing at the moment.

 

“This show is... stupider than I remember it being,” Pacifica crammed a handful of skittles into her mouth. Her parents would  _ never _ let her eat stuff like this.

 

Mabel was dipping Oreos into a tub of peanut butter, doing her best not to get crumbs on Pacifica’s pedicure, and shrugged, “You’re the one who picked it.  _ I _ wanted to watch ‘Bob’s Burgers’, but  noooo ...”

 

“I don’t get why you like that show.”

 

“Louise makes me laugh! And she totally sounds just like me!”

 

“Really?” Pacifica frowned. “I… I don’t hear it.”

 

Before Mabel could protest that, the door to the Mystery Shack burst open.  Dipper and Norman - who had gone out earlier that morning on some paranormal case that they had “forgotten” to invite Mabel along on - stomped into the room, covered head to toe with what could only be described as “lake muck”.

 

“ _ Euugh _ !” Pacifica exclaimed, scooting back towards the sofa when the stench of the lake muck coating the boys - Mabel only now noticed they were glaring at one another - reached her nose.

 

“What happened to you two?” the brunette girl asked, concerned. The two boys only continued to glare at each other. Under the muck, she could see her brother’s face was hot red with anger.

 

“You wanna tell them what you did?” Norman’s voice was ice cold in contrast, and almost accusing. Mabel had not heard him take that tone very often, but she knew whenever he did, it meant he was  _ really _ pissed. Whatever Dipper had done, it had clearly been the wrong thing.

 

“What  _ I _ did?!” Dipper exclaimed indignantly, clenching his fists into tight little balls. “You mean how I just saved your fucking life, and you thank me by accusing me of-?!”

 

“I never ‘accused’ you of anything,” the younger boy cut his boyfriend off, voice still low and cold. “And you don’t need to yell, either. I’m right next to you.”

 

“Oh. My god,” Pacifica butt in before Dipper could start yelling again - and he clearly wanted to - “Can you two just answer the question? What happened? Norman?”

 

“Why does  _ he _ get to tell it?!” the older boy was fuming.

 

“Because he’s not yelling,” the blonde raised an eyebrow.

 

“You can tell your side of the story after,” Mabel tried to sound comforting. Her brother just huffed and crossed his arms, leaning on the wall without caring about how gross he was probably making it.

 

Norman was silent for a few seconds.  But then:

 

“Well… you remember how Wendy came over this morning?”

 

***

 

It had been earlier in the day when Wendy had come over. Dipper and Norman had both been surprised to see her down in the kitchen of the Mystery Shack when they went down there to get their (admittedly rather late) breakfast of off-brand stale bagels.

 

“No offense, Corduroy,” Dipper had been the first to greet her, stepping away from Norman and towards the redhead with a little wave, “but you don’t work here anymore.”

 

“Soos let me in,” she shrugged nonchalantly. Or rather, she was trying to be nonchalant about it - and she was rather good at faking it, Norman had to admit - but the medium could see something behind her green eyes, something almost like… Well, it wasn’t quite  _ fear _ , per se, but it was definitely  _ something _ .  “You two just get up?”

 

Norman looked towards Dipper, wondering how he would answer this. They’d been up for a couple of hours now, but he didn’t imagine the older boy would tell his ex-crush ‘I’ve been trying to kiss my boyfriend and he won’t let me because my breath is awful in the mornings’.

 

What Dipper ended up saying was, “Something like that, yeah. What’s going on? Why are you here?”

 

As usual, the older boy was not at all subtle.  Wendy either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

 

“You still like solving mysteries, don’t you?” she asked in reply. “One of my brothers has been swearing up and down he was attacked by a lake monster. He won’t shut up about it. Told him I’d talk to you about it.”

 

Dipper puffed out his chest a little with pride. Norman did  _ not  _ roll his eyes at that, though he very well could have. (And he  _ was _ a little tempted, if he was being completely honest with himself. Still, he resisted the temptation. He knew Dipper liked to try to look cool around Wendy, to make up for some dorky stuff he’d done at twelve that she had probably forgotten all about long ago.)

 

“Oh, Wendy.  Wendy, Wendy, Wendy,” the older boy was… exuberant. “Mabel and I totally disproved the theory of the Gobblewonker  _ years _ ago. Tell your brother not to worry about it, it’s a total phony-”

 

“Not the Gobblewonker, dork,” Wendy pulled out her phone to show the boys a photo. Dipper leaned in so much that Norman could barely see it over his shoulder, though certainly not for lack of trying. The medium was beginning to feel a little bit like a third wheel.

 

The photo itself - from what he could tell - looked a little bit like an animal bite of some sort, though with odd green streaks around it that could have been algae. Or mold, though the thought of mold growing on someone’s skin kind of sent a shiver up his spine.

 

“He swears it looked like a corpse or something,” the redhead shrugged again. “I dunno. Sounds kinda crazy, but… I know you’re into crazy mysteries.”

 

“Say no more,” the boy twin grinned. “Pines and Babcock are on the case.”

 

“Don’t call us that,” Norman muttered. “Shouldn’t we wake Mabel up?”

 

But his protests went unheard as Dipper pulled him towards the door.  He sighed, resigned to this new development.

 

***

 

“I do not ‘try to look cool’ in front of Wendy,” Dipper grumbled against the wall, sinking down a little. He didn’t seem to care if he was rubbing lake muck into the wallpaper.

 

“You kinda do,” Mabel admitted. Her brother shot her a death glare, but said no more.

 

“Norman?” Pacifica looked back to the medium, holding a pillow over her face to block out the stench of whatever was all over the boys. “You were saying?”

 

“Right,” Norman’s voice was still cold, steady, matter-of-fact, as he spoke. “We made our way to Lake Gravity Falls, which wasn’t nearly as crowded as I’d expected for it being June…”

 

***

 

“There’s no one here,” Norman muttered quietly as they looked around the shore of the Gravity Falls lake. He had expected at least one or two families enjoying its waters, but there really wasn’t anyone at all. He had not expected Dipper to actually hear his quiet observation, but the older boy totally had:

 

“Good. Less distractions while we look for clues.”

 

Gung-ho as ever, Dipper ran towards the lapping waters of the shore, either not noticing or not caring that he’d left his boyfriend to do so.

 

“Clues of  _ what _ ?” Norman tried to ask, but Dipper was already on his hands and knees, searching the lakefront for… whatever it was he was looking for. 

 

The medium sighed, totally at a loss for what to do.

 

After a few minutes of this, Dipper sat up, brushing some dirt off of his palms, and shot the younger teen a look.

 

“Are you going to help me or what?”

 

“I’m not really sure what we’re looking for,” Norman brought his arms over his chest and shivered a little, though he wasn’t quite sure why. It wasn’t that cold, and he wasn’t scared - he still wasn’t quite convinced there even  was a monster, after all.  “If there really is something in the water, wouldn’t any ‘clues’ be  _ in _ the water?”

 

“Not necessarily,” the older boy shrugged, looking back out towards the lake. “Strange marks on the shore, torn up clothing and lone shoes left behind, weird smells…”

 

“I don’t know, Dip. I mean, all that stuff could have natural explanations too. Shouldn’t we rule out that possibility first?”

 

Dipper huffed, rolled his eyes. “Norman. It’s Gravity Falls. The natural explanation is  _ never _ the right one here.”

 

Not wanting to argue, even though he didn’t necessarily agree, Norman shrugged again and looked down at his feet, drawing a little line in the sand with one of his shoes. 

 

“Too bad there aren’t any witnesses…” he said quietly. “Maybe if someone had seen something, we’d be able to tell for sure.”

 

The older boy paused at that, looked around… and then piped up with, “What about her?”

 

Norman whipped his head around to face where Dipper was looking, to see a girl that he was certain had not been there a few minutes ago. Her back was towards the boys, but she had a flowing black dress and dark hair that blew about in the light morning wind, as well as a blue-green scarf that matched the lake’s waters. She was barefoot, crouched down so that the lake water was lapping at her toes and fingers as she dug in the sand for… something?

 

Before the medium could say anything at all - before he even thought to do so - Dipper yelled out, “Hey!” and the girl stood up and turned around.

 

And Norman froze.

 

Because the face that looked at them was a face he knew well. It was older now, and definitely very impossible, but the face that stared back at them now was the face of Agatha Prenderghast.

 

He was vaguely aware of Dipper standing and running towards her, probably bombarding her with questions, but in his shock Norman could barely focus on that.

 

Because this? This flew in the face of everything he had ever known. When a spirit moved to the Other Side, that was it. They moved on. Agatha had moved on. Norman had never once made room in that model for reincarnation. And yet, here she seemed to be back, in modern clothing, as the teenager she hadn’t gotten the chance to be the first time around. It wasn’t possible. It  _ wasn’t _ possible! 

 

His head felt like everything was spinning. It took him a few minutes to register that she was even speaking to them.

 

“No, I haven’t seen anything strange,” she was saying. God, even her  _ voice _ sounded like Aggie’s, although with a slightly airier quality to her consonants. “Although… define ‘strange’. I could certainly count the sudden appearance of you two as ‘strange’. I don’t even know who you are.”

 

“Right, I forgot to introduce myself!” Dipper exclaimed. Typical Dipper - in his excitement over the case, of course he’d forget. He always got tunnel vision when it came to solving paranormal cases. “Dipper Pines, at your service! And this is Norman.”

 

“Nadia,” the girl shot Norman a smile, and he let out a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. She looked like Aggie, she sounded like her, but she wasn’t, she couldn’t be… could she? He wasn’t quite ready to rule out reincarnation yet, as impossible as it seemed. 

 

Her smile grew a little as she asked, “What, exactly, is it that you’re looking for?”

 

Dipper looked from her, to Norman, back to her again. His face fell into something that looked less exuberant and more annoyed all of a sudden.

 

“Strange claw-like marks on the shore,” he repeated the same things he’d told Norman only a few minutes ago. “Torn up clothes and shoes left behind by victims. Weird smells.”

 

“You think there is a monster in this lake?” Nadia sounded bemused. “Do we split up? Look for clues?”

 

Dipper bristled visibly. “No, we stick together. You’re welcome to help, but you’ve gotta stick with us - We don’t know what’s out there. C’mon!” He began ahead of them.

 

“Your…  _ friend  _ is very…” Nadia turned that small smile back to Norman, trailing off as she struggled to find the words.

 

“Gung-ho?” the medium offered. “He’s my boyfriend, actually.”

 

“Oh! I didn’t realise; he’s not acting very romantic.”   
  


“No… no he’s not.”

 

“Come on, Norman,” Dipper snapped his fingers, interrupting the pair, “get those skinny little legs moving!”

 

***

 

“She- you never told her I was your boyfriend!” Dipper exclaimed. Mabel groaned.

 

“Dipper!” she chided her brother. “You  _ really _ need to stop interrupting. You’ll get your turn!”

 

“He never told her I was his boyfriend! He’s lying!” the older boy insisted, pointing an accusing finger at Norman, who just shrugged.

 

“Maybe if you’d acted like it, he wouldn’t have had to clarify,” Pacifica countered, making it clear already whose side she’d chosen to take. Mabel wasn’t surprised, though she still did want to hear what Dipper thought of all of this; she didn’t want to believe her brother was  _ that _ insensitive.

 

“We were on a case, not a date. It’s not like I can hold his hand or whatever when I’m on my knees looking for evidence,” Dipper crossed his arms, and glared right at Norman. “And you  _ never _ told her I was your boyfriend, so don’t say that you did.”

 

“Fine,” Norman rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I didn’t. Whatever you say, Dip. Does it really matter?”

 

“ _ Yes _ !”

 

“ _ Fine!  _ Can I continue?!” the younger boy returned Dipper’s glare. “Anyway, we set out to look for clues, but we didn’t find much until Dipper had his big… breakthrough… or whatever.”

 

***

 

The makeshift trio had been searching for about an hour, with absolutely no luck, and Norman was beginning to wish they had brought Mabel along. He wanted desperately to figure Nadia out, and though the two of them were mostly standing to the side while Dipper looked for who knows what, he couldn’t find the words. It wasn’t as if he could just  _ ask _ her “hey, are you by any chance related to the Prenderghast family? You look  _ just _ like my dead great-great-great-great-great-great aunt!”

 

And the few times when Dipper  _ did _ decide that it was worth his time to actually pay attention to his boyfriend, he was acting… weird.

 

Like, ‘roll his eyes whenever Nadia offered a suggestion’ weird. ‘Shoot a white hot glare when she giggled’ weird. ‘Pull Norman aside by the sleeve a little rougher than he probably meant to, and demand to know what the  _ hell _ he thought he was doing’ weird.

 

That last one earned a reply of: 

 

“I’m just  _ talking _ to her, Dipper.”

 

“She’s distracting you from the case,” the older boy accused. 

 

“From  _ what  _ case?! I’m still not entirely sure what we’re looking for - you just jumped up when Wendy said to.”

 

“You’re one to talk! This whole time  _ I’ve _ been doing all the dirty work while  _ you _ let this girl hang all over you!”

 

“That’s not what this is at all,” Norman narrowed his eyes, clenching his fists, digging his fingernails into his palms, to keep himself from yelling. Nadia didn’t need to see that. “I can’t believe, after  _ everything _ we have been through this year, you’re getting jealous of some girl. Or even after everything we’ve been through  _ today _ , after everything I’ve done for you. I do it all for you, Dipper. I didn’t even get to finish my breakfast this morning; all I had was half a bagel with cream cheese.”

 

“You do  _ what  _ for me!? Flirt with some stranger?!”

 

“It wasn’t even real cream cheese; it was light cream cheese,” the medium muttered. “And you’re being ridiculous. I’m just being friendly.”

 

“‘Friendly’!” Dipper scoffed. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was doing it on purpose!”

 

“On  _ purpose _ ?!” In his surprise, Norman’s voice squeaked a little. 

 

“Maybe- maybe she’s working  _ with _ the lake monster!”

 

“Th-that’s  _ ridiculous _ .”

 

“You can’t prove that she isn’t!” the older boy insisted. 

 

“Oh. My god!” Norman exclaimed. “That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.”

 

“Is it?  _ Is _ it?! Think about it,” Dipper challenged. “She just conveniently shows up when there’s a monster on the loose, drives a wedge between us by keeping you from helping me out-”

 

“I’m going to stop you right there. That’s not what happened at all. Ask her your…”

 

When the younger boy turned, however, Nadia was nowhere to be seen.

 

“...self,” he finished weakly.

 

This was not good. Lake monster or no lake monster - and Norman still wasn’t entirely convinced that this whole thing wasn’t a bust - Nadia wondering off only meant Dipper would take it as evidence that his bizarre theory was right. That she had wondered off to… he didn’t know. Talk to some monster that probably didn’t exist? Why couldn’t Dipper see how  _ ridiculous _ that was?

 

As if on cue, the older boy began to mutter, but Norman was more focused on looking around for Nadia. He had to find her, had to figure out  _ why _ she looked like Agatha.

 

“Nadia?” he began to call out for her, tentatively took a step towards where she’d been just a few seconds ago - right by the water.

 

Dipper grabbed his wrist, a little more rough than he’d probably intended to.

 

“What the hell are you doing?” he hissed.

 

Norman tried to pull his arm away, but with how tightly his boyfriend was holding on, he only ended up making them both fall into the shallow water. It was cold on his back, and he could hear both himself and Dipper sputtering with the surprise of the fall.

 

“L-look what you did!” the older boy exclaimed.

 

“What  _ I _ did?” Norman replied. “If you hadn’t-”

 

He never got to finish that sentence, never got to scold Dipper for grabbing onto him or for getting so irrationally jealous. Something tangled around his ankle - kelp, probably, or whatever the lake version of kelp was - and pulled him deeper into the water. 

 

And then he was under. His mouth, still open to scold his boyfriend, filled with lakewater almost immediately. Norman struggled to get free, but this only served to get his legs more tangled, as he got pulled deeper, deeper. The water was frigid and murky, he couldn’t even see how deep he was when he opened his eyes. Not that it mattered. Despite how desperately he reached up, flailing his hands back in forth in a panicked semblance of trying to swim, he was trapped. 

 

His lungs began to burn with the effort of holding his breath; he couldn’t last much longer. His vision was filling with little black spots, and he recognised immediately that he was going to pass out if he didn’t get out of there soon. He clenched his eyes shut…

 

...and felt a pair of hands reaching down and grabbing his upper arms, pulling him upwards, towards the surface.  Norman clung to this, though whatever was gripping his ankles still held tight, and let himself go slack as the ‘rope’ in this strange tug-of-war, until the victor managed to pull him back up above the surface.

 

As soon as he was up in the light again, he took a big gulp of air, coughing and sputtering, treading water like he’d learned to do when he was ten and his father had mistakenly thought swim lessons would be a good way to make friends.

 

Dipper’s head popped up next to him, also gasping for breath, covered in lake muck that clung to his hair and his cheeks.

 

“We have to get back to the Shack,” Dipper instructed.

 

“But Nadia-”

 

“ _ Now _ .”

 

***

 

“...and then the  entire way back,  _ somebody _ kept trying to argue,” Norman huffed. “And that’s about when we ran into you two.”

 

“I saved your life,” Dipper muttered.

 

“I’m not saying you didn’t, but you’re still being-” the younger boy began, then stopped himself, sighing. “Fine. Whatever. Tell them what  _ you _ think happened, since  _ obviously _ you know everything and I know nothing.”

 

Mabel and Pacifica exchanged looks, a little taken aback. They’d both seen Norman get sassy before, but it was usually directed at movies, and thus much more funny. 

 

“Dipper?” Mabel turned to her brother, who was bristling, barely holding back the urge to yell. “Why don’t you tell us what happened today?”

 

The boy twin rolled his eyes. “Okay,  _ mom _ . I guess. Well, as Norman said, Wendy got here pretty early...”

 

***

 

Dipper scraped the knife full of that terrible substance Stan dared to call “cream cheese” (it was  _ not  _ cream cheese, of that much Dipper was certain) on his flat, sorry excuse for a bagel. One of these days he and Mabel would have to do the grocery shopping themselves; Stan’s decision to always buy the cheapest possible version of something was really starting to grate on his poor, defenceless tastebuds.

 

Forcing himself to take a bite, he was surprised to turn around to see Wendy leaning against the opposite wall.  When had she come in? He hadn’t even heard her.

 

“No offense, Corduroy,” he said jokingly, in that way that they’d always joked with each other after that first summer together, “but you don’t work here anymore.”

 

“Yeah, uh,” Wendy looked away, twirled a lock of her red hair around one of her fingers, “Soos let me in… Did you just wake up?”

 

“S-something like that,” Dipper could feel his own face fall. Something was wrong. Something was  _ definitely _ wrong. Though the average person would only be able to see the chill, nonchalant Wendy Corduroy that everyone in Gravity Falls knew and loved, Dipper knew her well enough to see something was bothering her. Something big. And though he no longer fostered a precocious crush on her, she was still his friend, and he’d still do anything to help out a friend.  “Hey. What’s going on?”

 

“Am I that obvious?” she shot him a smirk. Her green eyes weren’t smiling.

 

“No, I just know you that well. What’s bothering you?”

 

“One of my brothers was…” the redhead hesitated, then continued with, “ _ attacked _ . By something. I don’t know what, but he swears up and down it was a lake monster. I dunno. I told him I’d talk to you about it; you were  _ always _ all about that mystery stuff.”

 

“Lake monster…” Dipper muttered, shooting Norman a look. His boyfriend responded to the look by shrugging, the expression on his face clearly reading that this made no more sense to him than it did to Dipper. “Wendy, I… you’re not thinking it’s the Gobblewonker, are you? Because Mabel and I found out that one was a hoax  _ years _ ago.”

 

“I’m just saying,” Wendy pulled her phone from her back pants pocket, “what my brother said. Here, look at this.”

 

Dipper waited for Norman to lean in first, but the younger boy made no move to do so, clearly having decided that this venture was not worth his belief or his time. Dipper still wanted to help Wendy though, so he leaned in to look at what the older girl was showing them. On her screen, a photo of her brother’s neck, with what looked like a large lamprey bite, as far as he could tell. Which was strange, because he had no reason to believe lampreys were native to Gravity Falls. Even stranger still, were the green marks all around the bite, seeping into the freckly skin.

 

Maybe there was something to the lake monster theory after all. The gears in his head began to turn, and Dipper immediately started mentally drafting up a plan of action.

 

“Did he see his attacker?” he asked quietly, more muttering to himself than actually asking. Norman didn’t hear him. Wendy did.

 

“Yeah, he swears it had skin like a corpse! So? You in? I know you like mysteries.”

 

He nodded. “Yeah. We’re in.”

 

***

 

“Even in your ‘Twilight Zone’ version of things, you didn’t even consult me before jumping at the chance to help Wendy,” Norman couldn’t resist muttering. After all, Dipper had interrupted  _ him _ enough times, and he really didn’t think it was fair that his boyfriend was painting him as being so uncooperative.  

 

“Maybe I figured you’d have my back, like I always did for you,” Dipper snarled.

 

Thinking quickly, Mabel reached out and pat her brother’s shoulder (ignoring the lake muck) to calm him down some, before urging him to continue.

 

***

 

“There’s no one here,” Norman complained. They hadn’t even been at the lakefront five minutes yet, but the medium was already making his displeasure clear, in his own way. He clearly didn’t want to be there. It was surprisingly cold, for June, and maybe the temperature was getting to him. After all, he was skinny, he didn’t exactly have a lot of natural insulation. Dipper was trying to be patient with him because of that, though his boyfriend certainly wasn’t making it easy.

 

“Well, think of it as… less distraction while we look for clues?” He tried to look on the bright side, wishing not for the first time that he had Mabel’s natural ability to do so. Norman wasn’t having it.

 

“Clues,” the medium scoffed, rolling his blue eyes and crossing his arms defiantly. “Clues of  _ what _ ?”

 

“Well… of lake monsters. Or anything paranormal, really,” Dipper shrugged, got down on his knees. “Come on, if we both look, we’ll be done with this before lunch, and then I’ll take you to the diner for a milkshake. My treat?”

 

“There’s no such thing as lake monsters,” Norman didn’t get down on his knees, or even uncross his arms. “This whole thing is completely ridiculous.”

 

“Come on, Norm, is it really any more ridiculous than anything else we’ve faced?”

 

“Even if it  _ was _ a likely explanation - which it’s  _ not _ \- wouldn’t any ‘clues’ or whatever be in the water?”

 

Dipper sighed. He was trying to be patient, he really was, but Norman was  _ not _ making it easy. Normally, he didn’t mind his boyfriend’s sassy side. Normally, it was directed at bad movies and not at him.

 

“Not necessarily,” he forced himself to speak kindly - even if Norman wasn’t trying, he still would - “There could be like… strange marks or torn up clothes from the victims. Even weird smells. Weirder than the lake’s regular weird smells, I mean. Or maybe-”

 

“All of that stuff could have natural explanations,” Norman cut Dipper off, rather rudely. “And it’s not like we have any witnesses other than Wendy’s brother. She didn’t even say  _ which _ brother.”

 

The older boy sighed. Why was Norman making this all so  _ difficult _ ? It’s not like he had  _ planned _ to spend their morning here. He turned his head, and caught the glimpse of a third person at the lake - a kneeling girl, her back turned to them, with long black hair and some sort of goth-hippie hybrid dress, no shoes, a sheer scarf around her shoulders which Dipper couldn’t immediately tell if it were blue or green.

 

“What about her?” he gestured with his chin. Maybe this girl had seen something. Or maybe she hadn’t. Either way, Norman couldn’t possibly act so rude around a complete stranger. He called out to her.  “Hey! Hey you!”

 

The girl stood up, and turned around slowly. She was uncommonly pretty, with big blue eyes and unconventional features that just worked. Dipper couldn’t place why he thought so - perhaps she reminded him of someone.

 

And then she spoke:

 

“Yeth? Can I help you boyth?”

 

***

 

“What are you doing?” Norman glared at Dipper again. Pacifica groaned audibly - at this rate, they were never going to get through this fight, if the boys didn’t stop interrupting each other.  “Nadia didn’t have a lisp.”

 

“Yes she did!” Dipper exclaimed. “She totally did!””

 

“No. She didn’t.”

 

“Maybe if you hadn’t been hanging all over her, you would have noticed th-”

 

“ _ Dipper _ !” Mabel cut her brother off fiercely.  

 

The entire quartet was silent for a few seconds.  Then, Norman spoke again, quietly:

 

“Even if she did, what does that have to do with anything that happened today?”

 

Dipper shrugged. “I’m just trying to be thorough.”

 

***

 

Introductions were made, and the makeshift trio continued their search. Or rather, Dipper continued their search. Nadia’s presence only seemed to make Norman even  _ less _ likely to cooperate. Which Dipper would have been okay with - the constant sarcasm had been beginning to grate on his nerves - except for the fact that Norman couldn’t stop  _ staring _ at this girl. And Dipper was 99.9% positive she was flirting with him. Sure, his boyfriend didn’t notice that - Norman always had been really naïve about that kind of thing - but Dipper could see it, in the way she softly giggled and coyly glanced up at the medium from beneath long, dark eyelashes.

 

And what was even worse? Norman seemed to be falling for it. Why else would he keep  _ staring _ at her like that? What ever happened to “you’re the only one for me, Dip”? Dipper had half a mind to stand up, march over, and kiss Norman square on the mouth - that would show her, since Norman seemed to have no intention of letting her know they were dating - except that he was still rather irritated that Norman had been brushing this case off all morning. They were supposed to have each other’s backs. This wasn’t  _ fair _ .

 

And yet, he tried to keep his mind on the case. Tried to keep his mind on the very real danger to the citizens of Gravity Falls, and not just on Norman and Nadia.

 

Even if they were making it hard.

 

Like when she whispered - as if Dipper couldn’t hear her - to Norman, “your friend ith thertainly… enthuthiathtic…”

 

“He’s always like this,” had been Norman’s curt reply. Dipper had clenched his fists and said nothing.

 

Or when Norman had asked her if she’d ever been to Massachusetts, and she just giggled and exclaimed, “I’ve never been outthide of Gravity Fallth in my life!”

 

Or when he turned to ask their opinion on something that may or may not have been a clue, only to find her once again giggling at something Norman had said, clinging to his sleeve while Norman just  _ stared at her face _ .

 

Again, Dipper had clenched his fists and said nothing, though he was grinding his teeth in his mouth. What exactly did Norman find so captivating about this girl?

 

Finally, he could bear it no longer. He stood up, walked over, and pulled Norman away from her and towards the waterline, offering nothing to Nadia other than a “can you excuse us for a second?” 

 

(To her credit, she did.)

 

“Norman, what are you doing?” he tried to force himself to remain calm. Maybe he didn’t quite succeed, but he was trying.

 

His boyfriend, however, did not try to mask his own hostility, not even a little:

 

“I’m  _ talking _ to her. Or am I not allowed to make friends that you don’t ‘approve’ of?”

 

“That wasn’t what I meant. She’s totally flirting with you, you know,” Dipper tried again. Maybe Norman really didn’t realise it. “I’m not trying to blame you or anything, but maybe you shouldn’t encourage her to-”

 

“‘ _ Encourage _ ’ her?” Norman bristled. “So let me get this straight. I’m not allowed to talk to girls, but you’re allowed to continue to drool all over Wendy when she told you five years ago she’s not interested, is that it?”

 

“Th-that’s not the same at all!” He sputtered indignantly.

 

“Isn’t it?” The younger boy’s tone was cold and accusational. “There is  _ no _ evidence for any lake monster other than some blurry photo on her phone, but as soon as she tells you to jump, your response is to ask how high. But I still came out here, even knowing how stupid it was-”

 

“‘Stupid’?!”

 

“-because I’m trying to be supportive, Dipper, I am. I did it for you. But there’s nothing here except for her. So excuse me for trying to have a conversation while I wait for you to get bored with this stupid lake.”

 

Dipper was aghast. He couldn’t believe it. She had turned his boyfriend completely against him. His heart began to pound. This wasn’t like Norman at all, was it? Norman always took his side, didn’t he? His brain scrambled for an explanation, until it landed on one that was just crazy enough to work. Here in Gravity Falls, after all, anything could happen, no matter how crazy it seemed.

 

Nadia had to be working with the lake monster. They were getting too close, so she had to have been sent to drive a wedge between them, to throw them off the scent. After all, she had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. There really had been no one there at the lake when they’d arrived. And she claimed to be a Gravity Falls native, yet Dipper had never seen her in his life, not in all the years he’d been coming here. He’d have remembered a face like that. It seemed crazy, yes, but no other explanation added up.

 

“She’s trying to turn you against me,” he said. He had to warn Norman, had to make him understand this crazy, horrible truth before it was too late. “She has to be. She must be working  _ with _ the lake monster to-”

 

“ _ What _ ?” the younger boy took a step away from Dipper, back towards the lake even more. The water was lapping at their feet now. “You’re being completely ridiculous.”

 

“I’m trying to  _ help _ you,” Dipper got even more desperate. 

 

“Help me? Really? Or can you just not handle that you’re wrong?”

 

“But I’m  _ not _ wrong!” he insisted. He had to make Norman see, for his own good! “Just- just step back and think about it, okay? She just shows up out of nowhere when there’s a monster on the loose, she does her damndest to drive a wedge between us-”

 

“She didn’t drive any wedge. If anything, you did, with your crackpot lake monster theory. This whole thing is ridiculous. Ask her yourself.”

 

“Maybe I will!” Dipper turned, Norman following him in this action.

 

Nadia was nowhere to be seen.

 

This only served to further Dipper’s suspicions about her. She had to know he was onto her. Maybe she’d gone back to warn her monster ally or whatever. 

 

“Nadia!” Norman called out, still ensnared in whatever spell she’d cast on him with her flirty giggles and coy glances.

 

Thinking fast, Dipper grabbed the younger boy’s wrist even tighter. He had to get him out of there before she returned. What if she returned with paranormal reinforcements? His boyfriend, however, was not having it, and tried to resist, tried to pull away.

 

This only caused the both of them to fall right into the water, flailing about helplessly until they could untangle themselves from one another.

 

“Now look what you did,” Norman muttered.

 

“What _ I _ did?”

 

The younger boy opened his mouth again, probably to scold Dipper more, but he never got the chance. 

 

Suddenly, as if being pulled by some otherworldly force, he was practically  _ propelled _ even deeper into the water. It looked as if some invisible hand was dragging him out to deeper waters, and if Dipper hadn’t seen it with his own two eyes, he wouldn’t have believed it. He yelped as he watched Norman being dragged under, hands stretched upwards as he fought helplessly to stay at the surface.

 

Dipper dove into the water in a panic. He was mad at Norman, sure, but he wasn’t about to let him get eaten by whatever was down there. 

 

Where  _ was _ he? He continued to search the water helplessly, coming up for breaths periodically. He wished he had goggles. Not that it would have helped with how murky the lake water was. Still, he searched. He had to. Norman was down there.

 

Finally, his hand closed around something. A thin wrist. Norman. Dipper pulled upwards with all his might until both of them surfaced, Norman coughing murky brown water out of his throat. The older boy let him cough it all up, pulling him to the shore all the while.

 

Once they were on dry land, dripping wet onto the sand, he said:

 

“We should go back to the Shack. Get dried off.” 

 

(He didn’t mention his ulterior motive of keeping Norman away from whatever had just done that.)

 

“What about Nadia?”

 

Unbelievable. Dipper’s blood boiled again. After everything, Norman still was only concerned with some girl he had only just met.  Unable to keep his annoyance out of his voice, he replied:

 

“We are going back to the Shack.  _ Now _ .”

 

***

 

Mabel was trying to reconcile all that both boys had just told her and Pacifica. It was the same basic story - Wendy asked them to investigate a lake monster, they only found a girl named Nadia, and Norman had almost drowned before Dipper had pulled him out of the water.  But the details were so different, she didn’t know who to believe. She turned to Pacifica, caught her eye and exchanged a series of  _ looks _ .

 

“Go change,” the blonde finally spoke, jabbing a thumb towards the stairs. “You two reek.”

 

The boys glared at one another, but neither spoke as they went up the stairs. (Well, Dipper stomped up the stairs. Norman wasn’t much better, walking slower than normal and refusing to look anyone in the eye.)

 

“What do you think?” Pacifica turned back towards Mabel. “I was ready to go off on your brother at first, but… I don’t think I’ve ever  _ seen _ Norman that mad.”

 

“Either way, there’s something  _ fishy _ about this whole situation…”

 

The rich girl paused. “...oh my god, Mabel, was that a fucking  _ pun _ ?”

 

“Not on purpose,” the brunette grinned sheepishly. “Well… okay, maybe a little on purpose.”

 

Before Pacifica could even begin to think up a response to that, there was a knock at the door. The pair exchanged ‘who could that be’ looks, before Mabel was the first to jump up.

 

“It’s probably Wendy coming to ask Dipper if he found the lake monster,” she started to explain as she opened the door to a girl who was definitely  _ not _ Wendy.

 

The girl at the door had, just as in Norman’s and Dipper’s stories, dark hair and an even darker, flowing maxidress, with a seafoam-coloured sheer shawl wrapped loosely around her shoulders. It definitely had to be Nadia - who  _ else _ could it possibly be? - and Mabel could see right away why Dipper had found her pretty before his jealousy kicked in. She looked a lot like Norman, actually. Big, blue eyes - though the shade of blue was slightly different, and her irises weren’t faceted like Norman’s - and pale skin and heavy eyebrows and even a very similar nose… this complete stranger could have been Norman’s long-lost twin sister.

 

“You’re her, aren’t you?” Pacifica asked, suddenly standing right behind her girlfriend (she must have gotten up and moved while Mabel had been staring). “You’re Nadia?”

 

“Yes,” the stranger -  _ Nadia _ \- nodded. She did  _ not _ have a lisp, they noticed. There was a certain  _ quality _ to her ‘s’ sounds, but it definitely wasn’t a lisp. “You must have heard of me - which means I am in the right place? I’m looking for-”

 

“Nadia! You’re okay!” 

 

Pacifica and Mabel whipped their heads around to see who had called out. Norman stood on the stairs, in fresh clothes, though his astonished face still had traces of lake muck on it, as if he hadn’t quite finished washing it before venturing out of the room at the sound of her voice. (Even knowing his motives now, Mabel was beginning to see why Dipper had gotten so irrationally jealous.)

 

“And so are you,” Nadia said, an odd tone to her voice that Mabel couldn’t place, locking blue eyes with Norman. 

 

As if on cue, Mabel could hear her brother’s footsteps thundering down the hall. Dipper’s face - not at all clean, though he had at least changed into dry clothes - appeared shortly after, looking rather upset at the sound of Nadia’s voice. He ran down the stairs to get to Norman before Nadia did. Mabel understood he was jealous, but god, did he have to be so  _ obvious _ about it?

 

“Paz,” she whispered as discreetly as she could manage to her girlfriend, “distract Nadia while I try to… diffuse the situation?”

 

“Yeah, good luck with  that ,” Pacifica snorted. “What am I even supposed to  say to her?”

 

“You’ll think of something!” Mabel winked exaggeratedly - she had nothing but absolute faith in Pacifica, after all - before going over to the boys, who were seemingly in the midst of another argument, though at least this time they were whispering so Nadia couldn’t hear it.

 

“You don’t understand,” Norman was whispering. “She looks _ just _ like Agatha. But regardless of that, she needs our help! We can’t just drop the case.”

 

“Are you  _ kidding _ me right now?” Dipper was exasperated, using all of his self-control to not start screaming. “Are you  _ serious _ ? You nearly drowned because of her!”

 

“You can’t prove that,” the medium responded. “For all you know, it’s trying to hurt her too.”

 

“Dipper,” Mabel butt in, immune to the glare her twin shot her when she did, “if there really  _ is _ a lake monster that attacked Wendy’s brother and Norman, then Nadia shouldn’t even matter, should she? Didn’t you once tell me you had a ‘responsibility’ to-”

 

“The only  _ responsibility _ I’m concerned with,” Dipper cut his sister off, “is keeping Norman safe.”

 

“Well, I’m going back to help her,” Norman glared down his nose at the Pines boy, “whether or not you come with me.”

 

“Wha- why-  _ what _ ?!” Dipper’s voice got high pitched and loud, so that even Pacifica and Nadia turned towards him.

 

“ _ Dipper _ ,” Mabel tried again. “We’ll  _ all _ go. Paz and me, too. Okay?”

 

“I- okay,” her brother frowned. 

 

“Okay, Norman?” she turned to the younger boy.

 

“Sure,” Norman muttered. “Fine. Whatever.”

 

***

 

The Mystery Quartet (plus Nadia) made their way back to the lakefront via the golf cart. Neither of the boys had been wrong when they had spoken of how barren it was there - there was no one there. No tourists, no locals. Mabel had never seen the lake so unpopulated, except for one isolated nighttime incident that Dipper still refused to talk about.

 

It was pretty clear almost immediately that Norman and Dipper had no intention of cooperating with one another so soon after their big argument. It was Pacifica who suggested:

 

“We need to split up.”

 

“Are you  _ crazy _ ?” Dipper reacted predictably. “When has that ever worked out in the history of- of-   _ ever _ ?! And don’t tell me it’s to ‘cover more ground’ or whatever, because that’s the most bullshit excuse-”

 

“It’s not to cover more ground,” the blonde glared. “It’s to keep you two from going at each other’s throats.”

 

“Paz is right,” Mabel admitted. “The faster we solve this sucker, the faster we can all get back to normal and you two can kiss and make up. But until then, you  _ really _ need some space. Dipper, you come with me, okay? Paz, you and Norman.”

 

“Right,” Pacifica nodded.

 

“Um…” a fifth voice sounded, and the quartet turned to Nadia. They’d almost forgotten she was there.  “Who do I go with?”

 

Mabel and Pacifica exchanged glances again, both thinking the same thing. If they sent Nadia with Dipper, he’d act like a total dick to her the whole time, and they couldn’t spring that side of him on some unsuspecting stranger. If they sent her with Norman, however, Dipper’s jealousy would go crazy. Before they could come up with a solution, Norman broke the awkward silence:

 

“Who would you rather go with?”

 

“You, I suppose,” Nadia replied, giving Norman a small smile.

 

Dipper was practically foaming at the mouth.

 

***

 

Pacifica didn’t quite know what to make of Nadia. It was clear Norman was fascinated with her, but it was also clear something about her seemed…  _ off _ , somehow. Dipper had interpreted it as Nadia being coy, but Pacifica wasn’t so sure that was it. She didn’t quite know  _ what _ to make of this strange new girl who she had never seen, despite her claims of being a Gravity Falls native. It was just that something about Nadia gave the Northwest heiress the chills.

 

“Come on,” Nadia was leading them further and further away from the Pines twins, to the part of the shore closer to the cliffs, the part dangerous for boats, the part where people rarely ever swam because of all the rocks. “If there is really a monster - and there are many different kinds of lake monster - it’s far more likely to find it here, away from people.”

 

“What people?” Pacifica snorted. When the other two shot her a look, she sighed. “Whatever, let’s just get this over with.”

 

Norman nodded his agreement with this statement.

 

Nadia kneeled down and began lifting up rocks, inspecting the bottoms of them and replacing each one perfectly.

 

“Though the water would wash away any blood on the top,” she explained, “it can’t get underneath them. So if you find bloodstains, there you have evidence, no?”

 

Norman and Pacifica exchanged looks, shrugged, and crouched on either side of her to help her inspect all the rocks.

 

After some time in silence, Norman cleared his throat.

 

“Uh… Nadia, I…”

 

“Yes?” she brought her head up.

 

“Um… that is…”

 

“Oh for god’s sake,” Pacifica muttered. She was so sick and tired of this entire day. “You. New girl. I’ve lived here all my life and I’ve never seen you before. And I’m Pacifica freaking Northwest - I know _ everyone _ . So what’s your deal?”

 

“My family is rather reclusive. We aren’t much concerned with the dealings of the very wealthy,” Nadia didn’t miss a beat, staring directly into Pacifica’s eyes.  _ God _ , that was unnerving.

 

“Have you ever been to Blithe Hollow, Massachusetts?”

 

“Pacifica-” Norman blushed, but Nadia shrugged and went back to looking at the rocks.

 

“No.”

 

“Do you have any pilgrim ancestors or whatever?”

 

“No, my family is from Russia.”

 

Pacifica narrowed her eyes and leaned in closer, hissing in this girl’s face now - something about how Nadia was so  _ calm _ was really pissing her off - “Did you know my friend here is taken? His boyfriend may be a dick, but that doesn’t mean he’s free for you to steal away.”

 

“Norman never told me he had a boyfriend,” again, Nadia was not perturbed, still inspecting rocks as if nothing had happened. Norman went bright pink.

 

“P-Pacifica!” he sputtered. “Nadia, I- I could have sworn I did-”

 

The blonde frowned. So Dipper had been right, Norman never  _ had _ specified he wasn’t single. She couldn’t  _ believe _ she was thinking this, but she was beginning to sympathise with Dipper, even if he  _ had _ been a total self-righteous jerk about everything.

 

“Oh!” A small exclamation from Nadia pulled Pacifica out of her thoughts. “This rock will be perfect.”

 

The rich girl darted her eyes down to the rock in Nadia’s pale hands. It was smooth, oblong, dark with a light stripe through it and a lump near one end. There was no blood on it.

 

“I don’t see anything…” Norman seemed to be thinking the same thing Pacifica was thinking.

 

Nadia stood up and began walking into the water.

 

“N-Nadia!” he gasped, and stood up as well, as if moving to... follow her? Pacifica frowned.

 

“I’ll show you,” now knee-deep in the water, the dark haired girl leaned down to wet the rock she was holding. “Come here.”

 

“Hold up, isn’t that like totally dangerous?” the blonde’s frown deepened. Norman walked towards Nadia anyway. “You don’t even have a swimsuit, Norman,” she tried again. 

 

He didn’t listen. Why wasn’t he listening? She watched, increasingly frustrated with this whole situation.

 

“You ran away earlier, so I didn’t get a chance to show you. That really hurt my feelings,” Nadia looked downward as Norman reached her in the water.

 

“I’m really sorry,” Norman was typically apologetic. “What is it you wanted to show me?”

 

And then - Pacifica couldn’t believe what she was seeing - Nadia looked back up at him, her eyes suddenly glowing bright  _ green _ . Not blue. She grabbed his wrist, with hands that suddenly appeared a hell of a lot more gaunt, claw-like. 

 

“You shouldn’t have angered me, Norman,” Nadia hissed, her teeth growing longer and more fanglike as she spoke. The medium’s eyes widened as he realised his mistake all too late. “I took this form to get closer to you, but you had to go and make me mad. You really shouldn’t have done that.”

 

“Took this- you took Aggie’s form on purpose…” Norman’s voice was shaking. 

 

“I had to. You were different. Special.”

 

“You took advantage of me,” he continued, eyes searching her changing face as it grew more and more… well, she looked like a drown victim. The black in her hair was fading to a dull grey, then to a bright, brilliant white. She looked… like a monster.

 

Pacifica screamed. Nadia turned to her and hissed, causing lakeweed to come up from the water and grab the blonde’s ankles and wrists, trapping her and slowly dragging her into the water.

 

“Pacifica!” Norman yelled. “Nadia, stop this! It’s me you want, so just let her go!”

 

“I’m afraid,” her voice was ever-calm, “this is going to hurt you a lot more than it had to. You should have just let me do it my way. Your little friend wouldn’t have had to get hurt. I liked you, Norman. I really did. But... this might be fun too, don’t you think?”

 

Nadia took the rock she was holding with her free hand and smacked the medium across the face with it. It wasn’t hard enough to knock him out, but it did stun him enough for her to grab him into her arms and pull him down beneath the water.

 

Pacifica screamed again, struggling against the plants that dragged her slowly over the rocks. She screamed and screamed and screamed.

 

***

 

Mabel had been trying to calm her brother down the whole time, rather than help him search for “clues”. Dipper was never very productive when he got this upset after all. Her brother wasn’t having it.

 

“I still don’t see how  _ I _ did anything wrong,” he kept insisting.

 

“When Norman got jealous of Trinh, he never insisted you drop the case,” Mabel pointed out. “Maybe he’s upset because you’re not showing him the same amount of respect.”

 

“Respect?  _ Respect _ ?!” Dipper gasped out. “Well maybe I don’t  _ respect _ some weird girl coming in out of nowhere to steal him away from me and give him to some- some monster! I don’t  _ respect _ the way he acts when I’m only trying to help him!”

 

“...is that really all you’re trying to do, Dip? Really?  _ Really _ ?”

 

“What the hell are you implying? That he’s right and I’m wrong?!”

 

“No,” Mabel replied with a sigh. “That neither of you is right  or  wrong. I think you both were a bit… hasty…”

 

“‘ _ Hasty _ ’?!”

 

“Dipper, I get that you’re jealous of Nadia. I do.”

 

“...do you?” her brother sounded suspicious. But at least he wasn’t yelling.

 

“Yeah, I do. But do you  _ really _ trust Norman that little? Do you really think he’s going to give up on everything you two have over some girl? Because if you really, truly think that-”

 

“I trust him…” Dipper wilted a little. “It’s  her I don’t trust. Not for a second.”

 

“Okay. But does  _ Norman _ know that?”

 

Before Dipper could reply, the sound of a high pitched scream came from a distance. And then another, and yet another still. Mabel recognised it immediately, and her blood ran cold.

 

“Pacifica!” she gasped, turning to her twin, who was now going pale.

 

“Oh god…” he whimpered. “Norman…”

 

In a flash, the Pines twins broke into a run.

 

***

 

Norman could feel the hand wrapped around his throat, the claws digging into the thin skin of his neck. He could feel the lake plants wrapping themselves around his ankles, dragging him down, down, down. His lungs were burning from the effort it took to hold his breath, and he was certain he would drown.

 

He would drown with Dipper still mad at him, still jealous of a girl who had turned out to be a monster after all.

 

His fingers were tingling and he fought to keep his eyes open. The white-haired beast before him - she didn’t look a thing like Agatha, how could he have let her fool him so badly? - was bringing one of those hands up to her mouth. Little tiny sparks of green were beginning to glow under his fingertips, and he realised, fearfully, that  _ she _ was doing this to him. She was bringing  _ that _ to the surface and was going to  _ feed _ on  _ that _ , and leave him there at the bottom of the lake to drown, no matter how much he struggled.

 

How much longer  _ could _ he struggle?

 

Would Dipper even care?

 

Despite his best efforts, his lungs gave out and his mouth fell open.

 

Norman was drowning.

 

***

 

Dipper and Mabel had freed Pacifica from the plants’ grips relatively quickly - they hadn’t been much of a match for the pocket knife that Dipper always carried around, no matter what.

 

“Where is he?!” Dipper demanded, more desperate than mad now. He couldn’t let Norman be eaten, or whatever it is lake monsters did. Especially not if they were still fighting. He couldn’t let Norman’s last thoughts be about what an asshole he was, even if those thoughts were right!

 

Pacifica, a little in shock, was sputtering just a little: “Nadia, she- she took him into the water, she’s-” 

 

“She’s really working with the lake monster?” Mabel seemed surprised.

 

“ _ No _ !” the blonde looked exasperated. “She  _ is _ the lake monster!”

 

Dipper didn’t even take the time to fully process that before running into the water, diving in as soon as it was deep enough, for the second time that day.

 

He swam with his eyes open, ignoring the sting of the murky water in his eyes. Where was Norman? Where  _ was _ he? Once, twice, he came up for air, taking big gulps of breath before diving back down again, frantic. It was hard to see  _ anything _ in that water.

 

He didn’t care anymore about all the things Norman had said about him, or about their stupid fight - it had been  so stupid. All that mattered was making sure Norman was safe. He knew that now. 

 

Where the  _ hell  _ was he?!

 

And then - there - Dipper could have sworn he saw a glow. Not even thinking, he brandished his pocket knife in one hand and swam towards it. He didn’t know what it was, didn’t care. He just had to keep searching. He had to.

 

The water was unclear as he fought to stay down but when he got close enough he could see the two blurry forms. Even in the dark depths of the lake, Dipper knew that body. He’d memorised every angle of it when those limbs entangled with his every night when they were together.

 

And then, there was a bright flash of fluorescent green. Dipper’s ears were ringing - was it from the pressure, or was someone down here screaming? It was hard to tell.

 

Something grabbed his wrist. He yelped out, feeling the slimy water filling his mouth as he did so. But he had to keep fighting. He didn’t have a choice. Dipper forced himself to swallow it, suppressing a gag as he did so, and though he couldn’t fully see what he was doing, he began stabbing at whatever had his wrist, over and over and over. 

 

The water was getting more and more black now - was that the blood of the monster who had once been Nadia? - but he kept stabbing at it until he could no longer see, until his arm was free and he could swim towards where he thought he’d seen Norman.

 

Dipper swam with his arms outstretched until they made the contact they sought. With Norman in his arms now, he kicked his legs wildly, propelling them up towards the surface.

 

“Norman!” He gasped as soon as he was up in the air, turning to his boyfriend in his arms. “Norman, I’m so sor-”

 

But Norman’s face was slack, his eyes closed. Dipper felt his heart clench as he swam them towards the shore, quicker than ever in his panic. He couldn’t be too late, he couldn’t let that happen, not like this. Not when they were fighting.

 

He pulled Norman’s body onto the shore, and Mabel and Pacifica ran up to him.

 

“Out of my way!” Pacifica tried to push him. “Last time you had to do this, you totally choked up! We’re not losing him again!”

 

“I won’t choke up-!” he pushed back.

 

“Oh for the love of-” Mabel began to say, then cut herself off, bending over and pinching the bridge of Norman’s nose to do the mouth-to-mouth resuscitation herself.

 

(Dipper couldn’t bring himself to be mad at his sister for this. He didn’t care who did what as long as Norman was okay.)

 

Mabel breathed into Norman once, and nothing happened. She did it twice, and still nothing. Dipper thought he was going to throw up, and clung to Pacifica in his fear. Pacifica, for her part, was too in shock to even consider pushing him off. 

 

The third time Mabel did it, though, Norman began to cough, the slimy brown water making its way out of his mouth and nose.

 

“Urgh,” Pacifica gagged, only then pushing the clingy boy away, but Dipper didn’t care. In less than a second, he rolled Norman onto his side, letting him cough it all up right into his lap. He didn’t care about any of it, as long as Norman was _ alive . _

 

“Thank god,” he whispered to no one in particular. “Thank god you’re alive…”

 

“Nn… Dipper?” Norman opened his eyes, took in his surroundings - and then gasped as he sat up. “Dipper, it’s Nadia, she’s the-”

 

“Shhh,” the older boy shushed him, pulling him close against his chest. “It’s okay. I know. I got her. You’re safe now.”

 

“I’m sorry,” the medium replied. “Dipper, I- I should have listened to you. I should have told Nadia you were my boyfriend, and I should have trusted your instincts, and- I should have-”

 

“No, none of that ‘should have’ bullshit. You weren’t wrong to try and help her. That’s what you do.”

 

“But you were right,” Norman tried again. “She was only trying to-”

 

“ _ I _ didn’t even really believe that,” Dipper confessed. “I only said that stuff because I was jealous. And I shouldn’t have been. I know you. I know you’d never leave me for someone like that…”

 

“No… No, I wouldn’t…”

 

“Oh my  _ god  _ you two!” Pacifica shrieked all of a sudden, looking  _ supremely _ irritated with this whole damn situation. “You’re both  _ sorry , _ you’re both  _ madly _ in love, we  _ get _ it! Now can we  _ please _ get the fuck out of here so we can change already?!”

 

“Agreed!” Mabel nodded enthusiastically. “Paz and I still have to finish our Netflix date! And after you guys clean up, you’re totally free to join us if you want…”

 

Dipper shrugged to the best of his abilities with Norman in his arms, responding with, “what would we be watching?”

 

Pacifica and Mabel both looked at each other and shrugged.

 

“What about ‘The Creature From the Black Lagoon’?” a small voice piped up.

 

The twins and Pacifica all turned to Norman, seemingly horrified at the medium’s suggestion.  And then, suddenly, Dipper dipped his head into his boyfriend’s hair, his shoulders beginning to shake. At first, Mabel thought - with some alarm - that her brother was crying. Then she realised he was  _ laughing _ at his boyfriend’s twisted sense of humour.

 

“Oh my  _ god _ , Norman,” Dipper looked up with a smile on his muck-covered face.

 

“So that’s a no on ‘Creature’ then?” Norman smirked.

 

And just like that, everything was back to normal. Or at least as normal as summers in Gravity Falls ever got, anyway.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favourite chapter because the entire plot is actually an "X-Files" reference, except with a rusalka instead of vampires.


	17. The Guide to the Summer's End

_ Tip # 17: The last summer of your childhood can be bittersweet. Cherish the little moments that make it sweet, and don’t dwell too much on the bitter. _

 

***

 

June passed into July, mostly without incident. July passed into August as well, as much as the Mystery Quartet wished it wouldn’t. 

 

Because as they edged closer and closer to Dipper and Mabel’s 18th birthday (never mind that Pacifica had turned 18 back in spring) it began to dawn on them that this was the last summer of their childhood. This was the last summer all four of them would have in Gravity Falls before they went off to college. Before the twins were separated by an entire nation, Mabel in San Francisco and Dipper in New York. Before Pacifica was finally free of the horror of living with the Northwests and avoiding Staci on the streets (though occasionally she did still text Tiffany, even if those texts were still stiff and awkward). Before Norman would leave Neil and Salma to head off to college a year early.

 

This summer was, thankfully, a hell of a lot calmer than the previous summer had been. It was nice to be able to enjoy it without any fear of being possessed, or even dying from the aftereffects of said possession. But it was still bittersweet.

 

Dipper almost didn’t want to turn 18.

 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t excited for college and getting to live with Norman year-round - he was - but a part of him wanted to hang onto this forever. To little moments like sitting in the Mystery Shack with Mabel and, yes, even Pacifica.

 

And then there was one  _ more _ problem with finally being an adult…

 

***

 

It was about a week before the twins’ birthday, and the quartet wasn’t doing anything in particular, other than just hanging out on the floor of the attic bedroom. Norman was leaning against Dipper, the older boy’s arm lazily draped around him (a position he was only comfortable being in because the only other people in the room were Mabel and Pacifica, and he trusted them enough to let them see him like that), while the girls were comparing manicure ideas from Pinterest.

 

“Am I still going to be allowed to kiss you when I turn 18?”

 

The question was so completely out of nowhere that it took Norman a few minutes to process that it had even been  _ asked _ . Once he did, he turned to look up at Dipper with an astonished:

 

“ _ What _ ?”

 

Realising all eyes in the room were on him, Dipper flushed bright red and began to sputter, “I-! I just mean that you’re still going to be only 16 until September, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or break any laws or anything, so I was just thinking- I mean, I-! I-!”

 

“Dipper,” the younger boy responded, “I’m only a year younger than you.”

 

“Year and a month, technically. And I’ll be an adult, and you’ll still be technically a kid, and I mean it’s not like I’m calling you  _ jailbait _ or whatever but-”

 

“Pffft,” Mabel snorted, barely holding back laughter, and everyone turned to her. “Dip, it’s only illegal if you do the do!”

 

“The- the  _ what _ ?!” Dipper was still embarrassed and sputtering, and even Norman could feel a blush creeping onto his face as he caught what Mabel was implying.

 

“Yeah, what are you even  _ talking _ about?” Pacifica mostly just looked irritated, the way she always did when she didn’t catch an implication.

 

“You knoooow,” Mabel nudged her girlfriend.  “The horizontal tango?”

 

“Oh my god,” Norman buried his face in his hands.

 

“The bump and grind? The hanky panky?”

 

“ _ Mabel _ !” Dipper exclaimed in an attempt to get his sister to stop, as she was clearly only doing it to get a rise out of him now.

 

“Rocking the casbah?”

 

“I am not listening to this,” the younger boy stood up and walked out of the room to wait for the blush to leave his face, ignoring Mabel’s laughter and Dipper’s flustered scolding of his sister. 

 

It was one thing to watch that kind of things in horror movies; it was quite another thing entirely to have his friends speculating about how it might affect  _ him _ . Even if he knew Mabel was only joking around, it was still… well, he didn’t really want to hear any more of  _ that _ today.

 

Norman sighed, walking absentmindedly towards the part of the attic that Stan seemed to have devoted to storing a bunch of junk he couldn’t bear to get rid of. He leaned against a rolled up old shag carpet, probably from the seventies, with a hideous colour scheme of Kool-Aid blue and mustard yellow. 

 

He sighed. If turning 18 meant Dipper was going to stop kissing him, then he really wasn’t sure he  _ wanted _ Dipper to turn 18. He didn’t think their age difference was even big enough to cause any problems, but he knew by now that his boyfriend had the tendency to take his worrying way too far. Norman didn’t want Dipper to do that with him. He didn’t want summer to end if it meant Dipper worrying like that.

 

“Hey,” another voice in the attic surprised him out of this train of thought. Norman looked up to see Pacifica standing in front of him, her arms crossed across her chest. “You… okay? You know Mabel is, like, kidding, right?”

 

“I know,” he nodded, moving his shoulders up a little on the carpet so that he was standing up a little straighter. “I’m fine, Pacifica. Really. It was just kinda out of nowhere.”

 

“If you’re sure,” she didn’t look convinced.

 

“I’m sure.”

 

Pacifica hesitated for only a brief second - she was getting better at this - before reaching out to pat his shoulder in a display of comfort. 

 

But when her hand made contact with his shoulder, Norman felt a jolt, as if he had just been shocked by an electrical outlet, and was thrown back, crumpling onto the floor.  

 

In his surprise, his eyes had clenched shut, but when he opened them he was shocked to see  _ himself _ , lying in a crumpled heap on the ground near Stan’s pile of attic junk.

 

Norman gasped. His first thought was to wonder if he was dead again. How had  _ that _ happened? He’d been fine a minute ago. Heart failure, maybe?

 

But then his body began to stir, and Norman suddenly felt  _ really _ confused as he watched himself sit up, staring around the room. He locked eyes with himself, and his body looked just as confused as he did, if not even moreso.

 

“Uh…” he began, but was interrupted when his body opened its mouth and blurted out:

 

“What the  _ fuck _ ?”

 

Norman recognised the voice immediately, and he looked down at his hands - they weren’t his hands anymore, they were small and perfectly manicured, with a ring on one of the fingers - and only then did he realise what was happening, whose body he was in, who was in  _ his  _ body. He  looked back up and asked:

 

“...Pacifica?” 

 

***

 

“I can’t believe you,” Dipper shoved his sister with his foot, still red-faced. Mabel had been teasing him relentlessly pretty much since Norman had left the room.

 

“What?  _ Somebody’s _ gotta keep you grounded,” Mabel was unapologetic, flicking her brother’s sock until he pulled his foot back to his side of the floor. “Seriously, Dippin’ Dots, you worry way too much.”

 

“I do not! I worry prec-”

 

“Precisely the right amount, yeah, yeah,” she waved a hand flippantly. Dipper blushed - he hadn’t known he’d said that phrase enough for his sister to predict it.

 

“Well you still should apologise to Norman when he comes back in…” he muttered.

 

“Dipper, Norman isn’t a  _ baby _ ! He’s been watching rated-R movies since he was, like, five! He can handle more than you think,” Mabel said with a smile.

 

“I don’t think he’s a baby,” Dipper protested, blushing even more. His sister flailed her arms and responded with a particularly bad impression of him:

 

“‘Oh no, I can’t kiss my boyfriend anymore because he’s an innocent baby child and I’m gonna be an old man even though there’s less age difference between us than there is between my mom and dad! Oh no!’”

 

“I don’t sound like that.”

 

“You sound  _ just _ like that,” her grin was both wide and cheeky, and Dipper had half a mind to shove his dirty sock right in her mouth to get her to shut up. Before he could do that, of course, the door to their attic bedroom opened.

 

Dipper eagerly turned to greet Norman - he knew Pacifica had gone after him to calm him down, and though he wasn’t going to admit it out loud, he was grateful she’d done it - except that neither Norman  or Pacifica looked very calm. Pacifica was hunched over a little, her arms crossed over the skin between her crop top and high-waisted shorts, and she kept reaching up to push her hair out of her face. Norman had stumbled a little when he’d walked into the room, and currently seemed to be inspecting his own hands with a little frown.

 

“Paz!” Mabel chirped, and Norman’s head snapped up for a second before flushing a little pink and going back to looking at his fingers. “Paz, come here for a second and tell me if my Dipper impression is spot-on or not!”

 

The blonde and the medium exchanged looks, but neither moved for a few seconds. Then, Pacifica made an odd little noise before walking over - not her normal confident strut, but slow, mincing steps - to her girlfriend. Norman began to walk to Dipper again, but stumbled and fell to his knees, which caused Pacifica to jump and whirl around to look at him. (This motion gave her a mouthful of her own hair, which she sputtered at.) Dipper rushed over to his boyfriend, placing his hands on his shoulders to steady him.

 

“You okay?” he asked. Norman hesitated but then nodded, and the older boy smiled at him, leaning in for a kiss - only to be pushed away.

 

“Ewwww!” the voice that came from the medium’s mouth was a lot more higher-pitched than normal, and at first Dipper was too confused to even be offended that his boyfriend had just shoved him off. “Gross, gross,  _ gross _ ! I’m sorry, Norman, I can’t do this!”

 

“ _ Pacifica? _ ” Mabel recognised her girlfriend’s voice before Dipper did, and in shock both Pines twins turned to who they’d  _ thought _ was Pacifica. Mabel tucked more of the blonde hair away from the now-pink face, and asked, “...Norman? Is that you in there?”

 

“Um… y-yeah… Yeah, it’s me,” Norman’s voice, unsure and quiet, came from Pacifica’s perfectly-painted lips.

 

The brunette girl started laughing.

 

“Mabel!” Pacifica-in-Norman shrieked, which only made Mabel laugh even harder. “This isn’t funny!”

 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she wiped tears of mirth from her cheeks. “I can’t help it! Your voices are just- they don’t fit at  _ all _ !”

 

“How did this  _ happen _ ?” Dipper was aghast. He couldn’t believe he’d almost kissed  _ Pacifica _ , of all people!

 

“I don’t know!” Pacifica-in-Norman replied, causing Mabel to just burst out laughing again.

 

“ _ Mabel _ !” Dipper scolded his sister sharply, “Seriously!?”

 

“I’m  _ sorry _ !” she exclaimed again. “Pacifica’s voice coming from Norman’s face is just-! It’s just-! Pffffft!” And with that, she was laughing again. 

 

Dipper rolled his eyes, and turned to Pacifica’s body. His boyfriend was in there, seemingly trying to shrink into himself - herself? - even more, constantly trying to tuck strands of blonde hair back, though they kept coming forward again.

 

“How do you handle having hair in your face  _ all the time _ ?” Norman-in-Pacifica looked up. “How do people  _ live _ like this? I’ll never wish for normal hair again...”

 

“Oh for god’s sake,” Pacifica muttered, scooting over to her former body without standing up again (Dipper wondered if suddenly gaining a foot in height was making it hard for her to move gracefully). “Mabel, hair tie. Now.”

 

Between snickers, Mabel managed to hand her girlfriend a hair tie, and Pacifica got to work starting to tie her long hair into a bun, out of Norman’s face.

 

“Norman,” Dipper spoke again, and  _ god _ it was really unnerving to see pensive blue-green eyes with purple eyeshadow staring back instead of the light blue irises he’d grown to love so much. “Norman, what happened, exactly?”

 

Norman-in-Pacifica made a face as the hands that used to be his tugged and pulled to get all that blonde hair up into a bun. 

 

“I...” he began, and Dipper wasn’t sure he would ever get used to hearing that voice coming from  _ Pacifica’s _ mouth. (Well. Former mouth.) “I’m not really sure… We were just talking, and then she tried to pat my shoulder, and it just kind of… happened? I don’t know, Dip.”

 

The older boy paused as the gears turned in his head. Then, something clicked.

 

The carpet was out in the attic. Norman couldn’t have known about it ahead of time - Dipper didn’t think he’d ever told him that story; he and Mabel had agreed to never mention it again - but it was definitely possible that either he or Pacifica had rubbed up against the damn thing.

 

Clearly, his epiphany showed in his face, because his boyfriend’s voice caught his attention again with:

 

“What’s that look for?”

 

“I know what happened!” Dipper grinned triumphantly.

 

“You  _ do _ ?!” 

 

“Yeah,” he responded. “And you two are in luck - it’s a really easy fix. Pacifica, finish Norman’s hair. Your hair. Whatever. Then? We’ll get you two back to normal ASAP!”

 

***

 

They did  _ not _ get Pacifica and Norman back to normal ASAP. As it turned out, Dipper rushed them all back into the main part of the attic, only to look around and let out a little screechy noise. Norman had heard his boyfriend make that noise before (though Dipper would always deny it), so he knew it meant something like “something went wrong and we are  _ fucked _ ”.

 

“Where is it?!” Dipper demanded. “It was right  _ here _ , it’s been right here for years!”

 

“What? What was right here?” Norman reached out to try and comfort him, grabbing one of his arms and looking up at him instead of down. It looked weird to see a small, feminine hand holding onto Dipper’s flannel sleeve instead of the long, pale fingers with the bitten down nails he was used to. He tried not to think about it too hard.

 

“The carpet,” the older boy continued. “The body-swapping carpet, it’s been stashed up here forever, where  _ is _ it?!”

 

“Body-swapping carpet?” Pacifica’s voice interrupted, and Norman decided it was even  _ weirder  _ to look over and see his body with that disgusted facial expression that Pacifica normally wore so well. “What the hell are you talking about?”

 

“It was rolled up  _ right here _ ,” Dipper gestured wildly, and Norman remembered as soon as he did that, yes, there  _ had _ been a rather ugly carpet there only a few minutes prior.

 

“It’s, uh,” he began, ignoring the snickers that came from Mabel as she still tried to get her laughter under control, “it’s blue and yellow, isn’t it?”

 

“That hideous thing makes you swap  _ bodies _ ?!” Pacifica’s shrill, slightly-panicked voice came from Norman’s old mouth. (That was going to take a lot of getting used to. Norman didn’t even want to look at his former body.) “Why didn’t you warn us?!”

 

“It’s not exactly something that comes up in daily conversation!” Dipper got defensive. “It’s not like I could just bring it up out of nowhere. ‘By the way, there’s a carpet in the attic that makes you swap bodies with someone if you rub up against it’ - that would have been weird.”

 

“Oh my god!” Pacifica got in his face, using the new height that Norman’s body granted her to seem even more intimidating, now that she was finally getting the hang of walking in it without stumbling on the long legs. “You literally say weird shit out of nowhere all the time!”

 

“ _ Guys! _ ” Mabel tried to placate her brother and her girlfriend (Norman decided it was still okay to call Pacifica Mabel’s girlfriend because he was fairly certain Pacifica would still call herself that) but some of the effect was lost as she was still clearly very amused by this body swap, judging by the grin that refused to leave her face. “You can argue about this later. Right now, we should focus on figuring this out.”

 

“Mabel’s right,” Dipper admitted.

 

“ _ Yeah _ , I’m right!” she cut her brother off triumphantly, only to earn a shove on the shoulder.

 

***

 

Grunkle Stan was closing the Mystery Shack gift shop for the night, completely alone. He’d allowed Soos to convince him to let him off early, as Melody was in town for the weekend. And it was pointless to try and get the twins to help him when their significant others were over. Damn youths and their damn romances.

 

(Damn the secretly big heart of a lonely old man.)

 

He didn’t expect - had learned after all these years never to expect - the twins to come barrelling into the tourist section of the Shack, Norman and Pacifica following behind more cautiously. (Stan liked those two. Norman was polite, and Pacifica - despite the rocky start of her relationship with Mabel - was  _ loaded _ .)

 

“Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Stan!” Dipper was waving his hands all about, the way he usually did when he was getting frantic about something. Stan bit back memories of someone else who had once had that habit.

 

“Dipper, would you calm down and say whatever it is you’re going to say?” he asked gruffly, not looking at his great nephew. “I don’t have all night.”

 

“The pile of stuff in the attic - it’s gone! Where is it?!” 

 

Stan arched an eyebrow and turned to face the teens, replying with, “I’m not following.”

 

Dipper looked agitated. “Stan, there was a bunch of stuff in the attic just a few minutes ago! Where’d it go? We need to find it now! Did you move it?”

 

“Kid, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve been down here working my butt off - completely  _ alone _ , by the way - all day.”

 

“But it’s gone!”

 

“Then I don’t know where it got off to! Now are you going to help me stock this inventory? Because if not, then get out of my hair.”

 

Dipper grumbled to himself, but ultimately he and the other three did start helping Stan stock inventory for the next day. None of the teenagers spoke a word the entire time - especially odd for Mabel and Pacifica.

 

Stan would never understand today’s youth. 

 

***

 

“I can’t  _ believe _ this!” Dipper was pacing back and forth on the floor of the attic bedroom. 

 

While they had been stocking inventory with Stan, the sun had gone down, and they were no closer to finding out what had happened to the carpet. Norman was trying to resign himself to the fact that it looked like he’d have to spend the night as Pacifica Northwest. It had been awkward enough changing into one of his own shirts once he got sick of how uncomfortable the crop top was - his zombie t-shirt was more of a dress on this short body - without looking at, well,  _ anything _ .

 

“Come on, Dip,” Mabel offered. “It’s not the worse thing that’s ever happened to us. If there’s anyone who can get through this, it’s the Mystery Quartet! Right? Riiight? Norman? Paz?”

 

Pacifica looked annoyed, and damn, Norman hadn’t even been aware until now how well his face wore an annoyed expression. 

 

“I can’t go home like this,” was the only reply that the former blonde had to offer to her girlfriend.

 

“Alright, so you sleep over,” the brunette girl continued to smile, trying - now that she had gotten used to the situation enough to no longer laugh at them - to look on the bright side. “Slumber party tonight, and we solve this tomorrow. Easy peasy!”

 

“Do… do you want me to go to your house tonight?” Norman piped up, wondering what that would be like. He didn’t have to wonder long, because he watched the big blue eyes that used to be his own get wide, the heavy eyebrows above them flying up towards that crooked hairline.

 

“ _ No _ !” Pacifica yelped, the already pale skin of Norman’s former face going even whiter. “You- you  _ can’t _ !”

 

Everyone in the room froze and turned to face her. It wasn’t like Pacifica to blurt something out like that. Norman could feel the worrying bubbling up in his stomach (or was it Pacifica’s stomach? This body swap thing was really fucking with his head) when he looked at her. 

 

He knew immediately that what she was worried about was him having to meet her parents. And honestly, Norman understood perfectly. He’d heard enough about the Northwests and how they treated their daughter to know that he probably didn’t ever want to meet them.

 

“Slumber party!” Mabel exclaimed brightly, looking to lighten the tension. Dipper glared at her and stalked over to his bed.  Then, his face fell.

 

“How… how is this going to work?”

 

All four of the teens exchanged looks with one another. How  _ was _ this going to work? It wasn’t something they’d really ever considered.

 

“Don’t look at me,” Pacifica broke the silence, glaring directly at Dipper, who looked taken aback by the glare in those blue eyes he loved so much, even if he knew it was coming from Pacifica. “I’m  _ not _ sharing a bed with Dipper.”

 

“Obviously,” Mabel agreed. “You’ll share a bed with me!”

 

“Th-that’s weird!” Dipper protested, jealousy beginning to show on his face. (Norman didn’t know why he was surprised by that.) 

 

“Why?” his twin was unfazed. “We’re just sharing a bed, Dip.”

 

“I-!” Dipper began, opening and closing his mouth repeatedly like a fish as his brain struggled to put words to what he was feeling. “It’s just- it’s  _ weird _ ! It’s Norman’s body - that’s not weird to you?”

 

“Of course it’s weird, Dipshit,” Pacifica glared at him again, which made him shut up. “But it’s not like we have any other choice. So suck it up. I have to.” She paused, then turned to Norman and spoke a little softer, “no offence.”

 

He shook his head, feeling the way the motion made the blonde bangs swish back and forth on his forehead. He hated that he could feel that.

 

“None taken,” he murmured softly, standing and walking over to join Dipper on the bed. Even softer, he asked, “Hey, Dipper? You okay?”

 

Dipper looked over to Mabel and Pacifica, who were currently trying to figure out how the hell they were going to cuddle up for the night with all these new long limbs that Pacifica was not used to having.

 

“I  _ know _ it’s totally illogical - I know it’s Pacifica in there - but I don’t like seeing you like that with my sister!”

 

“Get over it!” Pacifica called out from her side of the room.

 

Ignoring this, Norman reached out for his boyfriend’s hand. Dipper jumped a little, but ultimately took it, albeit hesitantly.

 

“Once the lights are off, you won’t have to see it. I mean, at least you still have your own body. And anyway, my voice is still the same… for whatever that’s worth...”

 

Dipper squeezed his hand gratefully. “...yeah, I guess. It’s still weird, though.”

 

“It’s only for one night, right?”

 

“I’m not used to sharing a bed with someone so short,” the older boy continued.

 

Norman rolled his eyes at that. “Yeah? Enjoy it while it lasts, because pretty soon I’m going to be towering over you again.”

 

He hoped he was right.

 

***

 

It had actually taken Dipper forever to fall asleep, which was unusual for him. He’d gotten used to cuddling Norman at night - he had even been looking forward to getting to do that year-round at Kaufman University. And, yes, technically he had still been cuddling Norman, but the entire night, he had been  _ painfully _ aware of every single physical difference between Norman’s old body and this new one he had on loan from Pacifica. It was hard to remember that it was still the boy he loved when all he could feel was the soft curves of Pacifica’s body, the long blonde hair that got fucking  _ everywhere _ . 

 

If the situation hadn’t been so infuriating, Dipper may have even been amused by this - the previous summer had been spent trying to convince himself he was straight, and now he was fairly certain that other than Mabel he never wanted to share a bed with a girl ever again.

 

He was the last of the teens to wake up, coming out of his slumber to the sound of Pacifica exclaiming:

 

“It’s called  _ fashion _ , Norman!”

 

“Yeah, that looks really weird coming out of my mouth...”

 

Disoriented, Dipper rolled onto his side, only to be confronted with the sight of his boyfriend in a button-up shirt - something Norman had probably only packed in case of a repeat of last summer’s opera fiasco - that was only buttoned about three quarters of the way up, along with dark purple skinny jeans (Pacifica had bought them in July) that Dipper knew for a  _ fact _ that Norman had insisted he’d never ever wear. It took him a few minutes to remember that it was, in fact, Pacifica in Norman’s body.

 

“I’ve always wanted to dabble in men’s fashion trends,” Pacifica-in-Norman whirled around, inspecting the way these clothes looked on her new body. “Too bad you don’t have any black leather boots… how does this shirt look?”

 

Norman was still wearing just the zombie t-shirt he’d changed into the night before, and was struggling to figure out how to cross his arms over a body he wasn’t used to. “It’s like… half unbuttoned. You’re not allowed to show that much of my chest.”

 

“Yeah?” Pacifica sounded unfazed as she undid another shirt button. “And you’re not allowed to wear gross t-shirts and messy buns, so I guess we’re both breaking the rules.”

 

One of Norman’s hands (Pacifica’s hands?) flew up to the blonde bun Pacifica had styled for him the day before. The night’s sleep had messed it up a great deal.

 

“I- that’s not fair. I don’t know how to fix it, and I don’t have any other clothes!” 

 

“You can wear some of my clothes, Normy!” Mabel piped up. 

 

“...I guess that’ll have to do until we figure out something better,” Pacifica agreed to this with a sigh. “But don’t go too crazy Mabel - I love you, but let me approve of it first before putting it on my body!”

 

“Wahoo!” Mabel shrieked, excitedly jumping up to dig into her stash of clothes for Norman.

 

Slightly-panicked blue-green eyes flew around the room, only to land on Dipper’s own brown eyes.

 

“D-Dipper!” Norman’s voice sounded almost like it was calling for help. “You’re up!”

 

“Oh, finally he wakes up,” Pacifica looked over coolly, twirling around again to show off the outfit she’d concocted for herself to wear while stuck in Norman’s body. “What do  _ you _ think of the shirt?”

 

Dipper could feel his face heating up, and he sat up rather uncomfortably, all things considering. He hated himself for the way his eyes were drawn to the pale swath of chest skin that Norman usually kept covered up.

 

“Pfft,” Mabel snickered. “Look how red his face is.”

 

“It’s… weird,” he protested weakly, looking away and blushing  _ furiously _ .

 

“...okay, ew,” Pacifica re-buttoned the bottom two open buttons on the shirt. “Don’t  _ objectify _ me or whatever.”

 

“I’m not objectifying you! You’re in my boyfriend’s body!”

 

“Done!” Mabel chirped, holding out the clothes she’d picked for Norman to wear while trapped in Pacifica’s body: pink overalls and a brightly coloured t-shirt in a feminine cut. It was far better suited to Mabel Pines than to either Pacifica Northwest  or Norman Babcock.

 

Pacifica and Norman exchanged looks.

 

“...I guess we’ll have to stop at my house to pick something up,” Pacifica muttered, not sounding too pleased with the situation.

 

“We don’t really have the time for that,” Dipper glared, still a little put off over the ‘don’t objectify me’ remark.

 

“You’re not coming, anyway!” Pacifica snapped back. “Norman, get over here. If we have to go out, I need to do your hair and make-up!”

 

“Great!” Mabel answered with a whole lot more pep than the situation really deserved. “Then Dipper and I will look for the carpet, and Norman and Paz will look for some hot outfit!”

 

Dipper groaned audibly. Not for the first time, he thought his sister was crazy. Nothing about the situation was great at all.

 

***

 

Norman was too aware of his face. He didn’t know how girls dealt with make-up, because even though Pacifica swore this was a “natural” look, it didn’t feel at all natural. It felt like someone had caked paint on his skin. (Essentially, that’s what Pacifica  _ had _ done, after all - even if she’d called it “foundation”. It’d felt like she’d been trying to rub all his skin off. And that had been before she’d used the medieval torture device she called an “eyelash curler”.)

 

He was so focused on this during the bus ride over to Northwest Mansion that it took him until they got off the bus to notice how quiet it was.

 

The closest bus stop to Pacifica’s home was, of course, in the middle of a woodsy area, typical of most of the Gravity Falls bus stops. It was too quiet for Norman. He wasn’t used to this kind of quiet, and it was almost beginning to scare him, because he couldn’t place  _ why _ it was so quiet - until the hands that used to be his suddenly gripped one of his arms as Pacifica yelped fearfully.

 

“What the hell is that!?” she yelled out. 

 

Norman looked around, but couldn’t see what she was looking at.

 

“Go  _ away _ !” Pacifica exclaimed again, and it was only then that Norman realised what must have been happening. Why it was so quiet.

 

He didn’t have his body anymore. Which meant he didn’t have the Prenderghast eyes anymore. Pacifica was the one who could see and hear ghosts now. Not him.

 

It was too quiet without the constant voices of the dead. He couldn’t stand it.

 

“Oh my god, make them go away, there’s too many of them!” Pacifica was still carrying on.

 

“Maybe a lot of people died over here,” Norman said.

 

“Wait. Those are- No. No, they can’t be!”

 

He shrugged. “You… get used to it… L-let’s just get up to your house so I can change...”

 

He’d never realised how quiet the world really was.

 

They walked up to the door of Northwest Mansion, Pacifica clinging to his arm the whole way, and periodically shouting at the ghosts who surrounded them. Norman tried to caution her to speak kindly to them - it wasn’t their fault they were haunting this area - but his friend was clearly too taken aback by her new ability to do anything other than fall back on the old habits she’d been trying so hard to unlearn. 

 

He tried to speak kindly to them as well, but it was difficult to do when he couldn’t see or hear what he was supposed to be talking to. He was glad he knew they were there though, because if he didn’t it would definitely be really unusual to watch Pacifica screaming at nothingness.

 

Norman realised with some amount of bitterness how crazy he must have looked to everyone else back home growing up. If this was what everyone else saw and heard… him, screaming in the all-encompassing awful silence…

 

He hated this silence so much.

 

“I miss my dead friends,” he muttered as Pacifica punched in the code to the keypad on the gate surrounding her house. “If you see Mary Beth, you have to explain to her what happened. She was only a kid when she died, she might not understand you’re not me.”

 

“I  _ guess _ ,” Pacifica squeezed her new eyes shut for a second before opening them again and leading him to the front doors of the mansion.

 

“Are you okay? I know it’s probably a lot to handle-”

 

“Let’s just get this over with,” she cut him off, bringing up a hand to massage one of her temples as she lead him into her home.

 

Norman realised as he stepped into Northwest Mansion that he’d never actually seen where Pacifica lived before. It was the fanciest place he had ever seen in his life - he almost couldn’t even believe someone actually  _ lived _ here. 

 

(It was hard to enjoy it, however, with how damn  _ quiet  _ it was. A house this old had to have ghosts, it just had to, and Norman couldn’t believe how much he hated that he couldn’t meet them.)

 

“Oh thank god, no one’s home-” Pacifica began, but was cut off with:

 

“Oh, hold on, Muffy - Preston?! Is that you?!”

 

Norman felt the grip on his arm tighten. Pacifica hadn’t wanted him to meet her parents. He braced himself for the worst.

 

Mrs. Northwest poked her face in the room - it was a face that had clearly seen more than its fair share of plastic surgery - only to scowl and return to the phone call she’d evidently been on before they’d walked in.

 

“No,  _ no _ , Muffy, it’s absolutely no one. Well. No one _ important _ ,” Mrs. Northwest’s disgust could be felt palpably - could be seen on her face as she looked at the pair like she wanted to vomit - as she left the room.

 

It was only once her mother was gone that Pacifica released her grip on Norman’s arm.

 

And that’s when he understood that this was the usual for his friend. This was how her parents always treated her now. When Pacifica had mentioned them not talking to her, she meant they really never spoke directly to her, only made horrible comments  _ about _ her. Calling her  _ no one _ .

 

Norman shot an alarmed look to his friend, who again had eyes clenched shut.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Pacifica blurted out before he could even begin to think about what to say.

 

“...come on,” Norman spoke quietly, as gently as he could manage. (Was this loud enough? Could she hear him? Were there ghosts around them right now?) “Let’s just go get me some clothes and get back to the Shack, alright?”

 

“...yeah. Yeah. Alright.”

 

***

 

They got Norman changed fairly quickly into a cardigan Pacifica almost never wore anymore and the plainest pair of jeans she owned. (They were still designer, of course, but it was the closest thing to Norman’s own personal style that Pacifica could really manage. He had, however, been visibly surprised that “girl pants” didn’t have real pockets, to which she had dryly responded, “that’s a civil rights battle we haven’t won yet.”) That part was easy. But the walk back to the bus stop, short as it may have been, was absolutely  _ killing _ her.

 

There were ghosts  _ everywhere _ . It was as if they all somehow sensed there was a medium in their immediate vicinity, and all came to talk to that medium at once. Pacifica was doing her best to ignore them, because frankly it felt like someone was tap dancing on the back part of her brain.

 

And they just wouldn’t shut up. Lumberjacks who wanted her to tell their descendants it hadn’t been an accident, it’d been murder. (How many lumberjack murders could there possibly have been in this town?) Tourists whining about all the supernatural creatures that frequented Gravity Falls. Decrepit old people who wanted her to feed their cats or return their library books or “tell my Johnny that his precious Veronica is a hussy.”

 

She couldn’t stand it. She didn’t know how Norman put up with this kind of thing all the time, but she couldn’t  _ stand _ it.

 

“Oh! My god! Shut up shut up shut  _ up _ !” 

 

“Pacifica? Is that  _ you _ ?”

 

Pacifica utterly froze at the sound of a feminine voice that she actually  recognised . Sure enough, when she turned to face that voice, there stood Staci, staring a little past her. It took her a few minutes, in her shock, to remember she was still in Norman’s body - Staci probably thought she was staring at Pacifica.

 

The sheer awkwardness of the situation could be felt in the air itself. Though Tiffany sometimes texted Pacifica now - the two weren’t as close as they once had been, and the two or three times they actually had hung out were still pretty awkward, but Tiffany was at least trying to repair whatever they’d once had - Staci herself hadn’t said a word to Pacifica since their big fight the summer before.

 

Pacifica didn’t really blame her, all things considering.

 

She poked Norman in the side, to let him know that  _ he _ had to be Pacifica for now - she wasn’t about to explain body swapping to someone like  _ Staci _ when they weren’t even  friends anymore. (That is, if they ever  _ had _ been friends - Pacifica still wasn’t sure.)

 

“Uh,” he seemed to get the hint, almost whispering as he responded, in a poor attempt to disguise his voice, “Yeah, I- it’s me. Pacifica. That is definitely who I am.”

 

The real Pacifica cringed inwardly - Norman was a terrible actor.

 

“ _ Yeesh _ ,” Staci pulled back a little. “You sound sick.”

 

“It’s, uh… allergies?” Norman tried weakly.

 

No one said anything for a few minutes.  _ God _ , if this wasn’t the most awkward fucking thing Pacifica had ever had to sit through. Finally, Staci spoke again:

 

“Hey, uh… I know we both said some  _ things _ or whatever, but Tiff said- I mean, if you’re not busy, my family is having a huge end-of-summer bash next week. I  _ guess _ it wouldn’t be the worst thing ever if you showed up.”

 

Of all the things Staci could possibly have said, that was the one that shocked Pacifica the most.

 

“I- really?” Even Norman looked taken aback.

 

“And I  _ guess _ Sweater Girl can come too. Tiffany said you two were… close... Just, like, don’t make a big  _ thing _ about it.”

 

Norman shot Pacifica a wide eyed look. She returned it, because it wasn’t as if she knew how to handle this situation. Honestly, she’d expected Staci to yell at her.

 

“H- I mean,  _ she’ll _ think about it,” Pacifica blurted out, trying to make her voice sound as low and masculine as possible. It didn’t quite work, but Staci bought it, looking up at this strange boy in front of her like she was seeing him for the first time.

 

“...riiiiight. It’s on Friday night. The theme is jewel tones, so don’t show up in pastels. So I’ll see you later, right?”

 

“I- right, right. Um. Later,” Norman answered, sounding suitably shocked. But Staci had already turned and walked away. He looked up at his old body again. “...Pacifica?”

 

“That’s the first time she’s said a damn word to me in over a year,” the former-blonde responded, then winced as her headache flared up again. “As soon as we get back to the Shack, I need to lay down. If this headache gets any worse, I’m  _ seriously _ going to barf. How the hell do you put up with this?”

 

Norman shrugged. “I told you once it happened sometimes… you’ve been with me when it happened…”

 

“You never said it hurt this fucking much! Holy  _ fuck _ , Norman!”

 

Norman could only shrug again in reply.

 

***

 

Pacifica was out of commission. By the time they’d gotten back to the Shack, she looked so sick (Norman had never  _ seen _ himself look so ill before) that everyone decided it was probably best to let her go rest it off in Mabel’s bed. 

 

As for the carpet, it was nowhere to be found. It hadn’t mysteriously shown up back in the attic. It wasn’t back in the room where Mabel and Dipper had originally found it. It wasn’t in the gift shop, or the living room, or Stan’s room, or even the room with the old copy machine.

 

Norman was beginning to wonder what they would do if it was gone forever. Was he going to be stuck as a tiny blonde girl forever?

 

Near the end of the day, just when the sun was beginning to set, Dipper turned to Norman and asked, with an odd expression on his face that Norman couldn’t quite read, “Wanna go for a walk?”

 

The two set off into the woods surrounding the Shack, and when Norman just couldn’t take it anymore he finally spoke:

 

“Dipper, can you please say something?”

 

“What?” Dipper looked a little taken aback. Knowing him, he’d probably been lost in thought. “I, uh- s-sure. But I thought you liked it when we just kind of walked in silence. I mean, we used to do it all the time, before…” his voice trailed off, but Norman knew where he was going with it. ‘’Before we dated’ - back when they were still trying to figure out exactly  _ what _ they were.

 

Of course, if Norman was stuck in Pacifica’s body forever, what would they be now? Would he just be another of Dipper’s girlfriends? Another Samantha Anderson? Another Trinh Pham? 

 

“It’s never been this silent before,” Norman answered, trying and failing to shake that last thought out of his head. “If I have to listen to one more second of nothing, I might really go insane.”

 

Dipper’s expression changed, and he grabbed one of Norman’s hands. The younger boy couldn’t help but look at this action, marvel at how small his hands now were compared to Dipper’s. He wasn’t sure if he liked that or not.

 

“Hey, don’t worry about that, come on. We’re  _ going _ to get you back to normal. That carpet can’t hide forever!”

 

“What if we don’t, though?” Norman blurted out, looking up at Dipper (he missed looking down at Dipper) through those platinum blonde bangs he still wasn’t quite used to. “What if I’m stuck like this until the end of summer? Or even into college?”

 

(He couldn’t bring himself say ‘or forever’. It was implied.)

 

“Woah, woah, woah, hang on,” the older boy furrowed his brow. “I have no intention of sharing a dorm room with _ Pacifica _ .”

 

“You might not have a choice…” Norman looked away, biting his bottom lip. Even  _ that _ simple action felt so much weirder in Pacifica’s body.

 

“Don’t say that…”

 

But it had been said, and now the thoughts wouldn’t stop flying through his brain at a thousand miles a minute.

 

“We might just have to make the best of it, Dipper! And isn’t that…? I don’t know…”

 

Dipper paused, then squeezed Norman’s newly-small hand. “Hey, come on. Norman… What is it? You know you can tell me, right?”

 

He looked back up at the older boy, and the amount of concern in those brown eyes, in the curve of those eyebrows and the quirk of that mouth, was more than Norman could take. It all came out, all his concerns about staying in this body forever, came tumbling out:

 

“I mean, you were so worried about liking boys and people thinking you were gay and only seeing you as ‘my gay friend’ and now maybe you don’t have to be anymore. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise or whatever. Isn’t this what you want? You told me once when you were younger that- you know? You wanted, I don’t know, the whole white picket fence thing? And now you can have it!”

 

Dipper’s eyebrows flew up. “What the hell are you even _ talking _ about?!”

 

“I’m just trying to figure out if - once you get used to it - maybe you’ll like me better like this! Because I can give up my ‘gift’ for you, I can give up my body for you if I have to. If we don’t have a choice, isn’t it better this way for you?”

 

A pause hung heavy in the air. Norman waited. If Dipper wanted him to stay like this, he’d have to learn to get used to these horrible, unbearable silences.

 

“...Norman…” Dipper began, then sighed. Then began again with, “Back when I told you that… I didn’t know what I wanted, okay? But now I do. And that’s  _ you _ , okay? I don’t care what the other people in college think - I want to hold  _ your _ hands and kiss  _ your _ mouth. I love  _ you _ . Not some girl, and  _ definitely _ not Pacifica freaking Northwest. So we’re going to get you back to normal. And we’re going to go to college together as boyfriends. And I’m going to kiss you as soon as I’m able to. Because  _ that’s _ what I want more than anything right now.”

 

The former medium was completely stunned. Flabbergasted, even. Somewhere in the course of their relationship, Dipper had gone from completely scared of their future to completely focused on looking  _ forward _ to it. And it had happened so gradually, Norman hadn’t noticed, and Dipper himself probably hadn’t noticed either.

 

And then, a smile tugged on his face and he threw himself into Dipper’s chest, hugging him and burying his face into his flannel. It was perhaps the one thing he would miss about being short once he returned to his regular body.

 

***

 

Mabel was standing on the porch and grinning like the Cheshire Cat when they returned to the Shack, hand in hand. Dipper knew that look on his sister’s face. He knew it either meant something supremely bad or supremely good. He was hoping for good - after the last couple days, they could all use good news.

 

“What’s that look for?” he asked his sister.

 

“Oh,  _ this _ old look?” Mabel’s grin somehow got even wider - how was that even possible? “No reason, no reason…  _ Oh _ _!_ Except for the teeeeeensy little detail that I totally found the carpet!” She squealed out loud now, “Eeee! Now I don’t have to watch my brother holding my girlfriend’s hand anymore!!! Oh,  _ sorry _ Norman!”

 

“It’s cool,” Norman dropped Dipper’s hand. “But -  _ where _ did you find it?”

 

Mabel turned back towards the Shack and called out, “Soos! Melody!”

 

On cue, Soos and Melody stalked out to the porch, sheepish looks on both of their faces. 

 

“ _ Soos _ ?” Dipper blinked. “ _ You _ moved the carpet? Come on, man, you were  _ there _ the first time this happened!”

 

“I can explain,” to his complete astonishment (although, upon later reflection, Dipper didn’t know why this was a shock at all) it was  _ Melody’s _ voice that came out of Soos’s mouth. “Soos knew I was upset that I lost an E-Bay bid for the ‘Roller Disco Super Princess’ board game-”

 

“The most terrible cartoon of the entire seventies,” Mabel’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know there was a board game!”

 

“Super rare, dudes,” Soos’s voice came out of Melody’s mouth, “according to internet legend, they only made, like, two hundred of them.”

 

“And Soos remembered Stan had it in an old pile of junk!”

 

“So I went to get it,” Soos-in-Melody explained, “and  _ then _ I saw the carpet, and I thought - what would make our date night even _ better _ ?”

 

“Needless to say? Most fun I’ve had in a  _ while _ ,” Melody made Soos’s face grin widely.

 

“Wait,” Dipper frowned, the gears in head spinning. “You two  _ wanted _ to switch bodies? Why?”

 

“‘Basic Human Anatomy’ is my favourite ‘Community’ episode,” Melody grinned even wider. “But I think we’re ready to switch back now. Soos?”

 

Dipper turned to Norman, who was smiling shyly, gazing up at him through those bleach blonde bangs.

 

“I’ll go wake up Pacifica,” Norman darted towards the Shack door before he even finished the sentence.

 

“And we’ll go get the carpet!” Melody grabbed Soos’s hand - or rather, her own hand - and they scampered over to Soos’s truck.

 

Mabel turned her own grin back towards her brother.  “Well, Dippin’ Dots? You still worried about not being allowed to kiss Normy?”

 

Dipper returned her grin. “At this point? It’d take the end of the world to keep me from kissing him.”

 

“Ew, don’t be  _ gross _ , bro-bro.”

 

“L-like you’re not thinking the same thing about Pacifica!”

 

“Pacifica is already eighteen!”

 

“What about me already being eighteen?” Pacifica’s voice interrupted this conversation, and the twins turned. Norman was leading Pacifica out into the sunlight, wearing a giddy look on her former face.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Mabel turned her smile to the pair. “How’s your headache?”

 

“Better. But why did you drag me out here-”   
  


“Got it!” Soos and Melody came back to the group, holding either end of the blue-and-yellow monstrosity that had started this whole mess.

 

“Is that…?” Pacifica asked.

 

“Whaddya say, Paz? Ready to be a tiny blonde again?” Mabel smiled.

 

Pacifica and Norman turned to each other. Then, they rushed over to the carpet.

 

***

 

It was Friday night, and Dipper and Norman were holding hands in the back of the second-swankiest room (After the Northwest Mansion’s entryway, of course) that Norman had ever been in. Staci had relented to letting Pacifica drag them along too, since Pacifica refused to go anywhere without the other three members of the Mystery Quartet. Norman was relieved she wasn’t embarrassed to be seen with them anymore. And that Staci didn’t seem to mind. Maybe, in a year, they’d  _ all _ grown in ways they didn’t expect.

 

“Is this gonna be a repeat of prom?” Mabel’s voice dragged him out of his thoughts as she and Pacifica joined them in their corner of the party room. “Are you two gonna just be wallflowers all night?”

 

“Where’s Staci?” Dipper frowned suspiciously.

 

“Flirting with some douche in an Armani tux,” Pacifica shrugged. “She wore mint, you know. After making a big deal about everyone else having to show up in jewel tones. Some things really haven’t changed.”

 

Norman shot Pacifica a look, and the blonde gave the tiniest of little smiles.

 

“...I have to admit the colour looks pretty cute on her,” she said.

 

“Woah,” Mabel said out of nowhere. “Guys… do you realise this is probably the last big summer party we’re ever going to go to all together?”

 

The four all looked at each other. It was a realisation all four of them had been fighting off all summer. That this was the last summer they’d have together in Gravity Falls before going off to college. That this was it. Childhood was over.

 

Norman was the first to speak:

 

“...it’s not as if we’re never going to see each other again.”

 

“Norman’s right,” it was Dipper, of all people, who spoke again. “It’s- it’s not goodbye forever. It’s just… you know.”

 

“Growing up,” Mabel nodded.

 

No one said anything at first.

 

And then Pacifica propelled herself forward, throwing her arms around both Norman  _ and _ Dipper. Mabel joined in soon after, and the boys returned the embrace, so that they stood there, in Staci’s mansion, hugging it out.

 

When they finally pulled back, Norman smiled down at Dipper. He was really proud of his boyfriend for accepting this change instead of getting all freaked out about it, at the end of it.

 

“So can I kiss you or are you gonna get all weird about me being jailbait?”

 

Dipper grinned. “Shut up.”

 

Norman could only laugh as his boyfriend pulled him down by the shoulders and kissed him right on the mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally a lot longer - Norman and Paz were gonna be in each other's bodies for a week - but I cut out a lot of the superfluous stuff. Hopefully it flows better this way.


	18. The Guide to New Beginnings

_ Tip #18: Growing up is hard. Big change is even harder. Don’t be scared anymore. You’ll get through it. Together. _

 

***

 

“I am a total  _ beast _ !” Courtney Babcock beamed with pride, dropping a heavy box onto the floor of her little brother’s new dorm room at Kaufman University. Mr. and Mrs. Pines had not been able to fly out to New York with their son to help him with the move (they were back in California helping Mabel and Pacifica), and Perry and Sandra Babcock both had to work, but Norman’s older sister was more than happy to fill in the role. Dipper was somewhat surprised - Courtney was shorter than both Norman and himself, and yet she could lift the boxes and bags that even  he had trouble with. He was never going to underestimate cheerleaders again.

 

“Is that the last of it?” Dipper sat on the bed opposite Norman. What the hell were they going to do with two beds, he wondered? He knew for a fact they’d only sleep in one of them.

 

“Dunno,” Courtney shrugged, her blonde ponytail bouncing as she did so. “I’m gonna go find that R.A. I saw earlier and tell her that if anything happens to my little brother? I will  _ so _ end her.”

 

The older boy chuckled a little as he watched her stalk out of the room in search of one of the R.A.s they’d met downstairs. (Noor, he thought her name was? He admittedly had been too busy checking his homemade itinerary to pay that much attention to her.) He then turned back to Norman, who was sitting on the other bed, oddly quiet.

 

“You had more stuff than I did,” Dipper said. “Do you want me to go make sure you got it all?”

 

Norman raised one shoulder in a sort of noncommittal half-shrug. “If you want.”

 

Dipper hesitated. If there was one thing he knew after a whole year of dating him, it was that Norman typically only gave short little answers like that if something was bothering him. He wondered if perhaps the weight of graduating early, leaving Neil and Salma and his family behind, was getting to the younger boy more than he’d expected. (If it was, Dipper would understand - he was deliberately avoiding thinking about how much he missed Mabel, even though he knew he’d get used to it eventually.)

 

“Hey,” he stood up, and walked over to the other bed, placed a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

 

Norman didn’t miss a beat. “I just thought my parents would be helping too. But it’s fine. Courtney’s here. And…  _ you’re _ here.”

 

“I  _ am _ here,” Dipper squeezed his shoulder affectionately. 

 

The medium paused, then looked up at Dipper with a look the older boy couldn’t quite identify. “Hey… did you see my alarm clock? I don’t think it was in a box, it might still be in Courtney’s car.”

 

“I’ll go check,” Dipper jumped at the chance to be useful. 

 

The more he occupied his mind, the less he’d have to think about the fact that he was an entire continent away from everything he’d ever known.

 

On his way back down to the car parked outside the dorm building, he almost bumped into a bigger goth girl in a pentacle necklace (who barked “watch it!” at him), and Dipper wondered if the necklace was just a fashion statement or if he’d cross paths with her again in his constant hunt for the supernatural. Courtney was to be found not talking to the R.A., but to a brown-skinned girl with a mass of curls piled atop her head who seemed to be having trouble lifting a duffel bag until Courtney grabbed it from her effortlessly. (Maybe Courtney and Norman had more in common than either would ever admit.)

 

The alarm clock itself wasn’t anywhere in the car that Dipper could find. He checked the front seat, he checked the back, he was waist-deep into the trunk when he heard Courtney’s voice behind him:

 

“Um. What are you doing?”

 

“Norman can’t find his alarm clock,” Dipper bumped his head on the inside of the trunk on his way out. 

 

“Then he clearly didn’t look very hard, it was in the box full of zombie crap,” Courtney frowned. “You mean to tell me you left him in there  _ alone _ ?”

 

“Only for a few minutes…”

 

“No, but like - you don’t  _ know _ ?” the older girl’s frown only deepened, and Dipper could feel the worry beginning to swirl in his stomach. What didn’t he know? “He’s been, like, totally weird lately. And I don’t mean his normal weird, I mean, like,  _ weird _ -weird. He and Dad even got in this huge fight about it.”

 

Dipper didn’t even wait to hear the explanation. He pushed Courtney to the side and ran back to his new dorm room, past an Asian boy in a beanie who glared at him as Dipper caused him to drop a case of “Ancient Aliens” DVDS, nearly barreling over the same goth girl as he rushed back up the stairs. (This time, she yelped out, “fucking New Yorkers!” He didn’t bother to correct her.) Why had he let himself doubt his worries about Norman’s quiet demeanor? What if something was seriously wrong?

 

“Norman!” he gasped when he got back into the room.

 

The younger boy was in the process of hanging one of his posters above one of the beds. He didn’t  _ look  _ very out of the ordinary, but Dipper knew he’d learned over the years to hide his feelings if he felt like he had to. 

 

“Uh…?” Norman dropped a pushpin from his mouth in his confusion. 

 

“What’s wrong? Are you  _ okay _ ?”

 

“What are you talking about?” The younger boy’s eyes shifted for just a split-second. That was enough to confirm Dipper’s suspicions. “Nothing is wro-”

 

“ _ Don’t _ ,” Dipper sat on the bed that Norman was standing on, pat the mattress next to him to gesture for his boyfriend to sit too, which he did after only the briefest hesitation. “We’re not gonna start this whole college thing with you lying to me.”

 

“I’m… I’m not lying…” Norman looked away. “Not really… I mean, it’s really nothing, so I…”

 

“ _ What’s _ ‘really nothing’?”

 

The younger boy didn’t look up, didn’t speak at first. 

 

Dipper held his breath and resisted the urge to start rambling at him. This small measure of patience paid off; his boyfriend finally said quietly, barely over a whisper’s volume:

 

“...I was preparing myself to move away from my parents and my friends. But I wasn’t prepared to lose my grandma, too.”

 

Dipper reached for Norman’s hand, taking it and squeezing it affectionately. He told the younger boy the same thing that Mabel had told him. “It’s only a few months. You’ll see her come Christmas.”

 

“...no I won’t…”

 

It took him a few seconds to catch Norman’s implication, but once he did, Dipper’s eyebrows flew up. Gently, he hooked a finger on his free hand under Norman’s chin, tilting it upwards to look him in the face. He watched as those blue, blue eyes searched his face. And then, Norman sighed, and - without being asked - began to recount the event that had him so put out...

 

***

 

“...and it’s only about an hour outside of the city, so Dipper is excited about that, which is pretty cute,” Norman admitted as he shoved another jacket into his duffel bag. It was two days before his big move up to Long Island, to Kaufman University, and the ghost of his grandmother was floating above his bed, watching him pack.

 

“But you’re not even a  _ little _ excited,” Grandma Babcock smirked down at her grandson, and Norman was reminded just who it was he had inherited his snarky side from. “That’s why you’ve told me at least seven times about your ‘Intro to Parapsychology’ course.”

 

“Who was I supposed to tell about it? Dad?”

 

The old woman’s ghost floated down a little until she was just above Norman’s eye level.

 

“Grandma?”

 

“When did you get to be so grown up?” Her voice was less snarky now, and more wistful.

 

“I’m just going to college, Grandma,” he blushed a little, laughing somewhat nervously. 

 

“Moving out of your parents house, moving in with your boyfriend - sounds pretty grown up to  _ me _ !” The ghost sighed. “What happened to the little boy who used to sit on my lap and make ‘zombie faces’ at me?”

 

“I can still make a pretty mean zombie face, if that’s what you want,” Norman replied, not quite sure how to react to the conversation’s sudden change in tone.

 

Grandma Babcock laughed heartily at that. But when her laughter faded, she gave her grandson quite a serious look, gazing right into his eyes when she asked - with her typical bluntness - “Do you know why I stayed behind instead of joining your grandfather in the afterlife?”

 

The teen sat down on his bed, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged. “I thought you just weren’t a fan of frolicking.”

 

“I wanted to protect my grandson from a world that didn’t understand you. From the people - and  _ things _ \- that could hurt you. The way I saw it? No one was watching out for you, so I made it my job, and no grim reaper was going to stand in  _ my _ way!”

 

Norman didn’t reply. He’d already gotten similar ‘let’s reflect on how much you’re not a baby anymore’ conversations from his mother. He hadn’t expected his grandmother to be as sentimental as Sandra, but he knew if he just let her air out those emotions about him ‘growing up so fast’, it’d be okay.

 

The ghost sighed again, and said, “that’s no longer true, is it?”

 

Suddenly, a chill ran up the length of Norman’s spine. He wasn’t sure he liked where this conversation was going.

 

“You don’t need me anymo-”

 

“Grandma, of  _ course _ I need you,” he gasped out. “I mean, you’re- you’re  _ family _ !”

 

“I can’t follow you to New York, Norman,” she deadpanned. “Just like I couldn’t follow you to Oregon. Or Calif- Oh, don’t look at me like that.”

 

Norman looked down. He wasn’t sure he could keep the sadness out of his face, now that he was almost certain about what she was implying.

 

“Grandma…” he began again, not sure how to even continue the sentence. What was he going to do, try and convince her to stay here alone for three months? 

 

“Be honest with yourself. We both know it’s been a long time coming. I can’t stick around forever. And… you don’t need me to. You have someone else looking after you now.”

 

“...Grandma, I love Dipper. But he could never replace  _ you _ .” He couldn’t help it. He looked back up at her. There was sadness in her eyes that reflected his own, but it was mixed with… acceptance? Was that what it was? Or was it exhaustion?

 

“Obviously. No one could replace me,” she smiled. “But I know he’s going to do his best to keep you safe. He’s certainly stubborn enough, that’s for damn sure. Norman… it’s time.”

 

His heart dropped into his stomach. But, as much as Norman hated to admit it, she was right. It wouldn’t have been fair to keep her around after her unfinished business had been fulfilled. That was how ghosts became angry, dark spirits.

 

Besides, he  _ wasn’t _ a child anymore. And he wasn’t alone anymore, either. He had people who cared. Pacifica. Mabel. 

 

Dipper. 

 

His grandmother was right. It was time.

 

“I’m going to miss you so much…” he could feel the tears bubbling up, but he didn’t let them fall.

 

“I know,” Grandma Babcock kissed her grandson’s forehead. Being a ghost, it felt more like a cold blast of air. Norman cherished the sentiment anyway. “I’ll always love you, Norman.”

 

“I’ll always love you more,” his lip trembled a little.

 

His grandmother smiled again. She didn’t say good bye. She didn’t say anything else before the light completely took her, leaving his room quieter than it had been in six years.

 

***

 

Dipper had listened to the entire story in silence. Norman’s voice had remained steady - numb, even - until the very end when it cracked a little, and a single tear escaped one of his eyes. It was at that point that the older boy couldn’t take it any more. 

 

He leaned in, kissed it away, murmured against his boyfriend’s cheek, “Norman, that is the furthest thing from nothing.”

 

“Dip, she died when I was ten, and I didn’t even get all that upset. I shouldn’t be upset now.”

 

“She wasn’t dead to you,” Dipper pointed out. “Dude. You’re allowed to mourn for her, and, like, feel things. It’s  _ okay _ .”

 

Norman paused, as if reflecting on this. Then, he suddenly threw himself forward into Dipper’s chest, snaking his long arms around his shoulders and hugging him tightly, in silence, for a long while.

 

Neither boy spoke. Dipper held the younger boy there for as long as he needed, but there were simply no words to be said.

 

Until, finally, Norman whispered, “...thank you. I’m glad it’s you.”

 

“I’m just glad she trusted me to look after you,” Dipper smiled down at him, though the medium wasn’t looking up. “I won’t let her down. Promise.”

 

“Thank you,” the younger boy repeated, finally looking back up with a small smile in return.

 

“Oh! My god!” Courtney’s voice interrupted, and the two boys jumped, turning to the doorway. She was standing there grinning, leaning on the door frame while the same Asian kid from downstairs walked by in the hallway, shooting her a weird look. It was unclear how much of the conversation she’d heard. “That’s the first time you’ve smiled all day!”

 

“Yeah, well… I have someone worth smiling for…”

 

“ _ Boooo _ ,” the blonde’s grin fell, and she pretended to gag. “Like, spare me! Save the gross romantic stuff for  _ after  _ I leave!”

 

The two boys looked at each other and their smiles only grew. And Dipper knew Norman was going to be okay.

 

They’d survived so much together. They weren’t little kids anymore - they were two young men, in love and ready to conquer college the same way they’d conquered poltergeists, banshees, tulpas, and lake monsters.

 

They were going to be okay.

 

***

 

230 miles south, in Washington D.C., Special Agent Ross Collins sat on a bench near the J. Edgar Hoover Building, angrily tearing into a hot dog. How could his superiors give the big promotion to Agent Singh, even after Collins had busted his ass on the Kochinsky case? With how expensive the divorce was adding up to be, Agent Collins could have used the pay raise. What the hell was  _ Singh _ gonna do with it, buy another boat?

 

“You seem to be enjoying your lunch.”

 

The agent glared up at the intruder to his solitude - a typically dirty-looking homeless transient. Not even the nation’s capital city was stranger to thousands of his kind. Agent Collins practically growled:

 

“Back off before I get physical.”

 

“Ooh, is that a  _ promise _ , Agent Collins?” the homeless man grinned.

 

“How did you know my name?” the FBI agent demanded.

 

“You could say I’m a huge fan. The way you handled that mob boss? Classic. And yet Singh busts one tiny little drug ring - child’s play compared to the mafia - and he  _ still  _ gets that big promotion! I gotta tell you, Collins, I did  _ not _ see that one coming!”

 

“How did you- That is classified information! Who are you!?”

 

“Someone who can help fix it,” the stranger opened his trenchcoat. The agent’s eyes widened at what he saw.

 

“What, do you want money?”

 

“No. I just want…  _ justice _ .”

 

“...justice,” the agent repeated. “I… I think that can be arranged. If you’re sure you can get  me that promotion.”

 

“Sure as sin, Agent Collins. Sure as sin.”

 

_ -fin- _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H̟̣̞͕̞̮̬Q͕͓͡M̳̜̟̝̼̞͢R̴͙͚̗̩̻̳B̩ ̭͎̪͙̟̰Ẉ̰̳K̻̙͞Ḥ̷͓͉̯ ̧̜̪F̤̘̤̣̦͕͖͜D̴̪͕͖̟O͚P͡ ̵̹E̯̭̪̟H̴͚̥̪̳̪I͍̣̟͘R̩̞̜U̳͓͈̜͔H͔ ͕̗͡W̨̟̹͉K͔̲̟̹̀H̷̝̞̤͙ ̩̖̬͔̣̠V̛͓͍̝͎͎͍W̯̻͚R̸̯͕U̖͍̬̜̭͠P̩͜
> 
>  
> 
> ̗̼͖̻͕͕̤͞DV̟̘̪͉̠ ̩̲͖̼̙P̵̟̦̭B̶̟̦͉̩̤ ̡͓E͏L͇̫J͈̺̫͎͍ ̝͕̭ͅSO̠̬̙̲̦͠D̢͎̘Q̤̤̳̯̬̫͇ ͙͔E̤̪̙H̲̣͍͓́J̞̰L̶͖̣̱͍Q̞̻͍̩͍V̞̩̼̠̠ ̩͝W̵͉̫͓̬̪̤R̢͉̝̫͕̹ ͚̠̻̝̣̘̪͜I̷̘͍͇̱R̸͉̙̭U͏̻P̮
> 
>  
> 
> ̼̹̗̬͇S͝D̡̦W̡̗͇̱͚L̘͓H͍̙̠̲̕Q̹̼̣͕͉̲̙W̬̯̥̩̗͡O̬͢B,̗̩̱͎̜ ̥͓͙̹̪͈L̻ ͉Z̬̟̥D͚͓̭W̻͞F̷͙͉̜̼K̪̮̼͍̱͞ ͇͠D̮̮̻̜̯͞ͅQ͙̀G̤̼̜̦̮ ̺̞̮̠̭̯ZD͔̱̲̥̙̣L̡̝̠͓W̬̗̘
> 
>  
> 
> ̮̯̦̭V̺͉͍͕R̭̲̯̘P̦H̞͘G̱̲̬̦͜D͢B ̜̻̦̰̬V̖͚̼R̥͈͍̻͉̳̙R̻Q̞̙̥̱̝͓̘͘ ҉̺͉͚̲͉ͅW͍̬͇̕ͅK̮͕̼̹̻H̩̣̻̲B̖͖̰͞'͍̜̱Ơ͍̞̣̹Ơ͈̹̞ ͚̺W͖̥̬͝D͈̹͉̱̣͠ͅṈ͖́H͕ͅ ̨͇̹WͅK̸͕H̝̫̭͙̙̣͜ ̥̝̜̝̺E̯͇̩͔͕̘͠ͅD̪͉͙͚͎͢L̤̘̕W͕̗̫̦͞


End file.
